tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18924855444508652112024-03-05T02:37:40.113-08:00In Through the OutdoorMusings,Reflections,Introspection - written through the Heart in hopes of touching Hearts.
Purpose - though perhaps a necessary intervention physiologically the "Heart Bypass" I'm suggesting is no way to "live" - perhaps the "heart attack" begins when each turns the opposite way and begins living for and from something other than their heartRob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.comBlogger773125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-18464863155725170002023-07-29T14:45:00.224-07:002023-07-30T19:07:26.397-07:00Freedom - "Just Another Word.....?"<p> If you are at all like me, and your "spiritual" exploration/development, personal growth/healing has involved the trolling of bookshelves that bring those matters in print to your attention, then you've heard of Robin Sharma (a.k.a - "The Monk That Sold His Ferrari...")</p><p>Over the last 5 years I have been the owner and rider of a 2002 Harley Davidson Softtail Nighttrain motorcycle (which I was informed earlier today, sold at an auction). It was a journey of its own last week when half-way through my one week up-island vacation, I rode back to town on the bus (an approx. 2hr trip) to pick up the motorcycle and ride it back more or less the same distance, the same day - in order to place it in the hands of the auction house for this weekend's auction.</p><p>I was reminded of Sharma's book, by this personal saga of my own. I have indeed written a book, I also now have just let go of what for some, would be a coveted material possession. Though that would be where the similarities between Sharma and I end (as far as I know) - though the last picture I saw of him illustrated we both have parted with our hair (me 15+ years ago, as my hair began parting me, rather than me it.... I wouldn't know when, where, how or why Sharma made his "hairstyle choice.")</p><p>Am I a "Monk" before, during or after my sojourn with the motorcycle? I make no such claim. I also didn't nor don't claim to have been a "biker" by virtue of having owned the motorcycle. I have tattoos and piercings (many of which I had before owning the motorcycle). Needless to say, human inclination to over -simplify and categorize would have different people create different stories, based on observing the afore mentioned choices.</p><p>If anything media and politically driven pigeon-holing and derisive/divisive labeling has only worsened over the last few years - so the "boxes" that are available to further subdivide and label one have expanded exponentially. And maybe never, has there been a time when it is more important that one "know thyself!"</p><p>I feel a great sense of relief the motorcycle is gone now. The novelty was wearing thin. I satisfied my desire and curiosity to "own" a Harley. But as time advanced, I was less willing to have my day to day life centre around this rather pricey mode of transportation (albeit purchased used). I never "identified" with it, though I admittedly got a little kick out of it from time to time when someone complemented the bike. That said, as is true of anything externally located, the impact on one's inner reality was/is, fleeting at best.</p><p>I listed the bike at the end of last summer (not in hindsight, the time to move a motorcycle) perhaps reflective of my indecisiveness at the time with no true resolve to get it gone. As I pondered it's confined occupation in part of my parking spot - the concern for the need to ensure it's appropriate maintenance, additional cost to insure it (if I chose to ride it) and time out of my life to just ride it, for the sake of riding it; it became more clear that I was done with it. </p><p>So the relief I feel now, is the removal of the psychic weight of "owning" this bike. I truly hope whomever bought it, will ride it into the ground (by which I mean thoroughly enjoy it - I don't wish them or the bike any ill will).</p><p>Does this mean that I embrace the "you will own nothing and be happy..." credo of the World Economic Forum? No it does not!! I don't believe for a minute that any of the agenda of those self-appointed/declared, "elites" in any way, serves me or humanity as a whole; (unless it could be considered, that the gravity of their visions, for enslaving the world, are enough to shake people from their collective doldrums and to stand for the world they want to see). I don't even acknowledge them to be "elite." They certainly have more money than many, (including me) can even conceptualize - still I believe that the value of each individual member of humanity, ought not be quantified in terms of dollar value. Therefore their vast wealth, makes them no more important than anyone else, they simply have more money.</p><p>The difference is, I liberated myself, from this motorcycle (just as I freely chose to buy it) the choice was not forced on me, the motorcycle was not taken from me. Even with their vast wealth, they are not satisfied, they want complete control of the world, it's resources and the people that occupy it. Follow the money for yourself, you could simply start by considering all the bailouts and money directed at MSM (which is your money by the way, money that is being increasingly picked from your pocket in the form of continual tax hikes and government driven inflation). How likely are "journalists" etc. to ask government the tough questions, to subject them and their policies to critical thinking? Why is it instead of any questions or commentary that scrutinize government policies, members of the media simple parrot government talking points which accentuate a very myopic narrative? Many new broadcasts in North America are sponsored by major corporations - with the evening news team then bite the hand that feeds them and do any actual "investigative reporting?"</p><p>Ask yourself whether you feel any safer these days - career politicians, corporate CEO's and billionaire would be philanthropists, are continually haranguing across all forms of media platforms, that they know best - some literally claim "to be the science.." everyone should unquestioningly, follow their instructions as they know (and care for) what is best for the rest of us?</p><p>The government looks after their own interests - CEO's will always do what is necessary to benefit and be accountable to, the shareholders. The government promised to keep a cap on deficit spending and then blamed the current financial situation (first on "Covid" despite one of their own announcing that billions of dollars of that deficit where already spent before word one was spoken about Covid) then it's world events responsible for inflation. The government and it's policies are destroying the economy - taxes upon taxes (where is this "plan" to combat climate change?) There is no plan. The bank of Canada mandated only to keep a handle on interests rates have raised them more times in the last couple years than health "authorities" flip-flopped on the efficacy of masks!! Interest rates are being hiked to off-set out of control deficit spending - taxes are continually raised to off-set irresponsible government spending directing the burden on the citizens of the country.</p><p>We are being gas-lit (continuously) - you can't even go to bed one night and get up the next day and have words and phrases from the English language still mean the same thing.</p><p>When did it become a crime to think for one's self? The same people that claim to be defenders of democracy are defaming and cancelling anyone that questions or criticizes their policies. I tell you what - turn off that idiot box "Smart T.V." (it is doing nothing but dumbing down the population) if you look out your window - or witness something at work or in your community that causes you to stop in your tracks (deep in your gut knowing full-well this is "off!!" Do not run to your local (or national media source) to have them authenticate what you know to be true (or at least suspect). Don't let anyone tell you a pile of shit is a bouquet of roses!!</p><p>There is nobody (repeat nobody!!!!) to whom you should sign over your well-being to!! </p><p>The Hopi's were right..... "We are the ones we were waiting for." </p><p>It's time then to suit up and show up and collectively decide what kind of world we want to live in - otherwise, there are clearly those, that are only too prepared, to shape the world according to their vision!!</p><p>We've all seen glimpses of what that might entail - which was more than enough!! Freedom to choose is priceless. A great many freedoms have been surrendered (willingly), doubtful they will be restored. No tax implemented, is every removed, freedoms lost will not be regained, except at great cost.</p><p>I suppose a cross-road of grand magnitude now presents, once again including freedom to choose.</p><p>I would suggest one need choose mindfully - there is so much to be gained & everything to lose!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">Rob O'Neill (July 29, 2023)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-60505490065359706162022-12-28T21:09:00.004-08:002022-12-28T21:09:58.495-08:00A Bite More Than I Could Chew (Another bite turns to Dust)<p> In less than a week's time I have returned to the blank page, endeavouring to not so much resurrect the fallen writer I once was, but rather; to sift through the malaise of the last couple years and write with the voice of that this journey has defined and prepared it's release. I'm not attempting to amass statistics reflecting number of views, not looking to assemble a "readership." I wouldn't know what to do with a readership if one were to appear.</p><p>When this "blogging" began, perhaps 8 years ago, I've lost track; I had no idea anyone could, or would read my content. Then I discovered, quite by accident, the "back office" and learned in fact there were a growing number of people reading... I put some time and energy into trying to grow these numbers - both for the blog and a book that I eventually wrote. At this time, I need to write for the sake of writing. Writing will be, the end and the means. If history repeats itself, the act of writing will open some doors and close others. At some level the act of writing feeds me. I will let that be inspiration for now - to serve the urge to write. If it so happens that this pursuit produces content that touches, moves or inspires others; well, wouldn't that be wonderful?</p><p>A recent experience inspires me and/or restores my faith in the good forces at work in the universe. A couple weeks or so ago, I went to a local market on my coffee break. Along with a wrap I bought for lunch, I bought a cookie that was discounted due to be close to, or past it's best before date. Hey, I like a bargain as much as the next guy. When I proceeded to eat said cookie, I realized it was pretty hard. One would expect some dryness etc. from an a stale cookie, but this was really hard. Anyway, I was going to make the best of it. It didn't taste half-bad once some bites could be broken off. Still, maybe this spoke more about me "Jones-ing" for a cookie than any benefit from the cookie.</p><p>I was chewing on a piece that I managed to bite off, when I bit into something hard and "crunchy." At that point I suspected that despite the texture of this aging baked goods, there was nothing in the cookie that would crunch like that!! I spit out a couple of these hard chunks - that simultaneously I recognized and with a swipe of my tongue over my front teeth, recognized as pieces of my dental bridge!</p><p>The prevailing wisdom that followed was, well my bridge is broken (or at least the veneer of one tooth is) nothing I can do about it now, I might as well finish the cookie.</p><p>I got back to the job site and showed my co-workers what had occurred. This bought me some additional time to contact the dentist's office and see about an appt. They had an appt. that afternoon near the end of their day (which meant I needed to leave work early). They were sure, even if the bridge was repairable, that it would happen then and there. So I went in on the premise that this was to be an assessment.</p><p>The dentist was more than an hour behind getting to me - I guess he must have abandoned the idea he was finishing "at 4 p.m. (my scheduled time was 3:30pm - which I was early for).</p><p>He came in had a look and indicated that the only way to make an "effective" repair would be to replace the entire bridge (though he then conceded that, this bridge being itself, over 40 years old and himself doing a repair on it 5 or 6 years ago, was withstanding the test of time). I indicated that there's no way I can afford a new bridge - "let's set our sights on fixing this one!" He proceeded to do just that. I was pleasantly surprised to be having it attended to sooner than later, now I wouldn't need another appointment!</p><p>As one might guess, this was a costly turn of events, the cost of the repair was $375.00! I didn't have the money in my checking account - so for the time being I put the whole thing on my credit card. I had mixed feeling about that. I was grateful to have credit enough to cover the emergency repair - but I had been for sometime previous to this situation, diligently working on (now here I will say) resurrecting my financial status; part of which involved paying off my credit card. Now, I had a sizeable balance - again!!</p><p>I considered the situation for a time, and decided to take the money from an account I had been accumulating for the purposes of taxes next year and pay off the balance. I reasoned I could resume savings while at the same time would not be accruing interest on a credit card balance.</p><p>I then decided I was going to contact the store and see if there was anything they would be willing to do to compensate me. I was given a number of their head office - so I recounted the story once again. I was asked to submit to them a copy of the repair invoice and I included the receipt from the store that showed my purchase of the cookie (and wrap) to collaborate my story. I was informed that she would be in touch with their insurance people and get back to me. When she contacted me again - I was told that they would give me a gift card for their store for the equivalent of the repair bill and the grocery purchase, the combined total being nearly $400.00</p><p>I was happy that this unfortunate incident - which I had initially thought was going to plunge me deeper into a further financial abyss, had taken a rather unexpected turn for the better.</p><p>I had no idea of the significance of that gift card with respect to what the near future had in store. Two weeks before Christmas we were hit with a winter storm that dumped a couple feet of snow - the work week that was to follow was entirely lost and the week between Christmas and New Years, we were already scheduled to be off. Next my employer contacted us all and offered to switch our time off to the week lost to the snow storm and we could work some or all of the week that was originally going to be our Christmas break - by that time the snow had melted.</p><p>So as it happens I will have three days of unexpected work, I have been judiciously saving money from the previous cheque, there may be something in the way of "stat" pay included in this coming pay day and I have almost $400.00 on a gift card for groceries (which arrived via the mail today)!</p><p>I couldn't have imagined any of this would happen nor the way it unfolded. I might add, I made it a point to speak up regarding all that occurred to each of the various players I needed to interact with next. I did not however come in with "both pistols blazing," I simply shared the facts, and invited the parties involved to suggest what might be possible, from there I let go of expectations of outcome.</p><p>After what has now spanned years, of political, corporate, and media deceit, deception, coercion and manipulation (with a complete lack of accountability from any of them) - this recent incident and outcome, as I alluded to earlier was refreshing and restorative.</p><p>There is good in the world - for this I am grateful!</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill December 29. 2022</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-12546159406023989982022-12-23T16:29:00.001-08:002022-12-23T16:29:17.849-08:00Back - For Better or Worse<p> As the year bumps and grinds to its finale, from the personal maelstrom of existential quandary, uncertainty, apathy, resoluteness, and now perhaps a decision - I'm called to my long "lost" blog. I don't know whether to apologize to those that have followed in the past or to myself for this longstanding absenteeism. No longer a patron of Facebook which I was recently inspired to deem Zuckerberg's universe of deception; I will no longer be able to draw attention to new posts through that medium.</p><p> I'm not sure that the readership that I once had, entirely came via that portal anyway. More than ever, I wish my musing, rants, missives, anecdotes, prose and poetry to reflect truth - therefore; as far as I'm concerned, most all the "social media" platforms are incongruent with truth. I won't know, whether indeed this blog platform will prove to be problematic - I may well seek alternative media sources for my personal writing and potentially submission recipients in the New Year; whether I experience censorship on this site or not.</p><p>If the blog does find its way to previous or new readership I will endeavour to communicate location changes when and if applicable and as I am able. What has not changed, is my fairly minimal acquaintance with navigating the online world. The way things seem to be going these days, is people are shutdown, censored etc. abruptly, so it might then follow I'm throttled before I can communicate anything. Equally true, my "status" as a pretty small fish, may well mean that my "sphere of influence" might be viewed as equally minuscule thereby evading the watchful eyes of "fact-checkers" and censors.</p><p>As I sit in neighbourhood cafe and look over top of my laptop screen four images catch my gaze; they include another local artists rendition (oil paintings) of four more artists of note: Jim Morrison, Marilyn Monroe, Paul McCartney, and Elvis - three of four passed over, though their lives have left a lasting impact. If I ever had some concern for that sort of "immortality" or legacy, I believe it is markedly subdued, if present at all. My impression of these four is that they at least artistically expressed themselves authentically. I don't actually know how much they "played to the audience," or media moguls etc. Even if, or despite that, they unquestionably brought their unique selves to their art form and by extension, their lives. None without their personal demons, I guess only they know, to what degree they were able to quiet the inner angst - while they lived.</p><p>I believe my writing in the past to have been to the best of my ability at the time, authentically me as much as I could muster, devoid of pandering to social agreement or approval seeking. If these last few years have cemented anything in my personal GPS it would be that if I write, I have no interest in massaging the content for anyone, I have experienced wholesale abandonment, vast "ghosting" - professional transition and I suppose one would say an entire restructuring of social connection. Some of this may well have been the natural attrition of personal relationships akin to Marianne Williamson's attributing relationships to be of three types: "for a reason," "for a season," "for a lifetime." Others, who knows really - in my experience seldom (if ever) do these parting of the ways, come with an explanation. In still some other cases - it can be directly attributed to my stand and beliefs with respect to the events and narratives that have held the world captive over the last three years. Really in hindsight, these were not relationships of any depth or substance if they dissolved so readily - the true colour and timbre was revealed - like it or not thus it was to be (often I did not "like" - it was rather painful) however likely for the higher good.</p><p>Given my penchant to "people-please" the vestiges of survival strategies I embodied much of my life - this last few years has shown me, there is zero use in showing up any other way than as my true self. Nothing was gained maintaining the facade and veneer of an engineered persona. Many I experienced in my life only "welcomed" me as long as I echoed their perspectives and beliefs. When I couldn't or wouldn't, no longer able to endure the discomfort of my own incongruence they were gone.</p><p>Someone said, speak and live the truth you may not have many friends, but those that come into your life will represent your true community (paraphrased and without credit - as I don't remember who said it). I suppose I'm squarely in the speaking and living phase of this evolution. As far as I can see, the "decks" have been cleared of false friends & pseudo-community. It has also been said that "nature abhors a vacuum" - so it is possible relational transformation is on the horizon. I recognize that I can very readily bask in my own company - both a gift and sometimes a detriment, if I allow it to carry too far. I don't seek to isolate entirely - nor do I suffer from any delusion of grandiosity or self-importance. I'm just getting older (than God for that) and I have a growing desire for honesty and equally increasing lack of appetite for bullshit, drama and games.</p><p>The last three years comprised of lies, manipulation, coercion and full-scale abuse have demonstrated to me that I have a zero tolerance policy for it in my life. I quite honestly don't know where these decisions, forged in chaos, pain, fear, grief and sometimes despair - will lead me. I have decided to live a lie, imbues a life that may well prove to be not worth living - one can run, but not hide from themselves so good luck to those that think they will attain peace by following the crowd, through virtue signalling or looking to false idols for their sense of identity or protection. I mean that sincerely - if this is your choice, blessings on your journey, I don't wish you any ill-will. For me a life built on a foundation of dishonesty, power-seeking, control or fear will never be one of inner peace and satisfaction. Quite the opposite, the collective maw of those influences will never be sated.</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-52303921827603331282022-02-04T11:30:00.001-08:002022-02-04T11:30:11.930-08:00I May Not Be "Woke" - But I See the Light of Day<p> I have been following for quite sometime, the "morning pages" protocol of Julia Cameron's - "Artist's Way." I never missed a day for a considerable length of time. I was including the "artist dates" doing the various suggested exercises. I dabbled in some sketching a vision board (I should dig that out and see if what I was "visioning" has in anyway been reconciled in my life). It did jumpstart my writing to some degree, though I have not returned to the regularity of previous periods of my life. Also during that time I decided to take up the "electric" guitar. </p><p>This week I haven't done any morning writing at all - until this very moment. I don't have preconceived focal point or subject matter. It will be written and posted as it comes off the keyboard (with a token proof-read). I did manage this week to each morning do my fairly basic stretching/Qi gong routine and morning prayer and meditation. These practices don't define me - however they quite likely shape my willingness to continue, at all (with anything). I don't care about what anyone believes, with regard to what the observance or practice of these things "says" about me. If the last two years has taught me anything, it's that:</p><p> a) I don't look to anyone or "institution" for my well-being; b) I simple cannot define myself by the (often hostile) views, biases, and fears of others.</p><p>I have, since commencing with the electric guitar practiced every single day for some nearly 280 consecutive days. Principles that I gleaned from the Artist's way - i.e. continuity, lessening/dropping self-criticism, in this case - being willing to make really bad music (you should hear some of the sounds I can coax/squeeze out of that guitar!!) On some fronts, over the course of this extended "play-date" I have made improvements on certain specific techniques - which is pretty satisfying. There is so much more I want to learn - which at times is daunting and left unchecked could ultimately fuel my giving up. So I go back, to "keeping it simple," what am I working on "today!!" Eventually if I live long enough the weave of assorted techniques and guitar and music fluency I might actually be able to play something.</p><p>I look at my guitar practice and my "spiritual practice" as one and the same. Both convey a self-love platform that infiltrates my person and directly influences how I interact with the world around me. Both have been a saving grace for me over this last two years as my access to more and more of what was considered "normal" day to day facets of society became increasingly restricted and cutoff altogether.</p><p>I saw to it that my guitar practice and morning observances for body and soul (while I believe unnecessary to compartmentalize - for the sake of acknowledging their parts of the whole of my being, I will make those distinctions; happened every single day - regardless of what the world was dishing up and my initial and lasting responses to it.</p><p>This reinforces for me that no matter what governments and their appointed minions implement in terms of draconian measures, there are some inherent things that those bastards cannot touch or take away!</p><p>I have spent countless hours engaged in online dialogue (which has taught me - written "communication" unless exhaustively comprehensive and even still, will be misinterpreted, misrepresented and seldom leads to anything like connection or understanding) to the contrary it opens the door to, slander/libel, abuse, prejudice, shaming, & character assassination. In short these interactions are in no way fulfilling, fruitful, up-lifting or even healthy.</p><p>So I tease out my part in wishing to engage in them in the first place and conclude - I actually don't. I will make my stand, live my life through seeking the direction of my heart and soul and leave others to do the same. "Live and Let Live." Your Life Your Business! I don't need to change your mind or defend my choices.</p><p>As the Course in Miracles inquires: "Would I rather be right or happy." I know what's right for me - my mistake, has been in trying to spend, any of my valuable life time and energy, explaining or defending that to anyone else - the end result has never produced anything akin to happiness.</p><p>The fear, the deprivation, the losses - the very real concerns for the future for me are legitimate. They also if left unchecked can become overwhelming and suck the joy out of what is still available to me. You want me to line up to enter you retail store... no thanks - I'll pass (do I actually need what you're selling ... turns out No! I do not) restaurants and gyms lock me out (do I really need to pay for the pretentious "atmosphere" and over-priced food - apparently I haven't gone hungry, with no restaurant access) and I'm not sure, even if gyms did "welcome" me back, that; I would wish to support these establishments, that claim to be about health and wellness, yet they participate in discrimination and policies, that have nothing to do with wellness.</p><p>I'm not sure I need to be engaged with "social media" (which often is the epitome of anti-social) but should I choose to continue in any form - I will state my views as I wish. I will no longer engage, trolls and abuse. I may or may not employ a 3 strikes and you're out policy. I would like to give space for "a bad day" - a misunderstanding - even a messy conversation to arrive at mutual understanding (an agreement is not required - except with respect to respect). In the absence of that the conversation is over I have no intention to engage abuse/bullying.</p><p>Herein lies the morning musings, hot (or not) for my current stream of consciousness.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 04, 2022)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-91031291662452768652022-01-11T13:28:00.001-08:002022-01-11T13:28:17.696-08:00Mine for the Finest Ore <p> <b><i>"All that glitters is not gold......" - William Shakespeare ("Merchant of Venice")</i></b></p><p>This aphorism came to mind for me yesterday. I was taking action upon the "relationship" I've had with this particular guitar of mine, one that has spanned nearly 4yrs. I bought the guitar (an acoustic/electric) brand new. That in itself, could be seen as an act of self love. I had come into some (not entirely unexpected) money through an inheritance. I decided I wanted to get myself a "better than average" higher end guitar. Guitars have come and gone out of my life since I was a teenager, some that in hindsight I might have preferred to have kept. </p><p>This guitar most certainly had "glitter" solid wood construction (made with a coveted variety of "tone-woods") shiny finish, fancy inlays and appointments. I did some "research" before I bought it. I didn't come across a single disparaging review. A point worth mentioning now, would be that when I tried the guitar in the shop, I'm aware that I begun "running a racket.." I effectively shut down my subjective senses and sensibilities, and literally sold myself on this guitar (in the midst of a small shop that nonetheless had a wide variety of choices). Surely all these reviews, the gorgeous appointments, craftsmanship etc. "should" carry the day. I simply didn't "love" this instrument and, I bought it anyway.</p><p>This guitar sat as much or more than it has been played. I restrung it. Put it in a guitar stand so that it was visible and accessible. I would pick it up and play it some, trying to convince myself that I would, "grow to love it.." I did not. I didn't like the sound of it (to my ear, it sounds "brittle," and its tonal palette reside too predominantly in the mid-range to treble spectrum) - the reviews asserted that it was "bright" and articulate - perfect for finger style playing or flat-picked; I didn't like the feel of the neck in my hand or the action (string height from the fretboard .. for the benefit of non-guitar players).</p><p>I just kept deferring to my beat up, aged guitar that has been patched back together with glue, fibreglass and duct tape... inadvertently being subject to various insults and abuses through using it extensively for busking. Despite it's tenuous clinging to life... it still is more enjoyable for me to play and listen to than this much more expensive "impressive looking guitar."</p><p>I decide 6 months ago to take up electric guitar (and generally to roll my study of guitar back to basics with design on developing a greater fluency) my previous foray, revolved around taking as many short-cuts as I could to, just be able to play some songs!! How that relates to the other guitar is it created for me a distraction around this expensive guitar languishing about largely unused.</p><p>Months extend to years... I still have no love for nor inspiration from this instrument. I simply do not enjoy it. Intermittently I beat myself up for being impulsive... the money I spent (that I would likely not retrieve - retail versus now "used") not to mention time spent, advertising, fielding calls, people bailing/no shows... trying to grind the price down etc.</p><p>More waffling, more inaction, more avoidance ... "More" on many fronts... all accept satisfaction, contentment, enjoyment..</p><p>More water under the bridge and over this past holiday season, I'm once again trying to manufacture some love for this guitar - Mission Impossible. Back to the reviews and demo videos (surely I must be missing something) - but I began to realize even in the hands of some obviously accomplished musicians, I didn't like the tone of that guitar. The quality, workmanship, finish etc. are not in question nor being maligned by me. I simply don't like it! It's not satisfying to my ear - nor do I enjoy playing it.</p><p>What a revelation! Reviews, synopses - marketing, celebratory endorsements - studio demos etc. are not enough to counter my subjective experience! What a wakeup call to realize just how profoundly external influences impact my "choice." </p><p>This was it. Yesterday I had arrived at a decision. The guitar would go! A lightness came over my being a sense of freedom, the relief of some sort of burden. I took a bus into town with the idea of exploring with the shop I originally purchased it from the idea of consignment sales or possible trades. When I arrived at the shop, signs on the door indicated that he still would not be open for another two days.. (I knew that but had forgotten ... having called the shop last week) in my minds eye his extended time off had already elapsed.</p><p>I then decided to walk back home to get some exercise. During my walk I considered the situation. I had already let the guitar go and was now operating from the reality of it not occupying space in my space. I concluded I didn't want to wait two days for the shop to open & I didn't want the guitar coming home with me... I was entertaining the idea of taking it one of the larger chain stores (which wasn't resonating for me) when I remembered there was a smaller local business on my way ... that did indeed carry this brand of guitar... I decided to feel out this possibility and see what happens.</p><p>They took the guitar in .... their guitar "tech" is in tomorrow and Saturday. His roll would be to determine if the guitar is in good enough condition to place on their sales floor (the guitar is in immaculate condition if there is any deficiency, it would come as a complete surprise to me) I hope not - it is not my want to put out more money in order to put it up for sale. If anything it might need setting up again .... which is minor and normal in the life of a guitar.</p><p>So I will hear from them if they consider it viable for their shop, customer demographic etc. and then get back to me with a discussion on list pricing and the consignment sale spit.</p><p>Take-a-ways from this unfolding experience are a deepening awareness of seeking and trusting my inner assessment of any situation and acting in accordance with what I determine in alignment with my needs. For me, this "lesson" reaches far beyond, this perhaps seemingly mundane ("first world" conundrum). Somewhere along the line I was introduced to the idea that how "you" are in one area of your life is how you are across the board. So then, discovery deepened awareness of the forces and influences affecting my decision making process and choices in one area of my life, could be seen to be operating more universally throughout my life. </p><p>How and in what ways to I negate my experience or defer my inner knowing, experience of, intuition about etc. in favour of some "popularized" narrative or consensus operating or sourced from outside myself?</p><p>This experience reveals to me that, that which is "golden" for me might well be held in something or an experience/opportunity that may present as lacking in "allure" but later proves to be, "a diamond in the rough." How challenging is it to just be, ones own self - in a sea of cacophony screaming for conformity? What is the price extracted for choosing group acceptance versus self-acceptance?</p><p>There continues to be unknowns in this particular anecdote. Will they take the guitar in on consignment? If they do will it be the be all to end of for someone else? Just what they were looking for? A chance to own a high quality instrument at a reduced price. It won't be the whatever the builders are marketing for 2022 - but it might be the perfect fit for someone else's ears, hands and budget.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 11, 2022)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-81590984083895572922022-01-04T10:29:00.000-08:002022-01-04T10:29:19.541-08:00Insecure - Not Looking to be Saved<p> Once again I return to the unwritten page, after a sizeable absence. It's not particularly an explainable departure; either that, or I don't feel the need to explain. As a matter of fact, I haven't felt inspired to write. Also true, I have concluded, I have an intention to write and even so, I still don't "feel" inspired. So then, I'll just write!</p><p>I began to exercise this intent last week, only to discover I couldn't access the "dashboard" interface of this blogging platform - therefore, no writing. I could see my previous posts, but that was it! I looped around the site, going and getting nowhere fast; other than a tad exasperated. I began wading through some of the FAQ's links, but couldn't find anything that aligned with my specific issue. I couldn't find a specific spot to "ask for help" so I sent a message through a link called "feedback." So far, sometime approaching a week later, I haven't received feedback or an answer. (at least not in the form of a reply).</p><p>My imagination was intermittently, spinning scenarios that I had been "blocked," due to contentious content. Thankfully I didn't go off half-cocked on that tangent, as it didn't reflect the truth, or the entire truth (but then again, what does?) While it may be true that I express, from time to time, contentious viewpoints - it was not true, that I had been blocked.</p><p>I had some time yesterday, so I revisited the site, and this time, I did find a clue in someone's question thread. Turns out there are different username/passwords for the "Google platform" in general (my apologies to the purist's if my tech-terminology is not accurate) I'm not a "techie" & I don't care! the blog platform also has its own username/password. I have what I choose to deem, present moment consciousness, by which I mean, at different places in time I may have been called upon to create these different "identities," and then moments later I would forget about them. In the past, I would just come and go from the blog platform; I suppose I must have remained logged in, as I always had access. For whatever reason, I was no longer "logged in," and my attempts to do so, were continually done with one of my other "Google-related" ID's.</p><p>Once I used the right combo for the right site ... boom I'm in!! No surprise to the geeks of the world, I'm sure. I use the term geek, uncertain, that won't illicit the same perception, as any other "special interest group" that is comfortable speaking of themselves a particular way, but loathe to allow anyone else to refer to them as such. So at the risk of invoking - "the Revenge of the Nerds," I have done so anyway.. As far as I can see, the world has been living this Revenge over the last two years anyway - so they can hardly expect anyone to be enamoured with them at this point! (but I digress).</p><p>I still have, mostly disdain for technology! I acknowledge the on-boarding id I was attempting to use was erroneous, and I maintain, I would never be locked out of my journal. Why the need for multiple "platforms" - id's, passwords etc. I would have likely named them all the same thing, if I was given that option. As that seems to be generally discouraged, there's not a prayer, I'm going to remember all this malarky!</p><p>All in the name of "security." So feck'in secure, I can't access my own stuff!! Brilliant that is! Of course the flip-side of this "security" analogy, is increasingly, the public at large, is being denied access to the truth (on multiple fronts). I don't know about you, but I don't feel any sense of security, having one select group, dictating the "truth,"and censoring the rest; resulting in large swaths people arguing for, and living a lie (or series of intricately woven lies). The only ones secure in that scenario, are the ones seeding the lies!</p><p>Fortunately, or so it seems, though those scripting this tale of lies, as long pre-meditated and diabolically ingenious as it may have been; seem to have missed the grade-school lesson; that once one sets out to lie and weave a path of deception, it becomes increasingly difficult, to conceal the lies, or remember each lie, that has been expressed. The result, the house of cards becomes destabilized and falls; exposing the illusion and those that spin them. I don't sit and contemplate the demise and punishment of those involved, this to me, would be a fruitless endeavour. I am reminded though, that any number of individuals have chided me or have public spoken the same, regarding choices and consequences. I have been living the "consequences" of my choices for two years now. That has been my path & those were my choices.</p><p>It will be the same for those that orchestrate deception! "Live by the sword, die by the sword.." I don't need to wish any of them ill-will. I suspect they are planting the seeds of their own demise ("consequences..").</p><p>My aim and responsibility is to live my best possible life and version of myself. That means to me, I don't harbour resentment. I don't ruminate about the acts of others and what they "deserve" in exchange. I do the best I can, with what I've got! I look to bring my gifts to bear, in service to the world.</p><p>I don't grind axes, point fingers and wish dire consequence toward anyone. I disagree, I look around and much of what I see, occurs to me to be misguided, but I have spent enough energy trying to change others. I now, bring the focus back to myself. What do I have the power to change. The entire Charter of Rights can be re-written or burned and I still can say No!</p><p>Security is such an illusory quality. How many have been, or were, "secure" in career paths, societal institutions, family, friendships, public amenities, only to find each of them, was unraveled and revealed nothing, in the blink of an eye!!</p><p>How many lived a life, that included a rather passive or apathetic attitude toward discrimination? (until they found themselves the target of discrimination). I have been examining my apathy for quite sometime, however, I never expected to experience the level of discrimination, that currently is occurring. (all calculated).</p><p>Behold the voluminous acts of betrayal .... as so many, cloak themselves in self-righteousness and turn on any they consider unworthy of their allegiance. Not so "secure" in those relationships any more eh?</p><p>Look around and reckon with the power of addiction.... so vast and so all-encompassing, that thousands with throw their neighbour "under the bus," so that they can continue to access those distractions, that may well "amuse them to death." </p><p>Consider the behemoth fear, and all that it conjured! People have sold their souls, put themselves and potentially those they "love," at dire risk. </p><p>All this made possible by an insatiable thirst for "security." I think as history has shown, and is likely still to prove true, one ought very carefully consider, where or to whom, they are looking to, for "security" and the price being extracted. It may well become more evident, first of all they are offering something that they cannot (or never intended to provide), second it never was theirs to give and lastly one will never find it outside themselves.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 04, 2022)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-31140132439906635832021-07-28T20:36:00.001-07:002021-07-28T20:36:44.639-07:00Passion - The Sequel<p> I effectively have become estranged from my own blog. It's interesting to consider. According to the "backdoor" features (my term) the "stats" indicate somebody is still reading. For quite some considerable time after creating the blog, I didn't even know you could track readership. Then beyond that I didn't know there had been some readers trying to interact through the site. I believe I attempted to reconcile my, what must have seemed to be perhaps a lack of grace in not responding; while literally I didn't know there was anything or anyone to respond to. </p><p>Today I've decided to write something. For those who read, whomever you may be, I thank you! Truly I hope that something I share touches you in some useful fashion. Whether my "natural" evolution or the aftermath of the last eighteen months (and counting) - I perceive more than ever, that I have very little to proclaim. I don't know that I ever really did, I certainly spent a period of time trying to present my perspective as more than it merits - I understand that now, to have been a deep-seated "need" to compensate for believing I'm "none of that..."</p><p>Certainly I continue to have my own beliefs, perspectives and life experience. I don't need anyone to cosign it, agree with it, follow it - I just need to live it.</p><p>I do love to write (as I discovered some years ago now). I'm also aware of the contradiction created by the absence of anything in written form juxtaposed along with the previous claim. I actually write every morning, have for some period of time now. There has been a couple mornings (maybe the time frame is 6 months) where I hit the floor running, probably more accurate spinning off in some various forms of un-groundedness and rather than employ one of the practices that generally centers me before beginning my day, I just decided to continue to spin... no writing occurred on those occasions. Gratefully those morning have been minimal (it's a good reminder of how most everyday of my life was spent at a different place in time).</p><p>So today, I was acknowledging to myself in my journal, that I had now completed ninety (90) consecutive days of guitar practice - since deciding to follow my passion to learn how to play electric guitar (and to generally more comprehensively become better acquainted with the guitar. I considered that I don't need to wait before I can play the guitar like (insert your own guitar player of choice) in order to acknowledge my successful commitment so far, that progress is being made (even if it's the establishment of regular practice of practice) - I probably not going to play like whomever you might (or I) might imagine... I'm going to play more like me. </p><p>I would still identify writing as a passion... I would also say it has given way to other pursuits and considerations. It may well return - which is to say, beyond what is currently sprawling across my computer screen.</p><p>There is much to be said about the journey with my guitar (well there's two electrics in the stable at the moment) - that's a journey in and of itself. I'm learning about the different gear - a learning curve and a field that in itself is vast. Within that I'm looking for my place, I seem to spend considerable time in my life with that pursuit.. More frequently I locate myself where my head, heart, hands and butt are - that feels good to me. As for guitar equipment, well I'm trying to determine where in the spectrum of available "tools of the trade" do I care to roost. What is hype? What is crass commercialism? How much is the group mind in the world of music influence by the hype and commercialism? Do I care to have those "Strat" tones? Can my taste, ear, values and sensibilities be appeased on my terms? Where does "entry level" end and junk begin? There are some tones that I just love - no question about it!! But even with the equipment I've acquired thus far (all "used") there are literally infinite combinations of settings and variables - that influence sound. Not to mention the hands of the person wielding it all!!!</p><p>Nonetheless celebration is the name of the day! I recognize a milestone has been realized and, it's all part of the bricks being laid in a foundation! Even as I sit here writing, the guitars are staring me down!! I fully intend to practice tonight. I decided to strike a balance and answer the call to write. I was a near -"terminal" perfectionist in my life prior. To be clear, I'm not talking about excellence, or doing one's best. I talking about a shame-based belief that I was and never would be, good enough; looking at life, through that lens, I was not often inclined to try new things and had very little patience, compassion or willingness within myself to "be a beginner."</p><p>That has changed! </p><p>Today was another triumph! I'm vaguely aware the "Olympics" are occurring. For me that is so far in the background of my awareness - it's almost not happening. Anyway I make the reference to conjure the contrast around said triumph. Is it the stuff of "Olympians." I imagine in the minds of many - not at all!</p><p>I purchased a used amplifier, maybe a couple months ago, from a fellow up-island. I was aware that it was "programmable" not something I really wanted to get into - I just knew it had some features my original amp (which I bought along with the first guitar) did not. It is, "more amplifier" - by which I don't just mean "louder." I've also come to learn there is more to be had from the first one than I first realized! So much to learn!! Anyway I wouldn't have bought this amp new, but the price he was asking was pretty reasonable, a third of the new retail price!</p><p>I got the thing home (I did try it some at his place before buying it.... had him play some and run through the features)... after playing with it some, I decided I didn't want all his programmed "preset" sound patches - so some online research informed me I could invoke the reset sequence and put it back to "factory" specifications. I reasoned I wanted to start from just clean sound and then maybe layer in some effects. This reset could be accomplished just pressing a few buttons on the amp simultaneously - ready, set, go!!</p><p>The good news was it still made sound after I let go of the buttons!! I just played on it through the "clean" channel - alternating back and forth between the two amps. Reading this, reading that - trying not to get lost in all the "tweaking" and not get any practicing done. </p><p>One day I decided to try some of the "over-drive" channels. Well first I created something a kin to a "sonic boom.." scared the shit out of myself!! Then I turned it down some and tried it - seem one could get some of those "rock and roll tones" but they would be present and then not... I was somewhat emboldened by any knob-turning was all being done in "manual" mode nothing would remain once I turned the amp off and back on.</p><p>I looked on line for some local or even in this country service centers (the amps are out of Britain) meanwhile I just kept twisting dials - as close as I can figure the volume I had on the clean channel - could not be selected on over-driven channel, lest one wanted to crack plaster, windows and eardrums - once dialled back, the other features seemed to be available. </p><p>I heard back from someone from the service centre.. they suggested I go online to the website where there is a platform you can patch into through your computer to interface with the amplifier and download updates, change parameters and settings... </p><p>I'm like, yes I could (or I can just keep playing it on the one channel... it's sounds pretty good) it didn't cost me a fortune) somedays the other amp seems okay as I do some more experimentation - keep in mind, I live in an apartment, I can't be dialing in some simulated "arena-rock" setting and cutting loose!!!</p><p>Anyway, last night I decided to try and determine if this amp is up to date (internal software etc.) also keep in mind, any reference I'm making to the techie-side of the spectrum here is not in anyway to be confused with fluency ..... I'm pretty much a leave well-enough alone - and don't f... with it (unless absolutely necessary) I downloaded the application that would allow me to interact with the amplifier then I searched my bag of random cables for something that looked like it had connections that would work at either end. I found just such a wire - however it yielded an error message and indicated that the cable must be data-capable) how the $#%& was I going to tell that - other than, I concluded it quite possibly isn't because the computer is unable to talk to the amplifier. Off to London Drugs electronics department this morning with the cable I tried to use (so I could give a visual of the connections that were necessary) and a hand written note transcribed from the error message so I could communicate what was "supposed to occur." </p><p>Dude is like, oh you want a data cable - rather than just a charging cable!! (like this is painfully obvious!!) I get in step and reply, "why yes, I believe I do, do ya have anything like that?). Yes, he answers - in the computer department... (in hind-sight I consider, I suppose that is where you would find a data-friendly cable alright!!</p><p>This evening - I unpackaged said cable connected the cable to both the amplifier and my computer and voila I have imagery on my screen of a control panel that tells me where all the amp settings are currently - and has an endless array of effects etc. that could be selected and saved. (<i>It was also helpful that I watched a couple guys on youtube last night - reviewing amps by this same company and one was doing a basic tour through that interface environment, so at least it looked a little familiar).</i></p><p> I looked around a little saw the one labelled "bass" - "I think I might have a little too much of that going on!" and there is not a external equalizer to dial it back - played a few chords and scales to appreciate the changes - it save and got the hell out of this "electronics" "beyond the pale...." When all was said and done, a pretty "easy" procedure - and yet in some ways I ventured into alien space - with not much in the way of innate "sense of direction" - but a willingness to pray liberally and consult the hinterland of the inter-web and nothing short of a miracle unfolded!!</p><p>I don't need to be messing with anything else - just now! But I know how to get in there now!!</p><p>I clicked on some other buttons that were for menus etc. and found one that allowed me to determine that the amplifier is up to date with system downloads. Thank God! I can just get back to my scales!!</p><p>The other thing I'm celebrating today is the sale of one of my books!! I don't know when it sold exactly - it's been a couple weeks since I have been in the cafe - but it was inspiring for me to know that another of my passions is still bearing fruit. I also had the opportunity to give the 30sec. elevator speal about the book, to another fellow in the shop (who got curious when he heard the owner ask me if I was still interested in doing an "author's evening" (now that some of the other madness has subsided ... at least for now)..</p><p>Yes I absolutely am, was my answer and as I was leaving, he was looking at the last remaining copy of my book there in the shop. I will drop off some more copies tomorrow.</p><p>The book has also found it's way into a local addictions centre - where I have been meeting with some residents "one on one" & offer a group, when necessary combination of residents are present and simultaneously have the willingness or curiosity to attend.</p><p>I'm intrigued at the various ways passion finds its way to become expressed. My part seems to be to neither give up on passion nor myself. To do my best to get out of the way, so that passion can do what passion does best.</p><p>I want to facilitate others and their relationship with passion. I have no doubt of its existence and I'm aware on can be the vehicle through which passion is delivered or the dam in the river. I seek to become more consistently the former, rather than the latter.</p><p>I big part of that is to not allow myself to succumb to the fears and opinions of anyone else (and especially not those of my own!!)</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R.O'Neill (July 28, 2021)</p><p>* (<i>I gotta get practising, so I tried to "proof-read" along the way... however this post is largely raw & unedited) - of course so is the author!! I'm going to hit "publish!!)</i></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-48771689022128600102021-06-22T19:07:00.000-07:002021-06-22T19:07:00.475-07:00Would the "Last Man Standing," Be "A Good Man?"<div class="page" title="Page 1"><div class="section"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: MorePro; font-size: 14pt;">People 65 years and older, especially men, have a high risk of suicide. As Canada’s largest population group, the baby boomers, approach the plus 65 age range, we may see an increase in suicide in years to come (Canadian Coalition for Seniors’ Mental Health (CCSMH), 2009; Van Orden & Deming, 2017).</span></p><p><span face=""Open Sans", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Open Sans", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">A growing body of research indicates that a significant number of men and boys are facing substantial psycho-social difficulties, which manifest in a number of worrying statistics involving mental health, addiction and suicide.</span></p><section id="inread-wrapper-id-125948814" style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></section><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;">To start, males account for more than 75 per cent of suicides in Canada. That's an average of 50 men per week <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/suicide-canada-key-statistics-infographic.html" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(216, 216, 216); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #0550c8; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">dying by suicide</a>.</p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;">Similarly, surveys indicate that Canadian men are around <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/82-003-x/2017008/article/54853-eng.htm" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(216, 216, 216); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #0550c8; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">three times</a> more likely to experience addiction and substance abuse compared to Canadian women. This includes alcohol, cannabis, and opioid abuse. Highlighting the scale of the problem, the British Columbia Coroners Service reports that males accounted for <a href="https://www2.gov.bc.ca/assets/gov/birth-adoption-death-marriage-and-divorce/deaths/coroners-service/statistical/illicit-drug-update.pdf" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(216, 216, 216); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #0550c8; text-decoration: none;">81 per cent of drug overdose deaths</a> in that province in 2020. </p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;">(Taken from the Opinion Piece - "Alarming Numbers Around Men's Mental Health Indicate Need for National Response). Written by Rob Whitley, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at McGill University and a research scientist at the Douglas Research Center.)</p><div style="text-align: left;">So why is it that in a world that by many accounts, is "a man's world," and advantages men and only men etc.; are the male suicide statistics so disproportionately high? I have no academic credential, in its stead, I offer, I am at least for the sake of this discussion male, and I have in my lifetime, seriously contemplated and scripted, my own premature exit strategy. My perspective is not "peer-reviewed" - though I suppose, if you could get enough men that have considered ending their own lives, walked away from the idea, or failed in the attempt to speak up; one might consider that "peer-affirmation."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">My view and experience runs directly contradictory to the supposition, that men are innately weak - I would say that the problem is that men collectively operate under a well-entrenched idea that they must be strong; the uncompromising grip held on this mind-set (and that it is often vehemently "policed" by other men (and no small number of women) that it becomes, all too frequently, a terminal pathology.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">There have been enough variations on a theme to recognize that no amount of material wealth, fame, or power ensure an inner domain that is defined by connectivity, equanimity, what I'll call a healthy self-satisfaction - even though there are many cases of those that acquire worldly riches and personal empires of a staggering magnitude. It often doesn't add up to enough to "make life worth living!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The whole idea of "male-privledge" (though it is very real in some contexts) - seldom if ever, includes the discussion of what it denies and the cost it extracts from its adherents.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The stoic, never seen flinching - (would take or deliver a bullet and then go for night-cap) - never saying die, winning at all costs - etc. has got to maintain a significant detachment (from anyone - often anyone, that is seen as an adversary or competition) consequently themselves as well. That doesn't mean they've got no humanity it means it is intentionally repressed (training that begins very young) - the thing is all those feelings and the pain of denying those fingers doesn't just vanish - it requires ever increasing quantities of a compulsion/s of choice - to keep those feelings at bay.. and I suppose maintain "their edge." That would be something I'm not really personally familiar with - I don't think I've ever had an edge. I've been "edgy," nerves have been decidedly on edge (but that would about it).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">There is far more comprehensive coverage of addiction (and it myriad presentations) than I will visit in this post. I have had 15 yrs. of chemical addiction (which included alcohol and drugs, tobacco, sugar and caffeine) the first three were addressed while the others (along with over-eating and intermittently soothing with all the "wrong foods" the last two have proved to be reoccurring challenges - an array of "substances" that one can freely indulge without any particular social objection). Through what is now 34+ years of "sobriety - I have become increasingly familiar with the "whack-o-mole" nature of addiction and realized that if one doesn't get to the heart of the matter, "lopping off one head," presents with a couple more perhaps with a new face - but potentially just as life-limiting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Addiction and it's many faces has multi-generational impacts, left un-arrested those impacts fan-out through the ancestral lineages and form societal collectives of the "walking wounded." The prevalence is far more significant than many would care to acknowledge (in part, because a classic presentation of addictive/compulsive behaviours, is the denial of its presence, by the one most completely in its clutches).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I would say that a significant percentage of what is so commonly deemed as "normal" in our modern world is the manifestation of addiction and the cascading "domino effects," - it's why so many can continue to operate with such self-appointed impunity with no regard for the world around them.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Meanwhile in true addictive fashion the widespread quest to attain the by now, venerated "Western world" vision of "success," which itself is built on unsustainable suppositions, has defined more "failures" than "winners," tears at the hearts of thousands as they walk step by step ever further away from themselves - convinced, "the promised land," is just around the corner of the next, self-sacrifice only to eventually become more aware of the illusion and delusion of the whole schtick. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">What does the self-perpetuating "real man" do when he gets glimpses that he's "failing" at being a success or the "success" he championed leaves the after taste of what's left of his undigested soul - he works longer, harder - a shot of bourbon here - a few lines there (gotta maintain "that edge,") stay "ahead," if he can't make the grade - there's a hungry young guy only to ready to "take one for the team," that can replace him in a heart beat (of course with at least some shift in trajectory in the workplace toward equal opportunity/gender equality everybody's vying for the same promotion).... of course his undying focus on career advancement has alienated him from any family that may still be "at home," alone with or without their company, he wonders when success will deliver him from his angst... The pain of loneliness demands more self-medication (maybe it's the "understanding" found in the arms of a co-worker) maybe it's less "involved and personal" found in the company of those that provide "physical satisfaction" without a lot of complications - maybe it's up all hours trolling internet porn sites and seeking the release of compulsive masturbation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All those pent up feelings and the pain of "purposeless" living have got to go somewhere!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">How long is it before the dude is jumping out the window of his corner office suite, found in his garage having giving himself "the ticket to ride" via the exhaust pipe of his BMW - swinging from a drain-pipe by his designer tie or made himself the last of his trophy-hunting targets?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Or maybe he manages to remain functionally detached and "comfortably numb," will he live long enough to enjoy "the fruits of his labour?" How many eulogies, actually capture the truth of a man's "inner world," in many cases, those "closest to him," won't even know it existed (maybe the same for him - well beyond the pain, he is trying to keep at arm's length or one-step ahead of) - "he was a pillar in his community," a tireless "provider," "always there when you needed him, (he suffered from chronic self-abandonment) - the life of the party!" Once the cliche's have been exhausted - the reception attendees are swept awash by the momentary reckoning with never actually having known this guy and a brush with their own mortality which is readily remedies with another dozen appetizers and another visit to the complimentary bar.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I haven't written anything much for quite sometime - I found this piece amongst the dozen or so open tabs on my computer, so I decided to reign in my "attention deficit," and see where this particular "unfinished symphony," was going to go.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Is this account the outcome or truth for all men? Not entirely yes, not entirely no! It would be a composite of my known awareness of a cross-section of male lives mixed with no small amount of my own life experience. As such it's clear to me now, why I started to write it and abandoned it - I don't consider it particularly courageous, definitely not "absolute truth," though it is based on more truth than meets many an eye. For me, it just needed to be said - what healing does it offer or purpose does it serve? I would say, my experience is teaching me, there is more pain in withholding the truth than ever is to be experienced in expressing it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm both knocking at the door of the age group that is encompassed in the "stats," and not concerned that I'm off to join their ranks anytime soon. Having said that, I am hosting considerable angst at times (some of which I continue to address throw a multi-tiered avenue of tools and support - some of which might occasionally awaken from dormancy, some compulsive, if not impulsive, eating or spending money - both which feeds the gaping maw of the God of the "Economy and capitalist consumption;" so nobody is going to give a shit, one way or another, if I were to become another "collateral damage" statistic - as long as I was "a good man.")</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I would be remiss (if to no other than myself) if I didn't mention, the events of the last nearly one and a half years (and their myopic and oppressive management) do not in any way, shape or form; give me any reason for optimism, trust or confidence in government, the medical community or would be authorities & drug corporations (to be fair - I had no glut of any of the above, for those institutions pre-"Covid"). I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I have even less now. They all have their place in the mosaic - I for one have no intention of giving them carte blanche in my wellness. Most anyone would have declared (at least) that the government of one strip or another was not to be trusted - suddenly, they are the champions of altruism and champions of health and well-being?? (As if!!!!!!!)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">When they aren't making "public service" announcements about their latest Covid restrictions and compliance expectations - they are carrying on their business as usual pandering to corporate agendas, further approving - ecological degradation and generally continuing to approve the very things that are threatening the health of the planet and it's occupants. None of the newly released spectrum of experimental vaccines, is going to change any of that.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If, there were to be a return to anything like what defined the previous "framework" of "Normal," (which I neither think is likely, and in many ways, may be the only reason for hope) thinking the vaccine/s (or yet to be released news, that the chemical cocktail, or some variation thereof, is to be a regular part of your diet, for the rest of your life) is going to be the great Panacea... I would say, would be like having had a gun to your head, for the number of years prior to Covid you've been alive - just in case, you ever see fit to pull the trigger - now under the "New Normal," you've emptied out the nickel plated cartridges and replaced them with a recently developed titanium bullet - but when you pull the trigger???????????????</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Maybe this signifies the end of my writer's block.... maybe the block was comprised mostly of some misguided notion that I had to pander to a particular viewpoint - I do not (nor does anyone else, but not my business). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Hans Christian Anderson story of "The Emperor's New Clothes" keeps coming into my consciousness.. the theme I realize keeps demonstrating itself, over and over again in my life....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I recognize that there has been a significant portion of my life, that was spent - cooing, oohing, and awing with the crowd at the various narratives ("he must be wearing the finest of garments," everyone else seems to believe it's so - there must be something wrong with me)....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Am I perfect (far from it!!) however I can tell you in a great many experiences I've lived through the "Emperor" is butt-naked - plain and simple!! (it doesn't matter how intricate the story is woven to represent his "finery).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (June 22, 2021)</div><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 28px; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /></div></div></div></div>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-62650355833727017252021-04-02T17:17:00.001-07:002021-04-02T17:17:08.939-07:00It's Got to Be You!<div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Can be</div><div style="text-align: center;">Forgiven</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">Believing</div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">"Should" </div><div style="text-align: center;">Or</div><div style="text-align: center;">Must</div><div style="text-align: center;">Suck it up</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But </div><div style="text-align: center;">Can you?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Will you?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Forgive</div><div style="text-align: center;">You?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Why?</div><div style="text-align: center;">In </div><div style="text-align: center;">The name</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">All that </div><div style="text-align: center;">Is holy...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Would </div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Subject yourself</div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;">The </div><div style="text-align: center;">Entirely</div><div style="text-align: center;">Misguided</div><div style="text-align: center;">Dogmatic insistence</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">"Social" agreement</div><div style="text-align: center;">To</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ignore, repress </div><div style="text-align: center;">Dismiss or minimize</div><div style="text-align: center;">Your own</div><div style="text-align: center;">Human suffering?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Stop </div><div style="text-align: center;">Please</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just stop!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Anytime</div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Hear </div><div style="text-align: center;">"Get over it.."</div><div style="text-align: center;">"Oh that's not so bad..."</div><div style="text-align: center;">"It could be worse..."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Etc.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Are hearing</div><div style="text-align: center;">Reflected..</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A </div><div style="text-align: center;">Habituated</div><div style="text-align: center;">Lack of willingness</div><div style="text-align: center;">or </div><div style="text-align: center;">Ability</div><div style="text-align: center;">To Love (<i>Yourself)</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;">It's </div><div style="text-align: center;">There and then</div><div style="text-align: center;">A cross-road</div><div style="text-align: center;">Presents</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">You can </div><div style="text-align: center;">Tell yourself</div><div style="text-align: center;">That you </div><div style="text-align: center;">Matter</div><div style="text-align: center;">(<i>the all of</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>your experience</i>)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Rather than</div><div style="text-align: center;">Continue</div><div style="text-align: center;">To terrorize</div><div style="text-align: center;">And demean</div><div style="text-align: center;">The </div><div style="text-align: center;">Very parts</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Yourself</div><div style="text-align: center;">That are </div><div style="text-align: center;">Yearning</div><div style="text-align: center;">For your</div><div style="text-align: center;">Love</div><div style="text-align: center;">(<i>and only </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>your love)</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;">Nobody</div><div style="text-align: center;">Gets to</div><div style="text-align: center;">Define</div><div style="text-align: center;">The depth</div><div style="text-align: center;">And </div><div style="text-align: center;">Scope </div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Your love </div><div style="text-align: center;">For yourself</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">What </div><div style="text-align: center;">It looks </div><div style="text-align: center;">Like</div><div style="text-align: center;">or</div><div style="text-align: center;">That it's </div><div style="text-align: center;">Merited</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Don't </div><div style="text-align: center;">Look </div><div style="text-align: center;">To others</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">Your example</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Be </div><div style="text-align: center;">The </div><div style="text-align: center;">Example</div><div style="text-align: center;">And</div><div style="text-align: center;">Loving</div><div style="text-align: center;">Embodiment</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">Yourself....</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (April 02, 2021)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: center;"> </p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-49546119331409143742021-04-02T05:13:00.000-07:002021-04-02T05:13:07.385-07:00Reveille<div style="text-align: center;">What </div><div style="text-align: center;">Beckons</div><div style="text-align: center;">At 3 a.m.</div><div style="text-align: center;">While</div><div style="text-align: center;">One</div><div style="text-align: center;">Otherwise</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is surrounded</div><div style="text-align: center;">By</div><div style="text-align: center;">The collective</div><div style="text-align: center;">Slumber</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">Those</div><div style="text-align: center;">Quenching</div><div style="text-align: center;">The exhaustion</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">Force-fed</div><div style="text-align: center;">Acquiescence</div><div style="text-align: center;">and</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rampant conformity</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Creation</div><div style="text-align: center;">Itself</div><div style="text-align: center;">Will not</div><div style="text-align: center;">Be </div><div style="text-align: center;">Thwarted</div><div style="text-align: center;">Despite</div><div style="text-align: center;">Being</div><div style="text-align: center;">Forgone</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">Your dubious</div><div style="text-align: center;">Daily</div><div style="text-align: center;">"To-Do List"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">How much</div><div style="text-align: center;">Will</div><div style="text-align: center;">The world</div><div style="text-align: center;">Benefit</div><div style="text-align: center;">From </div><div style="text-align: center;">You</div><div style="text-align: center;">Claiming</div><div style="text-align: center;">Another </div><div style="text-align: center;">Hour of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Sleep?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Listen</div><div style="text-align: center;">Be guided</div><div style="text-align: center;">Embrace</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rather than</div><div style="text-align: center;">Toss</div><div style="text-align: center;">Turn</div><div style="text-align: center;">Resist</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Will</div><div style="text-align: center;">You reach</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">Sedation</div><div style="text-align: center;">While</div><div style="text-align: center;">From</div><div style="text-align: center;">Within</div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Are being</div><div style="text-align: center;">Called</div><div style="text-align: center;">By</div><div style="text-align: center;">Creation?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Will </div><div style="text-align: center;">You </div><div style="text-align: center;">Answer</div><div style="text-align: center;">The call</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or</div><div style="text-align: center;">Flail</div><div style="text-align: center;">In search</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">A</div><div style="text-align: center;">Continued</div><div style="text-align: center;">Snooze?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (April 02, 2021)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-59619428639673494212021-03-30T21:10:00.001-07:002021-03-30T21:10:14.053-07:00Look Again<p style="text-align: center;"> </p><div style="text-align: center;">Conjured</div><div style="text-align: center;">Doomsday</div><div style="text-align: center;">Prognostication</div><div style="text-align: center;">Midway-esque</div><div style="text-align: center;">Statistical</div><div style="text-align: center;">Slight of hand</div><div style="text-align: center;">Splashing</div><div style="text-align: center;">Broad</div><div style="text-align: center;">Humourless</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blackened</div><div style="text-align: center;">Brushstrokes</div><div style="text-align: center;">Across</div><div style="text-align: center;">A</div><div style="text-align: center;">Canvas</div><div style="text-align: center;">That </div><div style="text-align: center;">Once</div><div style="text-align: center;">Reflected</div><div style="text-align: center;">Infinite possibility </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Media</div><div style="text-align: center;">Political forces</div><div style="text-align: center;">Marketing</div><div style="text-align: center;">Propaganda</div><div style="text-align: center;">Speculation</div><div style="text-align: center;">Dressed as authority</div><div style="text-align: center;">Assumption</div><div style="text-align: center;">And blind conjecture</div><div style="text-align: center;">Collide</div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;">Offer</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nay insist</div><div style="text-align: center;">There be</div><div style="text-align: center;">One & only one</div><div style="text-align: center;">Finite</div><div style="text-align: center;">Response</div><div style="text-align: center;">All </div><div style="text-align: center;">Others</div><div style="text-align: center;">Need not apply</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Unmitigated </div><div style="text-align: center;">Authoritarianism </div><div style="text-align: center;">Sold as</div><div style="text-align: center;">Altruism</div><div style="text-align: center;">Swallowed whole</div><div style="text-align: center;">By</div><div style="text-align: center;">The gaping maw</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">A mass</div><div style="text-align: center;">Populace</div><div style="text-align: center;">Groomed </div><div style="text-align: center;">For unquestioned </div><div style="text-align: center;">Consumption</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">How </div><div style="text-align: center;">Diabolically</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ironic</div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;">Be poisoned</div><div style="text-align: center;">By</div><div style="text-align: center;">Lust </div><div style="text-align: center;">For the </div><div style="text-align: center;">Return</div><div style="text-align: center;">of the</div><div style="text-align: center;">Very (ab) Normalcy</div><div style="text-align: center;">That </div><div style="text-align: center;">Struck </div><div style="text-align: center;">You ill</div><div style="text-align: center;">To begin with</div><div style="text-align: center;">Convinced</div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;">The last</div><div style="text-align: center;">You</div><div style="text-align: center;">(<i>the rest be damned</i>)</div><div style="text-align: center;">Were to </div><div style="text-align: center;">Be saved</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (March 30, 2021)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-21271446234664117232021-03-23T22:13:00.005-07:002021-03-23T22:13:36.732-07:00What the Hel(smen)?<div style="text-align: center;">An inordinate </div><div style="text-align: center;">Volume </div><div style="text-align: center;">Of time</div><div style="text-align: center;">And </div><div style="text-align: center;">Worry</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is afforded</div><div style="text-align: center;">Concern</div><div style="text-align: center;">For</div><div style="text-align: center;">The vessel</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">One's being</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">That </div><div style="text-align: center;">It be lost </div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;"> Tempestuous</div><div style="text-align: center;">Seas</div><div style="text-align: center;">Left impaled</div><div style="text-align: center;">Upon</div><div style="text-align: center;">The rocks</div><div style="text-align: center;">Left </div><div style="text-align: center;">Bereft and marooned</div><div style="text-align: center;">By</div><div style="text-align: center;">The vicissitudes </div><div style="text-align: center;">of</div><div style="text-align: center;">Life </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">While </div><div style="text-align: center;">Little or perhaps</div><div style="text-align: center;">No attention</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is </div><div style="text-align: center;">Given</div><div style="text-align: center;">To </div><div style="text-align: center;">A ship</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rendered</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rudderless</div><div style="text-align: center;">By indecision..</div><div style="text-align: center;">Apathy or resignation</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Such</div><div style="text-align: center;">A vessel</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is left</div><div style="text-align: center;">A prime objective</div><div style="text-align: center;">For </div><div style="text-align: center;">The opportunist</div><div style="text-align: center;">Seeking</div><div style="text-align: center;">To commandeer </div><div style="text-align: center;">Just such </div><div style="text-align: center;">An abandoned</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ship</div><div style="text-align: center;">To be used</div><div style="text-align: center;">For the pursuit</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Their own</div><div style="text-align: center;">Journey</div><div style="text-align: center;">In search</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Adventure, Intrigue and Prosperity</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Can one</div><div style="text-align: center;">Then </div><div style="text-align: center;">Be consoled</div><div style="text-align: center;">Through association </div><div style="text-align: center;">Receiving</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ample</div><div style="text-align: center;">Vicarious reward</div><div style="text-align: center;">While</div><div style="text-align: center;">Another</div><div style="text-align: center;">Plies the</div><div style="text-align: center;">Distant reaches </div><div style="text-align: center;">Of </div><div style="text-align: center;">Their own </div><div style="text-align: center;">dreams</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Alas such </div><div style="text-align: center;">Pleasure</div><div style="text-align: center;">Would be hollow</div><div style="text-align: center;">And </div><div style="text-align: center;">Fleeting</div><div style="text-align: center;">At best</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And once</div><div style="text-align: center;">The intrepid</div><div style="text-align: center;">Voyager </div><div style="text-align: center;">Has reached</div><div style="text-align: center;">The</div><div style="text-align: center;">Shores </div><div style="text-align: center;">Of his </div><div style="text-align: center;">Destination</div><div style="text-align: center;">The</div><div style="text-align: center;">Spent remains</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of</div><div style="text-align: center;">His commandeered</div><div style="text-align: center;">Vessel </div><div style="text-align: center;">Will be scuttled</div><div style="text-align: center;">Far from </div><div style="text-align: center;">Shore</div><div style="text-align: center;">As it </div><div style="text-align: center;">Will not serve</div><div style="text-align: center;">Him</div><div style="text-align: center;">(or anyone)</div><div style="text-align: center;">Any further..</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (March 23, 2021)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-56166584471963425602021-02-25T16:39:00.005-08:002021-02-25T16:39:41.750-08:00Why Pay The Piper If the Fiddler Calls the Tune?<p> "Come on let's go out and play before it get's too dark!" - Rob O'Neill (8yrs old) </p><p>What is this then? Simple, I source my quotations - when & where, I choose to utilize them. This suggestion elicited from my eight year old self, is a profound as it is, "simplistic." And despite what, as I sit here to write, is somewhat of a squall brewing outside; there will be adequate time, to "feel the wind in my hair," or the equivalent thereof, given I have no hair; after I finish writing.</p><p>I have added to my Artist's Way suggested activity (which on top of the regular requirement, of "morning pages" and a weekly "Artist's date" - was to be a week of "Reading Deprivation..") I'm now 5 days into that and had my sights set on breaking that fast, with transitioning into a juice fast. Circumstances have shifted and changed, which have resulted in my deciding to commence the juice fast today. So clearly the two activities are now to overlap. The reading "break," is due to lift, come Saturday; the envisioned juice cleanse/fast to run perhaps 3-4 days (I have gone longer in the past). This one, being not "planned to the nth degree," I believe, I will not be particularly rigid with, regarding duration. It could even possible extend, beyond the afore mentioned time span. I'll see how it goes and how I feel along the way.</p><p>How it going right at the minute? Well, it's just before three in the afternoon I've had three of the six bottles of juice I have available for today. Seems to me, that holds me in good stead. I do feel hungry - but I also know from past fasting, the actual physical hunger, seemed to peak after a while, and though it never went away entirely, it also never got worse. (of course this was on those occasions, when I fasted for six days) I have no idea, experience or current idea, to undertake anything longer than that.</p><p>I imagine the "cleansing" function is underway ... as journeying to the loo, would be more frequent than normal rhythms.</p><p>I've been off caffeine again for quite some time, also dairy, I eat almost entirely vegetarian (still eat eggs & the occasional piece of salmon)... The current nutritional status, has been arrived at through all kinds of trial and error... Not really part of any "spiritual" paradigm, as much; as it's for me, about, achieving and maintain a health weight, energy and vitality levels that support my envisioned activity level, digestion bliss and just generally feeling good in my body. Having compiled that list, I suppose it can be said and seen, that there is an element of spirituality at play - but it's being constituted from the "inside out." (which would be how some define "spiritual" I gather). I'm not trying to live up to the dictates, dogma, moral standards of anyone else - I'm just trying to arrive at what is optimal for me. Being overly concerned with what others eat or drink, just muddies the water and is not my business.</p><p>I understand an occasional juice cleanse/fast to be beneficial on many levels for one's being. I'm therefore offering myself that gift. I haven't done a ton of research, I won't being undertaking reams of before and or after analysis. Just going to get it done and see what I learn along the way. If it happens to be adequate to "detoxify," or lessen any inflammation going on in my body - great! I'm sure it will have me become more conscious, about my eating habits, and I would like to carry some revisions forward - post fast.</p><p>It's interesting to note, each time I get up from my writing for a "personal break," it runs through my mind - "I could use something to eat...." then I remember, "oh ya, not today O'Neill - it's cook's day off!! When one doesn't grab for a book and or something to eat while reading the book (and by "one," I mean me) suddenly I'm in a different relationship with myself. As it happens, I'm not doing much in the realm of the "Old nine to five" these days; so, in coupling some of these various avenues of introspection, and self examination, along with more than the average amount of "free time," there's precious little room in which to hide. Therein lies, where this can become interesting and revealing as well as, bring about the catalyst for change; albeit - it's not necessarily, "a walk in the park.." - even if you might be, actually walking in the park!</p><p>The opening "quote" was derived from another Artist Way Course suggestion: that one write some about their eight year old self, and then have the eight year old, write to your current self, with the invitation to hear, what you would tell yourself.</p><p>I wrote "to myself" with my "non-dominant" hand (which to me is just my other hand) I am ambidextrous to a degree; the left hand, which I chose, when it was suggested, I "had to" pick a hand, is the more fluent of the two, because I've habituated using it... But, the right hand can write fairly legibly, and I believe will become equally as effective, with continued practice. Why bother? Well partly because I believe, if I can, why wouldn't I? I'm also curious what effect that might have, encouraging the more consistently and collaboratively use of both hemispheres of my brain .. again, why not? And for the sheer novelty and fun of it!</p><p>Enter my eight year old self.... it probably would have been somewhere, in that age range, when we were first learning to print and then write, that someone decided I needed to be "something-handed.." it sure wasn't my idea!! Chalk it up to the "penguins" - speaking of chalk, they only wanted ya, writing with one hand with that too! The "training" was "persuasive" and I ultimately "chose" a side (but at what cost?) eight year old Robbie is saying about now... fuck 'em, let's write with both hands!! </p><p>"Let's go out and play!!" </p><p>What value does this have? Well as far as I'm concerned it is of far greater value, than obsessing and stressing over "Covid!" No wonder my "inner child" is reminding me about "playing" and the "threat" of darkness.. I'm of a mind, that I'm going to spend the rest of my life, fostering the further development of my creative faculties - whether I live another thirty minutes, or another thirty years. I have empathy and respect for people's fears and any losses they have incurred. This whole thing, that which is real and otherwise, has cost a great many, a great deal ... and it still is! Nobody is going to tell me, that I have to dwell on it for the rest of my days. I believe life is constantly unfolding, with endless creativity and the invitation I'm hearing; is to meet that ever changing creative reality, with all the creativity and imagination I can muster. </p><p>I am not going to live in the dark of the dooms-day machine, churning out its daily lamentations. I actually believe the world and everyone in it needs to get out and play. Forget all this terminal seriousness!! I have no "stats," but I bet suffering is a trillion kazillion dollar industry. Let's get serious about playing! Not take it seriously (i.e. "win at all costs," never say die" etc.) but give serious consideration and commitment to having fun! </p><p><i><b>"When?"</b> - "not now you've got to do your homework"<b> "When?"</b> not now, you have to practice for your music lesson..." <b>"When?"</b> Not now, you have to graduate with the correct GPA to get into a good university!!" <b>"When?"</b> Not now, there's your whole career path unfolding ahead of you now... you have debts to pay, a mortgage, family.....) <b>"When?"</b> Not now, you have to earn enough and invest it correctly so that you can have enough to retire on!!" <b>"When?" </b>Not now, you got kids to put through college and aging parents" <b>"When?" </b>Not now, your magic retirement numbers are just near your reach... stay the course! <b>"When?" </b>Not now, you pushed a little too hard - you're going to require some hospitalization to stabilize your health....<b> "When?" </b>Not now, you're dead!</i></p><p>While it might be true that it is "always darkest before the dawn.." I believe it is vitally important to determine who is calling the darkness and how and when you define it dawn!</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 25, 2021)</p><p><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-77371804616082001942021-02-22T15:29:00.003-08:002021-02-22T15:30:45.690-08:00The More of Deprivation<p> In what might be considered a prime example, of the "chicken or the egg" analogy, through the vehicle of the written word via my blog; I intend to wax upon the latest progression, within a somewhat self-directed "course" - written by Julia Cameron: "The Artist's Way" which is described as a - "A Course in Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self"- "A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity."</p><p>I began about six weeks ago just following the "morning pages" and "artist dates" guidelines (I had some familiarity with those aspects, from another time when I took a run at the course) at that time stalled in the process; and never did commence, with the various other suggested activities, laid out for each week of the course. This time round, I am following much closer to the recommendations (with the exception that, completing the week's activities, has on occasion, over lapped into the next week - I believe this to be an acceptable compromise, as I am in fact, completing the work).</p><p>I had been given a package set of the course - which I held on to. Within the set, was a copy of the book and an accompanying journal.. I am reusing the journal, despite having filled some of the pages, with the previous attempt at the course. Because the chapter references within the journal, correspond with each section of the book - I was physically further along in the journal, (meaning readings, quotes etc. where for the week's activities, that I had yet to arrive at). Due to this, I had become aware, that in "Week Four" one of the "Activities" was entitled "Reading Deprivation." At the time I didn't give it much credence, though I have to admit, my blood momentarily ran cold. Apparently, I was effectively able to blot it from my mind, until this past week-end, when I was completing the previous weeks activities, and pre-reading the chapter for the up-coming week, - which as you might guess is in deed (cue the cellos) "Week Four.."</p><p>The first thing I noticed, was a sense of a very strong aversion, to this notion! (AKA Resistance) I read her description of the rationale behind the suggested strategy; I further read with some interest her accounts of all the flack she received over the years, teaching the course through in person workshops - when the participants reached this stage of the course. Then I began to have my own "reactions." I don't know her, haven't met her, good chance I never will, and I took an instantaneous disliking to her at this point!!</p><p>As it turns out, this work is running parallel with self-exploration work I'm doing through other avenues - one self-directed and lay-person supported, another through professional consultation. In perfect synchronistic fashion - "all paths lead to Rome" (Rome being the thriving kingdom of "O'Neill).. I received a thematic word, from a friend, at the onset of the New Year - the word being "Synthesis.." - this course of action I'm under-going, though perhaps appearing like, a disparate mosaic of unrelated pursuits, may very will be, the necessary catalyst! (for me - what would I know about what anyone else needs?)</p><p>I'm no stranger to self-exploration, healing/recovery focused work - much of which has come dressed in various "spiritual garments." Having said that, it is fascinating to discovery (when it doesn't present like something a kin to a complete nervous "breakdown") that though I am mining the "same guy," there is so much more to be found! My experience is that "Spirituality" has so many faces and some of the most (for me) most powerful transformational/healing opportunities, presented in a rather surprising way. I believe in fact they were so effective in my case - because I didn't see them coming. They came dressed up in something of this current course - like something I had anticipated would be "light" and care-free (which to be sure it does have elements of play and jump-starting the imagination etc.) but had I been pre-aware I was going to encounter - what I am now in the midst of, I would have donated the books to the Thrift store. So this is how God works in my life, rather Ninja-like!</p><p>I initially found comfort in the author's reference to this being, in no small way a spiritual pursuit - but I see now, that had to do; with the notion, that I thought I had some familiarity going, like Linus and his blanket for "comfort." Now stripped of that misconception, if I have anything of use, that I have picked up on my path previous to now, is a genuine want; to foster a loving atmosphere, within my self, for me to live in. So I am encountering no shortage of uncomfortable self-confrontation - but I am inspired by the prospect of a "Synthesis" of my entire life's journey, and lovingly seek the truth of my being - beyond the pale, of my defences, wounds, mistaken beliefs and un-loving thoughts and behaviours.</p><p>I was genuinely terrified to consider going a week, without reading. Keep in mind, over a period of dozens of years, I have been whittling away the external compulsion/addiction (generated by an inner environment of self-contempt, shame, un-addressed childhood trauma).... so for all intents and purposes I have been of late, walking through the world; on "Bambi-like legs," stripped naked of my go-to strategies; discovering/recovering myself, while considering what the rest of my life, is going to be about (all within the continuing unfolding drama of the "Pandemic," and it's impacts outside of, and within myself - which I see as neither entirely a curse, nor a blessing, it is giving me the time and space to be "cast adrift..." As if the events themselves (- being billed as: "The New Normal..." - which I renounce and will continue to do so, until the day I die - there is nothing "Normal" about any of this - I don't care how relentlessly the media churns out it's narrative... but I do digress)... aren't de-stabilizing enough by themselves; I call in this lot; or maybe the time has arrived in my life, to go through exactly this - when the dust settles, the real Robert J. O'Neill will be asked to stand. The rest is just the backdrop of the stage, the journey is taking place upon.</p><p>What the hell was I going to do without reading? Here's the deal, if books were bottles of alcohol, I live in a tavern or brewery. I have bookshelves loaded with books. I often have to clear the seat, on the love seat beside where I sit (of books) for anyone else to be able to sit down. There are stacks of books randomly through out my apartment... Books beside my bed.... books in my bathroom, books in the door of my car.. If I'm out for the day - there are often pounds, of books in my daypack..</p><p>There are books of books - i.e. the bible ... there is a book categorized by themes from within the bible and corresponding scriptures. Addiction, trauma, communication, books about Islam... there are poets, and sages - there are prayers and ecstatic streams of conscience, books about ADD, books for ACA, books about buddhist thought. Books written by former addicts on buddhist thought... books comparing buddhist thought for recovering from addiction, versus a path derived from Christian tenets.. books about men's work ... "Who wrote the book of Love?" a quick glance across the room at merely two book shelves, reveals a minimum of four different titles, that contain the word Love - so the answer is, many people have written not the, but a book, about love.. There's the "Course in Miracles" - there's interpretations of the Course in Miracles.. There's books about writing books, there's books written: about using writing to discovery, unleash, transform, heal, transcend. I have spent time with many of these books.... there have also been innumerable books, that have come and gone, that never got read, or at least not in their entirety. There are books that are in the current collection - I've never opened, other than to read a few passages of while at the bookstore, the neighbourhood free book box, the used bookstore, the thrift shop, Amazon... </p><p>Books have fed me, nourished me, inspired me, challenged me; open my mind to vistas I once dared not even consider - other times, they have offered me a place to hide, they have been the subject of quests and time spent, under the self-deceptive guise, of moving about, purposefully in the world... They have been "another fix -" and symptomatic of someone, that could not see beyond the idea, that he was deeply flawed and broken - so profoundly smashed and defective, that surely the answer lies in - this book, No? Hmm... maybe this one!! - that gave me a clue... I'll follow that thread, but no - still not okay.... fuck!! How about this book then... listen to that author "tell it like it is..." - not only in this book, but dozens of others - so much fame, so much fortune - must be what I need .... At times I have created financial hardship - trying to read, about how it is I'm going to get fixed, get it done and then get rich!! (yes I see the flawed - premise ..... now!)</p><p>All this without even yet mentioning .... the blackhole of the internet, "social-media" - online courses etc. </p><p>I haven't felt this kind of fear for over thirty years (since when I was considering life without drugs and booze or what began, Thank God! an ongoing sobriety)... Still come this current challenge and I discover, there are more dragons to slay, or perhaps just to befriend, and learn to cohabitate with. I don't cotton to this notion, that dragons represent the need to "slay" something (or somebody) - though God knows some of my inner world, has been shaped into an arsenal, of carefully crafted weapons - and my window on the world often then aptly described by the adage: "to a hammer everything looks like a nail..." to one stock-piling weapons of mass-psychological destruction (living life through the spectres of the ongoing need to defend) many a benign comment; or witnessed furrowed brow, is seen as a "declaration of war." How can "Peace, be given a Chance" with all that hostility kept on simmer - just waiting for provocation (real and as often or more, imagined) to declare it - "Game on..." - Fuck, enough already, it's exhausting!!</p><p>I don't know where this is going? I don't care much for the fact - I don't know where it's going - but for now I'm willing to be okay with not knowing. (That in itself - makes my skin crawl!! So much at stake when one "doesn't know" - EXCEPT WHEN THERE ISN'T - day in day out, lots of people don't know lots of things and fuck all, happens to them; one way or another they were alright. Who knew... not me - I thought I had to know... to not know is to be unprepared - vulnerable - without fortification - taken by surprise to be ultimately crucified .... I could build a castle out of books and a lifetime of reading has both opened me great insight and, provided a decent vocabulary with which to tear someone to ribbons. Talk about misuse of God given gifts... Hmm, I suppose I just did!!</p><p>I'm only just now into "Day 2!" I'm aware, as I move through my day, that my unregulated eyes go about searching for "something to read.." ANYTHING! Maybe it's a bit like beginning meditation and being instructed to "quiet your thoughts," or let them go; and then seemingly, through increased awareness - it appears, as though ones thoughts, have exponentially multiplied, rather than just realizing - that mind, just churns 'em out, non-stop!!</p><p>My feelings at present, are "right here," (maybe where they're actually supposed to be) twice today in succession - I was moved to tears; first by my own recognition of my appreciation, for help and support I had received and expressing that; and then telling the same person, I would miss them as we were parting ways.. It occurs to me telling that I account for numbers of quantifiable human feeling and interaction like they are the "exception" rather than a natural way of being) - I feel sadness that so much of my life has been so; though also what an amazing gift to come to know something else... maybe it's like someone that had been previously blind having their sight restored ... I don't know - just imagining - it's a significant shift I can vouch for that!</p><p>I'm still not crazy about the term - Reading "Deprivation" - but it's possible, I've assigned it a negative spin and maybe it literally means "without reading" - not, that it implies, this is intended as a form of "Punishment."Again that might be a further delineation of my bias. I guess I'll look it up, after I stayed the course, for now I'll give myself the best I can, possible opportunity, to not go inserting the "thin edge of the wedge" - to consult the dictionary - the next thing you know ... I'll have been reading the damn thing for hours on end!!</p><p>I have utilized some of the time created during this "fast" so far - to write one poem, this present blog post, drew a picture - repaired some woollen gloves of mine, found a meaningful wall hanging for my room - free! So it might just be, that the course is beginning to have the stated intended affect.... </p><p>Trust me, I'm not coming out to now, to "vilify" books... it's entirely possible I may write some more myself.. I definitely haven't the intention, to let my first creation, die on the vine. </p><p>There's an enormous "re-org" under-way - it's possible this reaches far beyond, my personal escapades (or at least that's what I was once "reading...") I don't think, there is anything wrong with listening/reading the perspective/experiences of others.. I can say that for me, it becomes problematic, when it becomes so dominant to do so, that ones own voice, is long lost and estranged - and in order to be held in useful proportions - using anything, as an ongoing distraction or means of disassociation, is a slippery slope indeed.</p><p>So for now I will continue to ply the waters of "I don't know," - I seek to foster compassion and understanding, for what I didn't know; and I am becoming willing, to accept there exists, infinite volumes of that: which I don't know, I don't know.</p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 22, 2021)</p><p><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-91483198421344029612021-02-21T18:59:00.000-08:002021-02-21T18:59:03.766-08:00Last Call<p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Invited</p><p style="text-align: center;">Via isolation's</p><p style="text-align: center;">Stunning silence</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Recall or name</p><p style="text-align: center;">The</p><p style="text-align: center;">Estranged image</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Viewed through </p><p style="text-align: center;">Eyes</p><p style="text-align: center;">Staring back</p><p style="text-align: center;">Through</p><p style="text-align: center;">Limpid pools</p><p style="text-align: center;">Formed in </p><p style="text-align: center;">The tempest</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of grief's Out-pouring</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Was it then</p><p style="text-align: center;">Life, </p><p style="text-align: center;">Run completely</p><p style="text-align: center;">And blindly </p><p style="text-align: center;">Amok?</p><p style="text-align: center;">A </p><p style="text-align: center;">Protracted failure!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Or </p><p style="text-align: center;">A perfectly</p><p style="text-align: center;">Executed</p><p style="text-align: center;">Enter </p><p style="text-align: center;">The Dark Night</p><p style="text-align: center;">Through</p><p style="text-align: center;">Which to issue</p><p style="text-align: center;">Frankly</p><p style="text-align: center;">And without reservation</p><p style="text-align: center;">An</p><p style="text-align: center;">Earnest plea</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of surrender</p><p style="text-align: center;">From knees</p><p style="text-align: center;">Ground</p><p style="text-align: center;">Into the ashes?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Nothing</p><p style="text-align: center;">Remains of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Dress-rehearsals</p><p style="text-align: center;">Angelic robes</p><p style="text-align: center;">Disgarded</p><p style="text-align: center;">To reveal </p><p style="text-align: center;">Reaper's sickle</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Final bluff's</p><p style="text-align: center;">Been issued</p><p style="text-align: center;">And </p><p style="text-align: center;">Truth</p><p style="text-align: center;">Delivers</p><p style="text-align: center;">The call</p><p style="text-align: center;">To</p><p style="text-align: center;">Reckoning</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">No</p><p style="text-align: center;">Hero's tale</p><p style="text-align: center;">Can be</p><p style="text-align: center;">Uttered</p><p style="text-align: center;">Through</p><p style="text-align: center;">A </p><p style="text-align: center;"> Contorted maw</p><p style="text-align: center;">Disfigured</p><p style="text-align: center;">By a</p><p style="text-align: center;">Never-ending</p><p style="text-align: center;">Deception</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Look</p><p style="text-align: center;">Once more</p><p style="text-align: center;">Through</p><p style="text-align: center;">Swollen</p><p style="text-align: center;">Tear-stained</p><p style="text-align: center;">Eyes </p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Hold still</p><p style="text-align: center;">The voices</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of impersonation</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">And </p><p style="text-align: center;">With the last</p><p style="text-align: center;">Utterances</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of breath...</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Granted by</p><p style="text-align: center;">The Divine..</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Speak</p><p style="text-align: center;">With the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Voice</p><p style="text-align: center;">Bestowed upon</p><p style="text-align: center;">You..</p><p style="text-align: center;">Before </p><p style="text-align: center;">It is </p><p style="text-align: center;">Swallowed</p><p style="text-align: center;">By</p><p style="text-align: center;">and for</p><p style="text-align: center;">Eternity....</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 21, 2021)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-7254809980619022382021-02-18T15:39:00.005-08:002021-02-18T15:39:58.678-08:00Not Self-Denial .. Rather Self Reclaimed & Pro-claimed<p> Yesterday (February 17th) signified the beginning of "Lent" (Ash Wednesday), this of course all being within the "Christian" lens. The marking of the day with Ashes within the church, I gather, signifies the mortality of human existence (ashes to ashes) and the "need" to reconcile one's life with God, in preparation for "the life hereafter.." I also seem to recall the ashes were created, from burned palm fronds from the previous year's Palm Sunday celebration (which signifies the celebratory mood of the faithful followers of Jesus to Jerusalem) which was a short lived celebration, as the crowds would turn on him later that week, and call for his crucifixion (which of course was carried out).</p><p>I offer some context as much as I'm aware of the "traditional" meanings (with I'm sure any number of different spins exist, depending on what branch of Christianity one follows) as it is my intention, to observe a practice over the period of time, known as "Lent."</p><p>I'm not Christian per se... though I was raised in an Anglican family .... attended elementary school at a Catholic private school (between my being an "outsider" to begin with, and treated as such, and the penchant of the teachers (Nuns) to habituated cruelty, I would have to say, that largely put me off the idea of embracing the ideas, that were said to be at the foundation of "their church.." which thereby impacted my young life experiences, while in their clutches.</p><p>I did have some sort of childhood affinity, toward St. Francis and Mother Mary .... they still resonate to this day as "spiritual guides.." (but not as talisman of Catholicism ...) just as they stand within themselves. I also acknowledge there are countless people that find great strength and inspiration through their chosen faith paths and essentially bless the world with their influence.. So "religion" is synonymous with "bad."</p><p>So if not Christian, why follow a decidedly sectarian ritual? Well, first of all, I have no intention of framing it in any way to be penitential. I don't see any value in suffering intentionally, or believing I "deserve to."</p><p>I acknowledge the value of a "forty day" observation in general. When I did my practice of walking the labyrinth - it became a "40 day journey;" within the journaling about, the arrival at that choice... I mentioned the vague awareness I had, of the number 40, in various biblical stories... "40 days and 40 nights" the rains fell in the story of Noah, (a great flood that also features in the Creation story of other cultures) 40 years the Israelites wandered in the desert, until they were "delivered," to the promised land. From what I understand, the 40 day interval most closely associated with this time of year, was the 40 days and nights, Jesus was said to have gone alone into the desert for prayer, contemplation; and where he was said to have faced temptation by "Satan..." which, may well have been him, subduing his own shadow humanity (in my estimation .... which of course would be where I, would markedly depart, from the orthodox Christian view, that he "had no humanity" that he was God incarnate)...</p><p>Anyway that 40 day "rite of passage," set the stage and perhaps transformed him, in whatever ways it would be necessary, for him to face his fate.</p><p>I still suppose, there is some form of "incubation" period, in this 40 day marked observance - so while now it aligns with various other practices and personal work I've been doing; I will embrace it as it gives me a measured period of time, over which to enact my intentions. </p><p>If per chance, the unfolding of said intentions, happens to align with any helpful energies, that coincide with anything related to the teachings of Jesus ... so much the better.</p><p>On the physical plane, my intention is to abstain from any junk food over this period of time (the benefit being self-explanatory). On a more invisible (as far as outside observation could perceive) my intention is to surrender negative judgement and self-condemnation (as it presents directly toward myself and that which I aim at anyone else). I choose to believe, that this form of judgment toward others, is in fact - nailing myself to the cross, I intend for them. This will also be a concentrated period of self-forgiveness (and forgiveness anywhere it is called for from my past).</p><p>As far as I'm concerned, I can follow (to the best of my ability and through my interpretation) the teachings of Jesus (Yeshua). I don't need (nor does anyone - but for them to determine for themselves) someone else, to dictate what he was about, for me. That to me, is what forming a "personal relationship" with Jesus means. It is alive here & now.... not through the dogmatic repetition of rote rituals, that many don't even have the ability or willingness, to even be present for while they sit there. Jesus was with me during those forty days walking the labyrinth (which began 10 yrs ago, this fall) .... he was with me, while I carried out the vision of writing the story of that journey, and bringing a book into being... He was with me, when the writing of the book was interrupted; while I dealt with the passing of both my adopted parents in the same year (2014) and with me, to see me through the completion of that book ... while I was on one of 4 trips to Ireland; exploring my ancestral "roots." The book was finished, launched first on Amazon and then in hard-copy form, while in Ireland. The continued unfolding of my personal healing, took place, while I was following my own soul's guidance; to live and travel, around various parts of Ireland... All of this, including the "self-publishing" of the book and travel, was under-written by money, I inherited from my adopted family .. money that might have seen it's way, to becoming the foundation of my "retirement.." </p><p>I made choices and followed the guidance of my heart then, the same way I am refocusing and realigning with my heart now. I believe the teaching of Jesus, speak directly to my heart. I don't believe this is a "relationship" unique to me... I have no monopoly on it ... It exists to the degree, that I am willing to allow it (that in itself is an ever-unfolding journey). What others believe has no bearing on my journey ... I don't adhere to an expressly Christian viewpoint, as I renounce anything that is formed, in the crucible of exclusion. I believe there are wisdom holders and teachers of all the various spiritual paths.... nobody "owns" any of them.. I believe the power each contains, is exponentially released when shared and combined, with parallel wisdom. I renounce the persecution of anyone, or the oppression, of what they believe (the wisdom they carry).... I have compassion for those, that are still struggling to recover their connection, to the wisdom of their ancestors... (I am just such a being)... make no mistake, though I inhabit the "privilege" of being male and at least appearing to the world as "white," ... the wisdom, practices, connection to life itself, of my ancestors was lost to me - obscured in the muddle of a familial shell game - all within a western world culture, that has no (or very little) "cultural identity;" as so many of "us," are the off-spring of settler colonialists ... that were the off-spring of cultures and histories; of oppression, religious/spiritual persecution and displacement, in other locations on the planet. </p><p>We've all been fed a diet of secular capitalism kool-aid, that was touted as being the "New World" panacea and frankly .... it ain't worth shit!!</p><p>I suppose to be fair ... or at least to give a begrudging nod, toward not "throwing out the baby with the bath-water" (i.e. "science," can be seen as having it's place, and does make some useful contributions) however ... as far as I'm concerned, that spirituality and all that is encompasses, having been practically entirely usurped by science - though perhaps a necessary digression in human development) I most certainly, will not court it on bended knee. Firmly ensconced in the "establishment" (status-quo), I believe can only serve to demonstrate it's clay feet and whereby it should then have both those feet, knocked off its pedestal. It has been this same "establishment," that orchestrates the oppression, persecution and deaths, of all it's detractors throughout history; misguided to say the least, to look to these forces now, as "the second coming..." </p><p>I look back on my childhood "Sunday school" and elementary school teachers, appointed ambassadors of an ideology, that co-opted the name of Jesus... from my adult perspective, shaped and informed by my own spiritual journey; these people, did not represent, anything remotely related, to the teachings nor the embodiment of, the teacher/rabbi Jesus. They more closely emulated his persecutioners/executioners... I would have been greeted with open arms and unconditional love, by the man Jesus (rather than subject to isolation, corporal punishment, exclusion and humiliation because, I wasn't "one of them..") I don't need this affirmed by anybody ... I lived it, and I know the truth of it. If given the opportunity, I would tell those involved, to their faces - just how misguided, and what a sham, they conducted in their pretence to represent Jesus.</p><p>It's ironic to me that those, in their ivory towers within military, corporate, scientific and government circles; that now so many worship, and look to, for salvation; are the very same energies, mindsets, power-hungry, greed driven archetypes, that put Jesus to death... (any wonder why spiritual communities of all ilks, are denied gathering at this time? - it won't spread "the disease" - unless one considers personal empowerment, sovereignty, freedom and autonomy - a disease!! ... then by all means, it would be necessary, to put a stop to the continuation, of any free-thought and spiritual liberation.</p><p>I am heartened (albeit also saddened) that though the messengers, have systematically been destroyed, throughout history .... the messages live on!!</p><p>From this history and my healing journey, I arrive here and now, at the place; whereby, I will immerse myself, in a concentrated focus, aimed at receiving forgiveness for myself, through the forgiveness of those that "trespassed against me.." I will seek forgiveness for and from myself, that I took on and embodied, such limited and mistaken beliefs about myself (formed through the influence of the spiritually blind). I will look to fully embody, a willingness, to forgive those; that as Jesus himself acknowledged: "forgive them father, for they know not what they do..."</p><p>I will seek to forgive myself, for the wholesale disempowerment, of myself through acquiescing to self-proclaimed authority, that actually have no power what-so-ever (unless it is freely handed to them).</p><p>Will I complete this "vision" of mine within the allotted forty days? I have no preconceived idea, of the form the outcome will take... I expect and will exercise faith, that transformation can and will occur.</p><p>Between now and then, I will continue to wrestle with the man in the mirror, with whom, I intend to offer a far more welcoming and loving co-existence; far less adulterated by the opinions, mandates, agendas, and dogmas of others.</p><p>Peace out!</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 18, 2021)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-23412782123364069282021-02-08T23:23:00.001-08:002021-02-08T23:23:29.879-08:00Fiddler Calls the Tune<p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">How </p><p style="text-align: center;">Hollow and desolate</p><p style="text-align: center;">Rings</p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Fathomless abyss</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of</p><p style="text-align: center;">The unfulfilled</p><p style="text-align: center;">Soul..</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">A</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lifetime</p><p style="text-align: center;">Spent scaling</p><p style="text-align: center;">A ladder</p><p style="text-align: center;">Placed upon</p><p style="text-align: center;">The</p><p style="text-align: center;">Wrong wall...</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Looked</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Authority</p><p style="text-align: center;">With</p><p style="text-align: center;">No heart </p><p style="text-align: center;">To see</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Acquiescing</p><p style="text-align: center;">Blindly </p><p style="text-align: center;">To</p><p style="text-align: center;">Misguided values</p><p style="text-align: center;">Drawn to</p><p style="text-align: center;">Illusory rewards</p><p style="text-align: center;">And</p><p style="text-align: center;">One day </p><p style="text-align: center;">Was </p><p style="text-align: center;">Torn </p><p style="text-align: center;">From a</p><p style="text-align: center;">Delusional slumber</p><p style="text-align: center;">Wondering</p><p style="text-align: center;">How </p><p style="text-align: center;">I </p><p style="text-align: center;">Could be</p><p style="text-align: center;">So utterly</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lost</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Dream </p><p style="text-align: center;">Another dream?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Dare thou</p><p style="text-align: center;">Set sail</p><p style="text-align: center;">Newly</p><p style="text-align: center;">With </p><p style="text-align: center;">Such scant</p><p style="text-align: center;">Time</p><p style="text-align: center;">Remaining?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Do you </p><p style="text-align: center;">Really believe</p><p style="text-align: center;">Your vessel</p><p style="text-align: center;">Worthy?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Or</p><p style="text-align: center;">Might well</p><p style="text-align: center;">It be </p><p style="text-align: center;">Dashed </p><p style="text-align: center;">Upon the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Rocks</p><p style="text-align: center;">And </p><p style="text-align: center;">Forever lost</p><p style="text-align: center;">In the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Sea</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Faceless losses </p><p style="text-align: center;">and </p><p style="text-align: center;">Torrents of grief?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Will you </p><p style="text-align: center;">Listen</p><p style="text-align: center;">Now?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">NO...</p><p style="text-align: center;">Really listen!!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Whom</p><p style="text-align: center;">Will you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Recognize </p><p style="text-align: center;">As </p><p style="text-align: center;">The guiding light?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Upon what </p><p style="text-align: center;">Authority</p><p style="text-align: center;">And</p><p style="text-align: center;">From whom</p><p style="text-align: center;">Shall you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Seek?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Listen deeply</p><p style="text-align: center;">And </p><p style="text-align: center;">Choose wisely</p><p style="text-align: center;">Longevity</p><p style="text-align: center;">Might well</p><p style="text-align: center;">Be distinctly</p><p style="text-align: center;">Unaffected...</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">However</p><p style="text-align: center;">"Quality of life"</p><p style="text-align: center;">Might just</p><p style="text-align: center;">Depend</p><p style="text-align: center;">On it!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (February 08, 2021)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-20751973604211632402021-01-07T17:27:00.002-08:002021-01-07T17:27:37.020-08:00Lead Us Away From (Pseudo) Righteousness<p style="text-align: center;"> Hidden within</p><p style="text-align: center;">The illusory omnipotence</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of a technological</p><p style="text-align: center;">Bastion</p><p style="text-align: center;">Shame & fear-filled</p><p style="text-align: center;">Warriors</p><p style="text-align: center;">Battle</p><p style="text-align: center;">For nano-second</p><p style="text-align: center;">Scraps</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Immortality</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">They hack & slash</p><p style="text-align: center;">To leave</p><p style="text-align: center;">In their wake</p><p style="text-align: center;">Collateral damage</p><p style="text-align: center;">In the form</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of characters</p><p style="text-align: center;">Assassinated</p><p style="text-align: center;">Row upon row</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Theirs</p><p style="text-align: center;">To hear it </p><p style="text-align: center;">Told</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is the path</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Righteousness</p><p style="text-align: center;">They </p><p style="text-align: center;">Proclaim</p><p style="text-align: center;">In them</p><p style="text-align: center;">"We" have</p><p style="text-align: center;">Humanity's champions</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Altruism & selfless concern</p><p style="text-align: center;">Their </p><p style="text-align: center;">Battle cry</p><p style="text-align: center;">Their science</p><p style="text-align: center;">The Truth & the Way</p><p style="text-align: center;">(Only their science)</p><p style="text-align: center;">They will claim</p><p style="text-align: center;">To be your saviour</p><p style="text-align: center;">And crucify you</p><p style="text-align: center;">In </p><p style="text-align: center;">The same breath</p><p style="text-align: center;">If</p><p style="text-align: center;">You dare speak</p><p style="text-align: center;">Contrary to </p><p style="text-align: center;">Their dogmatic</p><p style="text-align: center;">Idolatry</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Theirs</p><p style="text-align: center;">A selective</p><p style="text-align: center;">And perverse</p><p style="text-align: center;">Variety </p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">"Compassion"</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">God </p><p style="text-align: center;">Wrap them</p><p style="text-align: center;">In the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Mantle</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Your</p><p style="text-align: center;">Love & Peace</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">How many</p><p style="text-align: center;">Must</p><p style="text-align: center;">Anguish</p><p style="text-align: center;">Suffer</p><p style="text-align: center;">&</p><p style="text-align: center;">Die</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Appease</p><p style="text-align: center;">The insatiable</p><p style="text-align: center;">Fear</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of </p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Self proclaimed </p><p style="text-align: center;">Paragons</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Virtue?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 07, 2021)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-47676879941713725362021-01-05T23:22:00.001-08:002021-01-05T23:22:14.030-08:00Hell Hath No Fury Like a Man's Self-Loathing<p style="text-align: center;"> Woeful</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is life's</p><p style="text-align: center;">Walk</p><p style="text-align: center;">For the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Man</p><p style="text-align: center;">Who </p><p style="text-align: center;">Balks</p><p style="text-align: center;">At denying</p><p style="text-align: center;">Himself</p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Childhood </p><p style="text-align: center;">He never</p><p style="text-align: center;">Had</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">I </p><p style="text-align: center;">Don't speak</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of</p><p style="text-align: center;">A </p><p style="text-align: center;">World view</p><p style="text-align: center;">Steeped </p><p style="text-align: center;">In self-pity</p><p style="text-align: center;">Or</p><p style="text-align: center;">A victim's</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lament</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Injustice</p><p style="text-align: center;">Neglect</p><p style="text-align: center;">Abuse</p><p style="text-align: center;">Need be</p><p style="text-align: center;">Rightly affirmed</p><p style="text-align: center;">Voices</p><p style="text-align: center;">Paralyzed</p><p style="text-align: center;">And</p><p style="text-align: center;">Exiled</p><p style="text-align: center;">Must be </p><p style="text-align: center;">Liberated</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Pain excised</p><p style="text-align: center;">Self-destructive</p><p style="text-align: center;">Rage</p><p style="text-align: center;">Brought </p><p style="text-align: center;">Safely</p><p style="text-align: center;">To light</p><p style="text-align: center;">Where </p><p style="text-align: center;">Unmet </p><p style="text-align: center;">Needs</p><p style="text-align: center;">Can be </p><p style="text-align: center;">Acknowledged</p><p style="text-align: center;">Energy redirected</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Love's</p><p style="text-align: center;">Transformative</p><p style="text-align: center;">Grief</p><p style="text-align: center;">Must freely</p><p style="text-align: center;">Be allowed</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Unfold</p><p style="text-align: center;">Through </p><p style="text-align: center;">It's cyclic </p><p style="text-align: center;">Seasons</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">An </p><p style="text-align: center;">End to</p><p style="text-align: center;">Blame</p><p style="text-align: center;">Shame</p><p style="text-align: center;">Guilt</p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;">But </p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">A travesty</p><p style="text-align: center;">Most profound</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is </p><p style="text-align: center;">Committed </p><p style="text-align: center;">When </p><p style="text-align: center;">A </p><p style="text-align: center;">Journey</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Reveal</p><p style="text-align: center;">Completeness </p><p style="text-align: center;">Is</p><p style="text-align: center;">By-passed</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Child</p><p style="text-align: center;">That isn't</p><p style="text-align: center;">Afforded</p><p style="text-align: center;">That </p><p style="text-align: center;">Subsequent </p><p style="text-align: center;">Opportunity </p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Be assured</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of</p><p style="text-align: center;">His</p><p style="text-align: center;">Worth</p><p style="text-align: center;">Cherished</p><p style="text-align: center;">As </p><p style="text-align: center;">Life itself</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Wholly </p><p style="text-align: center;">& </p><p style="text-align: center;">Completely</p><p style="text-align: center;">Welcomed</p><p style="text-align: center;">Inclusively</p><p style="text-align: center;">Home</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Is</p><p style="text-align: center;">Destined</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Wander</p><p style="text-align: center;">The earth</p><p style="text-align: center;">Among</p><p style="text-align: center;">The walking</p><p style="text-align: center;">Wounded</p><p style="text-align: center;">Believing</p><p style="text-align: center;">There</p><p style="text-align: center;">Are </p><p style="text-align: center;">Only</p><p style="text-align: center;">Two choices</p><p style="text-align: center;">Attack </p><p style="text-align: center;">or </p><p style="text-align: center;">Be attacked</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">He </p><p style="text-align: center;">Need not</p><p style="text-align: center;">Wonder</p><p style="text-align: center;">If </p><p style="text-align: center;">There exists</p><p style="text-align: center;">A Hell</p><p style="text-align: center;">For </p><p style="text-align: center;">He </p><p style="text-align: center;">Has never</p><p style="text-align: center;">Seen</p><p style="text-align: center;">Beyond</p><p style="text-align: center;">It's </p><p style="text-align: center;">Horizon</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 05, 2021)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-84474282199857878602021-01-04T21:27:00.003-08:002021-01-04T21:27:27.956-08:00Make a Sacred Noise<p> The following, and perhaps anything I write subsequent to this, is an absolute act of defiance! <i>Of what, you might say? </i>I'm glad you asked, I will lay it out for you. To write, to call myself a writer - If my hands could choke, they'd being doing just that, pertaining to the last proclamation; to sit down face a blank page and proceed to engage with it, in the face of my own bellowing self-doubt, scathing self-criticism and an occasional smouldering self-loathing; that I haven't managed to entirely extinguish, is defiance of the highest order. I write without any assurance of readership, without fame, fortune or credential. I have no editor, publisher, contract or commission and yet I write. I'm not a household word anywhere but my own household, and even there, seldom is my name uttered. I live alone, there is no one to offer praise, consolation, or consternation, though I personally, have the condemnation angle, completely sewed up! </p><p>There will be no royalty check, no movie deal, no late night talk show circuit - still I insist, I will write. Would it make any difference if I went unheard and unexpressed - I'm damned if I know! But I'm led to believe mine is a unique world view, life experience and perspective. I have been bestowed a particular set of gifts and talents, not just for my amusement or dismissal; but because there are those, that are to be served, by whatever it is I'm meant to dish up. So though there are forces within me, that wake me regularly in the middle of the night, just so I can hear the cacophony of my own thoughts, among them voices that conspire to stifle my voice. To discredit it, devalue it, dismiss it and assure me I will suffer a most abysmal humiliation if I dare utter a word. <i>"You're washed up, a has been - without ever having been, who the fuck do you think you are - nobody that's who!! And nobody is going to listen to "Nobody.." </i>However, there are also those forces that have me relentlessly seeking the spiritual answer having long since been convinced the accumulation of stuff is pointless - I just haven't mustered the focus, backbone and a shovel to dig myself out yet.</p><p>My response - I don't just utter a word, I spew them by the dozens and dozens and dozens. I defy the afore mentioned inner "committee of assholes" - I have nothing to lose, I have known utter shame, isolation, rejection & abuse; I don't bid them welcome - but neither do I cower in fear of their arrival.</p><p>I defy a need to matter, relevance - mass approval, I can no longer, enslave myself to these dictates. I'm closer to the age my "society," would have me put out to pasture. To that notion I say, fuck that! To all those seniors retirement living corporations, spreading across the landscape like a plague, lying in wait to drain life savings, of all that walk through their doors, guess what - no life savings, I'm not knocking myself out to feather any corporate coffers. So while my well-heeled contemporaries are sitting around the fire, sipping imported brandy and regaling each other, with stories of their lives, I suppose, I will be God knows where, still writing the story of mine.</p><p>I'll be the first one to admit, my rebelliousness hasn't always paved me a smooth path. This defiance now is a different animal. It has been forged over a life time - it knows the taste of kissing ass, and has found, the results leave, much to be defied! It is sick and tired of serving everything except, what its God given soul, was created for. <i>"Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir......" - </i>how about, have a nice tall steaming cup of, "please sir, how about, fuck you and the horse you rode into town on! See that's the energy I need to direct into creative pursuits - it's not as though I envision running around the rest of my life, being belligerent (except on those occasions when the need arises to emphasize a point) </p><p>It takes no integrity or fortitude to follow the crowd - I should know, I followed enough of them trying to have them bestow, what was never theirs to give in the first place. It takes massive energy and guts to raise something out of nothing - in the face of all those bleating naysayers.</p><p>I don't write to gather an audience (well at least not anymore) I don't even insist I have something that anyone else needs to hear. But I know with ever cell and fibre in my body, that I pay dearly for my silence. I defy anyone, especially me to muzzle me any further. It is a divine defiance I court - I know not where it's heading - though me thinkst that it shan't be dull.</p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 04, 2021)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-32395359886379045912021-01-03T19:28:00.002-08:002021-01-03T19:28:20.583-08:00Respond-ability<p style="text-align: center;">How</p><p style="text-align: center;">Can there</p><p style="text-align: center;">Be </p><p style="text-align: center;">Peace</p><p style="text-align: center;">When</p><p style="text-align: center;">You insist</p><p style="text-align: center;">On</p><p style="text-align: center;">Experiencing</p><p style="text-align: center;">Conflict?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Will you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Feed </p><p style="text-align: center;">The insatiable</p><p style="text-align: center;">Maw</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Fear?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Or </p><p style="text-align: center;">Fan </p><p style="text-align: center;">An inferno</p><p style="text-align: center;">From</p><p style="text-align: center;">The flames</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Love?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Will you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Seek</p><p style="text-align: center;">Love</p><p style="text-align: center;">or</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Find fault?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Which </p><p style="text-align: center;">Commands</p><p style="text-align: center;">The</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lion's share</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Your attention....</p><p style="text-align: center;">Giving Love</p><p style="text-align: center;">or</p><p style="text-align: center;">Seeking</p><p style="text-align: center;">For yourself?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Is</p><p style="text-align: center;">What you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Are about</p><p style="text-align: center;">To Convey</p><p style="text-align: center;">Loving</p><p style="text-align: center;">To yourself</p><p style="text-align: center;">or </p><p style="text-align: center;">Another?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Have </p><p style="text-align: center;">You considered</p><p style="text-align: center;">That</p><p style="text-align: center;">What is </p><p style="text-align: center;">Missing </p><p style="text-align: center;">From </p><p style="text-align: center;">Any situation</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is </p><p style="text-align: center;">That which </p><p style="text-align: center;">You </p><p style="text-align: center;">Haven't brought?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 03, 2021)</p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-32156035004915260862021-01-02T17:26:00.003-08:002021-01-02T17:26:35.068-08:00Stepping Up<p style="text-align: center;"> How </p><p style="text-align: center;">Many ideas</p><p style="text-align: center;">Must </p><p style="text-align: center;">First be</p><p style="text-align: center;">Removed</p><p style="text-align: center;">In </p><p style="text-align: center;">Order to</p><p style="text-align: center;">Yield</p><p style="text-align: center;">Anything worth</p><p style="text-align: center;">Saying?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">How </p><p style="text-align: center;">Much time</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is</p><p style="text-align: center;">Adequate</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Acknowledge</p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Utter sadness</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">A life</p><p style="text-align: center;">Robbed</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Vitality</p><p style="text-align: center;">by</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lies </p><p style="text-align: center;">& </p><p style="text-align: center;">Deception?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">When </p><p style="text-align: center;">Does</p><p style="text-align: center;">Your fear</p><p style="text-align: center;">Become</p><p style="text-align: center;">My incarceration?</p><p style="text-align: center;">How</p><p style="text-align: center;">Long </p><p style="text-align: center;">Do you</p><p style="text-align: center;">Imagine</p><p style="text-align: center;">I will</p><p style="text-align: center;">Leave</p><p style="text-align: center;">You </p><p style="text-align: center;">With</p><p style="text-align: center;">The key?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">I</p><p style="text-align: center;">Look</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">The horizon</p><p style="text-align: center;">And </p><p style="text-align: center;">Beyond</p><p style="text-align: center;">I </p><p style="text-align: center;">See nothing</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of </p><p style="text-align: center;">Hero</p><p style="text-align: center;">Worthy</p><p style="text-align: center;">Of </p><p style="text-align: center;">My life</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">It </p><p style="text-align: center;">Has been</p><p style="text-align: center;">Said</p><p style="text-align: center;">Did</p><p style="text-align: center;">You </p><p style="text-align: center;">Catch it?</p><p style="text-align: center;">There</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is </p><p style="text-align: center;">No more!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (January 02, 2021)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-13054864297795913272020-12-29T22:22:00.001-08:002020-12-29T22:22:37.157-08:00When the Student is Ready......<p> I'm reticent to issue myself the gauntlet of challenge, or make promises I may not follow through on. Still here I sit, poised over the keyboard doing what I love to do ... writing! It is with nothing like the regularity I once observed, that I allow that which resides within, to find its way upon the page. I have neither alibi nor sound reason, for my absence from writing, nor do I know what a return might look like. </p><p>Today it looks like this... Let's settle in there, and let tomorrow write itself.</p><p>Today represents a celebration in my life. Indeed it could be said, is there a day that isn't worthy of celebrating? And while I understand where that perspective is coming from, certainly some days, celebratory elements, can be pretty thoroughly hidden.</p><p>As I relish in the beauty of this day and all it has taken to arrive, I'm also reflecting on some occurrences from yesterday. </p><p>I'm on a sabbatical of sorts, so yesterday had no rigid timelines of any form to realize. I was paying some fleeting attention to my laptop ... which is in dire need of a good purging - that didn't happen, but I happened to notice, an incoming invoice from my internet provider. I am distinctly unskilled at the administration of such things. They have some sort of practice, that involves a couple months worth of service billed at once. The due date is quite sometime later. I don't want to pay the whole thing, so I pay the one month amount and mostly that happens on time - I do admittedly lose track of it occasionally. At any rate, I went to the online page and learned I was actually a day late...</p><p>I went to my online banking and processed a payment. I also knew that wouldn't be applied for a few "business days" - I wanted to inform the provider, the payment was made, so I got on the "live-chat." To begin with, it wasn't a rep on the other end, it was some automated text response, that took its cue from what I wrote first.. It became clear pretty quickly, that my communication, wasn't getting through. To continue, would have meant becoming ensnared in some automated, "Ground Hog" Day like scenario; where I'm asked how I can be helped, I lay it out, the response has nothing to do with what I asked, and then I'm asked if I've been satisfactorily served... </p><p>After a few volleys of that online version of hell .. I'm plunged that much deeper when connected with a "live rep." I explained to him, I just wanted to communicate, that I'd applied an online payment (1 day late) to my account. Instead of thanking me and reconciling the situation with "duly noted." He requests a vast series of "security" questions (to verify my identity).. I'm thinking, <i>"ya cause I've got nothing better to do, than to try and pass myself off as someone else, so I can come online, then pay their internet bill for them!!"</i></p><p>I answered most of the questions ... but I don't remember what email address I used when I registered for this online access. Well that's enough to throw a sizeable monkey wrench, in the works.. Eventually I must have given him enough indication, I was who I claimed to be (I for one will certainly sleep better knowing that!!) there seemed to be some indication, we were moving forward in the interaction, and then the online chat froze!! I could no longer type anything further..</p><p>There wasn't a "snowball's chance in hades" I was going to log back in ... so I concluded to myself, <i>"go ahead and cut of my internet - it's entirely possible I'll be happier without it!"</i></p><p>Now if you have followed anything of my blog in the past, you know that "Spirituality" is a very important part of my life. It has taken on many shapes and sizes and undergone considerable permutations over the past thirty-odd years. All of it necessary, in as much as, that's how it went, so Que Sera Sera. I am most certainly no avatar or spiritually advanced being.. It just so happens, that my life and myself within my own skin, flow infinitely more smoothly, with the regular application of various spiritual principles.</p><p>During this messaging session with the internet provider, (who has the audacity to call himself a "customer service representative"!!!! - <i>"Service what service? I most certainly wasn't the recipient of any service..."</i></p><p>As you can see, my attitude and inner environment, was spiralling down to nowhere particularly helpful and a far-cry from enlightenment... (you might say I was courting a spiritual crisis of sorts) - oh sure seems pretty benign ... "first world problem"(you might say) I can assure you, I can apply just the right amount of self-righteousness, victim consciousness, and financial fears - to blow something like this, into a five alarm catastrophe...</p><p>I had in my company a delightful companion, we had intended to head into town, to explore a local Thrift store ... a quest for hidden gems, in the book department by my reckoning... I didn't want to let this rising shit storm sour my (our) day.... I prayed - asking for clarity, for release from those less than helpful beliefs about myself, my situation, life in general ..... I need a change of perspective - I'll accept a miracle, but at least, I don't want to feel this way, for the rest of the day.</p><p>I just left it at that ... I had touched on some of the highlights of my a.m. experience with my partner and expressed, some of the frustration, and also indicated "I'm done with the matter for now.."</p><p>We got into town and into the short line to enter the Thrift store. There was one older fellow ahead of us in the line. He and many in the line, were already wearing their masks... I don't wear a mask any longer than necessary. So we joined the line and I had my mask in my pocket. The fellow watched me walk past and seemed to be assessing, where I stood in the line, and maybe noting the lack of mask.. I was feeling not entirely peaceful from the a.m. encounter and then, I started an "inside voice" confrontation with this guy.... albeit short lived. He went about his way getting into the store, and some other hopeful patrons behind us - cued us as to the drill, for entering the store..</p><p>Once in the store, we made our way to the back of the store, where the books are located. Who do you think was back there sitting in front of this old organ... Yes indeed it was him!! From my rather surly vantage point, both the organ and organist, had seen better days!!</p><p>But little did I know ... I was about to be served up the miracle I had been asking for... He flipped a few switches, pulled on a few knobs ... teased out a few arpeggios, and then with not so much as a page of sheet music, he brought that old instrument to life. Oh my God could he play!!! Seemingly effortlessly he commanded old standards out of two tiers of keyboards and the bass pedal accompaniment - such glorious embellishment in his arrangements. Every so often, without missing a beat, he'd hit some other switches and change the effects etc. All the while, that I spent with my nose in the books shelves, this keyboard wizard, worked his magic, which had a palpable effect on my spirits. And, it wasn't lost on me that as I was looking through books at the time, I also was given the reminder about, "judging books by their cover..." this guy saved my day!! I thanked him and told him he lifted my flagging spirits. In a thick Scottish brogue he just acknowledged, "well that's okay then isn't it..."</p><p>The day or more accurately my disposition in relationship to it, was to be subject to some further testing. While my partner continued her search through the store - I took my finds to the car and walked down to the service station, to use their facilities.. The attendant gave me the key and do you think I could get that to work?? He must have been observing me from the counter and came from behind and offered to help. He inserted the key and with a bob left and jig right he opened the door. Once in I took my wallet out of my sweat pant pocket (so that it didn't fall out) ..... I left the station and walked back to my car, to sit and enjoy some of the books I found. My partner joined me and then, we drove out of town to park lands on a nearby river.. </p><p>We'd got out of the car and were walking to the trailhead,, when upon slapping my pockets, I realized my wallet was gone. I announced the discovery... we went back to the car, to see if it had fallen out, when it became clear to me, exactly where it was (at least where I had left it) - at that point I was prepared to just leave it and go check for it later.. I didn't want to spoil the hike and was just prepared to "surrender" to the circumstances. It was suggested we could still hike, but let's check on the wallet first... call the station & see if it was turned in. I did just that and the attendant, knew what I was going to ask, before I could even finish my question.</p><p>I told him we were out of town a ways having planned to go for a hike, so it would take a while to get to him.. He said, I'm here until 10pm sir, take your time and enjoy your hike, your wallet is safe with me. </p><p>I was in awe, both taking in the west coast rainforest, the river swollen from all the rainstorms which fed the falls to spectacular proportions - I was also immensely grateful, to have had all these amazing experiences unfold throughout a day, that I had earlier pretty much written off, and then continued intent on, fulfilling my own prophecy...</p><p>My adherence to spirituality has nothing to do with me being an extraordinary person ... quite the contrary, I am one for whom, the wonders of spirituality, have the most potential to demonstrate, a significant shift - so you could say - I'm an apt vessel for the demonstration of divine majesty.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (December 29, 2020)</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-23911605351061551282020-11-25T17:40:00.003-08:002020-11-25T22:18:31.122-08:00Can There Be a "New Normal" - If Normal Never Existed in the First Place?<p> The longer this Covid 19 circus plays out across international stages, the higher the volume of masks littering the landscape becomes. Lets for now, forget about unreliable testing, conflated numbers, used to report "new cases," and fatalities, dodgy preliminary reports of panacea vaccines, fascist corporate cartels etc.</p><p>Instead lets consider the environmental degradation that is occurring with these masks piling up everywhere. How long before they wind up in waterways entangling water fowl, and other aquatic beings. Synthetic fabrics and materials adding to the toxicity of water, incrementally compromising its ability to sustain life. What of other beings from within the web of life, that become ensnared in discarded mask straps, or ingest the wretched things? Even if they were being "disposed" of properly (which clearly they are not) if the premise is, these masks prevent the virus from entering ones airway, then by the time they are pitched in the streets, they must be highly concentrated with particulates of God knows what!</p><p>As the only ones that are advocating these face diapers are agencies and organizations, that have so many ties to, and conflicts of interest with, corporate interests and their government puppets - it becomes increasingly evident that the campaign has nothing to do with well-being (as the only ones benefiting from masks are those that are making them and selling them). Missing from any of these "health authorities" is any information pertaining to, the bolstering of the immune system, lifestyle revisions that would improve quality of life for some, lessen compromising immunity for still others. Where is anything representing the power of prayer and meditation for well-being? No the magic bullet, is said to only come in the form of, an experimental vaccine, that will turn humans, in to sanctioned lab rats. But of course the "economy" is far more important than wellness or personal freedom and autonomy - never mind ethics or morality. (But no - no ..... lest we forget - how could we?? with the 24/7 propagandists brain-washing; touting "science.." as the un-sung heroes, toiling thanklessly to save the world... </p><p>The mask will do nothing more for your wellness, than your shopping addiction, that which, so many are clambering to feed; by buying more masks, so you can go to the mall, to buy more crap you don't need. The same addictions that existed pre-"pandemic," that enslave thousands of people in sweat-shop labour, to feed the insatiable appetites, of designer label junkies, while countless others, remain in poverty and a opioid crisis rages unchecked.</p><p>The economy is based on unsustainable models of exponential growth, that rely on finite resources that are being extracted from the planet; that not only sustains our lives, but all living beings. This unchecked consumption, is the threat to our existence. Unregulated production of goods, chemical products, genetically modified foods; the myopic health system's, administration of toxic substances, with horrific side effects, adverse reactions and significant mortality rates, are ignored (in fact legislation and policies are drafted to pave their way). Nothing of this is, is seen as suspect, viewed as the smoking gun, or in any way implicated to a decreasing "quality of life" and wellness.</p><p>No! Give us masks and vaccines so we can "return to normal." The problem is "Normal" is: lives addicted to consumption and distraction. "Normal" sees an enemy around ever corner (if one doesn't, exist it will create one). "Normal" is part of a paradigm, that created the "those with the most toys at the end of the game wins." They already have everything money can buy - what's left? Nothing, but the comic book crowning achievement, of "world domination."</p><p>Ask many of those that suffer from mental illness (the number of which is mounting hourly) how much if any, has the Pharmaceutical industry eased their suffering (never mind a "cure.") Inquire of someone (and there are millions) that are living with a cavalcade of adverse reactions, from a primary medication (or half a dozen) and wind up on dozens more, to mitigate the suffering of the side effects. Class actions suits for wrongful death, knowingly repressing pertinent drug information, that would allow for "informed consent" are seen by the industry, as just the cost, of doing business. Consider all of this and more, and then tell me, you really believe, the "authorities and the experts" - have your back!!?</p><p>To paraphrase George Carlin these "elites" are members of a very exclusive club, and you ain't on the fucking guest list... and you never will be. Now might be a good time to consider this, and consider it carefully, before they open their world wide Kool-aid stands!! </p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R. O'Neill (November 24, 2020)</p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1892485544450865211.post-43979375517294850462020-11-11T00:24:00.004-08:002020-11-11T00:27:13.006-08:00A Better Question<p style="text-align: center;"> If</p><p style="text-align: center;">Academics & scholars</p><p style="text-align: center;">Had </p><p style="text-align: center;">All the answers</p><p style="text-align: center;">Wouldn't </p><p style="text-align: center;">All the problems</p><p style="text-align: center;">Be solved </p><p style="text-align: center;">By now?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">If</p><p style="text-align: center;">The bottom line</p><p style="text-align: center;">Is</p><p style="text-align: center;">Allowed </p><p style="text-align: center;">To be</p><p style="text-align: center;">The bottom line</p><p style="text-align: center;">Doesn't </p><p style="text-align: center;">The bottom line</p><p style="text-align: center;">Beg the question,</p><p style="text-align: center;">Isn't something </p><p style="text-align: center;">Missing here?</p><p style="text-align: center;">This </p><p style="text-align: center;">Can't </p><p style="text-align: center;">Then</p><p style="text-align: center;">Be</p><p style="text-align: center;">The </p><p style="text-align: center;">Bottom line!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Given</p><p style="text-align: center;">Successive governments</p><p style="text-align: center;">Have </p><p style="text-align: center;">Sanctioned</p><p style="text-align: center;">Clear-cutting</p><p style="text-align: center;">Strip-mining</p><p style="text-align: center;">"Round-Up"</p><p style="text-align: center;">Thalidomide</p><p style="text-align: center;">Tobacco</p><p style="text-align: center;">Alcohol</p><p style="text-align: center;">Nuclear bombs</p><p style="text-align: center;">Environmental degradation </p><p style="text-align: center;">Genocide</p><p style="text-align: center;">Colonialism</p><p style="text-align: center;">"War" on</p><p style="text-align: center;">(You name it...)</p><p style="text-align: center;">Monopolies</p><p style="text-align: center;">Oppression </p><p style="text-align: center;">Corporate Plutocracy</p><p style="text-align: center;">Do you </p><p style="text-align: center;">Really believe</p><p style="text-align: center;">It prudent</p><p style="text-align: center;">To abdicate </p><p style="text-align: center;">One's personal </p><p style="text-align: center;">Wellness</p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Those</p><p style="text-align: center;">That</p><p style="text-align: center;">Represent </p><p style="text-align: center;">&</p><p style="text-align: center;">Uphold</p><p style="text-align: center;">Such</p><p style="text-align: center;">Dubious </p><p style="text-align: center;">&</p><p style="text-align: center;">Malicious</p><p style="text-align: center;">Undertakings</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Does </p><p style="text-align: center;">Anyone</p><p style="text-align: center;">Really believe</p><p style="text-align: center;">That </p><p style="text-align: center;">Harmony</p><p style="text-align: center;">With Nature</p><p style="text-align: center;">Will </p><p style="text-align: center;">Ever occur</p><p style="text-align: center;">As long</p><p style="text-align: center;">As</p><p style="text-align: center;">There are </p><p style="text-align: center;">Continued attempts </p><p style="text-align: center;">To </p><p style="text-align: center;">Control, Manipulate </p><p style="text-align: center;">&</p><p style="text-align: center;">Dominate it?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Nature </p><p style="text-align: center;">Will not</p><p style="text-align: center;">Succumb</p><p style="text-align: center;">To such</p><p style="text-align: center;">Suppositions</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Instead</p><p style="text-align: center;">of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Attacking it</p><p style="text-align: center;">Exploiting it</p><p style="text-align: center;">Mounting </p><p style="text-align: center;">Full-frontal </p><p style="text-align: center;">Attacks</p><p style="text-align: center;">Upon it</p><p style="text-align: center;">What</p><p style="text-align: center;">Might the </p><p style="text-align: center;">Outcome be</p><p style="text-align: center;">If</p><p style="text-align: center;">Nature</p><p style="text-align: center;">Were</p><p style="text-align: center;">Embraced</p><p style="text-align: center;">If </p><p style="text-align: center;">An alliance</p><p style="text-align: center;">Was formed</p><p style="text-align: center;">It was</p><p style="text-align: center;">Respected</p><p style="text-align: center;">Revered</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">There </p><p style="text-align: center;">Are</p><p style="text-align: center;">No shortages </p><p style="text-align: center;">Of</p><p style="text-align: center;">Hearts </p><p style="text-align: center;">In the world</p><p style="text-align: center;">Though</p><p style="text-align: center;">Those</p><p style="text-align: center;">Living </p><p style="text-align: center;">With heart</p><p style="text-align: center;">Might</p><p style="text-align: center;">Well be</p><p style="text-align: center;">In </p><p style="text-align: center;">The minority</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">A </p><p style="text-align: center;">Whole-hearted</p><p style="text-align: center;">Life</p><p style="text-align: center;">May not</p><p style="text-align: center;">Achieve</p><p style="text-align: center;">Longevity</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">But </p><p style="text-align: center;">There </p><p style="text-align: center;">Will be</p><p style="text-align: center;">No doubt</p><p style="text-align: center;">That it</p><p style="text-align: center;">Lived!!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;">R.O'Neill (November 11, 2020)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Rob O'Neillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13901536971039122744noreply@blogger.com0