It's not my intention to be morose, however, in effect everyone's life is "terminal" in that it is going to end and therefore even without diagnosing a particular "disease" process, the time remaining is finite.
The reference certainly reminds me that I don't have endless time (though I still can drag my heels) it also speaks to me with regard to value and reverence for life.
I have come to once again consider this, as a consequence of the "rescue plant" that is newly adorning, while taking residence on, my condo balcony. I am not fluent where flower identification is concerned but I'm going to say it could be of the chrysanthemum family - it has purple - (perhaps mauve depending on one's awareness beyond primary colours) "daisy-like" petals, a white softly defined bordered center, with a solid black circular button right in the middle. (if you live in the Victoria area come on over for tea and play "name that flower" - of course if you are from out of town you're still welcome, I recognize I might have to up the ante to make the trip worthwhile (mind you, it is Victoria as Spring transitions into Summer - need I say more?)
So I came to acquire said plant a few days ago. I was about to go out and was getting in my car in the building underground parkade. I could see this plant sitting on top of the recycle bins. It's really quite huge and I thought maybe it was "artificial" and someone got tired of it. When I examined it more closely turned out to be the real deal. It is in a twelve inch pot, the growth is so tall, thick and plentiful that is was supported with a wire hoop to help keep it all upright. The foliage is just a mass of the a fore described flowers. I couldn't conceive why someone would throw away such a beautiful plant. Sure it needed a little "dead-heading" but having said that, it has many buds that haven't even bloomed yet!
I suppose there could be as many reasons for it being abandoned as there are people and reasons - but after I decided it was coming home with me, I wondered to myself, is life "so cheap" do we live in such a throw-away world, that such a beautiful living entity can so abruptly outlive it's "value." I know the answer in part, just by observing all the household belongings that find their way to the boulevards of the city for reclamation. Generally they are "inanimate" objects and I suppose as they say "one man's junk is the next man's treasure. It certainly raises questions for me with respect to consumption, excess, satisfaction and redundancy. My queries/observation come devoid of what used to be my hallmark self-righteousness (after all, I consume and discard). I've even thrown plants away - mind you I did hold out until all hope of resurrection was lost! My personal habits with respect to consumption etc. are under ongoing scrutiny. Really, the whole work to earn, earn to spend, spend to have, have to dispose, cycle really seems to me, to leave a great deal to be desired. I mean clearly many a life is spent indulging in just that - I'm just not clear, that for me, it defines "living."
I tried to keep up with the Jones' - and it just seemed to me, I if I'd had a tail, I was chasing it, so I concluded that it would be preferable to concede defeat, hoist the whole Jones clan upon the podium and set about exploring life through an entirely different lens. This decision then began to give shape and intention to a dance that ebbs and flows within the culture of the consumer economy. In doing so it has become part of a shifting, expanding consciousness for me. Again I must point out, that as this transformation takes place - it certainly entails different mindsets and subsequent ways of being than were my long-term practiced norm, however, the shifts don't involve me now occupying a place of "superiority" over those that are still fully participating in that which I have decided doesn't serve me any longer. As I said I have presumed the path of righteousness bordering on piousness with regard to my choices and have since learned how alienating that can be for me - connection being one of my values, I eventually came to see how my ways of being were counterproductive. I came to understand that underlying my over-zealous representation of my viewpoint, was still a lack of self-confidence, so I was unknowingly trying to over-compensate in the "defence" of my choices, rather than just living them.
I now practice standing in my truth, being open to hearing the truth of others (and what they value) and am moving to embrace living for and into, what I believe in - rather than always criticizing that which I disagree with. (I did say practicing - which is not meant to be an excuse, but allows me my humanness which, will invariably present in the form of judgement and criticism) not surprisingly in those moments when I'm feeling less secure about myself.
Life in it's various forms is just such an amazing gift - I really appreciate and value it today! Sure I gripe about my circumstances sometimes (get mired in my processes and sometimes take myself way too seriously) - I also remind myself that when I sit in healing circles I am there to bring my shadows to the light (not to continue to uphold and preserve my well-crafted persona) so it might not be the most uplifting content you'll hear that day, but I also know without question, the very consciousness expansion I speak of, is being facilitate over time by this very process - so that my view of life is not obliterated by the darkness that once shaped my world view.
I recall a time when I was in my adolescence (round about a week and a half ago) - no, but seriously folks, a friend of mine and I were in his back yard with the pellet rifles we each owned (I suppose these things were instrumental in some way in the orchestration of my evolution - but I have to say they were largely used in a destructive manner. Model planes etc. that had been purchased and pain-stakingly assembled, pre-becoming "armed," were reduced to garbage in the target box) - so there we were, with our "weapons of mass-destruction" and we observed birds in the raspberry bushes! Instantaneously the inanimate objects lost their target-appeal - we both took aim at berry-raiding robins. We were soon both "successful" with our intention (we ran to our respective trophies) upon arriving I could see that I had indeed hit my intended target, but that it was not mortally wounded - I stood horrified as I looked upon the suffering that I had inflicted and that was still occurring. My stomach turned and my hands shook as I set out to finish what I started - it was a heart-wrenching experience. (It is not my intention to speak for or against gun ownership or hunting - this is simply a reflection of my experience and there can be no comparison to those in hunter/gatherer cultures that take life in a sacred way, with respect for the sacrifice of one life to sustain those of many - my recollection is one of, the senseless taking of a life completely ignorant of any reverence for life).
Currently in my more mindful moments, I walk around the ants and other insects I see walking on the sidewalk. Of course at other times I'm sure a trail of carnage traces my footsteps. I once read of monks of some order, that avoided walking on the grass as they would be unable to avoid crushing countless living creatures. (I don't observe such practice - though I'm awed by the consciousness). I have also observed after a rainfall all the earthworms out on the pavement and subsequently the number that get fried where they lie. I have on occasion placed some back over to the grass or garden. Then I wonder, what if it was heading in the other direction? (took all morning to get where I "rescued" it from) There it sits in the grass where I relocated it - cursing me for my "interference." Insects have been part of my own personal catch and release program from within my home (albeit sometimes with the aid of a glass or jar - reverence doesn't necessarily mean I want to touch them - I've seen some folks sporting some really nasty looking spider bites from around these parts, and I've yet to discover specifically which are the culprits responsible - so they all are suspect at this point). I have to confess some of the attempted rescues resulted in premature death, due to lack of dexterity in the moment.
During preparation for Sweat Lodge I have observed and participated in the expulsion of bugs of some sort or another, from the fire pit before the hot stones (grandfathers) have been brought in - it is a new orientation to life I am waking to - that resonates for me personally (it doesn't necessarily represent the one and only way to live - though, come to think of it, it does for the beings whose life is spared in any given moment).
While in the local grocery store I sometimes fantasize this "Free Willy- Pied Piper" thang - as I lead all the live crabs to freedom! I'm not entirely vegetarian, still eating the occasion fish or chicken - we'll see where that goes.
Does any of this make any difference overall - it certainly does to my "quality of life" as for my rescue plant which is thriving on my deck currently - I looked out yesterday and there were many bees flying around the flowers doing their thing. Other sources I've read, tell me the bee populations are in danger so you tell me..... in that moment, the rescue plant was serving some bees, more and more I believe it's not for me to play God and decide what (and whom) lives or dies!
No comments:
Post a Comment