Thursday 8 October 2020

Another Round

 I'm sitting on what came to be for me hallowed grounds of the Christ Church Cathedral (the Anglican Cathedral in Victoria, B.C. Canada - directly across from the "Millennium Labyrinth" which is the very one I utilized for the forty day practice that lead to the writing of my book - "What Goes Around Comes Around."

As you can see, I still keep coming around. Now, these grounds were sacred, long before I was inspired to undertake that journey. As I mentioned somewhere in the book I'm guessing the multiple generations of congregants that attend this church find strength, comfort, hope or maybe just a good nap. Of course long before this edifice was constructed, the grounds were part of an entire region, held sacred to the Lekwungen People's (still are). Overtures of reconciliation are discussed, hearing conducted, treaty's negotiated, to what end? I don't know, I have a part to play and, it's for greater minds than mine to resolve (most things are).

Inside the cathedral there are not only the icons of religiosity but the flags that represent various British/Canadian military factions in a strange mix of "do unto others as I (and as you would have others) do unto you & the colonialist manifestos of "might is right.." ("we took it therefore it's ours now to do with as we please, no doubt somewhere along the line claiming it was "God's will;" in a bizarre transposition of responsibility that continues to unfold a legacy of pain and suffering.

Not the God I subscribe to, however, it's not mine to play God and tell anyone else what they should believe.

In a reading I was doing today Richard Rohr was discussing attributes of Francis and Clare of Assisi - in this case simplicity. He quoted Francis as saying, "a man has not yet given up everything for God as long as he has held on to the moneybag of his own opinions." 

Well that fell squarely in the, didn't know it before opening the post, but that is something I really needed to read!" Which doesn't mean it will be easy for me to accept, embody and enact - but one must start somewhere.

With regard to "opinions," I would say I've often been aware that those of others annoy me (clearly as I write this it's indicative that I "have" and opinion. I would say at least some of the time, I've offered mine in a sincere desire to be helpful (why I would think my "good intentions" don't provide a share of the paving stones on that road to hell, I'm not sure), other times (many times - alas too many times) I've just wanted to be RIGHT! Not content to "live and let live," determining the opinion of another so unconscionable - I set out to eradicate it from consciousness (yes, I'm now painfully aware there was another being delivering that opinion that didn't have in mind, becoming collateral damage to my self-righteousness. 

How often then is my opinion nothing more than some weave of my reptilian survival mechanisms launching a full frontal assault in order to keep me safe? Once again, too often!! I do owe a debt of gratitude to my defence mechanisms, I wouldn't be here to ponder any of it otherwise.

I'm also realizing more and more, this aging militia of mine need to stand down. 

What is it that is being defended ... well I'm looking at that whole package face on. All the remnants of my childhood trauma - to be sure, they required defending. But now at this ripe old age I should be sitting in some spiritual equivalent of the "Legion," celebrating my soul's armistice! Giving up playing God (in my life and that of others) surrendering my opinion, turn the helm of the universe back over to God.

Will the the known and unknown universe be okay if I resign my self-appointed deification? Well there was a whole class of wee toddlers from the Anglican private school running all over the grounds (including the labyrinth) - I get the distinct impression all is in good hands. (and I didn't even need to get out of my seat).

One little angelic "toe-head" was playing "peek-a-boo" with me through the labyrinth sign. I was heartened not to be seen as just the crumpled old guy sitting on the park bench.. I might actually be that too - but someone saw me!

Blessings be!


R. O'Neill (October 08, 2020)

Sunday 4 October 2020

Half Full, Half Empty

Blank page

Horizon

Shrouded 

In Fog

Daunting?

Foreboding?

Inviting?

What 

Lies within?

What 

Lies

Beyond?

A fathomless

Insurmountable

Abyss

Reflecting

Your

Finitude

Vastness

So

Complete

To 

Linger

Beyond

A glance

Occurs

To court

Certain

Engulfment

Or

Freshly 

Tilled field

Reaching

Out

Longingly

For 

The hand

Spread 

The seed

Cultivate & nurture

Blank

Canvas

Enticingly

Calling

Pigment

Tone & hue

To 

Become

Animated

From 

The palette

Infinite

Possibility

Weaving

Creativity & imagination

Along with

Openness

&

Willingness

To 

Embrace risk

Perhaps

Everything

All things

Nothing

Sidelines

Or 

Dance floor

Invitation

or

Incarceration

A death

Yielding

Life

Skipping

All the way

Home


R. O'Neill (October 04, 2020)

Friday 2 October 2020

Doing Nothing Doesn't Mean Nothing is Done

 Today post encompasses for me, something in the way, of an expanded spiritual practice. I often times don't necessarily have a pre-meditated theme, though sometimes during the course of the day, "ideas" may come through, or an experience/s, may inspire me to write about them. In today's case, I simply picked up a book that is, "chock-a-block" full of prayers and randomly selected one (in a form affectionally known as "bible bingo." The intention being now, having read the prayer, just go ahead and write. No "research," no ruminating, no cross-referencing.

Inherent in the intention is to trust right here & now in this moment that I have everything I need to write this post.

My life for a great many years has been one of continual conscious awareness that my envelope needs enlarging - on many a front. Prior to that I unconsciously asserted my utmost to remain unchanged. I don't say that I was actually able to do that and of course life went about its merry way ushering in change; I however, unbeknownst to me was quite convinced that unexpected and uninvited change (unpredictable) was apt to be detrimental to me.

I often don't know what I will write, even when I think I know what I'm going to write about. I'm frequently mystified by how that unfolds. From the afore mentioned days of yore until now - I have a increased capacity for that sort of unfolding in my day to day life. Having said that I'm not completely at ease all the time and fear and anxiety can sometimes be triggered.

The prayer I read was written from the perspective of a loving Creator inviting (in this case, me) to turn over my fears and anxiety (uncertainty about the future). To reach through my heart to the heart of all that is which is teeming with infinite peace and well-being. 

To settle back into today, embrace a pace that itself is ease and grace and to settle safe in the assurance that everything that is needed for today is already here and that I only need do the best I can today with what is directly in front of me to do.

One door, for me, as I understand it, effectively is closing today. If I assume a higher point of view, then it only represents no more than a facet of my well-being. What won't serve me is to take that thread of "reality" run it endlessly through the machinations of my magnifying mind; whereby once out the other end, I terrifying myself with vast calamity

I choose to believe instead that this loving presence not only doesn't want me featuring myself in a weekend horror movie marathon... but would prefer I use the gifts of my faculty for creativity and imagination first of all to apply some self-soothing as extensively and often as necessary and then to consider and practice some faith and trust that just as all is well here and now - so it shall continue to be whether I have fore-knowing of what's next or not.

I reckon it stands to reason that if I continually depend on a perspective generated by my limited capacity I'm apt to become increasingly fearful. Conversely if I align myself with infinite love I am therein availed an endless resource.

To be sure ... there is always my part - the need for me to do my own "foot-work," however just as when I sat down to begin this post, in front of entirely blank screen, completely lacking in definition or content and in a short while later here it is, near ready to post. I had to apply myself to some degree the rest took care of itself. So it can be with the blank screen of other avenues of my life - the guidance I'm receiving and sharing today is I can bombard that which presents in my life with the limits of my will or I can turn it over to limitless love avail myself to the embodiment of that.


R .O'Neill (October 02, 2020)

Thursday 1 October 2020

Unapologetic Allegiance

 


Long for

The forsaken

Embrace

of

Surety

Ringing

Clearly

From

Within 

The silence

A

Bastion

Certain refuge

From 

The

Oppressive milieu

Of

A world

Which exerts

Relentless

Coercion

Steeped

In

An insatiable 

Demand

For

Conformity

Renounce

The shackles

Of

Unfounded shame

The

Voice

Of misguided

Leaders

Render

A

Impotent echo

Presenting

As

Severed vines

Rooted

In 

Their own

Futility

Grant

Me

The liberty

Of

A

Sovereign voice

Infused

With truth

In 

Service

To 

All 

That is

And

Acquiescing 

To 

No one


R. O'Neill (October 01, 2020)