Wednesday 30 September 2020

More or Less Accurate

 "Nothing can satisfy greed, but even a small measure satisfies nature. So it is that the poverty of an exile brings no misfortune, for no place of exile is so barren as not to produce ample support for a person." 

-Seneca, On Consolation to Helvia, 10.11b


"More is better." (Might as well name the elephant in the room straight away). Not necessarily the stated personal or conglomerate mission statement of the 21st century ... but it could easily be. It is the drum beat animating many individual and collective marches.

I came to be aware of the influence of this pervasive mindset, through my own personal reckoning with addiction. Even after being free of the more damning substances, I became aware that the wack-a-mole of addiction, can and will, quite readily seek more of something else.

So then, I have awareness & admission of personal life experience with addictions. I have far less concern about the "stigma" of such an admission - because I believe the stigma, belongs to those that espouse such beliefs. Those, so immersed in these beliefs, suppose that it is better to carry on in ones addiction and "save face," than to admit they are drowning in themselves.

"More".... more of what? Well.... pretty much anything! Look around you, what do you see - more relevant what don't you see? If you need some visual aid, pick up a flyer or one of those glossy-paged magazines they are stuffed full of stuff. Any or all of which, one can become convinced is the next panacea. (except it isn't... never was - never will be!) There are marketing executives, addicted to their lifestyle, that have many a sophisticated arrow in their quiver designed to manipulate and exploit; to create an itch and then present just the right scratch (just for now mind you... but that is enough .. they've got your money now! the redundancy design, will have you coming back, if not for that product - well they have a whole line of alternatives - your brand loyalty, becomes an extension of their marketing and you pay for the privilege?)

More books, more cd's (to name a couple of my personal favourites)... more exercise, more workshops, more therapy... Surely this guru - knows more (and I will be so much better, when I know what they know!!) Until their clay feet are exposed ... then what?

More money ... ya everyone agrees that would solve everything! It can be useful... it cannot in itself remedy he/she, that believes that of themselves, they are not enough; and one will have a darn sight less of it, if they keep forking it over, to all those that would have you believe they are the "more" for your "less."

How very little is really "necessary!" 

What great lengths one can go to, in order to try and prove to self and others, that "I'm okay;" or to try and get away from the self, that believes it isn't so. 

Addiction can and will destroy the individual - it will insidiously strip away everything you ever cared about. "More," will ensure you are left with less (loved ones, home, vocation, self-respect, dignity, spiritual connection, will to live - until life itself, is extinguished).

The "many" might consider being wary, that they are exempt the fate of those they see as the "few," the boat they see as their refuge, labours with the weight of their insatiable provisions - and believing themselves above the need to learn to swim - reaching shore is anything but assured.


R. O'Neill (September 30. 2020)



Tuesday 29 September 2020

Spiritual Reconciliation

 

It is with

Deep sorrow 

Along with

Profound humility

That I 

Offer 

Ask 

Forgiveness

To & of 

Myself

I'm

Sorry

You 

Were 

Made

To carry

Shame

That wasn't yours

That

Due to 

The criticism

And humiliation

Of

Others

You

Were 

Believed 

To be

Flawed

Unloveable

Unwanted


Shamed

Through

Physical abuse

Spiritual abuse

Emotional abuse

Did 

What I needed

To 

Do 

To survive

You were

Left abandoned 

Alone

First 

and 

Foremost

By me

I'm 

Here

To listen

To cherish

You

To 

Give 

My life

To 

The authentic

Call 

Of 

Your voice

And

To 

Stand 

With you

As 

You

In service

Renounce

All

That misaligns

Dogmatic agendas

Social agreements

Gender expectations

The 

Will of

The Creator

Cannot

Be located

In 

Societal mores

And

Misguided values

Promise

To 

Discontinue

Your

Forced oppression

Through 

Compliance

In order

To 

Appease

My false

Gods

And

Illusions

of

Security

Wish to 

Bring 

You 

Home 

To 

Love

And 

Anchor 

You 

In 

A home

Of

Love 

For you 

And 

Of you

I love

Your

Courage

Tenancity

Ingenuity

Creativity

Curiosity

Sensitivity

Insight

Wisdom

Strength

Love you 

Dear Heart

With 

All 

My heart

Now

Forever

Am 

With you

Always


R. O'Neill (September 29, 2020)

Little Thoughts Can Impede Infinite Love

 Choose littleness and you will not have peace, for you will have judged yourself unworthy of it.

                                                                                                 - A Course in Miracles

I have taken on this particular writing "assignment" today (keep in mind I am relation to this blog: editor, writer, chief critic and principle benefactor) as the means to practice its themes, rather than suppose authority or mastery of them.

The world is full of "authorities." This past year we (I in particular) have been inundated, with the opinions, theories, presumptions, "educated" guesses, speculation, of authorities; all of which is having a significant impact on the shape and form, of the society we live in. While various individuals and collectives might spend considerable time, focused on some particular facets, in the known universe (while continuing to be oblivious to the vastly greater sum of what they don't know) the question for me is, at what point does their authority, violate my sovereignty? Given the dogmatic adherence of many "experts" to their pet theory, why should it be presumed, that it represents my best interest at all (or anyone else's - but I speak for myself).

For me, I become aware, that along the axis of my holding on to truth regarding my "smallness;" that I will invariably intersect, with the idea, that something or somebody knows better, or is better for me - having "it," or following their direction will make me a "better" person. (Nay.. nay) 

While I believe the longer I live, the more I come to realize, the less I know. I do know, that acquiescence to the agendas, beliefs, wishes, whims and approval of others, most certainly will not lead to any peace for me.

I happen to believe in a universally accessible force (call it Love ... I'm going to - call it what you will) it is available right here, right now. To the degree that I determine myself to be unworthy, unqualified, unprepared etc. ensures that I limit my ability, to receive Love from its source).

This Love is undiscrimenitory.... it doesn't require the acquisition of a Phd in order to qualify. Those with such designations, may be able to shed some specific light or guidance (but only for what amounts to an instant of another's life) they don't know what another needs, or even why they're here. 

To assume the need of continued direction from these authorities (well for one thing, continues to make a contribution to their bank account) perhaps more pressing is a continued renouncing of ones own power and access to Love.  

Though these external forms (which are presented through our culture as being determinants of value, security and power) they are not. They might provide some measure of comfort, convenience and amusement; however, love & attachment to them, will ensure a life-long pursuit in the crazy-making of the "rat-race," - a very extensive and elaborate manifestation of the "Hungry Ghost."

External qualifications, credentials, titles, resumes and CV's might give one talking points in and around a certain field - they don't ensure the experience of love, are not necessary in order to qualify for it and can readily be used as a barrier to it.

So the way I'm seeing it is, I can either continually view myself as "little," in which case I can continue to pummel myself with what literally would be the "Impossible Dream" (i.e. that somehow, someway, some day, only if and when.... I'll be somebody); or I can show up today open and willing, to accept my worthiness of the Love of the Creator, which allows me both the experience of it and the ability to share it.

It also allows me to locate the peace I seek far closer to home.


R. O'Neill (September 29, 2020)

Thursday 24 September 2020

An Invitation

 

Languishing
Forlorn
In the 
Wilderness
Imprisoned
By 
Impenetrable walls
Of
Betrayal
Abandonment
Contempt
Terror
Denial
Held fast
By
An alibi
Of
An outward
 Orchestration
Judgment
Conviction
Sentence
Pronounced
No 
Provision
For 
Appeal

Dare
Thee 
Then
Consider
The time
Remaining?

Minutes
Hours
Days
Weeks
Months
Years?

When 
Might
You 
See fit
To
Offer
The embrace
Of
Hearth & home
To 
All 
Of You?
Not 
Just
Your
Sunday best

Swing open
The doors
Unclasp
The shutters
Proclaim
Amnesty 
Homecoming
Reunification

Deliver 
A
Shoutout
To 
The hinterland
and 
Abyss
Renounce
The 
Exile

Quench
The longing
For 
The
Irreplaceable
Embrace
For 
Your
Entirety

Entirely


R. O'Neill (September 24, 2020)


Friday 18 September 2020

Die Well Having Lived First

 Every man dies, but not every man truly lives. - William Wallace

Green Man Spirit of the Woods

Help us to rediscover our Wildness.

Show us the value of nature and help us to find what we have lost.

In the peace of the sacred grove, may we be reborn

And grow strong like the trees of the forest. (taken from a wall hanging I recently acquired).


I anticipate a degree of challenge articulating that within myself that might well remain lost in part or perhaps entirely. Even still perhaps to speak of it, dare I say to it that a reconnection and continued awakening can be facilitated.

How abysmal to walk through life a slave to conformity! While it's true there is considerable common ground that unites humanity - perhaps only so many permutations of the human condition. It is something quite apart from this commonality that calls to each should they choose to listen. 

There doesn't appear to be any way to circumvent the reality that abject misery awaits those that ignore the call of their soul. Oh one can run far and wide (though not nearly fast enough) - going about the crazy-making busyness of staying busy; but eventually one must stop, the soul, being eternal, has nothing but timelessness, it can wait & when the din of doing, quiets for even just a moment, there it lies in waiting, seeking attentiveness. 

One could literally spend their lifetime "amusing themselves to death," spending more time than not, marching to the beat of all but their own drum.

This then is no indictment toward "work ethic," productivity or anything of the kind. I seek to make a distinction of a quality of living, and the underlying motivation ("purpose" if you will) that drives the machine (that machine being each of us). Of course I can't define anybody else's drum. I certainly can recognize the immediate presentation of challenge the moment one attempts to define and live by their own!

Stories abound regarding the ongoing disaster being unfolded as humans continue to attempt to "tame nature." 

The domestication and exploitation of animals for example has not only negatively impacted the lives of those animals, the eco-systems that are their homes but it is proving to spin-off and also adversely effect the health & wellness of humanity..

The "taming" and over domestication of humans I suggest is a soul-crushing proposition. Consider the cost of "approval," social agreement and endless forms of external indoctrination that must be unraveled in order to detect some sense of self.

Quantity has long usurped quality as the sought after value. Many seek longevity and fear dying - convinced that, "years to life" can ever hope to hold a candle to, "life to years."

It is this exploitation of nature while forgetting oneself (as nature) that gives rise to such widespread malaise. 

It seems to me that somewhere along the line the battle cry - "give me liberty or give me death," became at all costs, death must be avoided. By the time many realized what cost had actually been extracted the sentiment was generally, it's too late to turn back now!

I can't imagine a more painful irony than spending a lifetime running, trying to "cheat death," only to discover that when the day of reckoning arrives one never actually lived.


R. O'Neill (September 18, 2020)


Thursday 17 September 2020

When Change Knocks Will I Bade it Welcome

 Change is not made without inconvenience. - Richard Hooker

There is a certain comfort found within the confines of the status quo, seductive, potentially addictive, so much so, that not unlike the fly becoming prey to the Dionaea muscipula (Venus fly-trap); enticement and snare are one and the same.

The rewards for change though often vast, frequently are accompanied by significant inconvenience and discomfort. Too much change all at once can be entirely destabilizing and chaotic, while excessive chaos can itself be disruptive to any lasting serenity, counter-productive and self-defeating.

Is it any wonder resistance to change so very often, can lay to waste: dreams, aspirations, goals even choices that would clearly be in one's "better interest."

"Better the devil you know.." speaks volumes to a rationalization to remaining - Unchanged! But is it really? People will move to the other side of the continent to "escape" their family - but shoot themselves in the foot again and again to cling to the "familiar." 

My most recent grappling with this conundrum is encompassed in the present reality, that my recent decision to recommit to my writing - which could be seen as newly courting "creativity," finds me sitting bolt upright at 3:45 a.m. (which was half an hour ago) unable to return to the obviously more comfortable embrace of sleep - I'm led to conclude it preferable to stare-down the blank page that is to contain this next blog post.

Growth, change, healing, personal evolution all have in common, that they are often found just beyond the bounds of comfort. Though it might be "human-nature" to seek the easier, softer way the soul cares not for anybody's convenience!

Exercise = Sweaty, uncomfortable & just plain inconvenient - but there is a high cost extracted for choosing to neglect it.

Challenging conversations, toxic relationships, dead-end jobs, a measure of comfort can certainly be found even adamantly fought for in each,  still what is the trade-off for avoidance?

To be clear abject suffering is not be advocated for here, but one certainly might need to muster some personal aversion to comfort which has exceeded its "best before date," and develop some tolerance for inconvenience and discomfort.

I can't tell you when change is due, other than to reference for all things comes a season. Having said that, even though I acknowledge, to force change prematurely can be ill-advised; while laying a ground-work to bridge a given situation can be optimal - often no amount of preparation can take away from the need to just make the leap. 

Four forty four - what in God's name am I doing bearing witness to that time of the morning? I feel and hear the winds of change directing me to respond to their inevitable mandate - is my answer.

"One never crosses the same river twice"

"Time wait for no one (no man)...."

"Nothing changes ... if nothing changes..."

"The only constant is change."

"Be the change...."

"Resistance is futile..." 

Personally, I have languished through procrastination, made an encampment of the decision of indecision, held fast to resistance even as it take me down for the last time - so I know what can be at stake when the need to "Let Go" may be ringing out loud and clear...

For just such occasions I continue to pray:

"God grant me the Serenity

To Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Courage to Change the Things I Can

And the Wisdom To Know the Difference.


R. O'Neill (September 17, 2020)




Wednesday 16 September 2020

Colouring Outside the Lines is One Thing (Who draws the lines another.....)

 "How many have laid waste to your life when you weren't aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements- how little of your own was left to you. You will realize you are dying before your time!" - Seneca, On the Brevity of Life


Before I proceed to somehow encompass the quote above into today's blog post, I need to acknowledge, that it has been considerable time, since I have offered consistency to my writing. Reviewing the statistics page of this platform, I see that I have written 738 posts and the site has been visited some 20,238 times. I want to take this time and opportunity, to thank everyone (& anyone) that has invested some of their time and energy into reading my musings. Of course at this point, I don't know if those that visited will reappear to receive my thanks - regardless,  I trust that energetically, it is the right thing to do. Naturally I would understand, that any that might have visited with regularity in the past, may have dropped off as there has been precious little to offer. (I won't be so bold even now to say that even while I more prolifically wrote that quality was assured, still there was something offered through which to make that assessment for ones self). Before I even knew I had a "following," a statistics page, etc. I simply wrote - it is in that spirit that I intend to return.

In retrospect I consider there are a variety of contributing factors, which combined to create my expressive drought, though I'm not sure it serves any greater good to belabour the topic here. To be sure it is of value for me to know, & my intention is to continue with my self-relevatory style of writing, as that is what I continue to feel guided to do. I believe in doing so, it makes both me, and that which I write about accessible and relatable - it is not my intention to posture myself above or below anyone while maintaining my integrity and authenticity. I will not apologize if through the expounding of my views, experience and journey the reader is "triggered" and then presumes to blame me through projection, supposing what I shared, is to blame for their feelings. Naturally I receive insight into who I am through both my writing and the same opportunity is extended through the reflection of others. It is equally important for me to continue to practice determining my own definition which can be aided through the mirror of others, while at other times the practice is discerning that what another offers is in fact theirs and has nothing to do with me.

Now then, I begin to consider the opening quotation. 

To begin with I am immediately struck with considering the immense value of a life (my life) and realizing that with regard to this incarnate existence, it is a finite opportunity and that through lack of awareness, precious (hours, days, weeks months, years) can be squandered, eroded, lost, stolen, misdirected, undervalued, exploited, manipulated, expropriated, sold out.

I resist temptation to berate, admonish or otherwise punish myself while considering that for me it has been so and that there has most certainly been significant impact.

I am also heartened by the fact that I wouldn't have this present day vision if I had not walked the path I did.

For me it is worthwhile to recognize a distinction between "pointless grief" & the very real need to allow love its stalwart mandate to grieve and grieve well. There simply is no other way to continue to expand into a deeper and increasingly complete version of myself; without allowing grief to reveal myself to myself, rather than continue to identify as someone, that would deny grief its loving vision for the greater good in my life.

I am well acquainted with the cost and impact of disassociation and repression coupled with a ever-present barrage of story-lines that are intended to be fear-inducing; it can be readily appreciated how limited becomes the lens and subsequent pathway once it has been allowed to succumb to such influences.

How sophisticated it can be presumed life is here and now in the "21st century" - yet I consider though there was no "social media" in the time of Seneca, he still references "social amusement" as a potential detriment to quality of life. War, pestilence, disease, poverty, greed, corruption etc. all existed during his time, just as they do today. Just the same there were those that recognized there are path/s, choices, ways and means that can affect and have effect on quality of life.

I suppose throughout history there have always been those that believed their particular circumstance was unrivalled in terms of challenge and personal impact. On the other hand there have been those (then and now) that are intent on "amusing" themselves to death invested in endless drama - needless to say, the more that can be influenced to join their cast of characters the grander the drama!

It seems to me that Seneca was speaking to the importance of "agency" in one's own life and was suggesting rather pointedly, the alternative is to join the "walking dead," until the day came when it was time to just lay down.



R. O'Neill (September 16, 2020)