I've heard various descriptors with regard to being alone at Christmas one suggested that it is "sad" another went so far as to say it was "pathetic!" Of course I wouldn't go so far as to hold any one person responsible for the creation of such notions, as their origins are far more widespread across the belief systems of the collective. I am not given to necessarily accepting such dictates of social convention as being true, in fact, I'm more inclined to ask "who says" and then to throw these hypothesis against the wall of my own life and see what sticks. Why you ask? Have you ever arrived somewhere for an activity which involves entering the front door and there is a group of people all standing around outside the door? Upon asking why everyone is outside the answer is "I guess the door must be locked." When you either reply "has anyone checked it?" or investigate for yourself, and discover it unlocked, the consensus is revealed that everyone that approached saw the others standing outside and "presumed" that they must be outside because someone tried the door and found it locked. The reality is no one checked and everyone is waiting for the already unlocked door to be opened so they can go in because of this presumption. This is a rather benign example but I would submit that it is an apt metaphor to demonstrate what occurs if someone doesn't question popularly held erroneous assumptions - nobody benefits!
So as it happens I indeed find myself "alone" this Christmas - this being the evening of December 24th. When I consider this overall I suppose this is both the first time ever and not without opportunity to have it go otherwise. While there are some unchangeable realities about this Christmas such as both my parents passing away this year (my dad only 3 weeks ago) there have been various invitations that could alleviate the need to be alone, but I'm not sure that I will participate.
Part of this would be because I am honouring my need to grieve the loss of my parents which in itself is a significant transition. As it happens my whole life has been up for reexamination and revision and expansion anyway, the current reality just seems to have turned it from simmer to a high boil. So I hesitate to embroil myself in to many "social" commitments partly because I might well not feel like being there once I'm in it. But also, as I said, anything can and much is, undergoing extensive scrutiny and Christmas is no exception. Around the edges of some intermittent sadness there is the realization I am largely free from most everything that I hear so many being so stressed out about.
While "spiritual" and personal expansion will eventually include such things as personal finances etc. this has been a year which recognizes immense spiritual wealth while at the same time has been cash flow challenged. I can tell you, one can claim to not be "defined by their work" or bank account etc. but a more accurate portrayal will be, when those things are gone (even if temporarily). So Christmas would have been low-keyed anyway. Had my dad stuck around - and given he had no interest in anything he already had, it was like overnight the "dementia" relieved him of any further concern for literally a whole house full of stuff that not that long previously he was pretty heavily invested in. I've got to say from the standpoint of one who considers himself viable and for the most part lucid, I had to ask, what was the point of all the concern for consumption and accumulation? The stress, the overwhelm, the cost - though certainly there can be found no end of verification that continues to assert this is "what it's all about" - it most #$%& certainly is not!! It took nearly two months to empty that house out and not one single solitary item did my dad want with him - it was like overnight he was the Dalai Llama and completely let go of attachment to any of it. It was actually an amazing thing to witness - meanwhile I at times deliberate at length, over various items in my home, as I continue my own process of simplifying, granted I haven't been given my "ticket to ride" but just the same I wonder, how important is all this shit anyway?
So I'm not necessarily feeling compelled to rush and recreate Christmas the way it seems to so frequently be observed. Thus far I'd have to say any sadness I am experiencing isn't exclusively due to being alone. And I certainly don't consider the situation pathetic, it is actually replete with many blessings. I would suggest that someone that would consider it "pathetic" to be on their own, doesn't have much regard for their own company. I have no intentions of "isolating" or becoming a hermit, just the same, I am fully embracing that I am free of any obligatory anything, with regard to it being the Christmas season.
From where I stand new traditions are calling for themselves to be brought into being. It may well be that the new tradition will be, no tradition - certainly that will be true this year. I will continue to rebuild from a place of consciousness, to ask questions of myself with regard to previously held-assumptions. It is clear to me that just because many people are behaving a certain way or hold something to be true, does not make it so!
I am deeply appreciative of everything I have - it is not a question of whether I have enough, it is that I am enough, this realization is gift a plenty which cannot be touched no matter what comes and goes from my life - this year it so happens that includes the "ghosts of Christmas past" This year's gift is the present and new beginnings - priceless really!
Merry Christmas!!
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