Tomorrow Has Nothing on Today!

Among borrowed idioms we are given "Mañana"& Frank Sinatra crooned "Let's forget about domani" of course the lyrics go on to suggest that "tomorrow never comes." What if beyond the "fact" that tomorrow never doesn't come because once it "arrives" it's "today" what if there were to be, no tomorrow. Naturally if one is well ensconced in what is said to be the illusion of time - then there would be a tomorrow for some, even if for you personally there was not.

It seems to me the idea of living in the moment and the "power of now" has been well and plenty written about, so I don't think there is much more I could add. What has me pondering this idea of being denied the opportunity to seize the tomorrow? It has to do with an encounter I had with a pickup truck while cycling to work a few days ago.

I was sitting first in line at the intersection (while the light was red). Right beside me was a fellow in a pickup truck. I was positioned so that I could see the driver straight through his side window (I presumed - perhaps erroneously, he had the same unobstructed view of me). He had no turn signal on, so again I presumed, when the light turned green we were both going straight through. The only thing was, the light turned green I entered straight into the intersection and he (and his truck) proceeded to turn right - directly into my path. In order to not be hit by the truck I needed to now turn right along with him. As it was, I had very little room between the truck and the curb. I was pretty much parallel to the curb so I would have been forced into the curb which would likely have resulted in me going down and as well,  as this unfolded the side of the truck grazed my hip and elbow (twice). I managed to continue to negotiate the turn even given the narrow strip of asphalt I was given and insult to my being by this full sized pickup truck. I suppose he must have heard either the contact or perhaps my waxing aloud - WTF? and he pulled over, up the block.

By the time he got to me I had dismounted and pulled my bike up onto the sidewalk. His first words were apologetic and a failed attempt to reassure me "he is usually very respectful of "cyclists"" Then he asked if I was ok and was there anything he could do for me? Before I could answer he exclaimed, oh my god, this scared the shit out of me!"

I replied - "you know, I can't say it's done me a world of good either, not exactly how I had in mind to start my day."
Overall I would say - he was more upset about the whole thing than I was, only he knows for sure what thoughts were running through his mind! I was totally ok and actually felt something akin to compassion for him, being so obviously upset. I simply said - "I'm fine, thank you, but there's nothing you need to do for me - except, come to think of it, wake up, be aware, pay attention." I said this calmly and without intent to make him "wrong" - it just flowed and it was over. I wished him well and turned around to wait at the cross walk to continue on my way to work. A young women was there (she must has seen the whole thing) and said, oh my god, are you all right?" I assured her I was and thanked her for her concern and carried on my way.

Certainly this encounter could have been a great deal more serious, had I not been able to negotiate the turn and went down, I could have wound up under his wheels or the vehicle following him. Even to have forced against the curb could have resulted in being uncomfortably banged up or led to untold injury.

I have seen plenty of near misses involving motor vehicles and either pedestrians or cyclists many of which involved some rather heated verbal assaults. Hell, I have been the one that if I wasn't harbouring thoughts of violence and retribution, I was hailing the one that had "commited the foul" with a volley of venomous diatribe. This situation was a significantly different experience for me. Not only did I refrain from admonishing this guy - but the energy (or combinations there of) simply weren't there. As is obvious, had I "lost" this encounter with the truck, between myself and the driver at the very least, I would have been worse off physically. But even if he were one hundred percent responsible (& I can't claim this to be true with absolute certainty) I was fine. It would have meant he made a mistake. How would that make it okay for me to assault his character? Have I ever misjudged a situation or had moment of lapse in consciousness? The answer to both these questions is yes. To be chastised at those moments of vulnerability at the point where a mistake has been made and there is potential for expansion, a "teachable moment" has never been helpful. If anything it gives rise to defensiveness which in the blink of an eye becomes offensive and attacking.

There are things I could have done that may have played a part in averting this near miss. I could have made sure the driver saw me. If I thought it possible he didn't see me, I could wait those few extra seconds to see if his intention was to go straight or turn.

For my part there were some presumptions going on, not the least of which might well have been that somehow I could count on this guy (who is in his own world) to be acting in my best interest. As is always the case in self-examination what is the broader implication of this abdication of personal responsibility? (i.e. how and where does this operate in my life?)

I know what it feels like to fear angry reprisals - particularly when I have made a mistake. I believe he already felt bad enough, there was nothing to gain by making him feel worse. I've made mistakes as a motorist and a cyclist, certainly none was ever committed with intent to cause harm, so then, no justification to get on my high horse!

In truth I suppose these altercations, mishaps and incidents on the road have for me, triggered fear (concern for my well-being) but seldom has it been my default response to openly express the fear. No instead somehow the conditioned response to "threat of physical harm" has often been anger (which unfortunately just brings about more harm).

I was grateful to be alright - to have chosen a peaceful response and it certainly did bring immediately to my consciousness appreciation for my excellent health and recognition of how quickly ones life can be significantly altered by unforeseen events. Upon arriving at "work" which is currently at one the the local acute care hospitals, I realized the place was full of people that were dealing with just those sorts of events in their life - no matter what my day at work threw at me, there as no doubt in my mind, how much I had to be grateful for!