Bells peal, reverberating throughout downtown Ljubljana. Whether a call to prayer or the announcement of the arrival of Christmas, these are no mere Jingle Bells.
I had in mind to experience the Midnight Mass at the Franciscan Church in the city centre. Interestingly, after having a peak experience, heart-centered day, the thought occurred to me, this "mass" might just pale in comparison.
"Low and behold"..... it did! (but apparently I needed to go and experience what I could have already known, had I chosen to "listen.")
First of all I had my own beautiful, connection healing experience; in that very church a couple days previous. I had decided I wanted to see it from the inside, as I had seen the outside innumerable times. When I entered there was a service going on - with just a small number of people in attendance.
I decided to sit. As the service was in Slovenian, I couldn't understand a word of it. This in itself allowed for me both to "listen" differently and ensured I could not be "triggered" by anything that was said. These distinctions in combination allowed me to be far more present.
I decided I could observe my own sacred silence and prayers, which could be directed with a focus on whatever came up for me. My hunch was that this was a Catholic service (based on all the sit down ... stand up..... sit down again..... etc.)
My youth included attendance at a Catholic school (despite my being "Anglican") so I determined right in the moment, that I was "here;" to heal and forgive the various trauma of that experience (mine is not the story of abuse suffered by many - just the same, I won't dismiss how I was impacted). I even went through the ritual of communion - believing my "communing" is with myself and the Creator of All that is (as I understand it). What does it matter if there is a different meaning assigned to this sacrament, by the church itself?
My time spent in the church on this occasion allowed for an experience that was "alive" personally significant and potent. I knew and acknowledged this within myself. A day later while walking with a friend (who lives in this city) my experience was more deeply affirmed, when she told me it is a "Franciscan church." I had seen a couple of "clergy" dressed in the traditional simplicity of the Franciscan order - but had not entirely, put it together. All I knew, was I was drawn to go inside.
Francis (the founder of this order) is a significant energy in my life. Not due to the "religious" association - I don't happen to believe that "his" energy, is exclusive and is accessible for anyone from any background - with or without "a spiritual belief system."
Christmas eve. night, same church, same recent past profound experience - but my attendance may have been more motivated by (for example) some sort of perceived need to "do" rather than just be, an old idea that I "should attend" consequently..... there was nothing there for me! The experience proved to be energetically flat... extremely crowded and not where I needed to be.
As I was leaving there was an older man still sitting in the outer entrance. He had been there when I first entered and was asking of all that passed through, for money. As I approached I reached in my pocket and found a five euro note. I handed it to him, removed my glove and offered to shake his hand. He took my hand and thanked me ... while I wished him to be blessed and Merry Christmas.
There were hundreds of people in that church.... imagine if everyone, gave him even one euro. It is not my intention to judge whether others gave or did not give. I will never miss that money. My life has provided me with wealth and riches beyond my wildest dreams and, that money can't buy. I am truly prosperous. I didn't "empty my pockets" - there still remained, enough for my needs. My return to the church may have been all about that simple exchange.... Influenced by (the question: what would Francis do?)
I have not renounced "wealth" or comfort. Traveling is a constant reminder to me of how much is enough and when and where I reach excesses; all, a work in progress. Let's face it, that I am, at this time, able to travel, assigns me a degree of privilege.
Earlier this same day, I had the opportunity to go with a friend (the same friend that gave me the expanded knowing of the church in the city) for a drive to the beautiful seaside coast of Slovenia. Now this journey was alive for me; with the love of soul-friendship, the spirit of generosity, which I was graced to be the recipient of and the fresh, revitalizing air and energy of the sea. Coffee at the marina, walks through the quaint sea side towns, moments of connection with a resident cat, for me, all brought embodiment of the joy, peace and bliss "associated" with Christmas - but that may remain hollow sentiments, when sought through mechanistic, "tradition."
We came to a small church my friend knew of, that was dedicated to Mary. An invitation to sit for awhile. To my soul, this is like asking my body, shall we still breathe? The silence in there was so penetrating - and I perceive limitless ..... what a grand "Christmas" gift. As I mentioned with regard to Francis, I hold the same to be true of Mary. Some religions have embraced them as "their own." I believe neither Francis nor Mary, carried such notions of exclusion or divisiveness. These are my beliefs personal and intimate to me - not in any way, shape or form, to make wrong the beliefs, of others.
As we were leaving the chapel.. my friend informed me that this too, was a church affiliated with the Franciscans.
We journeyed to another town, getting to a wondrous cliff top view point, as the sun was beginning to set. There were other friends in the area with which we had been in communication but that seemed to be walking parallel paths. With no concrete plan to meet - once we arrived at the lookout, they appeared from the other direction. Ironically this place was adorned with a "cross." If we were to remove for the moment, any other association with this symbol, perhaps it stood there announcing the crossing of two paths.
We chatted, laughed, took pictures and determined that this moment in time was indeed where we would both meet and determine; that our paths once again, were to become divergent.
After parting ways, my friend and I hiked down the trail to the beach, where we could directly experience the sea and the continued splendour of the sunset. I resurrected my "rock skipping" skills, more laughter, pictures and sea side healing.
As I indicated in a blog post before I left Victoria; the shoes I was, and am wearing on this trip, were immersed in the Salish sea back then. Now they were to be blessed in the waters of the Slovenian coast. As I walked into the waters edge, directly in front of me, in shallow water, a magnificent heart-shaped stone!
We had an amazing sea side dinner in another town which we deemed "Christmas dinner" and then drove the hour or so, back to Ljubljana.
I might have known that after a full day of "worship" and communing with heart, spirit and nature; there would be nothing further to experience, at a "Midnight Mass."
I guess I needed to experience.. that there was nothing more to experience... than the affirmation of a previous experience...
I'm sure this season ... I have received far more than I have given....
It may be true.... "you cannot out give the universe...."
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