All hail, the powers of reciprocity. I raise this matter and offer this reverential gesture as the "visit count" to this blog site just breaks the 5000 hits benchmark. Upon the conception of the blog, this was utterly inconceivable. Well frankly, it wasn't even a consideration. I got the "guidance" back then, that if I wanted to be a "writer," I should write. This might well sound obvious, however, at the time for me it was evolutionary (if not revolutionary).
I had up to that point, written a number of poems and short narratives, which were virtually invisible. They resided on my hard drive, where no one was to bare witness to their content. Somewhere along the line further guidance crept in, formed in the question: "What makes you think, that what you write is "for you?"
My answer embarrassingly all to frequent, "ah, well I didn't really think about it...."
"Well then," (the guidance continues) "consider that you are "inspired" to write, because at least one soul somewhere, is asking to read what you will write." Once I got beyond the - "shit, that seems like an awful lot of responsibility" thinking; I soon began to "feel" the validity of this. You know, that place... when something rings true for you.... and whether you are over the moon excited about it or not.... it cannot be denied or unknown.
I had no idea regarding, who, what, when, how...... Where's this going? So without any knowledge of online blog platforms I began. Frankly I still don't have much knowledge of online .... anything! It was some considerable time after I started..... I was just writing and posting at varying intervals and while poking around on the site, I discovered this "behind the scenes" feature. It counts visits (not who, or any other personal details - one would need to post a "comment" to emerge from the veils of anonymity - just literally the numbers). I was truly flabbergasted to see the numbers......
This is for me an example of something I would do - even if I didn't get paid for it. It is something that I do, without getting paid for it - maybe it always will be....
I find the blank page a very hospitable environment, For me it provides a vehicle through which my inner landscape gains some voice..... I suppose because I don't have editors and deadlines, content criteria etc. I don't at all resonate, with the sentiments of those, that express this utter intimidation conveyed to them by an empty screen. Here I find a interactive environment that at times is more easeful than some "social situations."
My "style" is uncut, authentic and raw - the page invites it and it can't possibly be judged, until it's read. At that point I feel, I don't care. I presume, that the same call that invites me to write, nudges me along with "suggested" stylistic and content guidelines. This rapport is sacred and the integrity of this relationship will be upheld at all costs. It won't necessarily have "universal appeal" - it's not intended to. So then, it will continue, in an uncompromising form.
I "know" when I've missed the mark - I once explored an "online opportunity" to write marketing copy. The whole experience was flat for me. I simply could not present barbecue XYZ, as being so superior to the other five models. For one thing I never used any of them and more importantly, I didn't give a shit.
So then, it is not just the act of writing that grabs me - content absolutely matters. To me. That there are those that read this blog at least suggests, it matters to them as well.
So the "numbers" are not where it's at for me. Having said that, it does afford me a sense that what I'm doing matters to someone else. As I have indicated, I get a great deal of satisfaction - writing. I allow myself to dream beyond the current reality of my writing. Just the same, I will continue if it never expands in breadth or scope. What I do does not occur in a vacuum - where I am the only one fed. Nor is it an act of pure one-sided service of others - as I do benefit immeasurably in the participation.
The reciprocal exchange between writer and reader is one of interdependence. I am so grateful to have reflected in those "numbers," that I am contributing something that matters. I can tell you that is a priceless gift that I receive.
I'm clear, I know exactly how it feels, to believe that I'm not making a useful contribution, that what I am doing "doesn't matter;" even, to (albeit mistakenly) believe, "I" don't matter. I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone.
I thank you (whomever you may be) with all my heart, for the time you take from within your life to spend it - reading the varied content of this blog. Without exaggeration it is entirely possible, that your presence offers a far more significant impact on my life, than I can offer to yours.
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