What compels
You ask,
That I
present
As one that
Is the consort
Of Saints
And
Ascended Masters?
Consider
A self-loathing
So complete
And
Profound
That
To embrace
Myself
In truth
Occurred
To me
Far more painful
Than
My self-deception!!
"Spiritual name-dropping"
Then
A desperate ploy
To attain
The love
That I
Insisted on renouncing
From myself.
I seek
A love/God
That is real
To me..
No longer
For personal
Aggrandizement
Too long
Has my ladder
Been
Ascending
The wrong wall..
I seek
No further accolades
For my heart's plea
For clemency
From my
Personal hell
I pray
For grace
For which
My response
Is to be
Profound appreciation
Awe & reverence
I am worthy
Not necessarily deserving
And certainly not
Entitled
My life choices
Have groomed me
Near exclusively
To become
Vaguely acquainted
With
Humility
My God
A lifetime spent
Beating my chest
or
Quivering beneath
A quagmire
of
My own shame.
Either way
Demanding - "my due.."
Oblivious
To vast tides
Providing
Ample cause
For gratitude
Refusing
To release
My grip upon
Self-perceived persecution
Or to relax
Self-appointed haughtiness
That I might
Come to my knees.
What time remains?
Can a lifetime
of
Omissions
Be reconciled
While
A personal Autumn
Beckons
Upon the horizon?
How broad
Is the embrace
of
Grace
For one
Modern day Prodigal Son?
I have
No answers
Though I'm told
I
Hold the key
I know nothing
Of the heart's
Of history's
"Sinners and Saints"
What if
This were
The last call
For reconciliation?
What could possible
Present
As more pressing
Than my heart's
Salvation?
R. O'Neill (May 10th, 2018)
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