At this moment in time, I'm overcome with the acrid stench of perceived futility I am processing & the benign impotency of anybody else's window on the world. I'm pretty sure nobody ever got to a place of fulfillment and inner peace - based on their ability to quote the views of someone else.
Yes, yes I have hoisted plenty of posts to social media. If I were to pen an autobiography I suppose it might be comprised of a few main subsections - "the early years," which were comprised of feelings of complete alienation, shame & painful abandonment; "the middle years" where I attempted for 15 years to numb that pain of the early years (thereby exponentially increasing the pain) which then shifted the focus from numbing the pain, to self-destruction; and the "Recovery years" which have been a struggle to try reconcile the first two periods and bring something of value from it in the way of a contribution to life. Hence - the sharing of "inspirational quotes."
Well even though I shared a few articles just prior to beginning to write this - I don't think the sharing of that material accomplishes - "Jack Shit!!"
I'm not contributing a damn thing. In many cases I know little or nothing about the lives of those who's quotes I bandy around. I know my quoting them, doesn't mean I'm anything like them. Any good they might have brought to the world - when they were saying these things or by saying them; doesn't transfer to me - by "association." Whatever is was they did, that continues to afford them present day pedestals, likely wasn't accomplished by endless reference, to what someone else said.
I'm not entirely clear as to what it is, that's got a hold of me, but I can't stand another languid reference to: "Imagine;" "I Have a Dream;" "Be the Change..." "Row, row, row your boat;" "Once Upon a (Feck'in) Time.........
There might have been some social/political/consciousness change brought about at the times these things were said - but trashing them about, over & over now, is not changing anything!
Admire who you will, while gaining direction from those, that once carried the torch. Seems to me, if I'm going to pick up any of these torches - they will only carry forward, slung on the arrows of my words (nobody else's). I can't possible evolve myself as part of humanity; clinging to the words of history's orators. Their words will dump me on my ass - sure as shit. Why? Because they were their words - came through their heart, with their conviction and the passion, of whatever it was that burned in and through them.
Why would one endlessly fall back on the words of others? If I consider my own case, I would say it has been a lack of confidence in what I've got to say and therefore idea that by quoting some heavy hitter - it gives more weight and credence to what I've said. Bull shit! Just a cop-out!
I'm in a foul mood, a storm raging inside me - before anyone presumes to address my fury with their dime-store facebook psychology; think again! I am well aware that I address outside of myself - while the voice that is prepared to tear me a part, to extinguish political correctness, and incinerate social convention and my own lingering neurosis - in order to be heard is the most apt recipient of this pointed indictment. Consider it an artistic convention. I know full well who I address here. So save your energy, character & personal inventory taking for yourself - mine is in the best possible hands and of those, most qualified to undertake them.
If it is true that no ship's captain of any note, was only able to, cut their teeth upon the open sea; then I suppose it can only hold true, that my voice and what is made available for it's expression, will only be allowed to realize it's full potential, through my own connection to creation.
I have allowed myself to be groomed to be a consummate consumer and passive spectator. I take one hundred percent responsibility for my life and the decisions that formed it. This then is not a hyper-critical self-demonishment. Rather, the love I exercise, will honestly reveal who I have been in order to set free my authentic voice.
My blog and book promotion continue through the platforms of social media - I suppose for now (until I arrive at a more effective way to do things) that will remain the same. As for my path moving forward it seems to me clear I need to bring a great deal more of what I've got to say forward & leave what other's are saying, for them to say!
R. O'Neill (Oct. 08, 2018)
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