I'm reticent to issue myself the gauntlet of challenge, or make promises I may not follow through on. Still here I sit, poised over the keyboard doing what I love to do ... writing! It is with nothing like the regularity I once observed, that I allow that which resides within, to find its way upon the page. I have neither alibi nor sound reason, for my absence from writing, nor do I know what a return might look like.
Today it looks like this... Let's settle in there, and let tomorrow write itself.
Today represents a celebration in my life. Indeed it could be said, is there a day that isn't worthy of celebrating? And while I understand where that perspective is coming from, certainly some days, celebratory elements, can be pretty thoroughly hidden.
As I relish in the beauty of this day and all it has taken to arrive, I'm also reflecting on some occurrences from yesterday.
I'm on a sabbatical of sorts, so yesterday had no rigid timelines of any form to realize. I was paying some fleeting attention to my laptop ... which is in dire need of a good purging - that didn't happen, but I happened to notice, an incoming invoice from my internet provider. I am distinctly unskilled at the administration of such things. They have some sort of practice, that involves a couple months worth of service billed at once. The due date is quite sometime later. I don't want to pay the whole thing, so I pay the one month amount and mostly that happens on time - I do admittedly lose track of it occasionally. At any rate, I went to the online page and learned I was actually a day late...
I went to my online banking and processed a payment. I also knew that wouldn't be applied for a few "business days" - I wanted to inform the provider, the payment was made, so I got on the "live-chat." To begin with, it wasn't a rep on the other end, it was some automated text response, that took its cue from what I wrote first.. It became clear pretty quickly, that my communication, wasn't getting through. To continue, would have meant becoming ensnared in some automated, "Ground Hog" Day like scenario; where I'm asked how I can be helped, I lay it out, the response has nothing to do with what I asked, and then I'm asked if I've been satisfactorily served...
After a few volleys of that online version of hell .. I'm plunged that much deeper when connected with a "live rep." I explained to him, I just wanted to communicate, that I'd applied an online payment (1 day late) to my account. Instead of thanking me and reconciling the situation with "duly noted." He requests a vast series of "security" questions (to verify my identity).. I'm thinking, "ya cause I've got nothing better to do, than to try and pass myself off as someone else, so I can come online, then pay their internet bill for them!!"
I answered most of the questions ... but I don't remember what email address I used when I registered for this online access. Well that's enough to throw a sizeable monkey wrench, in the works.. Eventually I must have given him enough indication, I was who I claimed to be (I for one will certainly sleep better knowing that!!) there seemed to be some indication, we were moving forward in the interaction, and then the online chat froze!! I could no longer type anything further..
There wasn't a "snowball's chance in hades" I was going to log back in ... so I concluded to myself, "go ahead and cut of my internet - it's entirely possible I'll be happier without it!"
Now if you have followed anything of my blog in the past, you know that "Spirituality" is a very important part of my life. It has taken on many shapes and sizes and undergone considerable permutations over the past thirty-odd years. All of it necessary, in as much as, that's how it went, so Que Sera Sera. I am most certainly no avatar or spiritually advanced being.. It just so happens, that my life and myself within my own skin, flow infinitely more smoothly, with the regular application of various spiritual principles.
During this messaging session with the internet provider, (who has the audacity to call himself a "customer service representative"!!!! - "Service what service? I most certainly wasn't the recipient of any service..."
As you can see, my attitude and inner environment, was spiralling down to nowhere particularly helpful and a far-cry from enlightenment... (you might say I was courting a spiritual crisis of sorts) - oh sure seems pretty benign ... "first world problem"(you might say) I can assure you, I can apply just the right amount of self-righteousness, victim consciousness, and financial fears - to blow something like this, into a five alarm catastrophe...
I had in my company a delightful companion, we had intended to head into town, to explore a local Thrift store ... a quest for hidden gems, in the book department by my reckoning... I didn't want to let this rising shit storm sour my (our) day.... I prayed - asking for clarity, for release from those less than helpful beliefs about myself, my situation, life in general ..... I need a change of perspective - I'll accept a miracle, but at least, I don't want to feel this way, for the rest of the day.
I just left it at that ... I had touched on some of the highlights of my a.m. experience with my partner and expressed, some of the frustration, and also indicated "I'm done with the matter for now.."
We got into town and into the short line to enter the Thrift store. There was one older fellow ahead of us in the line. He and many in the line, were already wearing their masks... I don't wear a mask any longer than necessary. So we joined the line and I had my mask in my pocket. The fellow watched me walk past and seemed to be assessing, where I stood in the line, and maybe noting the lack of mask.. I was feeling not entirely peaceful from the a.m. encounter and then, I started an "inside voice" confrontation with this guy.... albeit short lived. He went about his way getting into the store, and some other hopeful patrons behind us - cued us as to the drill, for entering the store..
Once in the store, we made our way to the back of the store, where the books are located. Who do you think was back there sitting in front of this old organ... Yes indeed it was him!! From my rather surly vantage point, both the organ and organist, had seen better days!!
But little did I know ... I was about to be served up the miracle I had been asking for... He flipped a few switches, pulled on a few knobs ... teased out a few arpeggios, and then with not so much as a page of sheet music, he brought that old instrument to life. Oh my God could he play!!! Seemingly effortlessly he commanded old standards out of two tiers of keyboards and the bass pedal accompaniment - such glorious embellishment in his arrangements. Every so often, without missing a beat, he'd hit some other switches and change the effects etc. All the while, that I spent with my nose in the books shelves, this keyboard wizard, worked his magic, which had a palpable effect on my spirits. And, it wasn't lost on me that as I was looking through books at the time, I also was given the reminder about, "judging books by their cover..." this guy saved my day!! I thanked him and told him he lifted my flagging spirits. In a thick Scottish brogue he just acknowledged, "well that's okay then isn't it..."
The day or more accurately my disposition in relationship to it, was to be subject to some further testing. While my partner continued her search through the store - I took my finds to the car and walked down to the service station, to use their facilities.. The attendant gave me the key and do you think I could get that to work?? He must have been observing me from the counter and came from behind and offered to help. He inserted the key and with a bob left and jig right he opened the door. Once in I took my wallet out of my sweat pant pocket (so that it didn't fall out) ..... I left the station and walked back to my car, to sit and enjoy some of the books I found. My partner joined me and then, we drove out of town to park lands on a nearby river..
We'd got out of the car and were walking to the trailhead,, when upon slapping my pockets, I realized my wallet was gone. I announced the discovery... we went back to the car, to see if it had fallen out, when it became clear to me, exactly where it was (at least where I had left it) - at that point I was prepared to just leave it and go check for it later.. I didn't want to spoil the hike and was just prepared to "surrender" to the circumstances. It was suggested we could still hike, but let's check on the wallet first... call the station & see if it was turned in. I did just that and the attendant, knew what I was going to ask, before I could even finish my question.
I told him we were out of town a ways having planned to go for a hike, so it would take a while to get to him.. He said, I'm here until 10pm sir, take your time and enjoy your hike, your wallet is safe with me.
I was in awe, both taking in the west coast rainforest, the river swollen from all the rainstorms which fed the falls to spectacular proportions - I was also immensely grateful, to have had all these amazing experiences unfold throughout a day, that I had earlier pretty much written off, and then continued intent on, fulfilling my own prophecy...
My adherence to spirituality has nothing to do with me being an extraordinary person ... quite the contrary, I am one for whom, the wonders of spirituality, have the most potential to demonstrate, a significant shift - so you could say - I'm an apt vessel for the demonstration of divine majesty.
R. O'Neill (December 29, 2020)
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