Engaging Opportunity

Not necessarily my typical writing rhythm, this, about to represent the second post in the same day. Then again, is there room for “typical” and “creativity” in the same sentence? One answer is, obviously, here they are coexisting upon the page, clear as day and with no apparent conflict. In addition to sentence structure consideration, the question might be posed from the standpoint of: how much creativity continues to be employed within the constructs of typical?

“Make hay while the sunshines,” or is that rake hay? I have no idea. I know, in this moment the sun is a brilliant presence, conjuring dancing diamonds to the surface of the Foyle. So an additional offering comes by virtue of the fact – I can, write, where I am. I sit at the river’s edge along the urban walkway; laptop upon lap top, take-away coffee nearby. Rather than sit at an outdoor café table, which would be pleasant enough. I have selected a seat fashioned from the stones of the land which are part of a rock garden wall. I fancy that to make sure the circuit is complete; I’m going to just soak creativity and inspiration right through the seat of my pants.

I continue with the sound track accompaniment of my iPod on shuffle which means I’ve had music that ranges from Nazareth to Bendictine Monks and everything & anything in between. Without lengthy, does it matter anyway explanations, pertaining to music’s contribution to creativity induction – I will say that for me, sitting, walking or cycling while listening can summons sheer delight. If that’s not the crux of creativity in itself – feels to me like a good place to start.

I’ve been to the gym already, which though perhaps not a vital element in the act of hosting creativity; for me it is an integral contribution to feeling sensational. Not to mention I have experienced the leeching of vitality which can accompany an over indulgence in sedentary pursuits. Of course adherence to a fitness regime might be challenging while traveling, depending on the itinerary and nature of the journey. Although, I did see a compilation of exercises put together for the “traveler” – all which could be done in a hotel room (or limited space) with body weight exercises. So these things can be done – it a case of having the will and following through.

Trust me when I say, I have experienced all forms of neglect and or excess. I am not now the voice of virtue – I have just determined a clear preference to feeling good. If I don’t each day manage to live accordingly, first of all, I suffer in some way, second it’s not the end of the world. A bout of suffering won’t be improved upon, through berating the cause (especially when it’s me) – it’s a simple call to resume those feel good, self-care actions (as best as can be managed, in a given set of circumstances).

Do the best that you can, with what you have, at the time. Of course that will look different at various places in time and certainly from one life to another. All I know is that I cannot begin to bring the best possible version of myself into the world, when I feel horrible.

I am acutely aware that I am exceedingly fortunate to be; well frankly, that says it. Fortunate to be! I sit here basking in the amazing summer time breeze along the river. Present to the high spirits and joy of those walking past. At the same time I’m aware that this idyllic scene – a river that is life-blood to the land – a transportation conduit for commerce etc. has taken lives too. Same river; without any will to be used, for such ends. I know that darkness, despair and hopelessness; that can and does, obliterate even the magnificence of a day and settings such as this. A broader perspective is consumed and rendered starkly and limitlessly without alternative. I suppose it could be said to be the diametric opposite of creativity – or at best, the use of all imaginative and creative faculties, are directed at a very definite and final expression. Does it have to go this way? I don’t know. Are my efforts to feel good an ongoing ploy to keep the darkness at bay? Maybe. I’m deeply grateful that this pain is not my day to day experience and that the sweetness of life is vastly available to me, 

I’m here now to be a lifeline – not special, not better than I’m someone that was the recipient of the grace of God (directly) and indirectly, through people too innumerable to count (if indeed there is even a need to distinguish there being a “difference”regarding form of divine intervention). It’s clear to me that mine is, the next “hand up…”  Do I know all the forms and means through which that will take place?  No, but that is being worked out line by line as I write. This represents far more to me than a hobby, pass-time, or amusement; this is nothing less, than a calling. A communication conduit with the divine, which serves perhaps as much (sometimes more) a directive to me. 

My focus now is to graciously acknowledge the gifts I've been given & ask .. how can I be of service?

Not on the Map - But Love the View...

"Many of us find that we have squandered our own creative energies by investing disproportionately in the lives, hopes, dreams and plans of others. Their lives have obscured and detoured our own. As we consolidate a core through our withdrawal process, we become more able to articulate our own boundaries, dreams and authentic goals. Our personal flexibility increases while our malleability to the whims of others decreases. We experience a heightened sense of autonomy and possibility" - Julia Cameron - The Artist's Way

As the last post indicated, I am in possession once again, of a copy of this book. Will then, all musing and focus be derived from this perspective? It most certainly will have an effect, while at the same time, I don't anticipate specifically, direct reference to the book becoming my exclusive focus.

Having said that it's entirely possible that elements of the book may well find their way into an expanded creativity dance on & off the page.

Is this the sort of undertaking one undergoes while "traveling?" Well, in the spirit of creativity, this "one" does. Or, so goes the intention. I suppose it could be relegated to a "winter project" - short, darkened days and long nights - highly conducive to hibernation, reflection and introspection.

But what if the "juice"is calling for attention & extraction,  now? On the verge of the summer solstice  while traveling (albeit at the present I've "landed" in Derry, Northern Ireland) is this the time to undergo such a process?

Yes.

I feel it calling me even while, I'm already in the process, of refining my first book manuscript and as such, it could be argued, I'm not in need of "creativity recovery." That "project" is underway - I suppose that it may well present further opportunity for creative decisions which can be addressed as they arise. Though a significant undertaking in & of itself - it might be thought of as only one or a handful of, spokes on a greater wheel.  I don't see this current travel scenario as "taking a break from my life." This is my life! Unquestionably seeds that I have planted in the past have germinated and I am reaping the harvest. I'm not looking to resume "business as usual" - this may well represent creativitie's "finest hour" where I'm concerned. As such, any process that might deepen and expand my connection to the Creator/Creation/Creativity I see as being beneficial.

I'm seeking creatively, to create to a greater degree, the application of creativity, while walking step by step, into the life, I'm currently creating & will create.

I'm open to and expect miracles (of all forms, shapes and manifestations) - I also acknowledge my responsibility for participation in the generation of said miracles; or at the very least the allowing for their occurrence.

So then, there are seasons external and internal.  Seasons within seasons. Season specific to particular situations. One could be harvesting from one field, cultivating/planting another, while another still, is being allowed to lie fallow.

I'm not sure that my writing will yield any form of "how to manual" - there are innumerable authors for whom this comprises some of their life work.  I don't see my gift in the distillation and dispensing of formulaic approaches. I'm not discounting them or dismissing their value.

Mine is more a disclosure of an ongoing mix of where I was, then what happened, & here's what's going on now. To some degree I'm honouring the seasons within myself and the source that sustains them, while developing the unique expression of it's nature. If others find these writings, resonant, inspiring, instructive - Wonderful!

Experience and hope. One the incubator/crucible of the other. Which as I consider it, enjoy a relationship of reciprocity. I don't advocate anyone - do what I have done.  I don't consider myself "a beacon of hope" as much as I would claim a want, to become one of it's, most ardent advocates.

Interestingly, when I read the quote included at the beginning of this post - it had struck a chord which I considered would be the trajectory of this day's passage. Absent is what might have otherwise been, a scrutiny and analysis of the text.

Perhaps instead, it's essence was allowed a voice - nuanced in "seasons," "reasons", experience & hope.

Today's lesson: a creative intention might well be better seen, as an intention, to be with creativity. Collaborator rather than dictator.

Class dismissed - Rob - get outside and get some fresh air & exercise!!!!

Creating Excitement

The universe conspires to have a number of factors combine to peak my curiosity, tantalize my playful heart and just generally elicit joy and excitement. At the same time, due to a recent conversation, after which I decided to get an electronic version of "The Artist's Way"so that I can work with the material again; an online Astrology source that I have referred to for quite sometime, informs me that this week "creative energies" are highly active for me and that now the time has come  to "ride the wave"and maximize the opportunity for mastery. This pertains to allowing the creativity to flow; but emphasizes the importance of fully occupying my heart. It speaks of "clearing and realignment" having recently occurred (which it has, in a number of ways) a paradigm mastery, with a wide open heart.

Am I an artist? How does this "Artist's Way" apply to me? Well, I look upon the opportunity to get "me" out of the "Way." The discussion around working with that material was exciting - seems ample cause to go ahead and "get with the program." Ah... or perhaps release something in the way of "program" and let creativity have it's way with me. The conversation that led to this "choice" was one that for me was, alive with inspiration.  Why wouldn't I jump in the direction of that which excites me? Could be any number of "reasons" - however none of them apply in this case - as it's "go time."

Inspiring conversation - leading to inspired action! I know and feel with every fibre of my being that I am moving in alignment with my heart/soul. That is exhilarating ... I want more of that! And it is my sacred responsibility to bring my passion to bare in my own life in order to do just that! Will this undertaking be the source of excitement for everyone - it might.  I'm not actually suggesting that anyone follow suit here. Only you know what excites you. And if that's not clear at the moment, it's up for revision or redefining; do yourself a favour and invest the time in yourself to find out.

I'm clear, I'm willing to do more that excites me, so that I can have more of what I want. It's self-perpetuating, because what I want, is to be doing more of what excites me. I want to have more amazing conversations, with more amazing people, doing amazing things. I can & I will.

I don't have a read on the outcome of this, but as I said, the guidance attained through feeling aligned is reward in itself. Despite a full day, with considerable walking, to and from a fairly intense workout the buzz of all being considered, has the notion of sleep, occur preposterous. I'll get there eventually.

It's as though the acknowledging of an increased creative energy flow has made it so. Without even yet commencing the actual inner workings of the book - the "basic principles" are coming alive for me. The time is clearly now. It was time for the conversation, it was time for the book, it was time to be informed through the astrology reading. It was time that people, places and things have been weaving together for quite some while now. "Here, read this" "You might want to go here?" "Are you interested in coming to this?" "Hmm, maybe I'll contact this person."

I can't begin to delineate the time line. What the hell is time anyway? I came here to Ireland sometime ago. I've been here now for sometime. It's sometime in the evening now... As I'm sitting here at this time, writing about being excited about writing;  I'm suddenly aware of the depth and the breadth of my appreciation for everything I've experienced and the people I'm surround in. I'm living an extraordinary life and I actually believe that regardless of how amazing it is now - I dare to believe and I'm willing to allow, that it can continue to get even better. I'm not saying certain things need to happen first in order for this to occur. But that it can occur. I'm not speaking from the position that anything is missing.

I then just keep doing, being and believing that which creation wants of me and for me. What could be better? That which I've been seeking - is indeed seeking me! "It," "God", "Creator," has not been lost - it is me that has gone about denying my own connection, my creative ability. The gift of it was made available upon arrival. A loving Creator isn't about to force one to allow and express their gift. That is the nature of it being a gift - it can be freely refused. The irony of that is in doing so, the impression of a void occurs - a sense of a lack of connection/creativity; neither of which are lacking, rather they have just been denied.

A fatigue is descending upon me now which will be allowed to be the indication I will draw this toward finished; even though it's anything but.

The Nature of Nurture

How to mark the day set a side to honour fathers?

 For me it has taken on the form of symbolic. By that I mean the only father I "knew;" was my adopted father, and he has passed-over. My biological father could still be around in physical form; that at present, continues to be part of the mystery. So I'm not pressed to join for brunch or connect over poorly played golf. Being on my own and by virtue of the previous, there's no potentially conflicted negotiation, generated by respective family engagements vying for attendance.

I suppose it's significant, if for no other reason than it's true for me, that I myself am not a father. At this particular place in time; that would appear to me, to likely hold true, for my remaining time on the planet.

None of this is intended to become a lament. Though one doesn't make my number of trips around the sun without ample opportunity to have made many choices, lived the consequences of those choices, considered at depth through reflection and retrospection each of them - to heal the wounds and mine the gold - it is still my intention to distill all of it, in order to derive: "the best is yet to come."

Some of the afore mentioned includes some attendant sadness and is not without at least some threads of regret. I say that to bring to bear full acknowledgment of these parts of myself; while at the same time asserting; that these in no way define me, or represent the prevailing energy I carry.

So then, back to the opening question. To begin with, today (Father's day) while sitting at breakfast at the B & B; a man that I judge to be younger than me and his son came in.  What powerful imagery lies there within. Mine to witness, to share in and to honour. I wished the young man a heartfelt "Happy Father's Day!" He literally lit up ... after this simple acknowledgement.

I don't know the circumstances that have these two traveling together - just that there they are. Having never taken a trip with my dad or gone for a meal with just the two of us, what I'm seeing is profound. Therefore my celebration, is the continued honouring of my brother's & the value of & need for, their full participation in this life.

Then I ponder whether "Father-ing" is restricted to the quantitative proliferation of humanity and it's attendant contribution to the nurturing of the family. Of course this in itself is a priceless, sometimes maligned, sometimes undervalued, sometimes missing role.

To not father is a lesser known choice. I'm not talking about having sired and walking away (or in some cases running). I'm referring to a conscious choice not to be a father. I imagine the numbers to be relative few over all - I certainly haven't engaged in many (virtually none) conversations that don't include parts of a trajectory that presume "parenting" is a foregone conclusion.

What of "fathering:" visions, ideals, innovation, evolution, revolution? If it can be held to be true that there is no hierarchy where contribution to humanities evolution is concerned; then what of those that have directed their energy and focus, to the expansion of the soul?

Of course one could participate in the raising of family and direct themselves to additional worldly and spiritual pursuits. It must be noted that none of it is mutually exclusive. At least to some degree, it is a matter of assigned priority.

There is mounting evidence that limited male role paradigms are significantly contributing to a widespread crisis; creating a profound mental/spiritual/emotional malaise impacting countless men. In light of this, it must at least be considered, that "traditional male roles" be allowed to be redefined and expanded. Perhaps the framework of "hunter, gatherer, protector" had it's place as an evolutionary contribution ensuring ongoing survival; without which, the opportunity for evolution couldn't occur. However, "survival" in and of itself; is woefully inadequate, when considered along with the call of the soul. How radically might roles (male and female) transform if ongoing soul-fulfillment were given a front seat? How would societies as a whole shift?

Those that make contributions outside the trajectory of what's considered "normal" do so following the impassioned call of heart and soul. I won't declare this a sacrifice, however it certainly involves a "trade-off."

Today I celebrate having been fathered. It doesn't matter what form that took. By virtue of it, "something" was put in motion. Father's (and Mothers) are contributing all day, every day. And so it is with those in roles and walks of life, that don't include parenting.

 Parental roles include loving, compassion, empathy, understanding, teaching, learning, conscientiousness, vision, attention, energy, focus, hope, nurturing, support, encouragement, cheerleading.......

The point is the role is a vastly important calling.

But it doesn't end with the rearing of children.

Take any one of those attributes or combination thereof, and live them into the world wherever you go.

Parenting may begin with biology, but it doesn't end there.

 

What Love Remains?

Though the spires and mosaics
May reverberate the psalms of love
With zeal and charisma
It is pounded from the pulpit
Souls in solitude
Squinting in the candle light
Near blind before sacred transcription complete
What remains of this love
For him huddled in the darkness
Waging war with the spectres of psychosis
Conflicted prayers ring out
For the long-awaited grip of the reaper
Or at least an able dose
To ward off the clammy embrace of seizures
Once the tenor
Adored at the local
With a voice
Like velvet fog
The memory of him is warmly embraced
His presence, no longer welcome
He no longer cared
That the story
Of Monday's salvation
Was a lie that even he didn't believe anymore
He'd told that arrogant baboon of a bouncer
Down at Finnegan's
If you put those stinking paws of yours on me again
I'll make you pay....
True to his word
The fateful day came
He hit him in the mouth with a bottle
Then stuck the broken remains in his chest
I told you ... you big bastard
Laughing out loud
As he pulled the covers
Of night sky and delusional over himself
He is son, brother and father
But who will love him now?

Pointed Views

Have you
Had a good look
At the wall
Upon which
You've place your ladder?

Arduously, steadfastly, heroically
Relentlessly
You have scaled it's profile
Doggedly pursuing
Each and every rung

You may have
Brought all
You have to bear
Attaining
Each incremental advancement

What if then
In a flash of light
You were to discover
All you have exerted
Affords you a bird's eye view, from the wrong wall?

You've achieved centre-stage
But have you
Found
And can you maintain
Your centre?

What lead you to believe
That retention
Of the centre
Was even possible
Or the objective?

Perhaps a glimpse
A taste of its essence
From there an awareness to foster
Trust to be developed
And relied upon

Renounce the spotlight
Illusions of grandeur
And the allure of erroneous power
Like lassoing the wind
Extinguishing an external light will leave you in the centre of a blackened stage

If it's bottom lines that impress you
What of this?
"Home is where the heart is" or   The Heart is Home
Get to the hear of the matter or    It's the Heart that Matters

The Other Side (a Compelling Destination or an Intriguing Journey?)

The morning held excitement and anticipation as I waited for the bus in order to board. Was this a bus that would whisk me off to exotic destinations? Well it was, none other than one of the Ulsterbus Foyle services - city bus for Derry, Northern Ireland. One pound - sixty purchases me a round trip ticket to unknown adventure!

Before leaving the bed and breakfast there was a quest of sorts determining what bus might go to my intended destination. I had in mind to go to a "retail park" that was what would have been a fairly substantial walk, but as I really didn't know where I was going; I thought I'd investigate the bus option, and save myself a long walk to somewhere other than where I was wanting to go.

I had the name of the centre; and say what you will about "retail parks;" but in this case, one that is large enough to be named on one of the multitude of different bus timetables online; was a distinct advantage for someone like me, that is unfamiliar with the overall area. So bingo, now I know a bus goes there. Some of the rest of the info provided wasn't abundantly meaningful to me - but I did know where I'd seen a series of bus stops in town; so that my first destination. I reasoned if I was unsuccessful at locating the bus I could still take a cab.

I had determined the need/want of a portable speaker to use in conjunction with my laptop. Primarily I wanted it for sound to further be able to do some small prayer/healing circles that I had begun to facilitate. The couple I had done so far, I was fortunate enough to have the lend of a speaker from a couple different friends. Bless them for the support of my inaugural circles ... now I wanted the means to set up and carry through, whereever I might be.

I had further learned that it was this particular retail park that had in its midst an large electronic outlet. Hence a mini-road trip. The afore mentioned excitement was actually related to movement. I was going off in a new direction - in the city itself (which is more new to me than not) & in what is presenting in my life). Some "known," some vaguely defined, and some largely completely unknown. I am enjoying the elements of it all, as I walk toward where I believe my bus is to be found.At least there will be other buses there with drivers that might shed further light if required.

On my way to the bus stop - I see a couple of women sitting and so I thought, collecting for a charity of some sort. Turns out they were selling raffle tickets. Not only that, but as I got closer I recognized one of the women. I had met her during my first arrival in Derry on this trip. She was raising money in order to be able to take local folks with either disabilities or terminal illness to Lourdes. The occasion I met her was to be my second "busking session" in town - so I gave her the money I had set aside from the first one; and told her, I was going to give her all I would make this day as well.

When I returned I gave her the day's proceeds and we got talking further about the Lourdes trip. I told her of my nursing/health care worker background and sounded out the organization's need for any "support team." She indicated an interest, gave me her card and said we'd be in touch. I followed up with an email to express my continued interest.

I hadn't heard anything back but as the trip was said to be September, I thought it's early just now. When I was checking into the B & B this time; and catching up with one of the owner's, she had said that she had been talking to "Elizabeth" since I left; and knew all about the day we met, and our Lourdes conversation.

Elizabeth told me that both her and the other woman running the ticket sales table(who said, she had met me, though I wasn't immediately able to recollect)  had been "out of circulation" for various health related issues and that she "still had my email" and now that she had resumed her more active routine again - she had intended to be back in touch with me.
It turns out the Lourdes trip is now been moved towards the end of next month (July). Though it hasn't been "confirmed" as yet, regarding my inclusion - I'm holding to be true I will be. This in itself lends some form to loose time frames I've been considering.

So after exchanging our continued interest in staying connected regarding this trip and my purchasing  a ticket to further support their work (the prize is a trip to Fatima/Medjugorje) - someone's got to win this and it might as well be me!! Mother Mary how can I be of service?

As I bid them goodbye there was now even more energy and enthusiasm with each step I took toward the buses. I love how things weave - how, "hunches" prompts and calls to go a particular direction or connect with a particular person open the most amazing doors. Make an inquiry here, say yes to an opportunity there.  It would seem that's what adventure is comprised of.  Now, I'm not talking about being reckless. But I can certainly vouch for some of the most outstanding experiences, having come my way, with little or no planning on my part. Sometimes within the unfolding of that which was planned. Other times, I will use the word weave again, these experiences are literally a weave, of what previously had seemed like the most barely discernible threads. My "reasoning" mind can at times need to be consulted, consoled and then over-ridden - as to have followed it entirely, would have been to conclude "this is unreasonable!!"

Again, this is not about ignoring signals, gut-feelings, "red-flags" etc. it does entail some entertainment of the unknown and the development of trusting. Notice I say "development!"

You might think after all this build up that I was going to another country. First of all, currently my every step is.... in another country (from the one I've always lived in). And I am going "across the river!!" In times of old in many parts of the world, some folks never left "their side of the river" or  from within the walls of their town. Often times the only cause for some to venture out was to go to war. Certainly those that crossed the river and/or the far mountain ranges etc.were going to experience some form of adventure.

So there you have it.... mine is a more modernized version of this expansion. I submit that all the key elements are there. Leaving the relative familiarly of where you've been, to go to another world ... one you might have vague awareness of (if you get there) others that are completely unfamiliar. Once the decision to go has been cast and a move is made in that direction; there's no telling what might be encountered along the way.

At this place in time I'm delighted to be ensconced in the spirit of adventure. The chronicling of said adventure must draw to a close as I am only roughly half-way through this the realities of this current tale. I still either need to walk 20-30 minutes back to where the bus dropped me originally or carry on walking the direction I came to arrive at this writing/coffee oasis. It's possible the continued walk might get me back to the "city centre" covering the same time and distance I must travel to get back to the bus.

I actually don't know regarding the alternatives... a choice is pending & a continued adventure awaits!!