On Blowing Your Own Whistle

For those that are not familiar with my book "What Goes Around Comes Around;" it features the account of a 40 consecutive day labyrinth practice that I undertook.  Just as the walking meditation practice of a labyrinth provides a pathway that begins on the outside and penetrates to the centre,  the book also contains much deeper, richer content. The story of walking the labyrinth each day is only the most superficial attribute of the book. The book reveals candidly and transparently,various  challenges throughout my life, as well as those that I encountered, during the walking each day.

It shares questions I was asking about my life and about life in general. Various insights and revelations that I received during this process, are made available to the reader. Each chapter is entitled with a different attribute that contributes (one way or another) to personal growth. I "tell all" with respect to what I learn of the human condition (mine) the reader can relate as they see fit. At the end of each chapter are 15 - 20 guideline questions formulated around the chapter theme, that people can then use as templates, for examination of different aspects of their own life.

I share of myself so that it is clear, that though I was participating in a form of "meditation" (which some consider a part of a "Spiritual path;"  that I was then "writing" a manuscript, which at the time, I envisioned would be my first book, that now, I have successfully self-published; my life has been full of some significant challenges (some of which were life threatening) none of which, were allowed to become roadblocks to my fulfilling this dream. I want this to be inspiring to others. So that they can look at the dark roads I have traversed and yet various successes were still possible - I believe this true for anyone.

The completion of the 40 day practice, the writing (and numerous rewrites of the manuscript) were milestones of accomplishment in themselves. It didn't stop there, in fact in many ways - it only began after attaining these completions - (a metaphor contained with in the labyrinth's path & the title of the book)

Next came (and continues to be true) the ongoing promotion of the book, said another way, ongoing self-promotion. This in itself, is a journey that for me, has been replete with self-discovery. Essentially, if I forego the promotion of my book - it largely comes to a grinding halt. Though the book currently is cloaked in relative obscurity, without my focus and intention, it would drop off the radar entirely.

So you see it is my continued valuing of my previous effort, the book itself, belief in myself and the book's value as a tool to help others to identify goals/dreams of their own, determine what both their personal assets and those qualities (or limiting beliefs) are; which will help them on the road to realizing their dreams, or make it's attainment more difficult, respectively.

I do this knowing full well, that mine is not the variety of book that is for everyone. Oh anyone could utilize it, but many will not. Naturally to begin with, not everyone will resonate with my writing style or what I have to say. I also realize that a book that offers the story of and templates for, self exploration, won't necessarily be abundantly popular. It is a "road less traveled" for a reason - many don't care to go there. I don't always want to go there - even now, there are "blind spots," that I will come to discover about myself, and I know from experience, I'd rather have them be discovered in someone else. Still I know that as uncomfortable as some of this self-discovery can be - it most certainly leads to a great many rewards. But not, without doing the work of discovery first.

Why do I spend my time and effort on a book that might be the written equivalent of pushing a boulder uphill? (in terms of marketability)  Because I believe whole-heartedly in human potential - mine and yours. It doesn't matter where you've been and what you've done (or haven't done) - your life can be considerably different, no matter where you are starting from. I have experienced that in my life, as I have worked at digging myself out of my own personal hell, and drained the swamp - I began to dream of being of service to others that wish to do the same. This book is my first overture to that end, which combines my life experience, and my passion for writing.

Maybe I could make more money in a different genre, it doesn't matter, that's not where my heart is. This whole matter is my personal demonstration of living "my dream.." not someone else's. In living my dream I wouldn't dream, of not, "walking my talk." That's why I have no qualms about sharing my foibles - just because I am walking toward and in various ways living my dream, doesn't mean I don't step squarely into a big pile of, you know what, along the way, sometimes I'm the guy that built the pile. But I still am reaching for my dream and trusting in what I believe in.

The quest has been full of frustration, failure, unforeseen challenges, thrills, surprises, unforeseen support and opportunities; I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

There's never been any guarantees - there still isn't. I have a stack of boxes full of my books in my bedroom (in that sense you could say I'm "full of myself") - but as they say, "No guts, no glory" - I also have about as many books (gracefully stored for me) in Northern Ireland -left behind from the launch of the book over there & awaiting my resuming it's distribution. These mountains of books are both monument to a modicum of success and taunt me as talisman of potential, "close but no cigar!"

Just to further illustrate some form the challenge has taken, I was at a "Health/Wellness/Intuitive Arts expo one weekend - there I sat with my books for two full days. I believe I sold 4 and gave 2 away. Talked to a great many people, got "exposure" I wouldn't have had otherwise - who knows where that might lead. Meanwhile right beside me are two young guys selling rocks, raw crystals and jewelry made of the same - most of the weekend, there were people lined up three deep and they were taking in money hand over fist.

I have to admit at times I felt bewildered, befuddled and a little envious; It reminded me of the old Charlie Brown Halloween special (every house he went to he lamented: "I got a rock!" - yours truly's version would have been, "I got the table beside the guys, with the rocks!!"

Still, that is their passion (I presume) and I have my own - I will continue to follow my inspiration and work with and represent, what is true for me.

A Ride With Transformation

 

I did mention that I believed this return to riding might well provide fodder for ongoing anecdotes, today (Friday) ... for the "Spiritualist's" in the crowd: TGIF - reinforced my notion. Of course I'm inclined to weave a story around & about, most anything. I see the metaphor's and parable-esque potential - I hope that some (if not all of this) comes through & if nothing else; at least provides an amusement respite.

Today was to be the day I picked my motorcycle up from the shop. I had taken it out on Monday afternoon; so they would have it first thing Tuesday morning, to work out some customizing transformations, I had envisioned. I was to have the bike back by "Wednesday" eve. Dropped the bike off without a hitch and was then looking forward, to the return to ride, with the modifications. I received a call on Tuesday that wasn't what you'd call a inspiring progress report - some of the parts that had been ordered over a week prior (for rush delivery) had not arrived, not only that, the centre that sourced the parts had "lost" the order - all of which meant ... reordering - now the shipment they wouldn't even see until Thursday (a day after the promised delivery date). Upon hearing this, I applied the spiritual dictum: "Shit happens" & rolled with the punches. I received a call on Wednesday; that part way into one of the installations, the first nut that fastened the fender to its bracket apparently "stripped" - this meant the need for some sort of ingenuity, on the part of the technician - which both meant, it would still be successfully and properly completed ... but it was going to take longer. Now Friday at closing time, was the new projected finish and completion projection.

Why the modifications you might ask? I'd be happy to offer an explanation. After riding it fairly frequently over the last month since I purchased it - I began to realize what would make it more comfortable (ergonomically - which equals safety as well), the handle bars it came with; known as "drag bars" - (were a drag) they pitch your torso forward and my arms were pretty much locked out, I found after longer rides this positioning was tiring on my low back and neck and shoulders - hence new handle bar configuration. I was no "drag racer anyway!" The new ones affectionately known as "mini-apes" (versus full "ape-hanger" bars) are infinitely more comfortable for me and they have the added distinction of looking pretty decent too. Full "apes" are really high - I wasn't sure I wanted that extreme (nor the extra expense if I tried it and didn't like it).

The addition of the saddle bags allows for a little storage that doesn't have to be slung on my back - again - a feature that prevents additional fatigue. The "sissy bar" actually will allow for an additional bag - for road trips and could provide back support for a passenger (should I ever decide to take on the added responsibility of carrying someone).

There was no one available to give me a lift out to the shop today (logistics around afternoon rush hour traffic and the closing times, made it a little too tight for my liking). I had decided I could take a public transit bus out (the 45 min. ride to the town where the shop is located and that would put me in easy and reasonable cab distance for the remainder). I had begun the journey and while waiting for the second bus, I checked my phone and a message from the shop indicated everything was still on target for pickup just before closing.

I got off the bus at the town centre - both not knowing it's continued route beyond there, and where that would leave me, and I reasoned it would be an "easy" place to get a cab. I went into the nearby Starbucks for a snack and to kill a little time.

I started looking up cabs online - most of them listed were based back in Victoria. Each that I called informed me that they had no cabs out where I was, and that it would be at least an hour to get one out to me. No good, that would put me past closing time - a flaw in the plan!!

This would be the "where there's a will there's a way.... segment. I "Google" mapped a walking route - it indicated it would take fifty-odd minutes and might get me there after closing. I was both determined to get my bike today and sure I could cut time off that ETA (despite wearing heavy jeans, my heavy leather riding jacket and Blundstone boots - of course I was dressed to ride not "power-walk") -still, how else was I going to get there?!!

I began the walk; at least it was an overcast day and a little cooler than the temperatures we have been experiencing lately... certainly more conducive to this hike. I called the shop to tell them my situation ... both to let them know I'm coming - might be there at the 11th hr. now that I'm walking and to see if perhaps they'd offer to pick me up. No such offer was forthcoming so ... left.... left ... left ... right ... left...

I was nearing what would be the next turn which I was hoping would give me some idea of where I was, relative to the shop and whether I needed to pick up the pace, or continue at my current cadence. I was waiting at the cross-walk for the light to change, when I noticed a fellow sitting on his Suzuki - "crotch-rocket" motorcycle, I crossed in front of him and suddenly was struck by inspiration...

I got to the other side of the cross-walk and turned to look at him.... I walked toward him. Fortunately his light was still red. I asked him if he'd be willing to give me a lift to the Harley shop - "I'd give him $20.00.  He looked at me a little surprised... but he pulled over to the curb to let the rest of the cars go through the light, which had just changed and heard me out. He wasn't yay-ing or nay-ing - at which point I became a little conscious of - I can't wait too long here, if he says no, I still need to walk and I can't spare too much time.

He indicated he just wasn't sure what to do with the backpack he was wearing.... it would be in the way. I had thought that was the end of the line... then he said, "I just live around the corner, let me go and drop it off and I'll come back for you." Wow!! Cool!!

I stood at the corner waiting .... then began wondering, how long do I wait - to either allow him to get back or to preserve the time I need to continue walking if he doesn't come back... I didn't have time to consider it, has there he was at the intersection just waiting for the light to change.

He rode across to me and indicated that the riding/driving route, would be to turn right around and go the way he'd just come from... so "should you get on now, while I make that turn, or you cross the street and I'll pick you up on the other side?" "This will be very different he says..."

I opted to meet him on the other side of the rode. I have some experience being the passenger on a motorcycle - so I know to lean with the turns etc. I still have no idea exactly what way the walking route would have had me go (I'm not that familiar with all the streets out there)... but he got me there with time to spare - now I was actually early!!

I got off at the corner in front of the dealership - so he didn't have to deal with more turning around (with me on the bike) - I realized that he wasn't that accustomed to carrying a passenger. The first clue being that continued mantra of his..... "this is really different!!!" 

I thanked him (and my angels - for getting me there safely) and for saving the day! I jammed my hand in my pocket to get him the  money I promised him .... He said forget it, I'm good! Are you sure, I said, a deal is a deal!!? "No, it's fine," he says - I'm glad to help out a fellow biker!!" Wow, what a fortunate turn of events to find this "random" guy, of all those that I might have encountered! 

When jamming my hand in my pocket I caught under my finger nail on a watch-chain - that was a tad uncomfortable & I tried to hide both my grimacing and the free flowing blood as I bid my Suzuki driven guardian angel - Adieu!! A small price to pay to complete my day's mission & fortunately I had a box of bandages in my pack; that I had just bought on the way out - as I soon realized I needed to cover a raw spot on my heel; where hiking in these same boots, (and short socks) had created a hot spot.

I arrived inside to be informed the technician was just out with my bike, test driving it as part of their final inspection. So I enjoyed some iced tea they had on tap and wondered around in the sea of chrome and exotic paint jobs.

One more surprise before I got under way with my bike. There is a deficiency with one of the brake callipers - not an immediate hazard, however "something they should have found during the pre-sales inspection - so they have ordered the parts, will call me when they are in, to book the install & it's on their dime!!

A side from a light spattering of rain... it was like day and night riding my newly configured bike. I'm not an aggressive rider anyway - just the same I took it easy, this is the first rain for a while which means the roads could be greasy in spots and I wanted to ease myself into, the handling of the new bars etc.

My personal take-aways - I could have "made due" with the original bars. I actually voiced some concern about them when I was first looking at the bike - I decided to let the riding experience be the final judge. In hind-sight my "intuition" was telling me, this bike was not the perfect fit. I let my friend and the sales guy (both whom have considerably more riding experience than me..) give rise to self-doubt. The thing is, they have zero experience living in my body - so their experience is not invaluable - but I ought not allow it to override my guidance. It was suggested I could ride them for this "season" and change them out over the winter if need be. Yes, I could - but that would mean an entire riding season of not being comfortable ... mounting discomfort/fatigue, can become a distraction and a definite hazard - no dice, they will be changed now! My growing conclusion - DON'T SETTLE... you, me ... all of us, are worth far more, than second best!!

While I was chatting with the service manager outside while getting ready to leave; the parts manager I had been dealing with, came out to ask me how I like the "bars.." I said they look fantastic! It was then I noticed my original mirrors were back on the bike. Generally, what was taken apart being replaced is a good thing, except when you had ordered and paid for new mirrors!

I spoke up immediately and she said yes you were meant to get new mirrors; I saw them when I unpacked your parts order - just a moment, I'll go in and get them and put them on before you leave..

Ah... now that's what I'm talking about!! I strive to "encourage" people to live their integrity into being. I understand oversights are made and things often (maybe never go "exactly as planned") - I am grateful to be growing in my capacity to have more compassion both for myself and others.

Life is an apt teacher - and I, one that is brimming with potential, for ongoing growth and expansion. 

The Monk That Bought a Harley

Can I, in clear conscience, claim to be a "Monk?" Well, I have been on an intentional "Spiritual path" for over 31 years. What of the other 27yrs. one might inquire?  Were they then, the "unspiritual" phase of my life? I would suggest, no they were not. They didn't contribute any less to my development - so perhaps then, the flip-side of the same coin. (It most certainly was me throughout!!)

Back to the question of being a monk. Consider I have shaved my head for the last fifteen years. I would suggest that presents the opportunity to allow the reflections of others (the less than helpful and the down-right pointless) to become, "water off a duck's back" (to "become water"- you thought I was going to start quoting Bruce Lee didn't you?). Of course there is a great deal more to the development and discipline of the monastic life than shaving ones head.

Recently I became curious what actually still grows on my head. Suffice to say, what fertile follicles remain will not likely yield me any style magazine photo-shoots. In very short order I restored the long held "part in my hair" (as in - I once again parted with all of it..) I felt peace and equilibrium restored the moment the scruff was removed. After 15yrs. I could fathom the need to own a comb again (not to mention "hair-care" products).. It seems to me far too much fuss is made about hair.

I'd say it's all indicative of my growing conclusion that "I" & none of "it" be taken too seriously. Oft times these spiritual tales involve someone renouncing vast material belongings and wealth, in order to become aware of their vast "inner wealth." I've renounced all kinds of shit! So what am I doing now, buying a Harley? And in the next breath claiming a continued spiritual path and monk status? Monk, mystic, healer, intuitive - maybe I'm all of it, maybe none of it - who care!!?

Maybe the next phase of my development is, renouncing - renouncing. Or at least, to stop considering I'm anything special that I have renounced something in the first place. I'm fed up with "special interest groups; many of whom position themselves, head and shoulders above others in other groups (or often even above those in the group they frequent). I deeply value inclusion and interconnection. Now I cannot renounce the groups that exercise this divineness - or I would be practicing the same exclusion. But I can no longer abide the crucifixion of someone by the group - just to secure my place within the group, the group simply isn't that important. (my integrity is a more pressing matter).

I belong to the human race, I have compassion for the pain and suffering of others but I don't believe anyone's suffering is quantifiably, more than another's.

Many people can tell you all day long how they have been victimized - but they grow mysteriously & suddenly silent when asked in what ways have they perpetrated pain and suffering.

I don't think I'm anything more or less that I own & ride a Harley. I'm aware of the privilege (which I won't apologize for) & I intend to thoroughly enjoy riding it. I am acutely aware of my mortality and the "risk" involved - neither the bike nor me are immortal (at least, not the physicality that rides it). I know nothing material can make me happy - including this bike. It doesn't mean for a minute I can't enjoy what the material world has to offer, while I can - then, when it's over, it's over.

This is not any "mid-life crisis" - I just said, I'm aware of my mortality, but I'm also too busy enjoying my life to dwell on regrets. I'm living now!

Why a "Harley?" Because I've always wanted one! Is it the only way to know the joy of soul freedom - of course not. In my case it is a fantastic means to experience my freedom of choice and you better believe, it's some kinda fun!!

Is life all about having fun? Well, maybe not entirely - but sure as shit, it's not about being a self-deprecating, insufferable martyr either!

Dreams can be realized here and now - who's to say "it's too late?"- except the one abandoning their dream. My book, "What Goes Around Comes Around" has a great many comprehensive guideline questions that people can use to examine their lives. To find out what they value, what they believe (or no longer believe) what is helpful to realize their visions and what is not..

I can't stand in that book and not live my dreams!

There is an immediacy present while riding, wind in the face (albeit also at times, some form of "747" from the insect kingdom ricocheting off my chin) - I have observed: deer, eagles, ravens, herons, butterflies, dragon flies. The visibility has also allowed me to see what I believe is far more turkey vultures than usual - this observance results in my "turning over" any stories I might imagine about why there are vultures circles overhead where I'm riding - it spoils the enjoyment factor.

I love the scenic seaside ride - I have walked those beaches, run parts of that route and sat on the beaches most of my life. The experience of the ever changing vistas while riding there are breath-taking. The physical proximity lends to this intimacy, as does the need to closely observe the physical environment for "risk factors - i.e. road conditions, other motor vehicles and pedestrians - all of which can go from benign sharing of the road to a clear and present danger instantaneously.

It's purely magical to ride through a blizzard of windswept blossoms from Victoria's legions of flowering trees. There is never just cause to seek a short cut when riding - an additional block or ten, just extends the fun. Of course on must reckon with their own limitations and get off and take a break to alleviate fatigue. Though appearances might suggest otherwise in some cases, motorcycling calls for the maintenance of physical fitness and coordination (consider both hands are need to operate clutch on one side, throttle and front brake on the other - and steer, one foot for the gear shift and the other for the rear brake).

Presence isn't any longer just a "New Age" buzz word, it can literally be a life saving state of mind.

The mechanical power of a motor cycle is staggering. With just the twist of the wrist one can go from zero to "Holy Shit" in seconds. Still, I'm not suffering under any illusion that this is the "power" referred to and sought after, in spiritual pursuit.

Just the sae a good ride is for me a joyful and transcendent experience.

Who's to say that what one person considers fraught with peril; or nothing more, than and ego-feeding compensation - isn't for another, the epitome of self-connection and meditation in motion.

Does this then mean I will join ranks with the other "bikers" to form my new community? Not necessarily - while there can be some enjoyment and camaraderie in socializing with those with common interests, I (being who I am)  don't align with the bravado, machismo, and associated vibe that can be found in some circles.

I may be clad in leather while I ride; this represents my want to avoid (should I ever dump the bike) the severity of an asphalt assisted weight loss program. I both seek being comfortable in my skin and I want to keep it too!!

I'm not "too cool for school" never was, never will be! This then is just another semester in my life long curriculum.

I did register and ride in a "charity ride" with 40 or 50 others riders. The ride was put on as a fundraiser for a group in town here called "Bikers Against Child Abuse..." It was amazing to be in a procession of 50 (mostly Harleys) and know the money was going to support this very worthy cause.

Wandering, Worrying, Wondering.....

What compels

You ask,

That I

 present

As one that

Is the consort

Of Saints 

And 

Ascended Masters?

Consider 

A self-loathing

So complete

And 

Profound

That 

To embrace

Myself

In truth

Occurred 

To me

Far more painful

Than 

My self-deception!!

"Spiritual name-dropping"

Then

A desperate ploy

To attain

The love

That I 

Insisted on renouncing

From myself.

I seek 

A love/God

That is real

To me..

No longer

For personal

Aggrandizement 

Too long

Has my ladder

Been

Ascending 

The wrong wall..

I seek

No further accolades

For my heart's plea

For clemency

From my 

Personal hell

I pray

For grace

For which

My response

Is to be

Profound appreciation

Awe & reverence

I am worthy

Not necessarily deserving

And certainly not

Entitled

My life choices

Have groomed me

Near exclusively

To become

Vaguely acquainted

With 

Humility

My God

A lifetime spent

Beating my chest

or 

Quivering beneath

A quagmire

of 

My own shame.

Either way

Demanding - "my due.."

Oblivious

To vast tides

Providing

Ample cause

For gratitude

Refusing 

To release

My grip upon

Self-perceived persecution 

Or to relax

Self-appointed haughtiness

That I might

Come to my knees.

What time remains?

Can a lifetime

of 

Omissions

Be reconciled

While 

A personal Autumn

Beckons

Upon the horizon?

How broad 

Is the embrace

of 

Grace

For one 

Modern day Prodigal Son?

I have 

No answers

Though I'm told

I 

Hold the key

I know nothing

Of the heart's 

Of history's

"Sinners and Saints"

What if

This were 

The last call

For reconciliation?

What could possible

Present

As more pressing

Than my heart's 

Salvation?

R. O'Neill (May 10th, 2018)

The Art of Center (Ring)

A recent set of circumstances have given rise to a very vivid example of the power of the mind. Given I'm no expert on neuro-sciences, consciousness or the effects of trauma on present day life etc. I won't presume to make sweeping conclusions about "the mind" in general. I certainly can speak with authority where recounting my own experiences is concerned.

It was nearly two weeks ago this saga began. I had been at a friends place that evening; to participate in a spiritual circle. The next morning (now back at my own home) and preparing to go away for the weekend to Vancouver; I discovered a ring of mine was missing. I remembered wearing it the previous night. It is quite a unique piece, with a very distinct stone. Within the stone there are various colour gradations which are rather mesmerizing - I remember looking at the stone, while the circle was underway.

Try as I might, I couldn't recall the events of the evening, with respect to what I might have done, with the ring. Generally there are a few places at home I would set it down, either to wash dishes, the bathroom or my night stand. One place further is a catch-all when I'm emptying my pockets - the kitchen counter, I fully expected, to find it in one of these spots as I was getting packed. When it didn't appear in any of them  - this would be place in time, when my mind started to become less than helpful. This, despite the fact, that it was still attempting to reenact the evening and remind me of where I "normally" put it.

I was both aware that I didn't want to scuttle our plan to catch a noon ferry; while at the same time, I was not wanting to go without finding the ring. I continued to prepare to leave while looking as I did so. I re-checked numerable times the places it "should be" (because you know, if my insistence that it be where it's supposed to be, is asserted with enough vigour - surely that will produce the ring!! In case you didn't already guess - that strategy was absolutely fruitless. The longer I kept coming up empty-handed, the greater was my level of agitation.

I began affirming that I wasn't going to let this spoil our weekend away. I began to wax spiritual with regard to impermanence etc. These perspectives were only mild consolation. I was not prepared at this point to "let go" of the ring. I was begrudgingly willing to abandon the search - in favour of getting to the ferry terminal on time.

Some additional factors that were influencing my mood were: the ring, which as I said is rather unique (at least here - given it came from Iran) it was given to me by a friend at a ceremony  - the ceremony was to honour the launch of my book. So to say I was emotionally invested in this ring would indeed be accurate. There were a great many energies present for me within my heart regarding this ring.

But that's not the end of the voices that contributed to my angst. From somewhere within my psyche chimes in: "You have no appreciation for anything of value," "When are you going to learn to be more responsible?" "You'd loose your head if it wasn't attached!!" "How could you be so careless?" "Do you have any idea, what it takes to provide you with........??"

Clearly this litany of shaming assertions wasn't much of a moral booster - what made it worse, was there was no one around but me! So regardless where I may have sourced these admonishments - it was me, that was now running them and directing them at myself.

I gathered my baggage (both for the weekend excursion & that which dredged up) and got on my way to pick up my friend and head for the ferry. I wasn't exactly the paragon of inner peace and joy on the way to the ferry. My accounting for these spectres of the past played out more like a self-thrashing. I did eventually drop it. The weekend was pleasant on the whole with nothing further arising that was directly attributable to the ring.

When I got home I resumed the search - checking all the same places I had already searched and re-searched. Then began looking in more obscure places - to no avail. I was sad and disappointed to lose the ring. I didn't relish telling the friend that gifted it to me of it's demise. There was the underlying foreboding of being chastised/punished, the shame of having lost it, the fear of how I was going to be seen. The ring most certainly became a portal to a vast under-tow of my "shadow."

Interesting the whole time I kept getting this imagery of taking it off to wash my hands .... (but then what?) I asked my friend to check with her son and see if he had come across it and set it aside. Still nothing..

I decided to get another ring - still convinced that this one would surface. It fits too well to just fall off. I actually got to a place where I could acknowledge - as conscientious and methodical as I try to be there are "gaps" & if I did "lose" the ring none of the self-admonishment barrage was true.

I resigned myself that the replacement ring would be a new ring - but not a replacement & nothing like the previous one. I found an interesting ring in an Egyptian import store. It has symbols on it for "protection," "rebirth," & "eternal life." I decided to go ahead and purchase it.

I began wearing it immediately and in & of itself it began to grow on me. I held off telling the friend about the loss of the other ring. I kept "seeing" the original ring - in particular the stone. I just carried on my day to day life doing what was in front of me to do. All the while I kept getting the impression of both the stone and taking it off to wash my hands - neither of which were doing anything to relocate the ring.

Today I was getting ready to go down town I put on a light weight hoodie to wear under another jacket. As I was squaring myself in the garment .... I brushed both sides over the pockets - I felt what I immediately recognized as the shape of "the ring.." I put my hand in the pocket and sure enough there it was. Ironically, I have worn that same hoodie I time or two since being back in Victoria and it wasn't until today that the ring was discovered. It, I suppose, had been there the whole time. Had I allowed the whole imagery to play forward - the "took it off to wash my hands" - may have concluded with, I put it in the pocket of the green hoodie ( I was wearing it the night of the circle, after which the ring had "vanished.") while I washed my hands.

What an ordeal the mind (my mind) is capable of creating. I am happy to have the ring back. I am also grateful for the insight I received about myself, as a result of its disappearance. I have no idea about the monetary value of the ring in question - but the journey into myself that resulted is priceless.

Here I thought I was searching or a "missing ring," - apparently I was also searching for some missing truth about myself. Another brick in the road toward humility - I don't know if I'll ever attain any but reckoning with myself - certainly gives me a good taste every now & again!!

R. O'Neill (April 24, 2018)

Heart's Evolution

Will today 

Truly be 

My day?

To be sure

I awaken

To a day

Replete with

 Infinite potential

I 

Have waged

A war

Spanning

A life time

Believing

My very

Being

Hinged on

Inextinguishably

Etching

My signature

Beyond 

The reach

Of mortality

Hypervigilant

My effort

To remain

One step

Ahead

Of being

Consumed

By an 

 Irreverent conformity 

Terminal uniqueness

Shredded

The fabric of

Compassion & connection

Spawning 

That which

I feared 

The most

Irrelevance 

Collateral damage

Became inconsequential

Vastly less important

Than "survival"

            

Sheer will-power

For so long

Wielded defensively

Near becoming

My undoing

Redirected to

No longer

Waging war

I belong 

To my heart

My heart

 Belongs 

To the world

A heart centred 

Directive

Provides meaning

That moment to moment

Expresses the soul

While honouring others

It calls

For attentive listening

And inspired action

Unique 

But "against" no one.

R. O'Neill (April 19, 2018)

A Moment for the Dance

Animated 

By an 

Unseen song

First a gentle sway

To & fro

To follow,

An alluring

Tempo acceleration

Inducing

Rhythmic undulation

A uniform gyration

Beckons 

Come hither

I'm captivated

By the 

Visual symmetry

A lower lip

Set to quiver

I swallow hard

Vision softens

Eyes brimming 

With a 

Flood of delight

I'm swept away

Inner experience

And

External display

Become one

Life force energy

Pulses ecstatically

Corporeal confinement

Forgotten

A breath caught short

While a heart expands

Beyond four chambers

To embrace infinity

Such splendour

Tantalizing & mesmerizing 

In equal portions

Emerald fields 

Of Spring's resurrection

My deep appreciation 

For the dance.

R. O'Neill (April 10th, 2018)