An Instrument Being Tuned

The next series of blog posts I'm going to take on, will take a look at the Saint Francis of Assisi Prayer.

For the sake of clarity - I'm going to aim to do a line of the prayer each day (on any given day there could be additional posts unrelated to this particular focus). When I say cover, it certainly isn't meant to imply, that this is the definitive examination of his prayer - it represents my current understanding combined with any inspiration in the moment. There are most certainly, more learned than I, that have written and studied comprehensively, on the life and work of Francis.

This first post will offer a little background on my relationship with Francis. Yes I'm suggesting a relationship exists. One of considerable longstanding as it turns out. First of all I will mention I am not Catholic. The family I was raised in (adopted) were Anglican by affiliation. Though it was not a particularly "religious" household. So I both attended Anglican church when I was young and was sent to a Catholic elementary school - it was thought, I'd get a better education there, with the smaller class sizes etc.

So I suppose it's safe to say I was influenced by both Churches to some extent. I don't happen to believe that one must be Catholic to consider Francis their guide. I'm quite sure "he" doesn't care at all. I don't believe the Catholics have the monopoly on any of the beings they have deemed "saints."

Mother Mary is a significant presence in my life as well. Both relationships are largely absent the theology of Catholicism. Which many in their ranks, would likely say is not possible. I say, my relationship with Francis, Mary and Jesus (for that matter), are none of their business.

It was many years after my attendance at "St. Joesph's school, that I was reminded and made aware, that one of my favourite "songs;" I liked to sing, when I was allowed to tag along, with all the Catholic kids and attend their Mass; as it turns out, was based on the words of Francis' prayer.

I was to be reintroduced to that prayer, in my late twenties when I entered into A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous) - I'm not in breach of the "anonymity" principle; each is allowed to shroud themselves or "break their anonymity" as they choose. I would never break that of any other member. I don't actually attend those meetings anymore, my spirituality stems from a variety of other sources. That program (including that prayer at that time went on to save my life).

This reacquainting with Francis was very comforting and the words of his prayer took on a vastly deeper and more power meaning. I believe I could live out the rest of my life, trying to live up to directives in the prayer. Still later in my life,  I was traveling in Europe for my first time. I had decided to join some friends in Italy for a couple yoga retreats (then and now,  I have vast untapped yoga potential) - but I was over there and the idea of connecting with this beautiful group of people and in Italy, over-rode my "performance anxiety." I was traveling through the Balkan countries and stayed 3 nights in Split, Croatia (there was an over night ferry from there to go across to Italy).

No sooner had  I checked my bags into my B&B room and started to explore the town - the first church I was drawn to go through turned out to be "the Church of St. Francis". The first of the two yoga retreats was to be in a small town called Spoleto... it was only an hour away from Assisi, so I spent 3 nights in that city and two more in Perugia. My experiences while there, were very profound. I prayed at the tomb of St. Francis and St. Clare. Sat in the church he "rebuilt." Walked in the woods and hills where he may have roamed.

When I checked into a hotel in Spoleto (having arrived there a few days before the retreat started) my room was at the Hotel Clarici ("Clare" - who renounced her life to follow in the steps of Francis and went on to create the "Poor Clares" - the order of St. Clare a contemplative order of nuns) a women working at the desk that was very helpful getting me settled and oriented (her name was Francesca - the feminine form of "Francis.."

I was also to meet another women by the same name. She and her friends drove me back to the venue one night (early a.m.) after I had got separated from my retreat group. She owned a pizza restaurant in town and was very hospitable toward me while I was in town after the retreat.

It is through these experiences and many more that I realize the "presence" of Francis has been around me most of (maybe all of) my life; in direct ways and some more subtle - I have been taken care of and guided.

I don't believe you need to be a religious person at all in order to connect with the spirit of any of the world's "historic" characters. I'd say it's a easy as beginning any new friendship - start by saying hello.

In this case I also believe that the tenets of this prayer provide me with a "road map" for a life time of character development and spiritual growth.

I include the prayer here for any that might not be familiar with it and as something to refer to as I work my way through it's vision.

R.O'Neill (July 08, 2018)

Or You Could Be Happy!

The final word/s from the Desiderata:

"Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Given the context, it seems to me, this directive is aimed at you and I, the readers. The mandate is one of personal responsibility. It's not saying, expect someone to do it for you. It's not saying hold someone else accountable for your lack of happiness. It is suggesting that you be "cheerful" and that being happy, is going to require your participation. I don't say effort, as I would suggest, it shouldn't be forced. But that choice does come into play.

I would say, I'm generally pretty happy. Not giddy, not deliriously happy, all day, every day (in fact seldom, if ever).  More like, I have developed the ability to enjoy my own company when called for, and I try to be a positive presence, when in the company of others. I actively aim to expand the qualities of acceptance and contentment.

It doesn't mean I don't get angry or agitated at times; but I'm not waiting on a particular set of circumstances to arrive, in order to then, be happy.

Naturally there would be those, that have been in my life at one time or another, that may have witnessed or been on the receiving end, of more than their share of my unhappiness, and they would possibly spin a different perspective.

Conversely the manager of the Harley motorcycle service department shared with me, that he was talking to someone else in the department about my bike - his assessment was, "he's a pleasure to deal with, always comes in with a smile on his face...." I was genuinely surprised to receive this feedback - not that I thought I was "unpleasant," but it was nice to hear. I guess in that environment,  (working on motorcycles) and Harley's at that (expensive when it comes to parts etc.) the staff have the dubious responsibility, to not always impart happy news to their clients. My demeanour is not contrived to win me special favours - but I believe I get great service out there. I do my best to treat people respectfully.

Of course there are times when I fit squarely into the "surly to bed - surly to rise" club. I try to avoid interacting with people while in this state if possible.

I don't believe it's any more or less unrealistic to be as happy as I can (despite the world events) than to be chronically unhappy. The former isn't indicative of being in denial and the latter doesn't imply I'm any more sensitive or caring. Challenges of day to day life certainly won't be more readily overcome by being miserable about it. If anything that's more apt to bring you down.

It's choices.

Bobby MeFerrin gave us: "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" (Sage advice - I'd say!)

R. O'Neill (July 06, 2018)

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

It would be easy to presume that were you to decide to pursue a "spiritual path," that from then on you go about life somehow floating above ("transcending") mindsets and life pursuits, that otherwise "mere mortals," continue to engage with. How might you draw this conclusion? Why through speaking to some of these people, or being a fly on the wall, somewhere where they gather.

"Oh no, I only drive my Platinum Edition Hummer with the all season hemp tires; to yoga, three times a week." "Well yes it does have an all-leather interior - but I just know intuitively, that the hides were ethically sourced,"  "I can tell by the energy in my vehicle, that this was a one very happy cow." "I pray daily for the people going into the steak house - may they be forgiven, for they know not what they do!"

Ironically many, in the spiritual walks of life, like to distinguish themselves from "religious people" citing the hypocrisy of religion. Meanwhile being quite oblivious to their own.

If you feel passionate about being a vegan then do your homework, learn how to continue to meet decent nutrition standards, and enjoy yourself. If you feel called to meditate then there are dozens of paths available - books and dvd presentations galore. If you are drawn to something, there's a good chance there is something in it for you. However, there is nothing "spiritual" about self-righteous evangelical, I gave up cable so now my shit don't stink; ways of being in the world.

Renunciation is not uncommon in different spiritual paths; including some to which people devote their entire lives. Without the "distraction" of worldly goods and concerns - the adherents are more free to focus their attention on their spiritual development. This life is not necessarily for everyone and not the only way to explore your spirituality.

Again, should you choose to renounce various foods, "social activities," ways of life, then do so because you feel inspired to do so. I don't advocate self-mandated suffering. And you are not better than anyone else for having made this choice. When I take something like this on - it is then part of the crucible through which I might just experience some personal growth.  I'm not entitled to any accolades from anyone els,e nor to lord it over them.

Yesterday when I got home after spending the day traveling some of the back roads and to villages up the island on my motorcycle; I was unpacking my gear and putting it away and then discovered, I was missing the hat I had with me all day long.

Retracing my steps up to my apartment it was nowhere to be seen; not still in the saddle bags; not lying anywhere around my apartment. I don't have clear recall. I was carrying my helmet with glasses and the case in it, had a small back pack and my keys. If I'd had the hat on my head, it should have made it into my apartment. I remember taking it off and stowing in a saddle bag. The reason I remember that, is because I frequently pack the saddle bag; do up the straps and buttons, and then when I go to put my helmet on, I realize I'm still wearing the hat, and have to open the saddle bag to pack it. It can't come out of the bag while riding, the flap overlaps and buckles and buttons closed.

So it's possible I had it tucked under my arm on the way up to my apartment and dropped it on route. Maybe someone in the building found it and has it. I put a note on a bulletin board by the mailboxes - last night (which not everyone would have had a chance to see yet - or respond to).

Today I went to town and bought a new hat!

I know a thing or too about "impermanence." I believe I have a healthy perspective on love for self, love of others and not putting too much value upon "stuff." (though I would suggest taking care of my belongings is an extension of caring for myself). Granted, many things are not built to last, but taking care of them, can extend their useful longevity.

I even have other hats that are essentially the same style as the one I lost - however they are wool and too hot, this time of year. I have ball cap style hats which functionally provide me with what I need this time of year, which is shading from the sun. I don't always want the ball cap look. Parts of my head have renounced growing hair; so I have largely either closed cropped or shaved my entire head for years. I grew it out a little a while ago, to see what was going on these days - there were no startling revelations! It still grows where it does and not where it doesn't.

I wear that lost hat at some part of pretty much ever day - it doesn't matter how I hold the hat philosophically, my naked scalp requires coverage!

I don't care to live out this scenario: "Wow your head is really burnt, that must be painful!"

"Well yes it is, it hurts like hell," "but I am embracing the principle of impermanence." "I lost my hat, and that is just a reminder that all in life is temporary;" "therefore my suffering is preferable, to my continued exhaustion, of the ever depleting resources of our planet, by buying another hat."

I imagine the divine universal intelligence providing the following guidance:

"Dude for God-sake, get off the pot, and buy another hat!"

R. O'Neill (July 05, 2018)

Beauty Abounds

The next observations noted in the Desiderata is:

"With all its sham, drudgery, & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."


Pathologies such as "clinical depression" or deep-seated anxiety for example, aside; for in order to attain liberty from these states, it may take complex intervention; todays segment of the Desiderata would seem to contain elements, of how one chooses, to see the world.

Is the glass half full or half empty. (or, at least you have some water to drink!)

Without a doubt, if you dwell on the dark and negative, there are no shortage of such, occurring in our world - placing your attention there, if it doesn't attract those situations to you, at least will skew your perspective accordingly.

By all means process and grieve the disappointments, the losses, the broken dreams. It doesn't mean you can't create new dreams. Beware of the shams, but don't abandon trust and push away those with honourable intention and good hearts. More importantly, don't renounce your own good heart!

That which has gotten old and stale, where possible, refresh the routine. For those repetitive tasks in your life, that must be done a certain way - recognize the importance of each, in your personal foundation. In an ever changing world - perhaps these routines can serve as an anchor.

Get out in nature as often and for as long, as you can allow the time. Time in the forests, at the seaside, along the river or around the lake - will offer you something you cannot attain, listening to media talking heads, paint the world bleakly and at the brink.

One's heart and soul need revitalization - in order to face the demands of life. Time spent soaking up the beauty of our world, is not ignoring what is going on - it is a self-loving response.

We all need each other - showing up (in the face of world events) bringing our best game forward. I don't know about you, but I can't muster the ongoing enthusiasm - if I constantly dwell on the dark. I have done reams of "shadow work" - I will do further when & where it is necessary. But I don't live there.

An apt metaphor is suggested in the "23rd Psalm;"

The 3rd line reads:

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil......."

I believe the most powerful word here is "through" (walk through.....) - not set up camp, not build a cabin and commence with homesteading.... walk through! To me that is not imposing a time expectation, which then allows for anyone's individual process to occur in it's own divine time.....

But it does imply (suggest) walking through - which to me, reminds me, not to stay stuck and gives me hope that I am walking toward resolution.

R. O'Neill (July 05, 2018)

Pre-Meditated Peace

More on this matter of peace Desiderata carries on with:

"And whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul."

This reminds me of how easy it can be, to be swept up into dramas of various forms. Some close to home and therefore more personal - others farther removed, but none the less, made personal. How readily then, am I willing, to surrender the peace in my soul? The "selling" of ones soul need not only be some huge cataclysmic life altering cross-road. It can just as readily be served up, piece meal; & handed over on a platter day by day - rather than aligning with its guidance.

Your soul provides a unique blueprint just for you - to ignore it, too become to concerned with trends, fads, fashion and following the crowd; invites a great deal of inner turmoil. It is quite possible that your soul-aligned guidance will receive the "approval" of no one outside yourself (even though it's directives have the highest good for all in mind).

"A Course In Miracles" - poses the idea: "I choose peace, rather than this......" - an application worth considering.

John Lennon - suggested: "Give Peace a Chance.." Ultimately I believe this means, peace is not just, "the absence of noise.." it requires conscious action, for it's attainment and preservation.

The soul has no allegiance to the false gods of materialism & consumerism - peace then is a choice; and must be given more priority, than the satisfying of greed and acquisition, of illusory power.

 Peace, Shalom, Salam, Namaste, Síocháin, Mirovni!!!

R. O'Neill (July 04, 2018)  

A Peace that's Worth Defending - But Won't Require It!

Thank you to all who continue to follow my blog and in particular, this current examination of Desiderata. The line by line exploration, is proving to be for me the writer, a journey. I imagine a journey of sorts, for the readers that have chosen to follow along.

To continue then, the next line reads:

"Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be."

Right out of the gate, I envision laptops snapping shut after reading that line. The atheists insisting there is no God. Another significant portion of the world, railing at the idea that the Divine, is referred to as "God" & "him."

I most certainly do not claim, to have the definitive inside track to the divine. I don't know who you are, but I know, neither do you. If we can get that out of the way, and have a discussion in terms of "possibility" and mystery, maybe you'll reach the end of this post. I'm not trying to promote my view or discount the view of others. I don't need anyone to share my view and I'll listen to yours, but I'm not interested in it being force fed to me.

To some degree I would say the choice of the words (God & him) reflect conventions of the era Desiderata was written. I don't wish to discount, discredit or diminish what has occurred with respect to the feminine aspect of the divine over the centuries. I accept to be true that there is continued healing and work to be done in that realm as well as; to focus exclusively there, is very limiting and places the limitless, infinite divine, in another limiting finite box.

So do what you need to do; to make the suggestion from Desiderata palatable, and then in the context of what was said before it, and that which will follow, examine it for yourself.

I believe, the assigning of gender to the divine as exclusively one or the other, is erroneous. I believe both exist equally. Further I believe that people the world over, create the image of the divine, to suit themselves, according to whatever they most need it to be. So for example someone that renounces a male or female oriented deity; correspondingly has unhealed "issues," with that parent and ongoing history of angst relating to that corresponding gender (or anyone that has similar energy to the "offending parent."

No paradigm that excludes the masculine or the feminine works for me. They are present in all human beings, regardless of what "gender" the individual "identifies" with.

I would say - where the divine is concerned, whether you call it God or Goddess... you are not at "peace" with it - if you are denying "half of it." Given the existence of both energies & and aspect of the divine within me, if I'm repressing/rejecting to varying degrees, part or all of one energy, the other or both... I'm rejecting myself (and the divine). No peace there, I can assure you.

I'm no authority on the source or path to peace.... but I could extensively and comprehensively outline what isn't the path. In that respect I'm not uniquely wise or gifted, nor do I have some special connection. I was compelled  to seek a path to peace (which is an ongoing work in progress) when my life drove me to my knees. My seeking is not a demonstration of superiority or virtue on my part; it was necessary to save my life. Seeking the peaceful answer represents a necessity to me. I'm not interested in debating the existence of a path that works - I want and need, a path that works.

The masculine and feminine energies within me were bestowed by the Creator as part of "creation." Certainly I am free to reject this gift in part or in whole. I've never found peace in doing so & I've never met anyone, that was at peace through doing so.

Humanity hasn't learned to live a balanced approach to much of anything. Even some of those that honour "nature" - ignore that both energies exist in that very nature.

Any one can make an argument for their world view and while a vice-like grip is maintained on that view, ample "evidence," will present to support it. It doesn't mean one has the monopoly on the whole truth,  it just means, they can see only, what they are willing and allowing, to be seen.

Gender specific deities don't have to mean one is at odds with the opposite sex - there can be those with a balanced world view, but it's just as likely that there are those, that are hiding from the more painful parts of themselves, through wide scale renunciation.

The way I see it, this whole post is composed in finite language, & barely scratches the surface of this matter of the divine. My experience is, the more widely I'm able to accept myself, others, life on life's terms and take responsibility for where I'm at, with all of it - the more peace I feel.

I don't need to agree with anyone's view to listen to it. The sharing of it might reveal something to me that will become assimilated into my awareness. Or it might prompt me to explore further what was said or the path you are espousing.

I have found through my life .. those times went I adamantly defended what I thought I knew; (or what I wanted someone else to believe I knew) were the times, when I was the most uncertain and scared. I clung to my position like a drowning man grasps a life preserver (again - No Peace!)

I'm inclined to believe ... believe what you want, but if in order to present those views, or if someone questions them; & you fly into a rant, there is no peace. I don't want to just talk about my beliefs, I want the path I follow, to be embodied in a peaceful way of being.

I can't and won't try to define the divine. For me, those that claim theirs, to be the definitive viewpoint hold to something far too small - essentially they have wrapped the divine in their own ego projection.

 It is enough for me to acknowledge it exists and then continue to ask what are the implications of this, and how is it meaningful to me, one day to the next.

R. O'Neill (July 03, 2018)

On a Don't Need to Know Basis

Carrying on with the Desiderata teachings:

"And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

This claim might seem the epitome of preposterous. One only need pick up a newspaper or witness any of the various "news" channels; after which they might conclude, the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

I watched my father (who was obsessed with all news media formats) do little more than raise his blood pressure and feed his anxieties. There was never any intention on his part, to do anything about any of it - so I could never see the point, of ruminating over ever nuance released, and just getting more upset about it.

I'm not suggesting an inhumane disconnection, empathy or lack of compassion. I'm not saying there aren't horrendous events occurring daily (somewhere) on the planet; many that naturally give rise to fear.

I defer to the wisdom within the Serenity prayer "Accept the things I cannot change." I have very little control over, oh so many things. Oh sure I can contribute and participate, but outcomes are often an unknown. My continuing to focus all my attention on "world news" - their penchant for sensationalization and graphic depiction, of all that is "wrong with the world," would do nothing to change any of it.

Of course the same prayer asks for "the Courage to change the things I can." I don't believe that is license to just go through life spewing anger at everything & everybody; that is involved in anything I disagree with. I'd serve the world better to deal with my anger (or at least how I go about expressing it). If I feel passionate enough to want to be part of a change - then I can make a contribution any way I can.

It's possible that this engaging of life - is far more likely to foster change in me, than in the world at large. Certainly "one person" can make a difference - but often times, one's contribution, doesn't create any immediately tangible change; or it is one that is visible, only after an extended period of time.

All day, every day, there are people (individuals & groups) doing amazing things. Do not go to the media looking to hear accounts of these heart-warming stories. Oh sure, there is often one "feel good story" included in the newscast (whether due to lobbying from the sponsors, the viewers, or the "news team" themselves; are numbing their own psyche's and generating fear in their ranks, with their own broadcasts) - there is the one lone positive story.

I would assert, the world doesn't need another person riddled with fear and anxiety - behaving in the world from a place of defensiveness and projection of their own pain. This might only amount to a minuscule contribution; but if nothing else - my intention is to address that, within myself.

Therefore it is necessary to make a conscious effort to contribute where ever one can and make a concerted effort to look for the positive. I'm not saying ignore the atrocities and glaze them over with denial and rainbows (don't get me wrong - I love rainbows). It goes back to the story of the two wolves (black & white) & which one is fed.

I'm also not saying that this "focus" matter, is "black & white" (pun intended) and I then go through life feeling nothing but the lighter more enjoyable emotions, and "darker" world events, don't effect me.

Does that mean ("the universe is unfolding as it should...") that history's events have been "necessary?"

I couldn't say for sure. What I can say,  is in my own life, there has been all forms of life experience painful, humiliating, frightening (some might say "senseless..") and yet all of it, has made me who I am and has been catalyst, for my evolution. Did I "have to," go through these experiences - maybe not, but I did. It serves no useful purpose to condemn myself indefinitely for these choices. So in effect, things continue to and are unfolding, "as they should."

I make somewhat of an assumption, that if this is true in my life (and I am part of humanity) then it is possibly true, of the collective humanity and it's evolution. Of course this doesn't make it so and it only serves to help me sleep at night (which incidentally isn't assured anyway).

Isn't it remarkable the scale to which "we"as humans can expand our personal drama (and then extend that concern for that of the "world stage;" even given we live on this tiny speck of a planet, in an universe that extends far beyond our minds ability to conceptualize it, which continues to unfold and is undergoing ongoing creation).

We are here so I suppose we matter in the greater scheme of things. But maybe not quite as much as we'd like (or choose) to think.

R. O'Neill (July 01, 2018)