Ch..Ch..Ch..anges!!

God Grant Me the Serenity

To Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Courage to Change the Things I Can

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference.

Twenty-six years ago I was introduced to that prayer through the 12-step rooms of A.A. (Something else I remembered that was frequently said back then was - "all you have to do is put the plug in the jug and change your whole "friggin' life").

Though I'm not around those rooms any longer (my spirituality and ongoing "sobriety" has been and continues to be supported elsewhere) - I still credit coming through those doors for saving my life.

Interestingly, the one thing that has remained unchanged - is the "call to change." (apparently on that score - the "old-timers" knew what they were talking about) - the call gets louder and the words of that prayer likely now burned into every fibre of my being having been repeated  thousands & thousands of times, continually, take on new meaning.

So much has "changed" since those early days I was 27 when I first "sobered up" 28 by time I came through "the doors" and I actually thought my life was over. In so many ways, on so many fronts, it had not yet really begun. I am immensely grateful to have that experience to look back on.

Over the ensuing years I got married (for the first time) divorced after seventeen years started new jobs - quit jobs etc. In hindsight my primary focus for change was the external realities of my life. Certainly things got "different" and it collectively represents my experience - all contributing to who I am today. Something I discovered along the way  was that until I began to focus the need for "change" on myself ........ well it was a bit like spraying expensive perfume on a bucket of shit (at first it was pleasant enough, but eventually it really started to stink again!).

Once again I realize that the "old-timers" had eluded to this - they were forever saying: "this is an inside job" (I wasn't clear for quite sometime what that meant - but damned if I was going to be the only one in the room that didn't get it). So I twisted one of their other "slogans" ("fake it 'til ya make it.") - and marched around parroting - "oh ya, it's an inside job." Eventually life has a way of introducing humility - even to someone like myself that was hobbled by his own pride, arrogance and shame. "Change" was made possible when I became "teachable" and learned the power of asking for help.  Sometimes willingness looks a little bit like desperate (but it is enough for a beginning).

All these years later and I have come to know frequently (if not always) "the thing I can change" is me. (the thing that must change is me). So frequently I have been what stands between myself and the things I would like to have in my life. Trouble was I blamed everything and everybody but me (until I didn't).

So the responsibility has come home to roost (better late than never) made possible by an ongoing "change of perspective." Now I embrace the power of creativity that was present all along (though was misdirected and focused on what I didn't want) and I might add, was highly successfully at bringing me just that! Now, I'm learning how to be more intentional about what I do want. Perhaps a subtle "change" but one that is proving to be "life changing!"

I'm reminded of the old "Peanuts" cartoon strip (in particular the character "Pig Pen") like him I had this "cloud" in tow (ever present - dragged it along with me wherever I went) one might consider this an odd thing to remain attached to (I know I do, now that I've become aware of it!") This is what I was putting out to the universe - it coloured my worldview and my experience (in fact I'm coming to realize now it was part of creating and attracting my experiences).

What a freedom to come to realize I can choose my experience - that in fact change is possible (beginning with becoming more willing to invite and embrace change). What really excites me is the opportunity to model the profound change that has been (and I trust, will continue to be) possible in my life - I will be able to share with other people that believe they are trapped in unchangeable circumstances.

Big changes are on the horizon - not the least of which will be the need for me to step up and into, that which is necessary to support and recognize, the need to further learn and grow. To trust, dare more greatly - to believe in my innate gifts and worth to create a life that I love - a love for life and to "Be the Change I Want to See In the World"

How's that for Change?!!