I acknowledge that it is entirely possible that those that read my blog could collectively represent the reality of my "preaching to the converted." I hope to present as someone that first and foremost, is not preaching. I share my experiences, my insights (sometimes gained through painful "mistakes") and absolutely at times, my opinion. Frequently my writing is an exploratory conversation with life or different parts of myself and as such some of it is literally revelatory to me. I don't presume that anything I express is necessarily "news" to everyone else. As again recently, I was reminded of the idea, that "healing" is a spiral path (rather than a linear one) and therefore things I have addressed in terms of "my issues" may well come around again, to be understood and healed at a deeper level, and be assimilated through my being more comprehensively; I may well revisit various themes that I'm re-remembering, or perhaps I "know" intellectually, but haven't fully integrated into my ways of being.
I would be sincerely delighted if those that read my work, find they can relate to it, that it is helpful in someway. None of it is "Sermon on the Mount." I strive for continued authenticity and transparency - while fully acknowledging - I don't represent "the way and the truth." I have a natural curiosity that will continue to question pretty much everything - I am for the most part content to know that in terms of absolutes I may not always get a satisfactory answer. All this to say, I don't share my experiences believing others don't already have an understanding of their own, about whatever it is I'm focusing on. It's one of the ways that I believe I'm making a contribution to the conversation regarding the human condition.
As a follow up from an experience I had a couple days ago that was referenced in the last blogpost I will introduce into this piece the idea that one not "shoot the messenger because they don't like the message" or "discount the message because they believe they don't like the messenger."
The other day due to a "meeting" in progress somewhere within the government offices adjacent to where I was busking, I was asked by one of the building security officers to move on. (to be fair he did suggest that I come back in about an hour or so and "I'd probably be good to go.") I went away grumbling and the come back option/invitation was momentarily lost to my awareness. One thing led to another and I ended up getting my income tax processed (which yielded considerably more than I would have made busking that day or for a number of busking sets for that matter).
Today I decided I was going to go into town and play music again. I had originally set my sights on a spot that is open to the elements and on the way into town on the bus, the driver's need to use his windshield wipers led me to concede the unsheltered spot was not going to work. I wasn't so sure about going back to the library - not because of events of the other day, but because I generally try not to go there too many consecutive days as I don't want to wear on the good graces of the library patrons (or the government workers). I decided to go there and hopefully get one set in where I could stay dry.
When I arrived there was the same security office speaking to another fellow up on the raised platform. He had a case of some sort open partially covered with a silk cloth. I stood back not sure what the nature of the conversation was to see what was going to happen. Parked beside the platform was a two seat recumbent bicycle with all kinds of gear tied to it. Part of what the security is there for, is to manage the courtyard, so various activities of some that frequent the downtown core, don't take place there.
The security officer finished is conversation with the fellow and then approached me. I wished him "good morning" and asked, "if there were meetings scheduled for today?" He indicated that as far as he knew nothing slated. I apologized for be "grumpy" the other day - he laughed it off and graciously said, "compared to what can go on down here - that our interaction was a non-issue." He then said - what you've got to realize down here, is that those of us that are the visible messenger are seldom the one's from where the "request" has been generated." I indicated that I understood - "ya you guys are just doing a job that in effect sets you up to potentially be cannon fodder; when you have to carry out the agenda of those that will remain invisible in their offices." He said of the fellow on the platform - he's a pretty easy going guy, you might be able to get a chance to collaborate "on stage" if you ask him." I asked him what he played (as he was still organizing his stuff, turned out he's a clarinet player.) I was told he was living at the tent city at present but that he was just passing through town.
I said for the moment, I was happy to let him play and follow afterward. The security officer introduced himself and invited me to continue talking with him as we walked around the area (part of his "rounds"). We had a very easy going conversation - what do ya know, he's just a regular guy and a pretty decent one at that! By then, the fellow on the platform was in full flight with his clarinet - he proved to be a very gifted musician. I received another lesson about "judging a book by it's cover" - I was thoroughly enjoying his performance, I don't often take the opportunity to listen to other performers there (I just arrive do my thing and leave). I was happy to tip this fellow for the beautiful music he was creating.
After a few selections he asked me what time it was. After telling him, he said, "time for me to get on with my day, are you here to play?" I indicated that I was. He said, "I was going to play one more, so why don't you come up here and we'll jam and then, I'll be on my way." My blood ran cold, as I have very little experience playing with others. I indicated that to him and he replied, "no big deal you just play a song that you normally sing and instead of singing it right through play the chords for the song and I'll improvise a solo." He didn't want to wait for me to get my stand set up (in order for me refer to any of my song sheets - so I said, "I know Green Green Grass of Home" by memory - will that work?" "Ya - let's do it!" We played the song together which certainly turned a few heads. When we finished he said "that was great!" I was amazed at his virtuosity and thanked him for the experience. Someone came by as I was setting up and he was putting his clarinet away and gave him a tooney - he reached in his pocket and fished out a looney and gave it to me. (our first remuneration as a duo!)
His friend joined us on the platform and was very complimentary about the blend of my voice and the clarinet - he says, the "resonance was perfect!" We went on to discuss the acoustics of the courtyard (him in far more knowing terms than me) as he pointed out various elements of the architecture that lent to the beautiful sound in there. Then he went on to tell me about the knowledge of sound and acoustics that the Benedictine monks are privy to, that is centuries old, and then made reference to the "walls of Jericho" being brought down with the sound of a trumpet ("that's not just a story - they know how to do that stuff). Again I'm humbled by his depth of knowledge as my assessment of the courtyard is pretty much, the acoustics in here are amazing!"
I can forget - the light of Spirit is in everyone and they all have their own gifts and unique expression.
The security guy chatted me up throughout my performance time there - clearly much better to befriend folks than alienate. I had a great chat with the clarinet player and his friend before I started. And with largely the same repertoire that I have performed there in the past and overall a shorter performance duration - I made the most money I ever had in that location to date!
Much could be said about the difference my attitude and energy have on a particular outcome (part of my point being I didn't actually conceive today's outcome before hand - but I am reflecting on what positively contributed to it)
I certainly gained more first hand experience of the benefit of building "bridges" rather than "walls" In case you haven't guessed I have vast experience at building the latter - more of my bridge related experience might be classified as "arsonist." Of course the wall building can be attributed to times in my life when I believed it necessary for my own preservation (in some cases which was absolutely true). Today I need to further recognize how & when I do that as part of transforming wounds and behaviour. Having the experience of "bridge-building" serves to demonstrate to me that something else is possible and is infinitely more valuable than hearing or reading the experience of another (in terms of my own transformation). Anecdotally there is value in my hearing of the experience of others as it shows me (mirrors) what is currently true for me, while I'm still having contrasting experiences - then I can decide what I want to bring into my life.
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