Truth First

My sisters “we” (which is to say) I, have failed you.

I cannot answer for the sins of omission or commission, of my brothers.
Only those of my own!

Though not my responsibility to make you “feel safe in the world”
I can contribute to an environment that supports you, creating your own sense of safety.

Have I done this always, in all ways?

No I have not.

I have too many times, allowed ignorance to prevail

Its face upheld by my silent witnessing

Misguided approval seeking of errant brothers

My fear assuring your condemnation

I have aggressively defended my knowing, out of nothing
Relentlessly clinging to the bastion of my righteousness
I refused to hear your voice

As it spoke the wisdom of your truth

I needed you to need me, to validate my usefulness

I vetted my rage and disowned my fear of redundancy

When you sought to empower yourself

I made my wounds, your problem

Afraid of my own shadow
I whistled in the dark
I took up my fight, with you, my mirror

I could not – would not, see myself

My disowned failures, cast you as the adversary

My fragmented perspective

All too often – engaged “win at all costs”
You were made a casualty, of an undeclared war

I wish I could say that I didn’t know any better
I cannot
My lust grew for the taste of the misguided “power”

To salve my perceived impotence

I knew what I did hurt you
I chose to uphold my fragile ego
Rather than admit the err of my ways

Blinded by survival instincts run amok – you were expendable

A mounting unacknowledged shame – fueled my rage

I made you a sacrificial scapegoat

To destroy myself in effigy.

I ask for forgiveness

Knowing full well the answer could be – No!
I do so with no less than the transparency
Of my sacred full confession

I offer nothing of a hollow apology
           No less

 Than a full transformation

 Of my conduct

            Is

    Acceptable

I am responsible
For my thoughts, words and deeds
Truth is the price I now pay
I stand in contribution – as my reconciliatory action