"Be yourself." "Especially do no feign affection."
As William Shakespeare wrote: "To Thine Own Self be True." "And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then false to any man."
Sadly, there may well be more people than it might be realized, that never really live from the truth of themselves. So pervasive is family programming, societal indoctrination, religious tenets (which affect even those that have never set foot in a church). Telling people what they want to hear.... how frequently is this ploy utilized in job interviews? for example - "Oh yes, I'm more than willing to work any of the shifts... day or night!!" People (in some cases) will lie their face off to get that job - knowing full well, or at least strongly expecting, they won't enjoy working "grave-shift" at all! Why not show up at the interview (if you aren't an entrepreneurial sort) and tell it like it is!) Maybe you won't get that job, maybe the person conducting the interview is impressed with your authenticity (it's probably refreshing after all the b.s. and brown-nosing they've experienced) maybe there's another job you'd be perfectly suited for. Maybe in their professional networks, they know of someone else looking for someone like you (notice I said "you" - not someone, that is trying to be someone else) doing the chameleon thing. People are going to see through that eventually, it doesn't take long to realize someone doesn't show up consistently.
There never has been anyone just like you, and there never will be again. So why not put some focus and attention into showing up as you? The world doesn't need a duplicate of someone else. You've seen the "science-fiction" movies with the whole communities or armies of clones - it's not a very attractive prospect.
Only you can give yourself permission to be show up as yourself. There are innumerable people that will try and manipulate you into conforming and presenting as some watered down version of you. There is zero gratification in trying to be something you are not. If it doesn't align with who you are, then doing it, is going to automatically create inner conflict.
On this matter of "feigning affection" - the other person involved is going to sense that "your heart is not in it." If you think you are sparing their feelings or doing them some sort of favour by not being honest, stop right there! You are doing no such thing!
Someone that consistently puts on airs, is phoney, talks through both sides of their face, cannot be trusted. At the end of the day, someone living this way, will lack the ability to trust themselves.
I can't think of any times when I answered yes, when what I really wanted to say was no; that I went away, feeling good about it.
This is all part and parcel of what is being said in the adage, "the truth will set you free." It might be uncomfortable at times, to speak the truth - but it is very simple, compared to the energy required to continue to build on a platform of deception.
On this Sir Walter Scott wrote: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." What is actually spared in the telling of a "little white lie." No use trying to rationalize it and wrap it in semantics. It is in fact - A Lie!
You tell me, at what point does your character/self respect, reputation, trustworthiness begin to become eroded, by habitual lying? Perhaps the first line of deception is when I tell myself, "it won't hurt anything this once." And "I won't do it again." It may occur as easier at first, but I believe one is hard pressed to actually claim.. "they got away" with anything.
Inauthenticity and life built on deception, is much like a "house of cards" - it's not going to take very much at all, to bring it all crumbling down.
R. O'Neill (June 23, 2018)
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