Listening + Understanding = Connection

A continuation of the 2nd verse of Francis' prayer, which is introduced with the line:

"Grant that I may not so much seek,"

Then goes on to say:

"To be understood as to understand."

It certainly is common place in our society to experience those that are intent on driving their point of view home. In fact, many people's idea of listening, isn't listening (to hear) at all - it is merely a pause in their discourse, while they consider what you're saying, only to pick it a part, once they have the floor again.

There is so much divisiveness! "Our way or the highway." Racism, sexism, ageism etc. political affiliation, religious tenets - everyone clambering to assert their perspective on anyone that doesn't share their view. Leaders of countries proclaiming "you're either with us or against us."

So few are asking, "what is it you believe in?" "What is it that makes that so important to you."

I recall a conversation which took place at a more unconscious and belligerent point in my life. Am I now "fully conscious" with a constantly delightful demeanour? No! More like, I am more widely aware and belligerent less frequently.

Anyway this conversation, was between me and someone, that I sometimes met with for spiritual mentoring. She was referencing "A Course in Miracle" idea which asked, " Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "I'm happy, when I'm right!!"

Oh what a great deal of damage that can occur in relationships of all types - if I place my focus and emphasis on "being right." It doesn't leave any room, for the other person (group of people) to express what is true for them. An over-concern for being "right" - usually goes hand in hand with the need to make other wrong (so that I can "be right.") It has nothing to do with understanding what they need and value; what they believe, how they came to believe it.

There is nothing sweeter than being truly heard, understood and accepted. The sad irony is, that it can happen so infrequently, that when it does, it stands out as the exception, rather than optimally be, more the rule.

When true understanding is sought - often times, the two parties find, they have far more in common than what they previously had thought.

"We" are all in this world together. Understanding this and each other, would lend to a greater degree of interdependence and less competition and conflict.

There is really no point in hammering someone with my perspective, while doing so, destroys any connection or "relating," that existed previously. Only to declare myself "right," or that I had won; or on a larger scale, between groups of people or countries, "the war had been won;" but at what cost?

There is a teaching I received somewhere along the line that seems fitting to this topic: the teaching states: "we have two ears and one mouth, so that we could listen twice as much, as speak.

R. O'Neill (July 19, 2018)