Yesterday (February 17th) signified the beginning of "Lent" (Ash Wednesday), this of course all being within the "Christian" lens. The marking of the day with Ashes within the church, I gather, signifies the mortality of human existence (ashes to ashes) and the "need" to reconcile one's life with God, in preparation for "the life hereafter.." I also seem to recall the ashes were created, from burned palm fronds from the previous year's Palm Sunday celebration (which signifies the celebratory mood of the faithful followers of Jesus to Jerusalem) which was a short lived celebration, as the crowds would turn on him later that week, and call for his crucifixion (which of course was carried out).
I offer some context as much as I'm aware of the "traditional" meanings (with I'm sure any number of different spins exist, depending on what branch of Christianity one follows) as it is my intention, to observe a practice over the period of time, known as "Lent."
I'm not Christian per se... though I was raised in an Anglican family .... attended elementary school at a Catholic private school (between my being an "outsider" to begin with, and treated as such, and the penchant of the teachers (Nuns) to habituated cruelty, I would have to say, that largely put me off the idea of embracing the ideas, that were said to be at the foundation of "their church.." which thereby impacted my young life experiences, while in their clutches.
I did have some sort of childhood affinity, toward St. Francis and Mother Mary .... they still resonate to this day as "spiritual guides.." (but not as talisman of Catholicism ...) just as they stand within themselves. I also acknowledge there are countless people that find great strength and inspiration through their chosen faith paths and essentially bless the world with their influence.. So "religion" is synonymous with "bad."
So if not Christian, why follow a decidedly sectarian ritual? Well, first of all, I have no intention of framing it in any way to be penitential. I don't see any value in suffering intentionally, or believing I "deserve to."
I acknowledge the value of a "forty day" observation in general. When I did my practice of walking the labyrinth - it became a "40 day journey;" within the journaling about, the arrival at that choice... I mentioned the vague awareness I had, of the number 40, in various biblical stories... "40 days and 40 nights" the rains fell in the story of Noah, (a great flood that also features in the Creation story of other cultures) 40 years the Israelites wandered in the desert, until they were "delivered," to the promised land. From what I understand, the 40 day interval most closely associated with this time of year, was the 40 days and nights, Jesus was said to have gone alone into the desert for prayer, contemplation; and where he was said to have faced temptation by "Satan..." which, may well have been him, subduing his own shadow humanity (in my estimation .... which of course would be where I, would markedly depart, from the orthodox Christian view, that he "had no humanity" that he was God incarnate)...
Anyway that 40 day "rite of passage," set the stage and perhaps transformed him, in whatever ways it would be necessary, for him to face his fate.
I still suppose, there is some form of "incubation" period, in this 40 day marked observance - so while now it aligns with various other practices and personal work I've been doing; I will embrace it as it gives me a measured period of time, over which to enact my intentions.
If per chance, the unfolding of said intentions, happens to align with any helpful energies, that coincide with anything related to the teachings of Jesus ... so much the better.
On the physical plane, my intention is to abstain from any junk food over this period of time (the benefit being self-explanatory). On a more invisible (as far as outside observation could perceive) my intention is to surrender negative judgement and self-condemnation (as it presents directly toward myself and that which I aim at anyone else). I choose to believe, that this form of judgment toward others, is in fact - nailing myself to the cross, I intend for them. This will also be a concentrated period of self-forgiveness (and forgiveness anywhere it is called for from my past).
As far as I'm concerned, I can follow (to the best of my ability and through my interpretation) the teachings of Jesus (Yeshua). I don't need (nor does anyone - but for them to determine for themselves) someone else, to dictate what he was about, for me. That to me, is what forming a "personal relationship" with Jesus means. It is alive here & now.... not through the dogmatic repetition of rote rituals, that many don't even have the ability or willingness, to even be present for while they sit there. Jesus was with me during those forty days walking the labyrinth (which began 10 yrs ago, this fall) .... he was with me, while I carried out the vision of writing the story of that journey, and bringing a book into being... He was with me, when the writing of the book was interrupted; while I dealt with the passing of both my adopted parents in the same year (2014) and with me, to see me through the completion of that book ... while I was on one of 4 trips to Ireland; exploring my ancestral "roots." The book was finished, launched first on Amazon and then in hard-copy form, while in Ireland. The continued unfolding of my personal healing, took place, while I was following my own soul's guidance; to live and travel, around various parts of Ireland... All of this, including the "self-publishing" of the book and travel, was under-written by money, I inherited from my adopted family .. money that might have seen it's way, to becoming the foundation of my "retirement.."
I made choices and followed the guidance of my heart then, the same way I am refocusing and realigning with my heart now. I believe the teaching of Jesus, speak directly to my heart. I don't believe this is a "relationship" unique to me... I have no monopoly on it ... It exists to the degree, that I am willing to allow it (that in itself is an ever-unfolding journey). What others believe has no bearing on my journey ... I don't adhere to an expressly Christian viewpoint, as I renounce anything that is formed, in the crucible of exclusion. I believe there are wisdom holders and teachers of all the various spiritual paths.... nobody "owns" any of them.. I believe the power each contains, is exponentially released when shared and combined, with parallel wisdom. I renounce the persecution of anyone, or the oppression, of what they believe (the wisdom they carry).... I have compassion for those, that are still struggling to recover their connection, to the wisdom of their ancestors... (I am just such a being)... make no mistake, though I inhabit the "privilege" of being male and at least appearing to the world as "white," ... the wisdom, practices, connection to life itself, of my ancestors was lost to me - obscured in the muddle of a familial shell game - all within a western world culture, that has no (or very little) "cultural identity;" as so many of "us," are the off-spring of settler colonialists ... that were the off-spring of cultures and histories; of oppression, religious/spiritual persecution and displacement, in other locations on the planet.
We've all been fed a diet of secular capitalism kool-aid, that was touted as being the "New World" panacea and frankly .... it ain't worth shit!!
I suppose to be fair ... or at least to give a begrudging nod, toward not "throwing out the baby with the bath-water" (i.e. "science," can be seen as having it's place, and does make some useful contributions) however ... as far as I'm concerned, that spirituality and all that is encompasses, having been practically entirely usurped by science - though perhaps a necessary digression in human development) I most certainly, will not court it on bended knee. Firmly ensconced in the "establishment" (status-quo), I believe can only serve to demonstrate it's clay feet and whereby it should then have both those feet, knocked off its pedestal. It has been this same "establishment," that orchestrates the oppression, persecution and deaths, of all it's detractors throughout history; misguided to say the least, to look to these forces now, as "the second coming..."
I look back on my childhood "Sunday school" and elementary school teachers, appointed ambassadors of an ideology, that co-opted the name of Jesus... from my adult perspective, shaped and informed by my own spiritual journey; these people, did not represent, anything remotely related, to the teachings nor the embodiment of, the teacher/rabbi Jesus. They more closely emulated his persecutioners/executioners... I would have been greeted with open arms and unconditional love, by the man Jesus (rather than subject to isolation, corporal punishment, exclusion and humiliation because, I wasn't "one of them..") I don't need this affirmed by anybody ... I lived it, and I know the truth of it. If given the opportunity, I would tell those involved, to their faces - just how misguided, and what a sham, they conducted in their pretence to represent Jesus.
It's ironic to me that those, in their ivory towers within military, corporate, scientific and government circles; that now so many worship, and look to, for salvation; are the very same energies, mindsets, power-hungry, greed driven archetypes, that put Jesus to death... (any wonder why spiritual communities of all ilks, are denied gathering at this time? - it won't spread "the disease" - unless one considers personal empowerment, sovereignty, freedom and autonomy - a disease!! ... then by all means, it would be necessary, to put a stop to the continuation, of any free-thought and spiritual liberation.
I am heartened (albeit also saddened) that though the messengers, have systematically been destroyed, throughout history .... the messages live on!!
From this history and my healing journey, I arrive here and now, at the place; whereby, I will immerse myself, in a concentrated focus, aimed at receiving forgiveness for myself, through the forgiveness of those that "trespassed against me.." I will seek forgiveness for and from myself, that I took on and embodied, such limited and mistaken beliefs about myself (formed through the influence of the spiritually blind). I will look to fully embody, a willingness, to forgive those; that as Jesus himself acknowledged: "forgive them father, for they know not what they do..."
I will seek to forgive myself, for the wholesale disempowerment, of myself through acquiescing to self-proclaimed authority, that actually have no power what-so-ever (unless it is freely handed to them).
Will I complete this "vision" of mine within the allotted forty days? I have no preconceived idea, of the form the outcome will take... I expect and will exercise faith, that transformation can and will occur.
Between now and then, I will continue to wrestle with the man in the mirror, with whom, I intend to offer a far more welcoming and loving co-existence; far less adulterated by the opinions, mandates, agendas, and dogmas of others.
Peace out!
R. O'Neill (February 18, 2021)
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