I have failed magnificently, in fact some of my failure is of a magnitude that it might well be the crowning glory of my entire existence and what's more, some of my most glorious failure is still embryonic in nature awaiting my discovery and commencement.
How's that for an eye-grabbing opener - what say I use that in my next "cover letter?"
To continue, I have yet to ride off into the sunset, though I have witnessed artistry splashed across the heavens. I can't lay claim to ever having executed an effective rescue - in fact I have invested considerable energy in relinquishing my "shining armour." Not the star of stage or screen, never occupied a board room - though I have been bored in a room!
What pray tell is this then? A masochistic litany of self-deprecation? Though I'm not sure assurance is called for, I will state categorically it is not! It actually represents to me a burgeoning liberation, but more on that later.
I had occasion to engage in a conversation with a fellow who is seeking employment. The scenario is for me part of an exploration and possibly development of my capacity to mentor/coach. He expressed concern for impressing he or she that would be conducting his next interview, with any indication that he had failed in his life. Now, I get the power and influence of the "want" of belonging, the perhaps primordial but nonetheless persuasive energy that exile from the "tribe" means certain death - which is still alive and residing within the cellular biology woven into the tapestry of ones DNA, my wonder is, to what degree can one disengage from this remaining the operating system of the individual?
I recognize that while I endeavour to be a mirror for this individual and support him in the knowing of his own answers and innate gifts, he simultaneously can mirror for me where I am at concerning my own dance with what I "see" going on for him. I'm not there to influence him, change him, judge him or make him wrong. He tells me that my input, reflections and life experience are very helpful - I in turn am not invested in that perspective remaining constant, if for example he doesn't get the job. I suppose this being a new direction I haven't really taken any time to consider what or how I would evaluate whether I am being affective in this capacity. Preliminarily I suppose this being a voluntary undertaking - the distraction of whether it generates income or not is off the radar screen so I can test the waters of personal engagement and fulfillment, purely on the experience, without any direct associated concern for a strictly financial bottom-line perspective. I have an awareness of his objective, while at the same time recognizing I am in no way responsible for his success or failure, there is for me freedom in that. I envision that parlaying similar "relationships" into that of income generation would be comprised of the same objectivity i.e. my sense of fulfillment not hinging on the the client meeting or failing to meet their stated objective. As from my perspective there is no endpoint while still walking here upon planet earth - I would see my role as remaining that of the mirror continuing to engage in an ongoing process - with both being the mirror and he or she reflected in it. The unknown then would be the individuals willingness to continue to engage in the process.
Returning to this business of "failure" I begin to draw to this fellows attention that everyone has failed somewhere along the line. It's then that I come to realize that I can share my consciousness regarding that - but beyond offering him a momentary opportunity to consider something else is possible than his current mindset, it becomes very apparent that energetically doors are briefly opened and frequently slammed shut again. Even though to posture in an interview as though you are one without failure - the person conducting the interview knows that's not the truth - still there is for him so much fear present that an admission of failure would spell certain failure during this interview.
Now then to revisit my opening comments - I can't say that I "invite" failure, wouldn't claim I don't experience some disappointment in the face of failure, but I don't relate to it the same way anymore either. Am I bounding out of bed each morning to enthusiastically and courageously face the unknown? In many ways and on many levels yes. Well okay "bounding" might be slightly overstating things. There are many ways in which life long patterns are not only being discovered and being owned, I am also making living into entirely different ways of being, in many cases for the first time ever - this represents to me very real steps toward embodiment of transformation that far exceeds intellectual understanding. Believe me I can verify that understanding the need for change and even some sense of the mechanism involved are not at all the same as being that change.
While there may have been times and situations where unknowingly I had stacked the deck against myself right from the onset, energies of self-sabotage in a variety of permutations, would so often impede or prevent my enjoying lasting success. Just the same though I'm not inclined to necessarily indiscriminately wear my heart on my sleeve - neither will I deny my "failures" continuing to steep them in a wash of shame. It really depends then how these so called failures are framed. God knows how many attempts it might require to yield a particular result. Even if a new vision and direction arises all has not been for naught, there invariably will have been the unforeseen development of various attributes, hidden talents etc. that absolutely will be of value moving forward. How then can that been deemed a "failure?"
I would also submit that what I might have deemed colossal failure which may well have been replete with self-admonishment, I now lay claim to having dared greatly for these failures to have occurred and believe myself to have been blessed to have my character and life trajectory most favourably redirected as I continually choose a willingness to mine the gold from these experiences.
Perhaps not much has changed in the world around me, but I can state unequivocally that the view from inside my skin and my ability to comfortably reside there, is increasingly pleasing to me. This leaves me to recognize and appreciate all that I have walked through as my teacher and little doubt about whether I can be of valuable service to others, it just a matter of determining when & how.
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