I don't expound on spirituality being an important focus in my life in order to brag or with the intentions of setting myself apart from others (at least I don't anymore). Life has a way of sorting out unhelpful ego-feeding motivations - certainly that has been true for me. It's not my business why anyone else does whatever they choose to do.
A "spiritual" lens is that which gives me a paradigm, through which I am able to address my ongoing wellness.
So when I describe the inclusion of yoga for example - I'm not laying claim to any moral high ground. I am not about to change my name to Paramanhansa Robananda. To gain some insight into my electing to incorporate some daily yoga - you would need to walk a mile in my shoes. More to the point, in my entire body. I am endeavouring to prevent what I will describe as "living rigor mortis." I have a great deal of rigidity throughout my body. Yes I have and am, considering the mental, emotional and spiritual mindsets that have contributed to this. Regardless of the levels of being, that are addressed by ongoing healing work .... I believe it important to address "the physical" directly as well.
I purchased a series of 15 min. yoga routines (which were said to be appropriate for beginners and intermediates) so that I can work at them in the privacy of my own home. Even at that, I'd say the videos would be more readily performed by someone with more experience (flexibility). I can't transition from one pose to another, at the rate the instructor is going. By the time I get into my version of a given pose - she's already in the next one. Once I bend this and twist that, there's not a hope, that anything is going to be looking up or pointed at the ceiling. I can of course go at my own pace and I can flat out refuse, to do that which my body is not ready for. It's been three consecutive days since I started & I've already had some choice words for this video instructor. What can I say, that was the "stuck energy" that was there to be released. I've yet to experience a yoga class that was truly geared toward beginners. It would seem most instructors are more interested in flaunting what they've got, than working within the considerable limitations of someone at my stage of immobility. Yoga studios are businesses ... they need to fill the classes in order to generate the income - they cater to those that don't need the care & attention. It's just another westernized field of consumption, competition and elitism.
I know enough about physiology and my body can tell me the rest to be able to create what I need - when I need it, without spending a fortune and no need to clad myself in the pretence of Lulu Lemon.
It's been a few months since I drank coffee on a regular basis. I love coffee. Coffee does not love me. Time and time again, I have conducted the experiment on coffee, off coffee - the fact remains I experience some unpleasant (and eventually painful) physiological side effects from drinking coffee and they all disappear when I stop. Therefore the loving decision is to eliminate it. I doesn't matter about it's widespread popularity, the social culture built around it - the bottom line is, it fucks me up. Any other consideration is irrelevant.
So my "spiritual path" is very personal. By this I don't mean I wouldn't share about it, with anyone that was interested. I mean, I'm not advocating that anyone - do what, what I do. I'm always following "hunches" - tweaking this, trying that - paying attention to what works and fosters for me the greatest sense of well-being. Spirituality to me means a deep and ongoing connection to myself, ongoing self-honesty, alignment & authenticity - that is where I'm pointed. I neither seek to be a hermit - but I certainly have no interest in following any crowd, anywhere. I can't find my centre following anyone else. Who the hell knows where they are going? Least of all them, in many cases!
I'm not saying coffee is evil! Or that,Yoga makes me some sort of exemplary human being. Most of my life the only stretching I've done was, of the truth. Eventually that all comes home to roost and - I "reap as I've sown."
I have not always looked after my body. I don't really know, how much it can be improved upon - but I do know I feel better overall when I physically active. I can feel an overall returning stamina and endurance now that it has been a few months of regular brisk walking and the gym. Am I looking to pose on the beach or audition for underwear modelling? A..... NO! But I needed to lose some weight (which I have begun to do, with some still to spare). Frankly I don't want to carry it all, day in, day out. When I bend over (now that this is increasingly a possibility - I still want to breath). The aesthetic is the least of my concerns. I am talking about - quality of life! My life. I can no longer look to what others are doing to justify my action or inaction. I don't know how any of that works out for them .... but I know what messes me up. If you want me to hurt myself in order to be one of the group then take a walk my friend! If I'm willing to hurt myself for that illusory "belonging" - I need to take a good long look at that!
The new (old work) I'm doing again, involves "home support" of clients in various situations. One can't presently get out of the house much on his own, so parts of the couple visits each day, involve taking him on rather lengthy walks in the wheel chair. Had this been 3 to 6 months ago - I wouldn't have been able to do that. An increasingly sedentary lifestyle habit had insidiously become the "norm," & my previous fitness levels atrophied (as they will). I want to be able to continue to enjoy and active lifestyle (not extreme) - that requires training and maintenance. I can't just step into last year's activity or that of five or ten years ago, unless there has been continuity or preparation. I will no longer subject myself to activities of extremes (which are billed as being "character-building" etc) to do so constitutes self-abuse/punishment. If I decide to take on a more arduous journey - then I will prepare for it gradually over time.
I don't want to live the consequences of my own self-abandonment and neglect. That may sound exceedingly self-evident and yet it is a rampant part of modern culture - this profound disconnection. Looking outside of ones self for validation and a sense of fulfillment/success. The economy depends on it, you will be judged by your peers and those in your community based on it and most sadly, each can have nothing but self-contempt and disdain for failing to live up to the tenets of these ideals.
And now "spirituality" has jumped on the band wagon - extracting untold thousands of dollars laying claim to unfolding for it's adherents the path to "fame & fortune."
Spirituality has nothing to do with what everyone else is doing or believing. I cannot tell you what it should be for you.
It is paradox indeed that I build my "self-confidence" from the raw materials of not really knowing what the hell I'm doing - but learning and gaining wisdom from the stumbling and bumbling that comprise the direct experience of the events in my life. I can assure you, sitting reading and regurgitating memes and platitudes will lead no where. (nor paraphrasing them). If they are not embodied and assimilated they are just hollow words - with no power to change anything.
The internet might have created the potential for greater ease of connectivity and information access; but it also provides a very effective tool for "fucking the dog" & the proliferation of bullshit.
Each of us, is truly the one we've been waiting for. And I for one am not waiting any longer for anyone to tell me when, where or how nor to give me permission to begin.
R. O'Neill (May 17, 2019)
No comments:
Post a Comment