Luke Skywalker had his Obi Wan Kenobi, Kwai Chang Caine his Master Po – the “Peaceful Warrior” series of books centers around the life of Dan Millman and the transformational influence of a mentor/teacher he met at an all night gas station whom he call Socrates.
I must admit that upon learning that such a relationship was possible I was saddened by it’s apparent absence in my life, encouraged that it can still occur – i.e. “when the student is ready the teacher will appear” and positively inspired upon becoming open that such a person could be developed from within me.
The idea of a presence in my life that would teach, guide, and encourage, wisely knowing just the right amount of pressure to encourage development – knowing when to back off and let me find my own way and at what point there presents a teachable moment, where wisdom relevant to a life well lived would be imparted holds for me great allure.
Many people cite one or both parents as having been an invaluable role model in their lives. There are those too that go on to shape their lives in direct contradiction to the lives of their parents. Though there is no question that I have found examples of admirable human attributes in both my parents I would hesitate to deem them as being mentors. This is not meant to hold them in a disparaging light. In fact they are not even being held responsible, as is the popular practice in our culture (or at least in some schools of thought within our culture) for what I might, consider to be lacking. They are in fact held on equal footing with virtually everyone that I have come in contact with throughout my life and that is, that there is no one person, who singularly stands out, as having had a profound influence on me.
Ironically it may well be that those absent from my life have been the catalyst that has been a compelling force in my life – by this I mean that having been adopted as a baby my birth parents are unknown to me. How can they then be seen as having had any influence on my life one might ask? Well of course they weren’t present to have taught me anything. Strangely though, their absence has always been a presence.
I feel as though I have searched my whole life for the feeling of belonging – of connection – my place in the world. A catch-22 was found instead – I continued to drift through different circles of people with different interests – deeply curious not only in how to fit in but just in how it was they were “doing life.” Invariably I found I simply didn’t feel connected or even that I could relate, and therefore would move on. It was this sense of disconnect that prevented me from forming the sort of lasting relationship that might lead to the sort of intimacy, that would give cause to the openness to be taught anything by anybody.
It has taken many years and variety of experiences, so many in fact that to me, my life as it stands, represents such a disjointed mixture of pursuits that if examined one could be forgiven if they were unable to extract a particular purpose or direction, still despite this I am clear that absent more than any mentor or life coach was a connection to myself. Having said that, the question occurs to me, if in fact I was not connected to myself to what was I connected, that compelled me to bring about the various changes in my life – sometimes in the form of what I doing, other times in who I’m being?
Clearly I have not remained in the same circumstances nor am I the same person that I was when I was currently in those circumstances. What then do I attribute the awareness to, which brought about the desire to be or do anything differently? A look at then and now pictures which were being used in conjunction with a high school reunion of mine, taking place next year indicates that from a strictly physical standpoint change has occurred, this I can assure you is the least significant of all the change that has taken place.
Spirituality, self-development, transformation, healing these are areas (if indeed there is a need to delineate) that I have a passion for. Certainly there are countless authors and their work that have held captive my interest from the first book of this sort I got hold of. Further to that as is often the case these authors cite quotations from various sources that leads me to read work of theirs or to at least know more of their lives. So unquestionably I have been inspired by a great many different people and those that have inspired them. Still beyond this, what is it that becomes inspired? What is it that cares enough, to go through what is necessary to bring about change, that it first realizes a change is necessary and then generates the required attributes, to continue in pursuit of this change? It exists from within though I’m not clear I can take credit for it – choices I’ve made that didn’t necessarily serve a higher purpose (or so it seemed at the time) obviously originated with me) still that part that opts for change “recognized” that those present circumstance at a given time no longer were acceptable – but acceptable to who? It was never enough that people in my life at those times thought I should change – in fact those that asserted a change was necessary often found one forthcoming, usually it came in the form of my no longer continuing to have them in my life. So within me there was something making choices that seemingly brought about results that were undesirable and yet the recognition of this, which brought about the growth and development necessary to transcend this challenge also came from within – so do they originate from the same source? Are they separate entities? Am I being guided by the seemingly “negative” current circumstance as a result of being uncomfortable or by some part of myself that sees more as being possible – prompting the development of those attributes that would make what is possible – manifest.
So from within comes the need to create certain realities in my life some of which might be considered undesirable or unsuccessful by some estimations. Yet also from within comes the idea (in the form of a desire) for something else. Are these opposing influences or are the seemingly disagreeable circumstances brought about for the purpose of digging deeper in order to show up as one that possesses greater depth and capacity than previously believed, or that would be necessary to remain unchanged. Who demonstrates in my life that something else is possible for my life? Sure seeing different things playing out in the lives of others can bring me hope but no lasting impact comes until I have experience I can call my own.
Therefore as I ponder who has been a teacher/mentor in my life that has been responsible for bringing about life altering changes – I would answer with the statement “the idea that “I am the one I have been waiting for all my life” takes on whole new meaning. “
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