Considerable time has elapsed, since I have plied my love of singing through busking. It is my intention to become consistent once again. Which of course means, beginning. There has been some considerable inertia, with respect to resuming. Today, at least for today, that inertia was broken. I was happy to get first crack at the downtown library courtyard, which is both sheltered and acoustically advantaged. Being December, the former is a significant consideration.
I think I might have played (and sang) for an hour or maybe a little more. It felt good. Though my equipment has been sitting untouched for sometime.. I discovered my music stand has popped a rivet and for sure a new set of strings wouldn't hurt. The stand is still useable (though it might be a little more unstable if there was to be a wind)... it's probably repairable - God knows who would do that sort of thing.. Maybe I can find a tiny screw and nut to slip through there. I don't want to just toss it, if it can be repaired. I don't necessarily feel a sentimental attachment, though it belonged to my adopted father (from when he was musician in the Naden band) and was then passed on to me. I think I more, feel adverse, to the idea of so much these days, be treated as "disposable."
Maybe getting out and playing, might motivate me, to put some time and energy into expanding my relationship, with the guitar. If not "lessons" there seems to be endless stuff on Youtube - seeing various artists on facebook posts, shows me there is endless directions, one could develop on the guitar. I need to allow myself the exploration and venture into unknown territory and just be a beginner in these realms. I can ply the waters of the familiar, which is my mainstay for busking... just for the sheer joy of it. At the same time, I could allow allow myself, to have no idea what I'm doing and enjoy that... I have the time, or I'm sure; I can designate some of my time, toward this endeavour. I've stayed rooted in the familiar with guitar, probably as much as anything, because I have been reticent to embrace the unfamiliar. My aim is to give myself the gift of play.. There must be some combination of getting grounded in the fundamentals and just happy accidents. There's a whole neck on that guitar that is under utilized. Some people just "teach" themselves, I'm no prodigy anything I accomplish will have to be ground out through endless repetition. There have been places in time where I spent hours a day on the guitar. I don't know that there will be a return to that, but some continuity of course would allow for the breaking of new ground and retaining it.
I have spent considerable time in personal expansion, growth and healing - while I recognize that all represents, a life-long journey; I also recognize, that while I allowed a very diversified exploration for quite sometime... a reinsertion, of some focus would be useful. The guitar for me is symbolic of my life. There are some things I'd like to see happen in my life. In some cases I have made appreciable beginnings and then perhaps there has been plateau or an interruption. In other cases I feel drawn toward certain work/service, but I have been hesitant both to make a concrete start, along with, diminishing, my own life experience toward these ends.
Busking isn't strictly about "performing," for me. It has that, aspect to it. It also helps me get out of myself (fears, self-judgments) ... I guess it addresses what ever spectrum of fears that are cited as being present in for example,"public-speaking." But again, it really is what you train yourself to become comfortable with. A few years ago, I was busking regularly and got a few different opportunities, to sing/play as a soloist, at a "spiritual community" in town. Big fancy venue... up on a platform, bright lights, microphones (with their associated cords and stands).... and a somewhat more attentive audience... all these elements, combine to create a potpourri, of unfamiliar and a call for adaptation. Being well grounded in the songs I was playing, helped me deal with my nerves around the other variables ... but for sure there was more adrenalin flowing. That I have done that in the past, gives me the assurance of the "experience;" but without regular participation, to just step into the situation again, would likely have, some of the elements of "unfamiliar" return.
It's interesting being in the act of busking. There's an element of, "fly on the wall" about it, at times. I engage, and try to connect, with some folks when I'm playing (those that are interested in paying attention). For many, they are so deeply involved, in their own train of thoughts or experiences, that the music goes largely unnoticed.
There are those that view street performing, as nothing more than "pan-handling." (These attitudes can be reflected in such attitudes as, "if he was any good, he'd be singing in a real venue." Patrirarchy/capitalism creating the attitude, that arts are only really of any value, if you get rich doing it and street performing, certainly doesn't fit the criteria for a "real job." As such, they avoid eye contact ... lest even the smallest amount of humanity, might cost them (personally and/or financially).
I gratefully accept any and all tips!! I'd take bags full of money if they were offered. I also don't place that expectation on my art - my creative expression. If it yields some financial return, cool!! If some session aren't particularly "lucrative," I still consider it a gift given and a gift received, to be able to do it.
Then there are people from the other end of the spectrum, that stop and listen, sing along... or dance with their little children; wait for a song to be complete, to then come, and share a story of the significance of that song to them, or just to say thank you.
Today, as I was starting to put my gear away... a mom and and her little son stopped.. He was telling me that he had a guitar... we entered into a discussion about that and then he wanted me to play something.... I said, I would be happy to, if they could wait a moment, while I dug out a particular song sheet... They were all thrilled with "Puff the Magic Dragon.."
The mom thanked me after, telling me more about how her son loves his guitar.. (a full sized one, which at this point would dwarf him).... She told me how inspiring it is for him to interact with someone who actually is playing the guitar... I don't know about the lives of others, but an experience like that, in my life, is Gold!! I don't always think my life, has much of an impact, of any significance on anyone, sometimes I'm proven wrong.
I think one of the lessons for me, is to not judge myself, the same way some do, concerning a "street performer" - or anyone walking in town with a back pack and/or guitar. If I walked downtown in the same clothes, but carrying a briefcase, different treatment - it's like the blatantly different treatment flight attendants give you between "economy" & first class (business.. whatever) ... I was "upgraded" on one flight as my seat was broken... I was left to struggle with my own stuff - trying to fit it in the last overhead baggage compartment that was full of airline stuff... when I was moved up to "business" they couldn't do enough for me - the classism, really pissed me off!!
I also don't over-inflate myself upon receiving the accolades - I just try to be open to receiving them, with gratitude.
I've had other buskers tell me I should "dress down" and before you start to play, put some money in case ("seed money" they called it) the idea being, if people see money there, they will be convinced to follow in suit.
I'm not out there trying to portray myself as in need of financial support (and it's not like I'm out there in a tux; clean casual generally) ... nor will I manipulate people with "seed money" the case will stay empty until someone feels inspired to tip ... if nobody does that day (which hasn't happened so far)... then that's how it is.. I don't expect remuneration, but I also believe if I get some, I'm giving something of value and I am not willing to misrepresent myself.
The library courtyard has the added bonus of not being regulated by the city .. so no busking permit is necessary there. I have one for this current year, that will expire December 31st.
Come January 2nd when City Hall opens again, I already made the cash for next years permit.
R. O'Neill (December 28, 2019)
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