One day after declaring that I will write "daily," I am aware of resistance trying to get a hold. All well and good, it is not even 10:00 a.m. and I have begun to write. However, I've been up since 6:00 a.m. In fairness I never said that the writing would be completed, first thing every morning.
To give some further context, I was already awake for awhile before arising. Then just before six, my phone signalled an incoming text message. The nature of my work scheduling is "on call," utilizing a system that is largely automated; so shift notifications arrive via text and or, voice message.
I looked at the phone and saw it was a shift notice for today. The shift was an afternoon shift (3:00 - 11:00p.m.) I was at first a little annoyed, "why wake me up at 6:00 (recall I had said I was already awake) when the shift doesn't even start until 3:00 p.m.! I might add, that on other occasions, my justification for "annoyance;" is that I am receiving a shift call, with "not enough notice."
In these moments is demonstrated a lack of acceptance for the fact, that the nature of my employment is "on-call casual" and I chose it! Absent as well, is appreciation that I am being offered an opportunity to "bid" on a shift (the notification doesn't indicate the shift is "mine.") Being "awarded" the shift then means, I can be of service and generate some income.
Given I have a vision of travel to Belfast in roughly 31/2 months and in order to do so, will require significant financial resources - the opportunity to work is certainly in alignment with that vision.
So after waffling about the shift notice, I decide it's meaningless until I either bid on it or ignore it. I responded to the text with the "code" indicating I was interested in picking up the shift. Soon after I was informed via a subsequent text; indeed I am now working, later today.
At that point, I decided to get up; so that I could have some portion of the day to do with as I please, before work. I am aware of my "daily writing commitment" but it doesn't need to happen first thing. I wanted first to observe; as is my practice, some morning reading and meditation. As it happens the reading at present includes "The Bible." It may not be the only book I read from in the morning and most certainly won't be for the entire day; but currently, if I read nothing else in the morning, it will be the bible.
Whether one would suggest I have been inspired, or that I am curious, I don't suppose it matters. I have decided to take this on. I couldn't say at this point, if it is to be continued presence; only that it is my intention to read it in it's entirety. Throughout history greater men and women than me have be inspired and influenced by it; who then, I am to renounce it unexamined? Wars are fought over it - people are living and dying proclaiming to be upholding it or in defiance of it. What the hell is in there? I intend to find out. So far I have read the books of: Matthew, Mark and Luke.
I am not completely with out previous "exposure" to some of it. I attended Anglican church (& Sunday School) and attended a Catholic elementary (as an Anglican). Overall I can't say that was an effective recruitment experience for me to want to embrace "the God of Religion." Just the same, now as an adult and one that identifies as being on an active spiritual path; I can't take anyone else's interpretation of that book as Gospel, (pun intended) I feel I must read it for myself.
It occurs to me if it is "The Living Word" then I will find alive within it; that which speaks to me personally. Unquestionably I have thrown the baby with the bathwater; by not allowing my own experience with the bible. Seriously what's the worst that could happen? I've spent time reading another book! So what! I've read hundreds of books!
Now though many might exclaim "he's made a life changing decision here" in being willing to read the bible. I don't necessarily see it as being so profound; it's just what I'm doing. Of course it's possible I lean toward "minimization" as a habitual practice - as it's not without precedent that "just what I'm doing" is seen by others, as much more than I acknowledge. For all I know it could be life changing. I'm not saying it will be or that it won't be. Once it has been completed, my life subsequent to that will be different. Beforehand if asked, I would have answered; "no I have not read the bible." Afterwards, the answer to the same question would be, "yes in fact I have read the entire book."
Today it is one of the things I will do before I go to work. I also had in mind to get some exercise. These additional "to do's" begin to compress my day (and the time I might complete my daily writing). The thought goes through my mind, "I could alway do it when I get home from work." In this I smell a rat in my own thinking. Yes, true enough I could, but there is a very strong likelihood that at that hour, it won't happen. I decide that unless my day becomes filled with pressing priorities and later at night becomes the only remaining time to write; then I best write, sooner than later.
Having determined that, I complete my reading, my meditation and have breakfast. Ah... a clear slate presents, nothing to do now but write! Well.... except "do I still have that book that translates the "Lord's Prayer" from the original Aramaic?" And what of that book that has been sitting around "Writing Poetry?" - a quick glance through it and I've decided it's too much!! "Rules" "Forms" "Structures" (by the time I "learn" all that shit....... that book has gotta go! ...... into the Thrift shop bag...... oh ya what else am I going to get out of here?
Hmm... pondering the fate of a book about a form of writing, doesn't actually get the writing done!
Alright then, after weathering that shit-storm of distraction (resistance) I sit down, narrowly missing the open web browser and email program and begin to write........
Holy shit ...... there's a lot of resistance! Where does it all come from? Oh and look at that yoga mat laying there reminding me; I haven't yet done the short series of stretches and core strength exercises, that are restoring some relative flexibility and relief of pain, in my low back.
I wouldn't deny myself such a simple positive life enriching practice as this........... would I?
I believe I can accurately say: I exert at least as much energy, possibly more, avoiding what I need/want to do. In fact, when I get down to it...... it's effortless.
Cat/Cow stretches leading to Child's pose.......... (oh my God... I'm so tight...... how did this happen? It feels so good to release "that!" ............ I'm going to do this every day for sure!
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