What incredible power is visibly demonstrated with the "delete" key! A whole page of text - which comprised the "intended" post highlighted and POOF gone! It really accentuates for me the power of "changing the mind" and how quickly that can chart a new course. Never mind that, instantaneously an entirely different experience arises.
I had begun the previous post at a coffee shop this afternoon between busking sets. I knew the remainder of my day was going to be rather tight, in terms of timing points, to get to various other planned events. I wanted to uphold my daily writing so I reasoned, if I get it largely done while having a break before singing again in the new location; then later today, I can just put the finishing touches on.
Now, having just returned from my evening gathering, I'm not feeling the previous content at all. I have to say in hindsight, I was feeling it to have been rather dense when I was writing it; as though I was walking through a bog. At that time, I just seemed to see fit, to keep on slogging! I had a general sense of what it was about; (naturally, I had written it) and no desire to reread it; I just obliterated it in favour of this creation instead.
I hadn't kept track of time this afternoon, so though I finished singing and still had a couple hours before my evening gathering; I also still had two buses to get home first. As well, there was two more buses to the gathering.
I got home and I was ravenous. Except for the coffee between busking sets, I had not eaten since breakfast; which was quite early. I knew I wouldn't be able to be present and might even be down right ornery, if I went out for the evening and didn't eat. As well I'm taking another round of a different antibiotic for an infection in an ear piercing. It doesn't cause constant abdominal distress, but it seems more "busy" when my stomach is empty.
I had some food and thought perhaps I could catch a ride with someone that I had thought was going to the same gathering. As it turned out there was no response - it was a last minute attempt on my part, so rather a long shot.
There was half an hour before the "start" time and I was still two bus rides away. I began to think in terms of being resigned "I can't make it." I even sent an email to the hosts - as I had said previously I'd be there and I like to communicate if I have to change my plan. Interestingly I immediately began feeling disappointed that I was "missing" the gathering and the connecting with those that would be there. I say "interesting," because at that point, the gathering had not even begun yet. Just the same I was already taking myself into a funk about it.
Then the notion that I could still try and get there came in a flash. "What's the worst that could happen, catch a couple buses and I miss it - at least I tried!" Where does the idea I would "miss" it come from? It may well be true I will arrive "late." "Well of course it comes from my not wanting to come in late and potentially draw negative attention to myself ." And while I do prefer to be punctual, as much as anything, because I just like to arrived relaxed and set the tone accordingly. Depending on the sort of gathering - I don't want to disrupt things, out of respect for the proceedings and the people participating (unless it has been previously understood and agreed upon that I would arrive late). Suffice to say, there is some conditioning around "being late," that continues to cause me some stress at times.
So I left my place and walked to the first bus stop (only a very short distance from my home). As it turned out that bus got me to the transfer point in time to catch the second bus at the same time the event was supposed to start. Alright then it's a given - I'm going to be late! I didn't have the phone number for where I was going so I couldn't call and communicate what was going on. If the person I messaged about a ride looks at her phone or the host their email, both will have received messages that I won't be making it. So they wouldn't know to either hold the start a little or that I will come just after it starts.
As I'm riding out there I feel the phone on vibrate going off - it is a reply to my text message. She was already "there" and was just seeing my message. A ride was available home if I was still heading that way. Cool! Now I can get word through that I actually am on route and intending to be there. I got off the second bus and still had the relatively short walk to the house (which of course seemed longer because of "time"). As I approached and was now visually close to the house, I could see that there were others just arriving as well.
The evening was one of the most profound experiences (yes I'm apt to claim that again - so most profound - today!) it was life changing! I can't believe I was so close to missing it! I wonder how many "life changing" experiences I may have missed because of similar "trains of thought?"
I can certainly, based on this evening's experience, see truth in: "Change your thoughts - change your life!"
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