Imagine if you could not walk again. Thankfully I haven't had to contend with this as a life experience. However over the last three months or so; due to some acute pain in both feet, at times my every step, was excruciatingly painful and therefore my walking significantly compromised.
I love to walk. I love the immediacy of connecting with people, places and things, that walking allows. A brisk walk enlivens me, relaxes me and at times; it is literally, a walking prayer and meditation that I am practicing.
I love the freedom and spontaneity that walking provides - no parking and no traffic jams.
So when it appeared that my beloved activity was under severe threat, I initially felt distressed. At the present not only is walking one of my favourite ways to get around, it is one of the three means that make me a transportation triathlete (walking, cycling, bus) You don't think riding the bus qualifies as a sport? Try walking the aisle to a seat (or standing for the ride) wearing a backpack, holding a guitar case or for some others wheeled carts, grocery bags etc. while some of the drivers go erratically from accelerator to brake, on/off, on......... I'm telling you it requires some serious agility!
Not only one of my transportation main stays, all the ways in which I currently generate my income, are done on my feet. What the hell? This can't be happening!
Uh... actually yes it can..... and it is.
So began the myriad of ways I began to try and address this new reality. Certainly I significantly reduced my mileage. I had no intention of this becoming a chronic or permanent situation; but it made sense to rest my feet where I could. It began in the left foot. There was no specific traumatic event. It started as intermittent dull ache and got progressively more frequent and painful. Then I sprained my right ankle - so now I'm limping and favouring that side too. It wasn't a severe sprain so the usual intervention dealt with the immediate pain. I started to go to a chiropractor that did some deep tissue release and realignment of the bones and joints. The chiropractic adjustments extended to my low back, as that started to "act up" in part, due to my compromised gait.
I was using analgesic ointments and coming home after work and icing my feet. The pain subsided in my ankle quite quickly, but the joint remained stiff. As a result, all the soft tissue in the sole of that foot, became inflamed and voila - plantar fasciitis! I would come home from work and sit for awhile and then to make it from room to room (which in my seven hundred some odd square foot apartment is not far) I was hobbling. I couldn't believe how painful feet could become.
I have been around the realm of "healing" for quite some time so I knew this to be calling for more than attention to the physical symptoms. I carried on addressing them just the same, I'm not saying to ignore the physical. In fact, I'm saying the physical is drawing attention to "causes" that go beyond the physical; but, they have gone unnoticed and unchecked, long enough that the physical can become an effective "wake-up call." I decided to start working "with" my body. "Ok, you've got my attention!" "What is it you're trying to communicate to me?" "I know this, I need you - ideally working optimally and pain free again!" "What do "we" need to do to get there?"
"Walk Gently."
"HuH!!"
"Walk Gently"
"You mean like walk gently and carry a big stick?"
"Walk Gently" (and no, if given a "big stick" your apt to hit yourself with it, that's how we got here in the first place).
"You mean like "self love"
"Yes"
"Oh that again!"
"Did you think you were in jeopardy of loving yourself too much? Be assured, you are not and that for you, this will be an ongoing undertaking for the remainder of your time here." "This is not an admonishment - it simply is. Just so we're clear!"
Upon hearing this? I set out in the various ways I was guided. I purchased two new pairs of high quality foot wear (one pair of sandals and one pair of runners) I started wearing the custom orthotics I had ordered years ago, that I had discontinued wearing. I rejoined the gym. Strengthening and stretching exercises were brought to my attention. I bought a "night splint" to stretch the affected foot while I slept. I felt an impulse to go into a running store I hadn't been near in years and there I found this apparatus for self massage and deep tissue release, for feet. As I read the notes on the packaging it sounded just like what I needed. I flipped it over $49.95 forget that! A few days later I'm back at the chiropractor for a "tune-up," the one foot had got quite sore again. In and out in fifteen minutes - cost $50.00 and for what? Some deep tissue release and the application of some liniment.
Ok.. Ok I get it - I can buy the foot massager, the initial purchase is the same price as one chiropractor visit after that it's free. I can take it with me and use it anytime, anywhere and I can apply my own liniment. The chiropractor is a good practitioner, if I need to deal strictly with the mechanics, she can certainly be an asset. Conversations with her tell me she doesn't see beyond the physical. I happen to know that the "root" causes originate beyond the physical and if the healing doesn't occur there, then the physical symptoms are apt to return in the same place or elsewhere. In this case I can replicate the physical relief and expand the application of a broader variety of "esoteric" healing.
I'm not going to rehash or try to deal comprehensively with the realms of metaphysical "medicine," but I will mention Louis Hay, who certainly was among the pioneers of this work. As well, she has provided the world with vast reference material with self-love as the focus. Her's was and is, an inspiring story and her work, a gift to all those that will avail themselves to it.
It was through this landmark work that I expanded my intervention to the current pain outbreak. It provides a window into not only healing the most prevalent of symptoms, but it can then give insight into long standing patterned behaviour; which might now be presenting as an opportunity to transform and release it.
The suggested causes can be a good way to "customize" ones prayer and affirmation work. Not having awareness of what's operating, makes it less likely it can be addressed. I can then search out "repressed anger" which can be one of the root causes of "in flame action" (chronic or acute inflammation) where are guilt and shame continuing to influence my treatment of myself? Creating a pattern of subjecting myself to punishment in the form of suffering. Where can I continue to "forgive" myself.
I will borrow from Louis Hay for the specifics re: feet.
FEET PROBLEMS: Fear of the future or not wanting to move forward.
Affirmation: I understand clearly and I am willing to change with the times. I am safe.
I did avail myself for a few days to some "anti-inflammatory" medication. For me it is important not to get into either or thinking (i.e. drugs bad!) They were of use to reduce the initial inflammation which gave the other interventions, an opportunity to take hold.
Conversely, though long term use of various medications invites all sorts of adverse side effects and alone, still doesn't address root causes; the use of prayer, affirmation and other "non-traditional" healing paths (ironic that that term itself, only holds true from the perspective of those practitioners, that are practicing medicine that is far "younger," than the healing wisdom, that is rooted in ancient "tradition") have no adverse side effects. They may not "work" the way one has in mind - there may be a journey that becomes the "means to some end." One may render them ineffective through their own disbelief/disallowing; however they are not apt to introduce further complications.
"Francis" continually reminds me "Make me an instrument of your peace...." The very next line
"Where there is hatred ..... Let me sow love" Allow me to address myself loud and clear right now, and if it applies to you as well, by all means use it:
I cannot fully stand in the intentions of this prayer without applying its tenets to myself - first, foremost and always.
How could I possible think, that the application of Love to those beliefs (mistaken), ways of being (misguided and unconscious), that are encapsulated in the Hate; that was formed within me, directed at me and has been the root cause, of my suffering (which clearly would disallow my knowing of "peace") would not be a directive to me, for me. Not just something one considers applying outside themselves.
Here's a little illustrative formula:
Healing = Love
If it is held to be true that : Physician heal Thyself
then
Healing = Thyself x Love
I cannot eradicate that which no longer works for me through "hatred." Take a look around, the flames of hatred (look there's those "flames" again) are being sought as a resolution to the world's woes.
"Re- Solution": The element water is a commonly known "solution," it also happens to be an effective flame retardant - if one is looking to extinguish flames - they ought not to utilize more flames.
I have lost some weight, my size eights no longer need to carry that baggage; I'm regaining some flexibility in my low back. That foot massage device is as they say, "the cat's whisker's!" It was uncomfortable in the beginning. It is a solid plastic base with half a dozen or so, steel ball-bearings mounted in it. The configuration of the balls allows it to get into places within the sole of the foot; I can't get at otherwise. There were tender spots that weren't even apparent - the use of this device brought about immediate improvement. Even when I first used it, I could be significantly feeling my feet and then sit; have a tea, massage my feet and "badda bing," I'm good to go!
In the last few days I have noticed the absence of pain while I walk! Step... ahhh...... another step... ahh.... oh my God this is wonderful...... step ..... ahh........ another step.... ahh........
I never would have thought I could appreciate so deeply pain-free feet - I sure do now!
I love my feet!!! I love my body and it's incredible capacity to heal itself. Thank you ... Thank you... Thank you....
I have untold walking to do in Ireland! Who know's maybe one day I'll hike the Camino!!!
I don't exactly know what "my work" is, but I believe I need to be able to get out and to the people. Thank you to my feet for supporting me throughout my life - even when I wasn't supportive of you. I'm hear now (no typo).
I can and will, look after myself, I now walk into whatever my future holds for me.
As an aside - I was just at the "walk-in" clinic (thank you to my feet once again) this time it was to address an infection at the site; where I got my additional piercing. Did I "strictly" follow the post-procedure care regime?
That would be a No.
Can I love myself anyway?
Yes!
Today love looks like some antibiotics!
And to hedge my bet: "I love, that no matter what happens in my day to day life, things are always working out for me!!"
I will continue to consider the entirety of Francis' Prayer - it's what I do.
But it's entirely possible Francis knows of my inclination to complicate things - that's why he offered the abridged:
"Walk Gently"
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