Today is a most auspicious of day for me and my writing. Whether it extends beyond today I couldn't say. As I sat pondering the direction this post might take while a maelstrom of thoughts assault my awareness - I decided, "I'm going to take the pressure off!"
It's a gesture in the direction of doing and being for it's own sake. Without the fixation on whether it makes "any difference" or not. Frequently circumstances are such that the reflection of a particular act goes seemingly unanswered. Of course the drive to have some sort of echoed knowing of ramification, is the influence of seeking external approval.
I would "like" my writing (and further, my life) to be "meaningful." However, when I consider books like the "Bible," the "Talmud," the "Torah," the "Koran," the "Tao te Ching," to name but a handful; which have been present for centuries and at best they might be said, to be only having a minimal effect, measured over...... well... centuries, I need not be concerned with the impact of my writing.
Along with my actions, I can focus more on the inner guidance to be the measure of success. I work at one residential care facility - one floor is mostly rehabilitative in focus (so there are visions of many of those folks returning home - though it is considered "slow rehab.") The other floor is long term residential mostly "young/middle aged" folks that due to various situations, require long term care and though the environment through which they receive this care could possibly change - they will always need some form of care.
The facility is run by the Provincial Health Authority and God only knows how many other tiers of bureacracy - which means there's policies and directives up the ying/yang. This doesn't even begin to include the various attitudes of the myriad of different staff ("I'll do this/I won't do that" etc.)
I understand the need to "encourage" folks to do things they might find challenging in order to restore or preserve function. I also recognize that the arbitrary refusal of some, to lend a hand - is more about them, than any higher good.
I try to maintain an attitude of "how can I serve" I understand the need to have a unified approach in some instances - I will not however, commiserate with those that spend more time complaining about how hard they are working; and then inform a resident, they didn't get to answer their call bell sooner, because "they were busy." I will not make someone wait for something, because their assigned worker is on a break - I'll just do it.
I'm not there to police anyone else's behaviour and I am not there to revamp "the system." I will speak up when I feel it's called for. I will also quietly go about my way, and do what the moment calls for. I have little tolerance for policies or group-mind, that attempts to override my humanity. So then my "directives" are as much internal as external. I'm not setting myself apart as "better than;" this is simply what my life has taught me, with regard to making a contribution.
I do receive positive reflections from many of the people I serve - that, is icing on the cake. The accolades are secondary, I follow my own lead. I suppose you could say I'm "doing on to others as I would have them do onto me; though it's not like I'm thinking that all day." How does this impact their lives overall? On days I'm not there? After they're discharged? I have no idea.
How does anything I do in that setting - impact the entirety of humanity and the challenges on planet earth? I can't say for sure. I suppose it's the same as my comment regarding my writing - I can only interject words/actions of wisdom, compassion, healing, transformation; in the moments. I always have more questions than answers at any given time. I try to cause more good, than harm - and do what is right (for me) not necessarily popular.
At times I think my "contribution" is immeasurable and invisible.
Then again - it was said the journey of a thousands miles begins with the first step (and many steps there after) so maybe this journey of mine is going somewhere.
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