Is there community without compromise? When I say compromise, I don't mean creative/constructive conflict resolution where differences arise. Of course I would have to say that where some of that more collaborative communication is involved - I am a work in progress.
By compromising in this case, I am referring to the abandonment of one's authenticity in order to a gain ongoing approval in the community.
Much has been said about the the devaluing of self, where "strategies" such as people-pleasing, "going along to get along etc. are concerned; it amounts to dishonesty and as a consequence, any relating/relationship is built on lies. There can be no "connection," if I'm not telling you the truth - as I have first of all, disconnected from me in order to lie/pretend/withhold to someone else.
Yet many of the "communities" I have experienced, even while denouncing "dogma" have the equivalent of that very thing, (in the form of exclusion - who's accepted - who isn't) they might not have it "written;" but the thread runs through the group, in the behaviour that is up - held within.
"It's a place for "like-minded" people!
You want to find out - how welcome you really are?
Question that premise!
Disagree with a popularly held idea and see what a brouhaha it creates. I'm not talking about being a contrarian just for the sake of disagreeing. I mean if something smells like shit - don't join the chorus line; seeing it and proclaiming it to be a rambling rose.
I don't know about anyone else's rationale for seeking answers in their life; by choosing some form of spirituality. For me it was an inability to reckon any longer, with the pain I felt inside myself. I certainly didn't come in the door looking for "community." Oh sure, I spent some period of time hoping to find someone that would uphold my bull-shit for me, but that turned out to not be in my best interest either. "Like-minded" people - what the hell, the very idea is the same pile of horse-hocky that resulted in my soul screaming to get my attention. There will be no soul - realization through maintaining the guise of a sheep or a chameleon.
Along the way - there have been connections with various people for varying lengths of time. Is authenticity risky? Your damn right it is! Maybe none of those people were meant to be "ongoing" relationships/ friends (whatever). There have been innumerable first time experiences of varieties of intimacies - sharing, self-disclosure; many of which were immensely pleasing - until they weren't. Not that the experiences themselves suddenly became unpleasant, the relating just went the way of the dodo.
It seems I have put myself out there - put myself out there - put myself out there and for what?
In this moment I'm inclined to say the whole notion of community if highly over-rated and if I were to be concerned about P.C. I'd say: consequently, I give it a resounding "raspberry," as it doesn't happen to be a concern - I will say "Fuck it!"
For years of my life I have tried to make things okay, that simply were not, in any way shape or form fucking okay!! Why.... because I so desperately wanted to "fit in." To what?? That's the billion dollar question?
How could I delude myself into believing that to follow suit with people that are doing shit and treating other people like shit, I could feel better about myself, because I'm now, one of the gang! (Well at least they're not picking on me).
"Special interests groups" are nothing but breeding grounds for some colossal egos (and I ought to know) - I certainly bolstered mine to no end, until as the adage said - "Pride goeth before a fall." Oh and what magnificent falls they were!
Don't for a minute think, that just because the theme of a particular group is healing and transformation, that there can't exist through the collective within that group, a web woven of mass-denial; whereby each individual contributes to the lie, which upholds their own wounds as well.
If someone walks in there and matter of factly blurts out, "oh by the way, the emperor is butt-naked;" they will soon come to think they opened the very gates of hell, when the wrath of the group-mind unleashes on them.
Community more abstract that real me thinks! I've had many a satisfying encounter with "random" strangers in the streets. Maybe I've spent my life trying to put too much energy into trying to "chase" "win-over" "gain approval from" all the wrong people.
Maybe the Buddhas' impermanence was speaking directly about the relating to others when he talked about "attachment being the source of suffering." If I let go of any investment/expectation on any conversation ever leading to even another conversation, how much more free might I be?
Community - enhancement or encumbrance?
That lone drifter in the old westerns - I'm not so sure he was always the "trouble-maker" everyone made him out to be. He just incited the rage of the masses that seethed at his audacity to live free.
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