Less is More!

 A conversation I was engaged in last night touched on "our" personal guidance system. For the purpose of the discussion we were referring to the ability for each to be "in their body" in order to be aware of their feelings, which in turn provide an aspect of this "guidance." The conversation traversed a broad range of subject matter including such phenomenon as being: "cut-off" (from yourself), disassociated, repressed - living in one's head. We both had our respective experiences with this and could certainly recognize within the sharing of our experiences; that this "sleep-walking" was neither good for me (as a man) or her (as a women). It also afforded us both the gift of recognizing that neither gender had the monopoly on these processes of desensitizing.

So then, what of the idea that is tossed around as part of the socialized milieu, that one is being "over-sensitive?" Of course to begin with this is a "relative term." For someone convinced that all the armour and shielding is still required to navigate through life; anyone that is modelling a more "open" way of being, might well be tagged: "over-sensitive." But can one really be too sensitive?" I would suggest that as with other ways of being, there is not a standardized criteria and therefore it must be determined by the individual for themselves. Certainly I have seen behaviour from someone that touts the need to "develop a thick skin" as lacking in compassion. Again something that is subject to relativity, which is best not "judged." After all, I am that person on some occasions.

For me there is an ongoing need to determine what ways of being are "working for me" and which are not. My "reaction" to some circumstances might well be part of a more complex mechanism that remains in place - a creation of mine perhaps once necessary for emotional/spiritual survival. This is mine to unravel and own; regardless of what is going on for someone else, which might be the very thing that "trigger's" me.

As I said it is up to each to "define" themselves. Most certainly the influences that contributed to us developing various "personality traits" (some of which we might be looking to release and/or expand upon) will continue to be operating in the world. There are endless "models," stereo-types, "paradigms," none of which could possibly accurately fit for everyone; nor is it reasonable for anyone to try and embody one of these frameworks as though it was an "off-the-rack" suit that would allow the shedding of one, in favour of donning the other.

I'm not here to define what is an appropriate presentation for anyone else. In truth, though I know myself to be on an evolutionary path - I don't know precisely where it is leading nor do I know what I will discover newly within myself. There is seemingly as much mystery within myself as that which I encounter in life outside of myself. Hmm.. as within as without. I suppose that makes sense then, that if my inner world determines what I see in the external world, then I don't guess I can see or experience anything different outside myself, if change doesn't occur inside first.

I have to say that being able to experience life beyond the confines of my head is truly a gift. Yes there are times when I would not be so quick to affirm that.

I can't lay claim to a "methodology"through which changes have come about. I certainly allow myself a fairly diverse diet of experiences, "guided" by that which calls me in some way. I have no idea what any of those same experiences would do for anyone else.

All I do is share some of these experiences through this writing along the way. It excites me because whether some of these experiences are "run-of-mill" to others, they are often first time or of a variety; that were not known to me, at other times in my life. Overall this keeps me inspired; that for example, my age is not a barrier to exciting new life developments.

Today I was out busking - just thoroughly enjoying making music in the streets. At various times during the first set I was approached by different people. One fellow that I am acquainted with as he frequents the downtown core (which clearly so do I) he shared with me some very "sensitive" truths regarding his own health and the passing of his son. I feel so privileged to have people perceive me to be approachable and deeply touched with what people share of themselves in the course of my day. Other people stopped and introduced themselves; as our paths haven't so much crossed before, as we are on the same stretch of town intermittently, as I do my thing and they do theirs.

I'm not for a moment trying to set myself a part from anyone else. I'm simply expressing my appreciation to have a growing connection with myself which in someway, opens the door to connecting with others. Today I was present to having a wide variety of "community;" in the form of various people, that I have had some form of rapport with, over the now three years that I have been busking. Another fellow that I see most every-time I play in a particular part of town.  He sells a "street magazine" in front of a nearby store.  Today he asked if he could take my picture which he wants to use for his entry in some sort of "vendor contest." The "winning pictures" will be used to produce the annual calendar they sell around the end of the year." I always buy a copy of his magazine - we hang out for a while and shoot the shit and solve a few of the worlds dilemma's. Imagine, now he felt okay about approaching me for his creative project. I have been videoed and had pictures taken many times, I have no clue what anyone does with them. I just love the opportunity to have an opportunity.

I ventured to the library courtyard after a meal break. Got there just as another performer was clearing out. I had begun yesterday to play with the modulation of my voice in the same "venue." My experimentation was cut short as it turned out there was a booked event, so I only played briefly.  Today I had ample opportunity to really play around with the acoustics in that courtyard! I have been "shut down" there in the past - the office workers in the upper tiers of the building can lodge a complaint and one must move on. On other occasions I played for the better part of two hours and not had a complaint. I haven't been quick to go there for awhile as I initially thought, what's the point of going there, if I'm just going to be asked to move on. Then I've  got to find another spot - set up again etc.

These last two days my "objective" was to have some sensitivity for those working and myself. What is possible here? I'm not a "trained vocalist." I have the capacity for a big huge powerful voice. A gift on the one hand, but not much good if it gets ya - "moving on down the road!" An "idea" was planted in my mind that went something like this: "Just because you have a "big voice" doesn't mean you have to use it constantly. I might at this point just be stumbling to express in some half-baked fashion, that which more experienced singers take for granted.

I both dialled back my singing and playing volume (used a soft pick so I could still where I wanted, strum energetically but it was softer sounding). With my voice I paid attention to the relationship between me and the acoustics - I played around with a "big - little sound" or maybe a "little big sound" (I did say I have no idea the "correct" way to articulate what it was I was doing).

It was an entirely different experience for me. I reckon it was parallel to what I have experienced as an audience member. There have been occasions where the band has "over-powered" the venue and at that point I can't hear the articulation of the different instruments or the voices - it's all just lost in what I call a "muddy sound." All I know is I was able to do so many different things with my voice with so little "effort." There were times when I got goose-bumps as certain notes were hit or sustained (sometimes called "God-bumps.") I'm not saying that this necessarily implies that I was giving some sort of spell-binding performance - but I certainly was aware experientially, of being on (in) new territory and I was really getting off on it! It gave me a entirely different experience of being engaged in and enjoying myself in the music.

An elderly lady came to the bottom step of the platform and said something to me. She was so soft-spoken I didn't get it, so I came down the stairs so I could hear her. She told me that she had been throughly enjoying my beautiful voice and that it had made her day!

Imagine if you will, being someone that at times has entertained the ideas that "I'm no good to anyone," "I having nothing of value to say or contribute" "I have no gifts or talents" (you get the idea) and then one day, you're on the receiving end of a heart-felt reflection such as that!

I am in awe of the "rate of return," no matter what I "give," I seems I cannot out give life.

It's a good thing I didn't get "over-sensitive" I might have "broke down" right there in a public venue and cried!