What I thought
I learned
From
My adoption
I am
Disposable
Unwanted
Flawed
Illegitimate
What I thought
I learned
From
Attending
Catholic
Private school
As an
Anglican
Was
Race and Sectarian
Bullying
Hatred
Intolerance
What I thought
I learned
Picking up
The first drink
At thirteen
Was
All the pain
Went away
For the
Next fifteen years
Whatever
The question
Drugs/alcohol
Was the answer
What I thought
I learned
Was
How to belong
Who I was
Who I was
How to
Override
The abysmal shame
I thought
This was
The nectar
Of the Gods
The key
To Life
The answer
To my prayers
I learned
It was
The final
Betrayal
It stripped
Me bare
Of anything
That remained
That held
Even
The potential
To be
Valued
A full life
Review
At
Twenty eight
Determined
The
Self-loathing
Self-destructive
Path
Was to
Crescendo
With
Lethal
Certainty
I was
Offered
An alternative
From
An unknown
Source
What I
Learned
Was
I don't
Know
What
I don't know
Thirty plus years
Seeking
A spiritual
Answer
What I
Have learned
In
An ebb & flowing
Experience
Is
There continues
To be:
Intolerance
Hatred
Divisiveness
Bullying
Judgment
Ignorance
Scapegoating
Denial
Vengeance
Violence
Betrayal
Coercion
Dishonesty
Shaming
Racism
Sexism
Ageism
Exclusion
Delusion
Despair
Disconnection
From
Within
The holy walls
In contrast
I have known:
Wonder
Ecstacy
Awe
Gratitude
Curiosity
Creativity
Integrity
Honour
Courage
Intimacy
Authenticity
Leadership
Strength
Inclusion
Compassion
Empathy
Wisdom
Hope
Belonging
Connection
Within
The same
Holy Walls
What
I learned
I am
Those
Holy walls
That
Contains
It all
Was it
All then
For naught?
When
All is lost
Of
An illusory
Love
There
Remains only
To
Turn
And face
My Creator
Look directly
Into
The eyes
Of Love
And
Surrender
My will
And
My life
My Creator
May you
Now take
All of me
That
I might
Go forth
In your image
As an expression
Of your
Love
Beginning
With me
Directed
By
Your Will
Let it
Be Done
Thank you..
R. O'Neill (Feb 19, 2019)
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