Friday, 31 March 2017

Love and Honour (Thyself) Warts and All...

When you consider the prospect of authentic representation of how you might be thinking or feeling will you or can you, give yourself carte blanche? What is the likelihood of getting your needs met if you won't acknowledge (as being "acceptable") the full spectrum of your feelings? Of course my suggesting that all people feel some or all of these feelings at some time, would be conjecture. However I, can most certainly lay claim, to running the entire gamut.

Do I spring out of bed every morning burning with passion and inspiration? No. On the other hand, there is some enthusiasm/urgency, to arise, depending on the absorption quotient of various diuretics. In other words, at times I feel "uninspired" or at least I'm entertaining the belief this is true.

What of "confused"or the even less flattering - desperate? Certainly the former has been at times a sunrise and sunset bed-fellow. The latter regardless of frequency, yes by all means, I have felt this way. How likely am I to divulge that I have felt (or behaved) compulsively? What about "heartbroken?" Has that ever occurred? Jealous? Ashamed (or just plain Shame) or "Left out...."

Clearly not the attributes I might share in an interview (even in response to:  identify some areas of potential growth) and perhaps appropriately so.. maybe not the kind of "intimacy" a potential employer should be allowed (or is even interested in). However,  these are ways I have felt. They point at beliefs I have held or hold to be true, about myself, about the myself in the world (maybe about the world ... if I'm not yet ready to see "my part in it...")

I grant you to express from the perspective of this sort of vulnerability, doesn't hold much in the way of curb appeal to me... I suppose the question beckons even still, if I reckon this to involve "vulnerability" - what is it I might consider I'm "vulnerable" to?

I suppose first and foremost, an honest appraisal of the existence of these sorts of feelings is of paramount importance with regard to "self-acceptance" "self-compassion", "self-empathy." If I cannot/will not, allow this emotional honesty, even to myself; how can any of my unmet needs, be identified and addressed?

Wouldn't the presence of any of these or combination thereof; be a call for love? If I at best, try to deny or ignore feelings of this ilk, or at worst condemn, chastise and berate myself for their presence;  really, can it be expected that I would experience any resolution?

Of course I'm not suggesting that conversations around this sort of thing are entered into indiscriminately. Sharing of myself with the "wrong person" might not be much better than out and out denial as far as leading to additional suffering goes. ( I suppose, if a self-disclosure doesn't go "as hoped" - I have always gained the real-world experience of seeing in hind-sight - it didn't kill me)..

Just the same "it didn't kill me" might not be the most desirable set of criteria when considering undertaking various actions.

I guess what I have come to recognize for myself is; abandoning myself has ultimately been the greatest source of my suffering. I don't burst out of the gate to embrace "my shadow" anymore than I greet each and every sunrise with zeal and unbridled enthusiasm. The fact is, this "know thyself" business is often no walk in the park!

However, if I consider the words of two of whom I consider my master teachers (Gandhi, and Yeshua):

"You must, be, the change you wish to see in the world...."

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

How can I begin to embrace the first idea - if I'm still busy living the habit of the second?

How can I "Love my neighbour" - as myself! .. until, I know all of what there is to know of myself, and accept, forgive and love all of it?!!!!!!

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Or.... Ya Could Have Been a Worm!!

My morning walk which included the weather phenomenon of blowing drizzle; which in itself was food for thought. One must decide as to the usefulness of an umbrella at that point, given the shelter normally afford under the canopy; is marginalized by rain, that is no longer falling straight down. The other variant is; due to gusting winds, one can find themselves being pummelled, by their own umbrella.

As I'm walking along the sidewalk I observe another frequent, rainy day, natural occurrence;" the sidewalks are littered with earth worms. I do my best not to step on any as I go, even though I know; particularly this time of year, when it can be pelting down rain one minute and then it stops. Maybe the sun comes out, or maybe just a clearing wind. Either way, it's the same outcome for the worms!! Where ever it was they felt compelled to go; they will never arrive, as there many of them remain, dehydrated on the pavement.

I suppose at this point this might be framed as a mystery of nature/perspective shifting piece. As in, when you've got to thinking "your life sucks.." consider the earth worm!!!

Clearly I have! This is not the first rain induced mass annihilation of worms I have witnessed or pondered. Just the first time I've chosen to write about it.  I walk any sidewalk anywhere, unencumbered by "stepping on cracks" first of all, I have no living mother - so neither of them, or rather their backs, are in any further jeopardy. However, I make a concerted effort to avoid shmoosing other living beings on their commute.

Does it matter, when they are just going to get sautéed on the pavement? I suppose it does. Some make it. I have no idea to where; however the post-rain, apocalyptic, worm carnage, suggests that all the worms that were gallantly sprinting across the concrete didn't get fricasseed.. Just the same, I don't know which ones will make, it which ones won't. Who am I then, to arbitrarily cut any particular life short - particularly given, these gallant worms had to be going somewhere with some sort of urgency. Other wise, why wouldn't they just stay underground ... in the earth... with the other earth worms .... in their worm communities..

Is this some form of earth worm mass-suicide? What purpose does it serve? I don't think the birds eat them once they are worm jerky on the sidewalk. No indeed, I've watched the avian worm safari - they fancy the big fat, wet juicy ones ... pulling 'em straight up out of the earth. Apparently they can hear them crawling beneath the surface. Can you imagine that? Think of that next time ... you get to thinking the animal kingdom has no intelligence. Go ahead try it... put your ear to the ground and let me know how many worms you heard cruising by. I've tried it ... couldn't hear squat!! Well that's not entirely true... I did hear the same sound I hear when someone gives me a shell and says, "listen you can hear the sea.." Of course now that puts that whole experience into question... What was I hearing then? But I do digress, one mystery at a time. I wasn't actually listening for worms with my ear to the ground... I was trying to get some perspective on whether one could actually track things through the vibration resonating. I have to say the results were non-conclusive, however I can say, I most certainly didn't hear any earth worms. So then, once again, the robins with the discerning palate, seem to prefer their meal fresh from the ground and still alive.

On occasion I have picked up some of these intrepid worms and put them back on the grass or nearby garden. Truly, I couldn't say if that was any less interfering than pulverizing it on the path. I don't know their intention, destination or purpose. Could be saying to it's mates back at the colony... ya it took me the better part of the night to get over to the sidewalk, and then this big bald git, picks me up and puts me back further than where I started from!!! Seriously, what life drama could one have, that has the apparently purposelessness and dismal outcome, as that of the worm?

In answer to any consideration that I have too much time on my hands; while that might be true on some occasions, this particular observation/query of mine; is actually representative of a curiosity that doesn't relent .. just because I'm "busy.." If anything the "busyness," is apt to be the catalyst to further curiosity..

The next time you hear someone (or yourself) lamenting about the rainfall... consider, in all likelihood you/they will make it home. You won't end up squashed and dehydrated on the city sidewalks - which doesn't guarantee you another sunrise, but it might diminish the tragedy you are composing regarding the rain fuelled armageddon.

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Love of Life.. Life of Love

I just spent a mesmerizing hour in the chair at the dentist! This twenty-first century miracle, I attribute largely to science, which presented in the form of local freezing and the development of a "high-definition" monitor and a cable service that provided the examination room with the "Love Nature" channel.

I'm not keen on that whole metallic picks and claws routine - so the freezing was availed through my self-loving reminder/request. Good thing I spoke up, as when I mentioned it, the response was - "oh did we freeze last time..?" Having worked in health care for years, I know darn well, that would have been charted as part of my permanent record (or she was negligent in omitting this)... The truth of the matter I found out as the session ensued, was she was running late (so to fill in the blanks) she had hoped to forgo the administration of the freezing to save time.. First of all, the schedule issues, are not my problem and I'm not about to compromise my comfort to accommodate. I was there on time (in fact, I was early) - I'm simply not into any unnecessary suffering. If push came to shove, I would have left and rebooked if need be.

I will admit there is room for improvement in my "flossing regime.." consequently no surprise I'm on the receiving end of the "oral hygiene" lecture. The localized "tenderness" is attributed to my neglect; with the medieval implements the hygienist wields, entirely let of the hook (pun intended). Again my health and wellness background informs me oral hygiene is a significant consideration. Consequently my awareness of the hygienist "need to be right" - which I gave the "water of a duck's back treatment, combined with her having already provided me with the headphones; largely neutralize her monologue.

The nature channel was amazing. The documentary was already playing, so I didn't catch exactly the location. It was however, somewhere in the rainforest region of South America. Despite the staggering number of different species featured in the segment that I saw; the narrator indicated that a far larger percentage of this region remained unexplored. This of course means, there are potentially, innumerable life forms, that have never yet been observed before!!

The videography was absolutely stunning. Not only was the quality impeccable, it is amazing to me to conceive; how long someone might have to wait, to get themselves in the right place, at the right time, to capture nature in action. In this case, everything from life the size of calving humpback whales, to creatures as small as this particular millipede and a very specific bee; that pollinates one variety, of the thousands of species of orchids found there. This millipede grows over a couple hundred different types of plant life on it's back! Not only does this provide this creature with camouflage which aids in its longevity; but it also transports this plant life to various locations in the jungle where it is transplanted.

The symbiosis and harmony of all the various life forms living in this region for me further affirms the "intelligence" that orchestrates the "web of life." It is simply a masterpiece of unequalled beauty and interdependence.  I cannot fathom, that those that are involved in concerns; that destroy and compromise regions of the planet like this, can knowingly carry-out this continued desecration, all the while, remaining in denial of their negative impact. I suppose it is a testimonial to the blinding power of greed and profit based ignorance.

I suppose as I continue on what I deem to be a journey of the heart for myself; the interconnectedness mentioned here, is brought further home within myself. An increased awareness and practice of self-love and compassion expands my capacity to be aware of how my beliefs, behaviour, habits etc. impact my wellness and can be extended beyond the illusory boundaries of my being, to all those that cross my path and the world as a whole. I can continue to increase my awareness of actions (or in-action) and consequences. I can further realize that my presence in the world does not occur in "isolation" or operate in a vacuum (whether that presence be positive or negative).

The hygienist upon completing my session (at the same time "Love Nature" concluded) informs me my new "BFF" is floss. I'm only marginally conversant in these acronyms, but I believe that is "best friend forever.. (I first went with Best Friend Floss)

I get her point... An adaptation, that continues to hold myself (and Spirit) through me, as the true representation of BFF... will actually incorporate her flossing perspective (as part of an overall reverence for life - my life) microcosmically speaking; and which can be infinitely expanded, to a celebration and service to, all that life encompasses.

Monday, 27 March 2017

Ode to a Green Man

Renewal cradled 
In spore, seed, acorn and reed
Held fast in ancient forests
By a sacred unspoken creed

You oversee and coax 
From roots deep in the earth
Your face appears then visible
Upon limbs and foliage of rebirth

Shrouded in antiquity
And camouflaged mystique
Lore and song, depiction
Across varied cultures each unique

Your timeless wisdom revered 
Spring green echoes - words you spoke
Rivers and streams carry your life's blood
Feeding glen upon glen - of hallowed oak

Dances in your honour 
Held as prolonged light - extends the day
Effigy carved of wood and stone
Though your return - programmed, in the clay

Unconditionally loving consciousness
Nature knows no other way
Many masters, sages, teachers
Aligned with your "green" way

Sunday, 26 March 2017

There's Someone I'd Like You to Meet

I am here to show you God
Hence I cannot be thwarted
By claims of grandiosity
Perhaps then, my delusion
Is manufactured
By your
Present hold on
Collective illusion
What if?
All limitation
Are the mistaken beliefs
That diminish
The unique expression
Of God
Through you
You then
The principle character
In each "Act of God"
Who else but you
Can be the purveyor
Of your lifetime
Of the oft seen
Radical presence
Of unconditional divine love?
It will not be dispersed
Like chem-trails in the night
While you lie sleeping
Or be carried on a prevailing wind
To be absorbed as inhalation therapy
Wait no longer
You are the "second coming"

When can we expect your arrival?

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

A Welcome Sequel

A once frozen mantle
Considered inhospitable
Shielded & protected
The yet unborn
 Seasonal debut
Which lies dormant
A mere wisp
Of potential
Not a moment
 Before it's time
Will the mysterious alchemy
Reveal a miraculous grandeur
Nothing of nature
Nor human construct
Can then prevent
A sacred pageantry
Carpeted meadows
Hearts leaping
Spirits renewed
Light returns
Pathways embracing
Extended sunlight
Soften under each step
To give and receive
Inviting wonder
Reverence and awe
Inspiration and celebration!

Happy Equinox and Poet's Day (2017)

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Winds of Change

Lean in and listen intently
The song you may hear
Hailing from the star kissed heavens
Carries the lilt and resonance
Of the winds of change

Commencing from one horizon
It's outstretched fingers
seek a hand-hold
Across an infinite stage
Each moment demonstrates the entirety of its intention

You may be tempted to shield against the advance
Instead, consider a fully naked embrace
Defences may well clamber for dominance
Offering the familiar ruse of comfort and protection
Shields most formidable, have sullied many a potential miracle

Surely to present vulnerable is to court spiritual evisceration
Perhaps change itself, invites an alternative perspective
Nothing has asked you to shirk your intuition
However what of the possibility of conditioned response?
Do you believe you merit learning to discern the difference?

Just as the sun shine equally on everyone
So it is with the unprejudiced inclusion of change
Therefore energy spent on attempted evasion
Might be better spent on fashioning a suitable welcome
Extended to fear erected resistance - asking that it soften toward trust

Change can be grand, sudden and complete
Other times, the stroke of subtlety
Delicate enough that it might
Nearly escape detection
Witnessed result will be its own assertion that it occurred

Is this change a presumptuous tyrant
Boldly intruding - "uninvited"
I suggest - indeed no
How many times have you:
Wished for
Begged for
Pleaded for
Screamed for
Prayed for

And you thought nobody was listening...........

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

One Night in Dublin

How then without the aid
Of even a compass
Let alone GPS
Orbiting satellites
Or Google maps
Will seemingly
Disparate "individuals"
Find themselves

Behold the cosmic ruse
An event
Fixed upon
An illusory
Measure of "Time"
Each "intent"
To hear
The orator muse

His offering
A soul expressed
The travellers sit
In awe
For they have heard
Their own soul's voice
Echoing across the room

Souls then
Across time and space
Never was it chance
That they met
Delightful company
Takes a back seat
To preordained imperative

Each then
Has come
To know itself
Through a sacred bond
To elevate itself
Through reunion

Afterwards coffee and tea will be served in the mezzanine.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

Who Were They?

Generation before generation
Bridging cultural transformation
To uphold tradition and ushering change

How can I know you
Now that you are gone
What might I embrace
Of those I've never known

What might I celebrate
Of our legacy?
What do I grieve
That you failed to release?

I listen on the wind
Straining to hear
The song
That once defined us

I search the legions
For the face of recognition
I taste the salt of your tears
As I walk the seaside

Will two calls harmonize?
Echoed across the valley of time
Ancestry within the marrow
And a soul seeking remedy to spiritual amnesia

To those that have gone before me
I can't even imagine
What led to my being here... now
My undying gratitude - I presume my view

Is provided, from atop your collective shoulders.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Soul Food

Where can you hope to belong
If parts of your own soul
Have been excised
And exiled

Can any rejection
Betrayal or abandonment
Possibly be, any more complete
Or indeed, any more devastating

In the presence of self-loathing
How then will one
Rise to the call
Of the oppressed

In a clutch moment
Persecution in plain view
Will self-preservation become the mandate
Projected self-hatred concluding - "they probably deserved it.."

At what point does silence
Become apathy and then condoning?
How many sub-optimal circumstances
Become subconscious "approved" resignation?

Illusory fragmented self-imagery
Identifies the myriad
Doorways inviting
A Return to Love

Shouldn't one's own company
Be the safest place imaginable?
Staying might court abandonment
Leaving an act of loving support

Soul alignment
May well call
For love and approval
From a source least willing to give

Friday, 10 March 2017

Field Trip

"What is your field of study," I inquired in conversation. Then I drifted off in my thoughts to the prestige afforded those; that have a field within which they have focused considerable energy and attention, to  have "accredited" themselves, through what they studied.

What of someone that "studied," in a field? By which I don't mean a biologist or botanist, zoologist, or even a anthropologist or herbalist. Just simply someone; that spent time contemplating life, death, matters of existentialist concern, while; in a field. Given they are there anyway, certainly; they might come to know more of the day to day occurrences, taking place in the field. But they aren't there to notice anything specifically.

Rumi speaks of being "in a field beyond  righ-doing and wrong-doing...." Was he in a field at the time? Good chance he was in a field at some point. Why would anyone care what Rumi has to say about being in a field...  or anything for that matter? Well in part because he's Rumi; on the other hand there may well be, many who have never heard of him. Even if so, and they have a Rumi desk calendar; how many would openly admit to want to follow in the footsteps of Rumi (to the field or elsewhere?)

There are probably more people in the western world; that would be more interested in how many "units" of Rumi calendars or books could be sold, than what they contain, or to acquaint themselves with any part of his life, with regard to how he gained the insights, contained within "his" calendars.

How have "we"drifted so far, from a spiritual centre which would serve as, an anchor and compass? I'm not even referring specifically, to a "moral compass" nor anything related specifically to the mainstream religions. I'm talking about a more widely held collective view of the connection of all life, which is not an orientation, many of the churches uphold. While various scandals and crimes against humanity associated with various churches, are being exposed and further investigated ... will these churches be able to maintain their followers, never mind attract newcomers? Despite some "spirituality" being frequently seen synonymously with religion; there are those that make a distinction, and there are apparently in increasingly greater numbers, those that are seeking more meaning in their lives, through various "spiritual" avenues.

I don't hold the collective in judgement or condemnation. From my own experience my own "score-cards" were bereft of anything remotely spiritual and at numerous other levels of being, the score read zero as well. I guess there is gratefully some truth in - "once you hit rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up." Of course it's possible to see "rock bottom" as a challenge for further excavation... what I discovered was I was being asked to delve into the how's and why's of how I came to locate myself at said bottom ... not to conclude, "oh I'm pretty sure, I could dig a deeper hole ..."

Seen from this experience I reason, if I had to "hit the bottom" before it occurred to me to seek a spiritual answer - maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe the collective humanity is ushering itself "to the bottom..." in order to build on new bedrock.

What if at this point we were to (for the rest of the post) presume there to be no need for me to provide endless empirical evidence for everything expressed. I will state up front, that clearly "the Creator" gave us minds to use; so I'm not suggesting they be abandoned. By the same token, stark rationalism/intellectualizing and logic; without any temperance in compassion, leads to a great many atrocities. So maybe this basis of seeking truth or proving the soundness of laws governing the universe, is not the be all to end all.

After much deliberation on my part which might be seen as "useful" and not at all unlike, sitting in a field studying. From the outside looking in; it might have appeared not a great deal was going on, but believe me, I was studying. Day and night. What was I studying? I suppose at different places in time I would have called it different things. "Trying to figure out how to "do life - Right!!" "There's Got to Be More to it Than This!!" or "A Better Way.." Eventually it might more accurately be defined as - "For the love of God this hurts... now... it's, about this matter of God??"

 I don't happen to believe in a linear, quantifiable and therefore measurable existence of pain. So when I say, my reasons for a resistance to God and religion might have had "less" in the way of negative association; that's more an expression of what I didn't experience, rather than any minimizing, of the resistance or comparison to anyone else's suffering. I simple believe there is nothing to compare.

Eventually even after following what would have been seen by many as a typical life trajectory, some post secondary education (which I suppose was made perhaps somewhat less typical; as it was pursued and even ultimately successfully completed, when some of my addiction was full-blown) career-path, marriage, home, dog etc. Though my pursuit of spirituality commenced in the midst of the a fore mention trajectory; it was when what led to most all of those anchors and structures in my life dissolving, that a heighten fervour was ignited. The catalyst was a continued profound pain and discontent within myself. Before I could "bring that home" I erroneously concluded, that all the source of angst existed outside of myself.

Though it doesn't hold true for me across the board, my pursuit of spirituality, personal growth, healing etc. took on an "all or nothing approach..." It would seem I was intent on taking "time out" to get somewhere.... and surely a full immersion approach will get me there sooner..!! Of course the irony of that, would be revealed somewhere along the way, that - "there is no where to get to...." Would I have come to know this .. if I just "stayed where I was?" Well ... for many years of this pursuit I didn't leave the town I was born and raised in. So the "quest" - is not necessarily geographical in nature ... though traveling could be included. The journey is internal ... so staying or going, is not necessarily a pivotal element.. I would say more important is a desire and commitment toward change - internal change.

Now during some of these extremes polarities swings in terms of circumstances,  I experienced rather severe disruption of cash flow - so I am familiar with the challenges that presents. I'm not discounting the "value" money plays in our society.

Albert Einstein was venerated for his contributions to "science;" yet he might have been better represented as a spokesperson - ahead of his time, with regard to speaking as though the wall between science and spirituality didn't exist.. He said; ""Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."

The unbridled pursuit of "capital" and the absolute disconnect that creates it and sustains it; I'm suggesting, are examples of just what Einstein was speaking about.

It's why many people couldn't care less about a story of complete spiritual transformation but if I told them - I went from the street kitchen, to now, listening to meditation tracks while I drive around in my BMW.. it might peak some interest. Many more might humour me with regard to the meditation waiting to hear more about the car. I know the "rags to riches" tale has all kinds of allure and while I'm not saying it doesn't represent a significant focused effort on the part of the protagonist of that story; it really only holds that appeal, because of the meme that suggests "rich good - poor bad.." - it's simply not true. Nor is the reverse true, there is no "virtue" in being poor. 

An analogy that used to be spoken around the A.A. rooms was - "if you a drunken horse-thief - suddenly sobers up... but doesn't himself, then all you've got, is a sober horse-thief." Same with the "rich person - poor person" scenario. You can buy more stuff - with a bank account full of money but no true inner peace can be attained - just through more stuff. No more than having a Rumi desk calendar makes you a Sufi. A complete lack of integrity could be present whether rich or poor.

There's all kinds of dualism represented in this account as there are operating in the world. Unbridled rationalism and capitalism are not the answer. Nor am I suggesting that everyone needs to seek a conversion experience in a cave somewhere.

No amount of popular consensus would take away from the "work" necessary to examine one's self (heart and soul). I would like to see ... more encouragement for people to seek a heart centered path and yes.. even a system that values such pursuit, as to make it viable and sustainable. I'm not talking about austerity and endless suffering. 

What I am saying is that all the disconnection, pain, addiction, etc. stems from an over-valuing (read worshipping) of the material. Neglected souls and hearts (which manifests in the world as various forms and levels malaise - which benefits no one but drug corporations is epidemic in proportion).

Laugh if you will about the idea of sitting in the middle of a field - then consider what are you afraid you might hear from yourself, if you left the racket behind for awhile? If not the field, consider the forest, or the mountain, or the seaside, how about the park? 

More long week-ends, less "dead"- lines (what is the relationship between dead-lines and flat-lines?) More naps - less rush hour (have you ever seen the "winner" of the rat-race on any podium?)
Can too much "get it done" lead to, coming undone?
When alone - is there a stranger in your midst?
Is over-achiever an asset or a malady?
More day dreaming - less nightmares?
More heart-centered - less heart attacks?

How about the new cocktail party opening line transformed : Instead of "What field are you in?"
"What depth have you realized while in the (your) field?"

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Enough is Enough!

What hope is there for Peace of Earth
While humanity still condones
Exploiting rage
Rather than healing it?

Bassinets row on row
What of that one
Nobody comes to him
Except that angry nurse
Whose been asked to work overtime

Just yesterday her husband left her
After "she put him through medical school"
There'll be a lot more over time now
"Noisy little shit".... "Quiet then... you must be quiet!!"
There ... there ... it's okay
"Just what the world needs, another male demanding too much attention...."

You feel shame you say..   tut.. tut.. you must not speak of such things
But it's not mine..... Aaaaaaahhhhhhh..........
We'll have no more of that, or I'll give you something to cry about.....
Oh my, such a temper ..  you can forget about dinner.. you'll sit in there
And when you can be more civilized...
maybe you can come out & join the rest of us...
It's time you learned to be a man....
But I'm a fuckin' kid

"Ya.. right .. and you're a fine example .. was it you, that is going to teach me?"

You cannot speak to me that way.....
This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you
You need to learn some respect

"Ya and you need to act worthy of respect"

Now you're really going to get it
You've asked for it....

Go ahead give me your best shot... 
No matter how much it hurts...
I will never give you the satisfaction...
Of seeing me cry.....

He's well above average intelligence
He just doesn't seem interested in being here
He daydreams
He is disruptive in the class
Four times last week
He was sent out

What the hell is wrong with you?
Are ya stupid?
Do you know the sacrifices we make?
So that you can get a good education!
And are you grateful, no!
Why the hell, did we ever have kids??

That's a very good question...

"Rage Against the Machine"
Well that won't do..
But we can certainly put that to good use
We can always use another gladiator
For the next cage match
That's a license to print money that is......
Nothing an angry, blood thirsty, community
Likes more... than to get their ya-ya's out
Projecting their rage .. while their "champion"
Destroys his opponent...

Grid iron, rink, pitch
Satellite, TSN, ESPN
Twenty-four seven!!
Movie channel to mix it up
"That's entertainment!!"
Road rage... domestic violence
That dude's got an anger problem

No problem... we'll lock him up
They're a menace to society

But isn't there a lot of anger and violence in there?
"Do the crime .. do the time.. the dumb-ass deserves it..."
A stint in the military would fix him
He needs some "discipline.."

Ya.. that's right .. let's take all that rage
No... we won't "heal it" - we're going to contain it.....
We're going to break him down
And rebuild him
And then point him and his rage
At "our enemy"
He's serving his country now
A special - op's killing machine

He died so young

He died a heroes death ...

I heard there were civilian casualties.....

Well in all operations there is a expected incidence of collateral damage............

you can be proud...

Suicide in epidemic proportions......

What's with those guys...

Those guys there ... looked at what it takes to "man up," and said fuck it....

Those guys... showed up ... played the game.... but I guess this didn't have what it takes ... they "broke down..." and took "the easy way out.."

Dead before their time either way...

It's a shame...

Tut.. tut.. we'll have none of that here...

"If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!!"

Monday, 6 March 2017

A Burning Question

I awake with the question upon my mind "am I then, my brother's keeper?" - for the record, I am neither author nor oracle of the phrase - it is sourced from the "Old Testament" - (Genesis 4.9 KJV bible).

I am not a biblical scholar, theologian or academic. I suppose it accurate to say, I'm intensely spiritually curious.

Lately, suicide is on my mind. It's not the only thing on my mind - but it is among a myriad of subjects that occupy my contemplation. For clarifications sake - I'm not contemplating my own suicide. I have over thirty years of "additional time" walking the planet; since my daily thoughts were around the premeditation, of just that. This took place over a period of time, of about a couple of months, culminating in what I deem; a spiritual experience the night before the day, I had determined was to be my last.

Articles on the incidence of suicide (the latest of which include) indigenous communities in Brazil and another, for those in Canada, are being brought to my attention - daily. As too, are those on matters pertaining to addiction. 

During my most recent trip to Europe which included two and six weeks in Slovenia and Ireland respectively. Though these journeys were filled with beautiful experiences of connection, mysticism, were ancestrally and therefore personally meaningful; I was also made aware of the spectres of addiction and suicide in these cultures as well. I purposefully wandered into environments that assured; I would not come away with only the grandeur, of a tourist's rose coloured perspective. 

I am not in any way, shape or form intent on giving any culture or group of humanity a black eye. I refuse to perpetuate cultural stereotypes and the stigma of any of the known afflictions associated with the human condition. I suppose my venturing to where "darkness" exists is in part - to "keep it real" - to remember where I came from and because I'm more inclined to believe now; who better to go there, than someone that is "not afraid of the dark" whose occupation of the shame, isolation, despair and hopelessness therein - perhaps provides the unique "qualifications" to be the light; long enough, to lead those looking for the way out, to discover they are their own light.

So I suppose the biblical reference comes to me because the consideration of the question is personally relevant. Words to me have a great deal of power.  Certainly not the only means one can "communicate" or receive communication. Words to me are alive... or maybe I might say they can be enlivened... It's entirely possible that my use of words (written and spoken) is still under-going a vast developmental process. The reason I say this is because - from what I call, a certain point of reference I see so much more than what is conveyed in the literal words. They are "the finger pointing at the moon..." There is depth, layers, expansive teaching - all of which doesn't remain static. They are situationally and can be personal and uniquely interpreted. Often when I write I have this expanded multi-dimensional experience and view, of what it is I'm writing (I'm so sure that the words convey this ... how could they not - I'm in it, as I'm writing it?) However, in both my speaking and writing, I'm not sure, I successfully get all of this across.

There are those that are not "prepared" to receive - just as it would be true to say in some instances, that the time is not right, for me to receive the intended transmissions of a particular teacher or passage of work. I both acknowledge the truth of this and at the same, time I consider; that it is my development, that will lead to what I convey, being more accessible.

So then are "we,"our brother's keeper? I cannot answer that for anyone else. I can only consider further what that asks of me. It certainly occurs to me that my "dodging the bullet" of addiction and suicide, doesn't necessarily give me a "get out of jail free card;" like I'm playing some cosmic game of monopoly. Do I have all the answers? No, but then again, the realities of my story; might just be inspiring to those in similar circumstances; or even those that consider themselves, to be in some immutable situations where they believe, there is no way out.

There are those that are so deeply ensconced in the three dimensional materialistic world view; that if they consider those that take their own life at all - it is from the viewpoint of this same mindset - i.e. "fucking losers." This is not a statement of conjecture, I have heard these very words in conversation.  I think it safe to say without some radical change of heart, these individuals won't look to becoming part of the solution. And, maybe they are not meant to - I have no idea what anyone else is here to do.

I just can't help thinking ... of those whose lives are ended prematurely (which I suppose is an assumption of mine) - for the purpose of this discussion, I will suggest it be assumed that a life ended by one's own hand, has been cut "short;" what gifts, talents and service would they have brought to humanity? What is the source of their pain; a pain so complete and profound, that suicide seems the only viable option? Why when in so many places in the world - where suicide is being described as occurring in "epidemic" proportions,  is it being allowed to become "normalized" and not addressed as a regional, national or international emergency?

I'm not saying there are not good people giving their all to this matter. Nor is this some "call to action" to others. Like much of my writing this is an interplay of what I observe in the world outside of me and that of the universe that occurs within me.

If what I write is found to be provocative - great! It seems to me I can ill-afford to live in complacency and apathy any longer. I am not suffering under the illusion of any messiah complex but neither do I believe in personal powerlessness.

Just today on my email, through a list I'm subscribed to, came this quote " What a man can be, he must. This we call Self-Actualization." - Abraham Maslow.

First of all - consider the "timing" of this coming my way. Yes, I did and I am. Second, it says "what a man/woman  can be, he/she (italics mine)  must be...... not "could be"or "might consider being" ... MUST!! I believe ignoring this "directive" - is absolutely an option, free will choice comes into play. However, I also believe if it is ignored, a profound suffering is evoked; not as a "punishment," but rather, the individuals soul - "knows" what could be realized - but is not. So free will is upheld, a "choice" is in effect; the consequences of which generate a soul-angst, that I'm going to suggest, is the definition of "hell." 

Nothing I'm saying, will I claim to be "universally true." I will claim that I am actively seeking and open to, my ongoing evolution. I believe that to both be; occurring and a contributing factor, to the evolution of human consciousness. I am both benefactor and recipient. I continue to contribute to some of the "problems" in the world, while I seek the answers and contribute to the resolution of other "problems."

I always write authentically from my own experience,  - which often includes references to past, present and future; all in the same submission. 

I have deep appreciation of the knowing that there continues to be those that read what I share into the world. If this is you, read it, spin it, consider it, share it, disagree with it, delete it, laugh at it - It's all fair play... I'm blessed to have been inspired to explore and pursue this avenue... How it is received in the world, cannot be allowed to impede, it's continued presentation.