Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Growing Awareness

All well to 
Modicum of humility

Whereby one
Might consider themselves
A "small fish in a
Big pond.."

Would it continue
To be considered

The fish
Was so well
That it 
Has entirely 
The pond?

Wouldn't that
Be like
Confining an Orca
To a swimming pool?
At some point
Would the bare
Necessary to provide
Life support
Be rendered inadequate
Heart & soul?

How much 
Of the pond
Truly exists externally 
To the fish?
What portion 
Held as
 A mental construct
A potential ocean
To a pond?

Did nature
Not intend
That fish swim
Orcas migrate
Have free reign
Across the entire ocean
Birds fly

What is it
That distinguishes:

To survive
To be alive
To Thrive?

R. O'Neill (October 31, 2017)

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Here Today .. Gone Tomorrow!

The wonder of 
Might be thought
To go 
Significantly beyond
 Intended purpose

Never mind
The wonder of
The age of
More & more
"Processing" power
Made physically
Smaller & smaller

The coexistence
In each new "innovation"
The power 
To convince people
Of the necessity 
Said device

While at 
The same time
The same 
Grail-like technology
Is near to
Directly in the face
Of the consumer
That the march 
Of its obsolescence
Before the device
Was determined
To be needed

Tomorrow's crap
Is being purchased
With today's
Buying power
With respect to
 A big ticket item
On lay-a-way
The payments
May well 
Outlive the device

"You get what you
Pay for.."

Not necessarily!!!
It might be 
That in exchange
For the higher-end
All you bought 
Was some 
Bragging rights

The designer branding
Won't command
A place of prestige
In the landfill
It's heading for

And don't expect
That is longevity
Or marketed
Will advance
Far beyond 
It's manufacturers warranty

As each 
New generation
Renders it predecessor 
It entices with
A vast array of 
New features
None of which
Include increased life-span

There's extended warranty
But the product
"Cradle to grave" existence
Cannot be extended?

Is then this the 
Capitalist answer
To the idea 
Of impermanence?

One can't help
But wonder
How far
Are we
The glorification 
Of technology 
Rendering Humanity 


R. O'Neill (October 28, 2017)

Thursday, 26 October 2017

First Things First

What does that mean?
Does it even exist
In a 21st century
World that 
Glorifies doing 

What time
For being?

Do ideas 
Such as
Reflect a 
Reality based
On authenticity
Would that 
Just be another 
Way of saying 

What happens 
Autonomy & sovereignty
In the face
The common good?

How can 
The "good"
Of the collective
Be served
If that 
Is comprised of
Innumerable souls
That are not
In alignment
With themselves?

Authentic soul alignment
Be consistent 
And ongoing
While maintaining
The "accepted"
Criteria of 
The collective?

Is community then
An organic
Ever changing
With any
& all
Rather than 
On "special interest groups.."
Special relationships?

Community is 
Said to be 
About connection
The most vital
Is that to 
To Self

Any attempt
Attain approval
From the community
Incongruent means
Connection to 

Deny connection 
To Self
Deny connection
To God

Deny connection 
To God
Deny connection 
To Self

R. O'Neill (October  26, 2017)

Monday, 23 October 2017

Considering Prayer...

"My prayers...."

What if they 
Are not
"Your" Prayers...

What if 
The all of it..
The never-ending

Tha Alpha
The Omega

Is seeking 
Be prayed
Through you.....

Does not
You to

Free will 
Allows for
of Prayer
or none at all

What if 
The quality of
Your life 
Is what 
Depends on prayer?

What if at the 
Level of
That is 
Part & parcel
Of all 
 That is...

An unconditional

You're not
Being punished
By a capricious
You are
The denial

are punishing

Seen in this 
It is no 
Act of virtue
To pray

It's not even 
Your idea..

It's simply
A realigning
Of the flow
Of ever
Present Love

It "wants" you..
It is there
For you..
Is you..
Once out
Your own way

It doesn't
The credit..

You might 
To it
Is really your


Are you just
A call
That has
Been ringing 
Ever since

R. O'Neill (October 23, 2017)

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Greater than the Sum.........

Your eulogy then..

At best 
Sentiment & Projection 
Of they 
Wielding the pen

A social agreement
To speak well of 
the dead

In truth 
Only crafted
To commemorate
This particular passing
Or the ever popular
Celebration of life

What of all 
Deaths experienced
While you continued
Your earthly walk?
Can you recall
Or even imagine
The number 
Of suits
You donned 
Life's runway
And then

When was it?

You realized/declared

The skin fits!!!

No "dress rehearsal"
This production 
This has always
Been Your Life!

None then
A "minor role.."
Don't all then
To your
Earthbound finale
Bear mentioning?

Through each 
of those masks
Your inner vision
Was shaped
The walk
The talk 
Your own

How many definitions
Did you 
Vehemently defend?

By how many 
Might you 
Have answered
 Life's meaning
 Your lips

No longer
Of bile?

R. O'Neill (October 18, 2017)

Monday, 16 October 2017

Up for the Count..

Today marks an auspicious occasion for "In Through the Outdoor.."(this online blog)  it just broke 10,000 views. I want to thank all those that continue to follow me here; or the one guy that keeps coming back repeatedly, perhaps suffering chronic insomnia. I have no idea who it is that is reading; with the exception of the handful of people; that "like" directly, the posts on the Facebook page, where I put up links to the latest offerings.

Apparently I created this blog back in the Autumn of 2011; I say apparently, because I had to look to see when it was this began. At that time I was looked for a vehicle to expand my written expression and potential reach others. I knew virtually nothing about creating a blog... I don't actually know a great deal more today. I just keep doing it. I don't remember when it would have been that I discovered there is a mechanism within the blog platform to track how many visits have been logged. I found it accidentally, when I was randomly clicking on icons, trying to find my way to the account profile or something like that; and up popped this statistics window.. At the time I think it read something approaching 400 hits. I was absolutely flabbergasted! I had no idea.

I would have continued anyway, but admittedly it was satisfying to know I was reaching others. (or that one sleepless soul that was reaching for potential sedation).

As of earlier this year I have "self-published" my first book, which is only accurate in as much as it hasn't yet, been submitted to any publishing houses and has gone through "independent' channels. But having said that, yes I showed up and continued to write, rewrite etc. however I would submit, there have been a great many people connected to this "self" attained landmark. That, cannot go unacknowledged. Hard to say who's more uncomfortable when it comes to my expressing my appreciation; me or the people in my life that I just love to pieces. Smooth, suave and debonair, I will likely never attain .... but sincerity, I have a fighting chance at..

I'd have a very vague idea of how many books that have sold since it was first released. It's a clear reflection of my days in the classroom - I did particularly well in the language related classes and slept through the math. However, I suppose at some point, I might have to get a little more tuned in.

I don't care what numbers anyone else is posting - what these numbers represent to me is persistence. And a continuance to hone a craft. There is some element of personal victory I allow and acknowledge - every minute of everyday, it's not all that alluring to face a blank screen.

I envision writing overall as a spoke in a wheel; one that involves the creation of an avenue of service that I provide - to humanity. (I have no idea how widespread that might be). Consider, when my writing began, it didn't extend beyond my own hard drive - nobody saw it!! It has grown from there. I have gone from someone that didn't know what I was doing and had zero readership; to someone that still doesn't know what he's doing  - but actually has international readership. As an avenue of service I envision that being joyful service. I am done with the idea I need to suffer in order to serve. Hold onto that if you will.. I intend to represent service sans suffering. I'm not down with the whole martyr thing. For the love of God if it ever resurfaces within me - someone direct me to the nearest exorcist!

So now what? Well, it's a little bit like the "chop wood, carry water" analogy, with the glaring exception, I haven't reached enlightenment through this process. But I will keep right on - writing on! I have a book to attempt to elevate beyond obscurity. An order is on route to Victoria, at this very moment.

If you imagine armoured cars backing into my suit to unload the royalty cheques (I actually imagine the too - it delights me no end!!) however it's on the far-side of materializing, just at the minute. So it looks a little more like, a combination book promotion/fitness program; as I schlep a back pack full of books around and do a lot of talking...  As some of you know, the latter poses far less difficulty than the former. I stand to benefit anyway you look at it. No question this is a labour of love. Perhaps at some point the whole thing will become more sophisticated... that would probably mean a coach has stumbled into my midst. Ironic perhaps as I aspire to coach (and I will) - along the way, it will continue to be necessary that: Robert - Draper, Mason, O'Neill (all of you!!!!!) "coach ... coach thyself..

So 10,000 plus hits in, you can count on the same transparency and authenticity that is who I am. If you're looking for the 7 Steps to this.... or the 9 steps to that.....

You best google another blog... it takes me more than 7 + 9 = 16 steps to even get near my front door to leave for the day! (But it's the journey! don't ya know!!)

Insert Shameless self-promotion:

"What Goes Around Comes Around" - Rob O'Neill
avail. on: Amazon.ca; Amazon.com & Amazon.co.uk

May I be Purposed?

Have I sufficiently
Walked the fated mile
That then
Dawns the morn
Of execution

Fixation on immortality
Then, nailed to a tree
Puny cries
Of self-concern
Dashed upon the rocks
I feel the force
Of the winds 
Of change
The raging infernos
That raze the land
Burn within 

Guide me

I can 
No longer bare
The weight 
of futility
You know the way
You have a way
You are the way

Show me 

My creator 
I implore you
Direct my heart
Make thee use 
Mine sinew & bone
Both yours 
To be 
By your will

Free me 
From the bondage
 Of a tyrannical
That weaves
A smothering quagmire
Of immobilization
What's mine
Is your's anyway
Put you then
To good use


R. O'Neill (October 16, 2017)

Sunday, 15 October 2017

"Talk to the Heart"


"Are you talking 
To yourself..?"

In fact I am..

"Well .. 
No need to worry
Unless you 
Are getting answers.."

But I am..

From whom?

Would you 
Have me 
Receive answers
For my questions?

"Common Sense 
would dictate....."

With heart I am
Nothing "common"
Everyone has one

Romantic notion?

Au contraire...

Very real
At times replete
"Clear & present


Virtually none....

Most certainly
An assurance
None-stop intrigue 

Heart to heart?

Heart required 
Follow heart

Not at all
The weak of

Yes of course
Your mind along
Never will
There be 
A more apt call
To partnership

In fact 
A collaboration
Might well serve
In order to 
The mind-cantered
That is 
More concerned 

Ignore it...

Well yes you
Freedom to choose
Always in play

Will that bring peace?

Apt to bring 

Of heart's desire
Will always
Remind you 
Of what could be

It's the ultimate
Loving offer
of a
"Do over.."
Should one 
Later than sooner
To engage

It doesn't make sense?

Most frequently
Understanding "recognition" 
While on a 
Heartfelt path
Not before

There might be
Be nothing 
Than a flash 
of excitement
as a 

Affirmative action
The invitation

To be sure
You will find 
Far beyond
You find familiar
Believe yourself
Appropriately "qualified" 

Unseen doors
Will open
Unknown support
Will introduce itself
Through known

Your heart 
Will you trust
It's unique
Innate intelligence?

It actually 
Your best interest

"At Heart.."

R. O'Neill (October  15, 2017)

Saturday, 14 October 2017

Simply Seeking Truth (The truth of seeking simple)

Not my first time considering simplifying and it's implications; probably won't be the last. I'm not going to present myself as a proponent of it - "across the board." But I will sing it's praises from my own life experience & continue to explore it for the "simple" reason - it is a theme that continues to draw me.. In that, regardless whether I find agreement elsewhere or not - it matters, to me.

Two very recent mirrors into this realm stem I suppose in contrast to my extended travel (which spanned 6 months) ... the turn-over of stuff I had while that was occurring; so that I had what I required within what I was prepared to carry and a meal I was served at the hotel I'm now staying at and the first visit I had to my apartment after getting back.

The meal was ridiculously proportioned .... I suppose it would be marketed as "good value.." I imagine that only considers volume of food for the dollar. Considering for the same dollar value you could buy considerably more groceries and if you can't eat all the food you are served, it is both a waste of food and money. The other thing is what is the "cost" to well-being etc. if one consumes that size portion daily (never mind 3 meals per day). Poking back that much food is not necessary for sustaining life and most certain will have longer term health implications.

I was put off by the meal as soon as it was placed in front of me..  "veggie scramble hash.." & a mountain of it. Of course despite the name implying some healthy composition - likely the whole thing was done up in a skillet and might well be served along with a defibrillator.. I actually felt my stomach turn when it presented.. I suppose that could be considered "guidance.." - was it? Not exactly!! I decided to eat some of it...  This is not an indictment of any particular nutritional practice. It would however be indicative of my body/being etc. informing me - there are going to be some changes my friend. And, if you don't care to pay heed to the more subtle cues and information provided, your colon could be twisted into a corporeal representation of a Celtic knot and perhaps that will get your attention. Okay .. Okay.. tomorrow I'll investigate the lighter fare!

Just to add a little piece de la resistance to the guidance ... a couple of racoons walked through the parking lot outside where I was eating. I looked up "Racoon medicine.." there were various aspects to consider .. the one most relevant in that moment was ... to consider a diet comprising more vegetables and fruits.." The guidance now being.... if the waves of nausea and twisted colon aren't compelling perhaps this reading will provide you with ample evidence to consider a different tac??? Of course you're free to choose..  A very haughty pack of guides I've got.......

The other window I mentioned, the visiting of my apartment, really to me, had a representation of "excess."  Both because I'd been 6 months with the contents contained in one suitcase, one day-pack and either a guitar, or returning (the guitar now left behind) the empty case filled with random items.

So to view an apartment which contained considerably more (though in itself it had undergone multiple purges) of my stuff and the belonging of the person that in my absence, was living there temporarily; I felt over-whelmed, estranged and I suppose I would say alerted to the fact that I have undergone some changes.. and that further change was coming.  It's not a vilification of stuff I'm addressing - though what I "require" is certainly up for reevaluation. I suppose one might consider more in the way of belongings when setting themselves up in a fixed place of residence versus traveling. But for me, simplification still comes into play. I really viscerally experience "less is more.." I don't know exactly what that might look like over time. Beyond a certain point the volume of stuff presents to me as rather suffocating..

Simplification as of this moment might well include:  having just lived a major series of actual & potential life changing events ... I don't need to force answers out of this immediately. So I can grant myself some mental, emotional and spiritual ease and grace & both direct some focused energy where  it is called for and allow some sifting, sorting, expanding, imagining, discovery space as well. A rather basic but potentially profound example if considered in a more widespread manner is: I'm sitting in a coffee shop that happens to have a movie rental shop as well. It occurred to me maybe I rent a movie? But then the idea asserts itself ... if there is a need for me to come back here tomorrow, just to return that movie then, over all; I'm not sure it's the best expenditure of my time and energy..

Oh I promise you I have wasted far more time on far less, at other places in time. However, this is now! Simplification might look like a redirection of my energy and attention. So I could be more powerful and effective with the realization of what I want and reduce the "complications" of various distractions that, consume my energy - feign productivity and while they yield "a result;" it might well be nothing to do, with that which I say, "I want to create.."

I cut through one of the malls today after using the ATM at the credit union, to go out back of the lower level to catch the bus. In one short stretch of the mall there are three different cell phone shops! It's too much.. I have a cell phone.. I could quite easily keep right on using it. I don't use nor am I familiar with all the features this phone has - it doesn't really interest me what the latest generation does. If the phone continued to function, I would continue to use it. Of course that's the catch, it is engineered not to continue to function. I'm old enough that I remember, well in fact, I recall "party-lines" but that is not my point. What I was referencing was, that at one time, if someone rang you and you weren't home, then they had to call again. Nor even voicemail. Now with the advent of mobile phones, messaging etc. the expectation has become that one is reachable anytime. I don't buy it! On some occasions, I just leave the phone at home. It's a tool/device, I'm not about to become a slave to it. So if it's important enough to have called, I presume there would be a call back or a message left & I'll return the call when it works for me. I'm not on-call 24/7 (not even to the employers for whom I worked "on call.."

It really amounts to for me, honouring and respecting my energy, my time, my needs. That might occur to be a whole lot of me! Well first of all, if you assess that through the lens of some old-school mainstream religions, then any amount of self-love would seem "self-indulgent.." The truth though, is if I don't make a priority of preserving my energy, respecting my time and getting my needs met - nobody else is going to do it for me. It's the "oxygen mask" parable ... without my own mask secured first I'm nothing more, than another casualty in the aisle. If one hangs themselves out to dry running around looking after everyone else's needs - it can be rather self-defeating to say the least. If done for the ongoing accolades of others it will lead to self-depletion. Equally true, if the underlying impetus is an unconsciousness want to avoid self or even some forms of self-sabotage; it then, certainly serves no 'higher good."

Simplifying ... is actually rather simple! Which is not to say that it is always easy. Somewhere along the line of humanity's trajectory "busy" has been elevated to reverential status. "Are ya keeping busy??" .... "oh... ah.. well things will pick up ..!!" What is the cost of all this busyness? Cost to relationships of all forms, to values, to health & wellness - to hopes and dreams and to the fabric of countless souls?

I was skimming through a newspaper in the hotel dining room while having breakfast.  Which brings me back to the absurdity of restaurant meals. In response to the gargantuan portions served previous; I envisioned "simplifying my order.." - cereal, eggs, toast (for the love of God $5.00 for a bowl of cereal,  eggs x2 @ $2.50/egg and more than a whole loaf of bread costs for 2 slices of toast - though the portion size was perfect, the collective cost more than one of the meals, because it was a la carte. The "carte" of reasonableness, has been completely hijacked in my estimation.

Anyway back to the newspaper. Here's another glowing example within an example. I wouldn't "normally" purchase a newspaper as largely I consider it all to be shite. But because it was "free" at the reception desk I scooped one. So what does this "free" newspaper then cost me? Well I suppose that depends on what you value peace of mind at.

Suffice to say the content is no less shite whether you pay for the paper or get it free. One local story might be relevant to my theme here. Apparently "Sears" is closing their local outlet here.  A face on the local retail scene for over 30 years so it was written. I have empathy for the employees while they navigate the initial shock and redirect their lives. On the other hand, large retail outlets seem to appear and disappear around here with increasing frequency, this one may represent a longevity that is no longer sustainable. Maybe this points to a move toward a less consumer glorified consciousness - are more people asking of themselves, what is "enough?"

The article went on to say the "liquidation sales" will commence in less than a week's time and run through the "holiday season.."

I believe I would be do well to remember some of my own illustration here... a binge of consumption regardless of the "savings" can lead to suffering on any & all levels of ones being.

Thursday, 12 October 2017

Spinning Wheels... Got to Go Round..

It has been quite some considerable time, since I have written a narrative-style piece. I believe (without looking) it might have been sometime near when I commenced my most recent trip to Ireland. For some reason I shifted to prose/poems.  There was no conscious intention to do so, or to discontinue this style.  Nor is there now, any intention to discontinue poetry.

I was in Ireland just a couple days short of six months. Now back in Victoria 48 hrs. Marvelling at and befuddled by the experience. For one thing I've never been "away" anywhere for six months. Ireland was the draw for me therefore the 6 month visitation restriction came into play. I purposefully came in through Belfast (Northern Ireland) so that the 6 month Canadian passport in the U.K. ruling applied. Had I come though Dublin (E.U.) only 3 months. I went over knowing the possibility of that length of stay; there again, I didn't really set things up in Victoria, for a long term absence. I wasn't feeling any distress at being in Ireland that length of time. I was completely content there.
Anecdotally I was told I could just leave Ireland and then after a short absence, reenter the country, and my visitation period would reset. I couldn't get that verified from any "official" agency, so I didn't want any problems with immigration (I want to be able to return) - there was nowhere I really felt compelled to go (and incur the associated expenses) just for the purpose of the "reentry strategy" - so I opted to come back to Victoria. I can take care of things at this end for a while and the money I would have spent elsewhere, can serve me once again back in Ireland.

I had made an arrangement for someone to stay in my apartment in Victoria for what turned out to be the last month and a half of my stay. As I was coming back before the end of October which we had agreed on; I have taken a hotel, so that she could still be in my place. As such, I'm still "living out of a suitcase" and have the sense of "being on the road."

I arranged to "visit" my apartment yesterday to get at my back-log of mail and get some additional clothing options and pick up a guitar. I got to the building only to discover my key to the front door no longer worked. It went through my mind: "surely they haven't changed the locks.." - but I was to find out eventually ... indeed yes "they" did. Fine how-do-you-do? that was  (or was it a sign?)

I got in via one of the other residents and thankfully, the key to my own unit still worked.  A representative of the property management company informed me that I had been informed of the locks being changed and had authorized the picking up of the new keys issued. I had no recollection of said knowledge. I contacted the person staying at my place (she was out of town on business) she informed me she only had one key. I left a message for another friend, that had been checking on my place when I first went away. It wasn't until later in the day that she got back to me and told me the key was left on my dresser in a small wooden "jewelry type box." I have such a box.. I had actually gone briefly through it and had seen no key. Of course this was going to mean another trip to my apartment.

Nothing has been straight forward since I've been back. Albeit, I'm probably only firing on a couple cylinders due to the fatigue of jet-lag. When I left the apartment I now had the day pack I came with another small bag with some additional clothes jammed in it and one of my guitars. I didn't want to come all the way back to the hotel before going into town .. so I went with the lot of it. Between residing at the hotel ... and now being loaded down with bags, it really felt like traveling again. Even though I was in my "familiar" city; my location meant logistically everything was different.  From my apartment ... I have a big grocery store, not even five minutes away. Now I would need to pick up stuff when I'm out and about. So far when I've been out, there would be no room in my pack for any food items. I suppose I will get some sort of routine going eventually. As it is I only have a small refrigerator and a microwave. Therefore, there won't be much meal prep going on here. One of these times out and about and I'll be less encumbered and have some space to get some food supplies in the premises.

I suppose I'm writing in this particular format to sort myself through some writing. It doesn't mean anything that is produced here will be revelatory. Quite to the contrary, it might be that I need to get this shite off my chest and clear the way again. Apparently I do so without reservation of taking followers of this blog along... Maybe I should have preemptively mentioned that nearer to the beginning. Better late than never.... this might be the place to get off the ride. There you've been "warned.." if you choose to leave, I hope you'll come back. If you stay through this particular offering I don't promise there will be anything in the way of "value."

Still I might stumble inadvertently upon something without knowingly or with intention do so.. I suppose plenty of people travel for longer intervals; 6 months (to me) is a significant amount of time to be both away from somewhere and to be, somewhere else. It was plenty of time to really immerse myself with being in Ireland. I purposefully stayed on in some places (making them a base of sorts) so that I could more connect with the community. Of course I love to see the beautiful landscapes, sacred sites and historic attractions in an area; but I didn't want to be on the go all the time and not experiencing the people. Not "the way" to travel - my way (or the way I felt drawn to experience and be while abroad) It was a multi-faceted journey. I don't deny my being beguiled by the sights, the sounds etc. The landscapes are stunning, the sky all day everyday is epic - should one care to pay attention. I looked to connect further with my ancestors. In Derry (Northern Ireland) there is a significant presence of both sides of my ancestral lineages (as well as the history of, and aftermath of centuries of conflict between them).. This of course would only represent the most superficial of personal connection (while at the same time having relative significance as well)..  In terms of existence of humanity in that part of the world; "Irish" & "British" would not be all that old...   Just the same, those that walk the lands today & those of us that are connected and have lived out lives elsewhere; carry forward attributes from those ancient times, as well as the more recent cultural cross sections..

I was viscerally effected and my heart directly impacted, frequently while traveling around, visiting various sites and connecting deeply with myself and people in the communities I inhabited.. On one occasion while sitting in the dining area of the B & B, where I stayed for long periods at a time and returned to, each time I came back to Derry i overheard a conversation. These folks were from Texas and prattled off all the place "they had done.." Each to their own! However, I was incensed by their choice of expression and obvious lack of regard for the land, the people, the history, the culture, the spirituality... I felt like saying, "You haven't "Done," anything!! This is sacred land, occupied by scores of my people - this is not some fucking amusement park, where you collect stamps for the rides you've been on, nor notches in your damn belt - Have some respect!!

To say I was involved when I was there would be a serious understatement.. I waffled as long as I could about booking passage out..  I was in absolutely no hurry to leave. I was an anomaly to many local folks when I told them of my love of the country, their town etc. It began to feel a great deal more to me like I was living there than visiting; albeit I could still go in most any direction and be in completely unfamiliar surroundings..

I explored .. geographically, historically, culturally, spiritually.. I participated in workshops and prayer circles. Prayed in cathedrals and forests, ancient sites and on the shores of the rivers. I busked in town squares and sang in local pubs. While I was there my first book was completed and introduced. Both me and the book were supported, opportunities were made available to me .. I embraced them whole-heartedly; along with all the beautiful souls, that appeared in my path. The whole thing so far surpassed my dreams (so needless to say my expectations as well) - it wouldn't have occurred to me to dream what became my reality.... it's all still absolutely flabbergasting!! I joined local gyms, frequented some of the same coffee shops and restaurants, where I made further connections. It became common place to "run into people" I "knew" in the town and stop for a chat (I've lived in Victoria my whole life and for me, this very seldom happens) - I spend more time engaged with people I don't know than those I do. I have met, socialized and befriended countless people over my life time in Victoria; it always baffles me, where do they all go? It's not that big of a city - but people just seem to vanish into the fabric of it's composition. I will allow for different times of my life where I would have been more "withdrawn" etc. so I'm not without responsibility as a contributing factor. I recognize the futility in "comparisons," this then I consider to be, more noticing.

I think I can safely say, many of the longstanding frameworks that I suppose in places and at times; I identified with, are rapidly falling away. I've had "roots" that go clear through to eternity, here in Victoria (most of which are unfounded in anything but fear) I could stay here based on a whole new paradigm. I could also recognize, the need to live and play at a far bigger life (not bigger or better than anyone else's) I don't really give a flying fuck about competing with anyone else. But I most certainly seek to align with my soul and I understand (at least to some degree) that will always call for some big decisions. I certainly have no intention of being less than what I can be.

So my being in a hotel in my "home town" and having the experience of "visiting" my own apartment and feeling a sense of estrangement within it - as well as seeing it replete with the belongings of the person currently inhabiting it;  provide an interesting illumination. I sit in a coffee shop in town, I have frequented innumerable times. I'm in a chair I often grab, which affords me a view out the window for some day dreaming, and is in proximity to the doorways, which allows occasion viewing of the parades of people coming in & out. I'm in some blend of the euphoria of my journey, beginning to process the implication of it's many experiences and jet-lag. I'm here ... wherever that is. I'm chipping away at that which would require my attention, now that I'm here. Looking at further "launching my book.." I've got out and done some busking a couple of times.

As I've mentioned I've hit upon a couple of snags since being back here. I've also had guidance that suggests that my vision of expansion is in alignment for me, while it won't necessarily be easy. I'll take that into advisement, while I don't want to give "struggle" any undue energy. Better to acknowledge that if there are challenges along the way, it doesn't mean I'm "on the wrong path," or that I'm "doing it wrong," it means, there are some challenges. Supposedly within every challenge is it's solution. I also don't believe I've been led this far to be dropped on my ass. Doesn't mean I won't stumble from time to time. The taste of pavement is familiar enough to me - I might consider it a staple. Once upon a time I was literally spitting out teeth after one painful encounter with gravity. Trust me, this is no victim story. This is a, I don't give a shit about falling down story. I've been down there so many times as to make it rather ho-hum. Of course my preference would be no further falls - but the beauty of a propensity to fall, is learning to bounce.

Books are on order to begin something in this part of the world. I contacted an organizer today for a local health/wellness festival - to see about exhibiting my book. Last minute inquiry, but best I could do, given I only saw notice of it today. Response - full. But I can get on the waiting list. Fair enough. I see myself there (with or without a table).. I can get word out, without being an exhibitor - because, that's what I do. So a "closed door" there doesn't mean anything in isolation ... in a more expansive consideration it might well be more information..

One must determine for themselves what represents a closed door that might become open and when is it time to seek another door..

Sunday, 8 October 2017

Essential Unity (Unity Essence)

What impact
Has the sum total
Of human attention 
Directed at separateness
On Eternity?

Can be isolated
Seen to stand alone
It's a synergistic 
That reveals 
the power of 

Maple leaf
Talisman for season's
Long before
Seconded to be
The emblem
For a particular
Nationalist branding

Would the same tree
When rooted 
Upon different soil
Be anything 
more or less
In essence?

How then 
Can the best
Of cultural stories
Ancestral wisdom
Be preserved
While it 
Is demonstrated
That of superficial detriment
Flies in the face
Of the higher good
And ignores
Essential commonality?

It is not exclusively
The land upon
Which life is spawned
And subsists
That establishes
It's glory
Homage, respect & wonder
More aptly
Directed at "Life"- itself
And a consideration
For the splendour
Of the diversity
of it's presentation

The divine perfection
Of this one 
Seemingly absent
Through the dormancy of winter
Appears in curled embryonic form
While air & earth
Begin to warm 
In Spring
Outstretched & far reaching
Shade & shelter
From the summer
Sun or showers
And finally
A stunning
Technicolour pageantry
Denoting Autumn

No "story"
Alters this divine
Cyclical presence
The maple
Does not
Consider itself differently 
Regardless of it's geography
And has no difficulty
In the forest 
With it's diverse neighbours

The sun 
And other elementals
Not for a moment
Any preferentially ....

R. O'Neill (October 08, 2017)