Monday, 27 November 2017

More is Enough

I expect more
From Me
From You
From Humanity

There is no lack
In Me
In You 
In Humanity

I see the potential
In Me
In You
In Humanity

I believe
In Me
In You 
In Humanity

I insist on the inclusion
Of Me
Of You 
Of Humanity 

I stand for
The innate worth
Of Me
Of You 
Of Humanity

I have love 
For Me
For You 
For Humanity

I will do more
For Me
For You 
For Humanity 

I expect more....

R. O'Neill (November  29, 2017)

Friday, 24 November 2017

Psst.... I'm Going Over the Wall

When considering
New endeavours
Personal expansion
In particular
Anything that is 
Not just "the box"
But including
The box 
You've previously 

It may come
As a shock
But many
That occupied
That box
Along with you
Will not joyously
Celebrate your

You will
Inspire some
Would prefer
That no one
Leave the box
Have a great 
Deal of energy
In the status quo
If someone
Were to 
Gain their freedom
That would
A contrary 
Than that upheld
In the box

This being 
The case
The one
Seen as 
Rocking the boat
May well
Be targeted
With disdain 
Rather than

How dare he/she
The sanctity 
The cultural story?

Who do they 
Think they are?
With all their issues
How do they
To suggest

Be prepared
To ultimately
Be your 
Constant advocate
Greatest ally
And most enthusiastic 

To be sure
Support will come
From various directions
Some of which 
Will include 
Some glorious surprises
Still one 
Might be well-advised
Not to look 
Outside themselves
As this support 
Is a gift
Should not be presumed
To be sustainable
Nor is it 
The responsibility
Of others
To continually 
Provide it

The most consistent

Come from
Where it falters
That is 
A consideration
For the application
Energy, attention & focus

Strange phenomenon
This bucket comaraderie
"Better we all -
Die in the bucket"
To consider
Betrays the collective 

Be wary
The "Crab mentality"
But don't 
Just consider
Where that might
Exist outside 
Where do you
Your own
Bucket liberation
Or that 
Of someone else?

What's it 
Going to take
To build 
Ladders & bridges
To get 
Out of the 
Buckets & boxes?

R. O'Neill (November 24, 2017)

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

And So, It is Written...

Today's musing recommences with the ongoing expansion of writing as it pertains to my life. So then,  writing about writing. Presently that consists of this blog platform and the publishing and release of my first book. In no way, shape or form; do I intend to hold or contain the present reality as the pinnacle of achievement. While I acknowledge and appreciate the significance of all that has manifested in my life through writing as the vehicle; both the form & the substance, I am open & receptive to this being a noteworthy & vast beginning.

The very fact that this blog exists and is read, is miraculous to me. Walking into bookstores to have conversations around stocking my book is amazing to me. Avenues and opportunity are presenting which have provided me the opportunity to do "speaking engagements.." I feel that is going to expand. My speaking capacity runs parallel with my love and proliferate written volume ... to me it is a natural progression/expansion.

With respect to book shop interaction, one in particular comes to mind, to lend shape to this particular post. I approached one of the bigger bookstores in town here (Victoria). Their's is a locally run operation (not a chain). I largely viewed inclusion there as somewhere that draws a great many people in it's doors. I suppose there might be some form of prestige to be included on their shelves; it is not a compelling consideration for me.

They have a formal application process, which requires the submission of a copy of the book for consideration. Presumably someone scrutinizes it more comprehensively than what a short face-face chat would allow for. They ask for up to four weeks before a decision is reached.

My book was declined for inclusion. The reasoning that was provided was in my estimation, woefully inadequate. At the same time it is not anything I feel inclined to pursue. To me, they are nothing more, than another pebble on the beach. I am present to the gift of this experience.

Whomever this store considers themselves to be and/or it's place on the local retail landscape; is irrelevant to my journey. Had the book been included in their extensive inventory, it would have been "one in a million."

What is vastly more important to me is I took the shot. Neither the message in my book nor it's ability to reach others and inspire them to live the best possible version of themselves, is dependent on this one store.

This experience in itself gives me the blessed opportunity to see where I am with respect to "rejection.." This is not the first nor will it be the last rejection life will offer me. It will come in a variety of scenario's and is absolutely inevitable. The variance is what do I make that mean? I believe whole-heartedly in this book. I believe in the source through me, that supported it being brought into being. I believe in the souls that called it into being in the first place. I believe that the ways & means to further this book and my ability to be of service have been put in motion. There is nothing that is going to stop that ... as long as I remain in alignment with it.

This store is not part of the intended trajectory of this book.  How amazing and freeing that is. What a glorious gift to be clear, that a rejection such as this .. has nothing to do with me!

Rejection/abandonment "issues" have figured significantly in "my story" (life story - not so much this book)... I have spoken to numerous other people who have shared their version of this issue. So though mine spins from having been adopted - I don't have the monopoly on it. There are those too, that experience it and theirs, was a rearing within their biological family.

Could you imagine if every time there was a "rejection" related to this book ... I was subject to the "death knell" and pain of self-rejection? I can, I know exactly how that feels - I lived it into being for years. Which is why I'm delighted, to have the feeling of freedom; from that particular self-damning dance.

I believe God has a plan for my life. ( I believe this to be true for everyone.. the scope of this post doesn't include verification of the existence of God, or the form it takes - for the purpose of this discussion, I simply hold it to be true) ... currently this plan, involves this book. Unquestionably writing continues to figure as an element of this plan. It's a far bigger game that is unfolding here, (than anything I've ever lived) it is absolutely necessary; if I'm to live, the best possible version of myself. There is no room for "self-rejection" in this. The nature of the expanding game, means I will encounter opposition at the very least, intermittently. I can't be in alignment with my heart & soul and be continually acquiescing outside of myself. The seemingly endless time I have spent addressing and working on healing, is deliciously and I believe divinely, orchestrated and timed.

At other places in my life .... I could not have "stepped out" & into, what is currently going on in my life. Literally, the "crippling" fear of rejection, would have kept me in a vastly understated and limited version of myself. There were even places in time, where I would have mistakenly defined this as "humble." It was not.  To me now, Humility represents fully and God-confidently, standing in whom my source intended me to be. Playing smaller than I am, vastly misrepresents what God is capable of and me as a creation of that. Concern for the limited views of others (individually or organizationally) must be processed and released as soon as possible, if it has been let in at all. It can most certainly serve to assist in illuminating for me if there is any remaining layers of self-rejection. The existence or belief in just cause for "self-rejection" (in my experience) is the only reason that rejection from outside of myself, hurts in the first place.

There is nothing like the pain of self-abandonment. It is a fast-track conveyance, to feeling/believing myself to being cut-off from; not just myself, but my source as well. That is a desolation that I wouldn't wish on anyone. However I know it to exist extensively.

The wonder of this all, is no one has the power to visit this pain on me ... except me.  It's wondrous to me to consider the correlation of years of suffering as having been the crucible, the path and the catalyst; to what is now an ongoing walk, toward an expanding capacity for self-love.

Never saw that coming.... I'm not sure my most creative story-telling, could have written that script. As such I defer, to the creative source of all that is, and aspire to be the best possible scribe, of that energy..


Unspoken Covenant

Speak not
Nary a whisper
Dare not utter
A word
It would be
Your damnation

"They" absolutely
Will not understand
In fact 
If even from
Under your breath
You reveal 
Expect to be

You are safe
Right here!
I will 
Protect you

In the dark?

It is necessary!
There is nobody
To be trusted
Stay here
With me
I will keep 

You know
As do I
of your 
Flaws, defects & transgressions
I see you 
I understand you
Word one 
Of any of this
Outside these
Hallowed walls
Will bring 
Hatred & condemnation
Upon you 
The likes of which
Will destroy you
Remain here
Safe with me

Have been together
Now for many 
Have I ever 
Lied to you?
Trust me
This is for 
Your own good...

I am your Shame!

R. O'Neill (November 22, 2017)

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

Our Daily Bread

I have awakened this day
Life breathing me
For this 
My God
I thank you....

Before I rush 
To sate
My illusory hunger
May I remember
It is you 
That beats my heart
And calls 
To my Soul

For these 
I thank you

For those times of 
Adversity, pain, hopelessness
Darkness & confusion
All of which
Drew me 
Closer to your Heart

I thank you...

There is no pain
Like the disconnection
From Self
There is no Self
Without connecting 
To You 

For this 
I thank you..

R. O'Neill (November 14, 2017)

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Transformation's Silhouette

A turn of the wheel
The darkness advances
Incrementally eroding
Daylight's presence
Despite all appearances
 An all pervading 

The unrivalled 
Of the Light
It's cyclical

The light
Is never entirely
Overcome by 
The darkness

The light
Cannot be
Denied by
The darkness

 Does the light
Ever deny 
The presence
Of the Darkness

From within 
The darkness
Is transformed
By the

There is 
No transformative
Made possible
Adorning the darkness

No matter
How elaborate 
The veil

The earth 
Has it's seasons
So too
 Each Soul

Not necessarily
By a linear

A divine
Hourglass defines
The season 
Of their 

A new day
A new dawn
A death
A rebirth
Darkness peaks
A burgeoning
Flow of light

Divinity generated

A season 

Circles turning
Energy churning
Souls expanding
By Sunlight (Burning)

Life ignited
Won't be
Can't be
Never has been
Never will be


The Dark

R. O'Neill (November 07, 2017)

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Comfortable Disturbance

I see your contempt
In fact I feel it
Not for long
I'll grant you..

And the pain
Of your 
Is just 
One note
In cacophony  
Of agony
That I conduct

Yours is telling
But inconsequential
Dwarfed when 
Reflected against 
The magnitude
Of self-hatred
That shadows me

Through my eyes
That are dead 
To you
I see 
More than 
You imagine
Fleeting windows
I feel 
The pain 
Won't acknowledge
It is unbearable 
We both
"Manage it" 
In our own 

I have long
Given up 
Judging yours

I actually 
Don't need to
"Just get a job.."
How, pray tell
Is your career path
Dealing with your
Visa balance?

An inconvenient truth
A convenient scapegoat

Represent & reflect
Areas of your life
That are spiralling 
Outside of your 
Your pain 
Is immense
Shame & secrecy
Run deep

But by all means
Keep it at bay
While you can
Sleep with 
One eye open
You are 
But one breath

For my part
I can 
Only allow myself
To care
But a moment
The pain 
Beckons oblivion

I am

R. O'Neill (November 01, 2017)