When the Student is Ready......

 I'm reticent to issue myself the gauntlet of challenge, or make promises I may not follow through on. Still here I sit, poised over the keyboard doing what I love to do ... writing! It is with nothing like the regularity I once observed, that I allow that which resides within, to find its way upon the page. I have neither alibi nor sound reason, for my absence from writing, nor do I know what a return might look like. 

Today it looks like this... Let's settle in there, and let tomorrow write itself.

Today represents a celebration in my life. Indeed it could be said, is there a day that isn't worthy of celebrating? And while I understand where that perspective is coming from, certainly some days, celebratory elements, can be pretty thoroughly hidden.

As I relish in the beauty of this day and all it has taken to arrive, I'm also reflecting on some occurrences from yesterday. 

I'm on a sabbatical of sorts, so yesterday had no rigid timelines of any form to realize. I was paying some fleeting attention to my laptop ... which is in dire need of a good purging - that didn't happen, but I happened to notice, an incoming invoice from my internet provider. I am distinctly unskilled at the administration of such things. They have some sort of practice, that involves a couple months worth of service billed at once. The due date is quite sometime later. I don't want to pay the whole thing, so I pay the one month amount and mostly that happens on time - I do admittedly lose track of it occasionally. At any rate, I went to the online page and learned I was actually a day late...

I went to my online banking and processed a payment. I also knew that wouldn't be applied for a few "business days" - I wanted to inform the provider, the payment was made, so I got on the "live-chat." To begin with, it wasn't a rep on the other end, it was some automated text response, that took its cue from what I wrote first.. It became clear pretty quickly, that my communication, wasn't getting through.  To continue, would have meant becoming ensnared in some automated, "Ground Hog" Day like scenario; where I'm asked how I can be helped, I lay it out, the response has nothing to do with what I asked, and then I'm asked if I've been satisfactorily served... 

After a few volleys of that online version of hell .. I'm plunged that much deeper when connected with a "live rep."  I explained to him, I just wanted to communicate, that I'd applied an online payment (1 day late) to my account. Instead of thanking me and reconciling the situation with "duly noted." He requests a vast series of "security" questions (to verify my identity).. I'm thinking, "ya cause I've got nothing better to do, than to try and pass myself off as someone else, so I can come online, then pay their internet bill for them!!"

I answered most of the questions ... but I don't remember what email address I used when I registered for this online access. Well that's enough to throw a sizeable monkey wrench, in the works.. Eventually I must have given him enough indication, I was who I claimed to be (I for one will certainly sleep better knowing that!!) there seemed to be some indication, we were moving forward in the interaction, and then the online chat froze!! I could no longer type anything further..

There wasn't a "snowball's chance in hades" I was going to log back in ... so I concluded to myself, "go ahead and cut of my internet - it's entirely possible I'll be happier without it!"

Now if you have followed anything of my blog in the past, you know that "Spirituality" is a very important part of my life. It has taken on many shapes and sizes and undergone considerable permutations over the past thirty-odd years. All of it necessary, in as much as, that's how it went, so Que Sera Sera. I am most certainly no avatar or spiritually advanced being..  It just so happens, that my life and myself within my own skin, flow infinitely more smoothly, with the regular application of various spiritual principles.

During this messaging session with the internet provider, (who has the audacity to call himself a "customer service representative"!!!! - "Service what service? I most certainly wasn't the recipient of any service..."

As you can see, my attitude and inner environment, was spiralling down to nowhere particularly helpful and a far-cry from enlightenment... (you might say I was courting a spiritual crisis of sorts) - oh sure seems pretty benign ... "first world problem"(you might say)  I can assure you, I can apply just the right amount of self-righteousness, victim consciousness, and financial fears - to blow something like this, into a five alarm catastrophe...

I had in my company a delightful companion, we had intended to head into town, to explore a local Thrift store ... a quest for hidden gems, in the book department by my reckoning... I didn't want to let this rising shit storm sour my (our) day.... I prayed - asking for clarity, for release from those less than helpful beliefs about myself, my situation, life in general ..... I need a change of perspective - I'll accept a miracle, but at least, I don't want to feel this way, for the rest of the day.

I just left it at that ... I had touched on some of the highlights of my a.m. experience with my partner and expressed, some of the frustration, and also indicated "I'm done with the matter for now.."

We got into town and into the short line to enter the Thrift store. There was one older fellow ahead of us in the line. He and many in the line, were already wearing their masks... I don't wear a mask any longer than necessary. So we joined the line and I had my mask in my pocket. The fellow watched me walk past and seemed to be assessing, where I stood in the line, and maybe noting the lack of mask.. I was feeling not entirely peaceful from the a.m. encounter and then, I started an "inside voice" confrontation with this guy.... albeit short lived. He went about his way getting into the store, and some other hopeful patrons behind us - cued us as to the drill, for entering the store..

Once in the store, we made our way to the back of the store, where the books are located. Who do you think was back there sitting in front of this old organ... Yes indeed it was him!! From my rather surly vantage point, both the organ and organist, had seen better days!!

But little did I know ... I was about to be served up the miracle I had been asking for... He flipped a few switches, pulled on a few knobs ... teased out a few arpeggios, and then with not so much as a page of sheet music, he brought that old instrument to life. Oh my God could he play!!! Seemingly effortlessly he commanded old standards out of two tiers of keyboards and the bass pedal accompaniment - such glorious embellishment in his arrangements. Every so often, without missing a beat, he'd hit some other switches and change the effects etc. All the while, that I spent with my nose in the books shelves, this keyboard wizard, worked his magic, which had a palpable effect on my spirits. And, it wasn't lost on me that as I was looking through books at the time,  I also was given the reminder about, "judging books by their cover..." this guy saved my day!! I thanked him and told him he lifted my flagging spirits. In a thick Scottish brogue he just acknowledged, "well that's okay then isn't it..."

The day or more accurately my disposition in relationship to it,  was to be subject to some further testing. While my partner continued her search through the store - I took my finds to the car and walked down to the service station, to use their facilities.. The attendant gave me the key and do you think I could get that to work?? He must have been observing me from the counter and came from behind and offered to help. He inserted the key and with a  bob left and jig right he opened the door. Once in I took my wallet out of my sweat pant pocket (so that it didn't fall out) ..... I left the station and walked back to my car, to sit and enjoy some of the books I found. My partner joined me and then, we drove out of town to park lands on a nearby river.. 

We'd got out of the car and were walking to the trailhead,, when upon slapping my pockets, I realized my wallet was gone. I announced the discovery... we went back to the car, to see if it had fallen out, when it became clear to me, exactly where it was (at least where I had left it) - at that point I was prepared to just leave it and go check for it later.. I didn't want to spoil the hike and was just prepared to "surrender" to the circumstances. It was suggested we could still hike, but let's check on the wallet first... call the station & see if it was turned in. I did just that and the attendant, knew what I was going to ask, before I could even finish my question.

I told him we were out of town a ways having planned to go for a hike, so it would take a while to get to him.. He said, I'm here until 10pm sir, take your time and enjoy your hike, your wallet is safe with me. 

I was in awe, both taking in the west coast rainforest, the river swollen from all the rainstorms which fed the falls to spectacular proportions - I was also immensely grateful, to have had all these amazing experiences unfold throughout a day, that I had earlier pretty much written off, and then continued intent on, fulfilling my own prophecy...

My adherence to spirituality has nothing to do with me being an extraordinary person ... quite the contrary, I am one for whom, the wonders of spirituality, have the most potential to demonstrate, a significant shift - so you could say - I'm an apt vessel for the demonstration of divine majesty.

R. O'Neill (December 29, 2020)

Can There Be a "New Normal" - If Normal Never Existed in the First Place?

 The longer this Covid 19 circus plays out across international stages, the higher the volume of masks littering the landscape becomes. Lets for now, forget about unreliable testing,  conflated numbers, used to report "new cases," and fatalities, dodgy preliminary reports of panacea vaccines, fascist corporate cartels etc.

Instead lets consider the environmental degradation that is occurring with these masks piling up everywhere. How long before they wind up in waterways entangling water fowl, and other aquatic beings. Synthetic fabrics and materials adding to the toxicity of water, incrementally compromising its ability to sustain life. What of other beings from within the web of life, that become ensnared in discarded mask straps, or ingest the wretched things? Even if they were being "disposed" of properly (which clearly they are not) if the premise is, these masks prevent the virus from entering ones airway, then by the time they are pitched in the streets, they must be highly concentrated with particulates of God knows what!

As the only ones that are advocating these face diapers are agencies and organizations, that have so many ties to, and conflicts of interest with, corporate interests and their government puppets - it becomes increasingly evident that the campaign has nothing to do with well-being (as the only ones benefiting from masks are those that are making them and selling them). Missing from any of these "health authorities" is any information pertaining to, the bolstering of the immune system, lifestyle revisions that would improve quality of life for some, lessen compromising immunity for still others. Where is anything representing the power of prayer and meditation for well-being? No the magic bullet, is said to only come in the form of, an experimental vaccine, that will turn humans, in to sanctioned lab rats. But of course the "economy" is far more important than wellness or personal freedom and autonomy - never mind ethics or morality. (But no - no ..... lest we forget - how could we?? with the 24/7 propagandists brain-washing; touting "science.." as the un-sung heroes, toiling thanklessly to save the world... 

The mask will do nothing more for your wellness, than your shopping addiction, that which, so many are clambering to feed; by buying more masks, so you can go to the mall, to buy more crap you don't need. The same addictions that existed pre-"pandemic," that enslave thousands of people in sweat-shop labour, to feed the insatiable appetites, of designer label junkies, while countless others, remain in poverty and a opioid crisis rages unchecked.

The economy is based on unsustainable models of exponential growth, that rely on finite resources that are being extracted from the planet; that not only sustains our lives, but all living beings. This unchecked consumption, is the threat to our existence. Unregulated production of goods, chemical products, genetically modified foods; the myopic health system's, administration of toxic substances, with horrific side effects, adverse reactions and significant mortality rates, are ignored (in fact legislation and policies are drafted to pave their way). Nothing of this is, is seen as suspect, viewed as the smoking gun, or in any way implicated to a decreasing "quality of life" and wellness.

No! Give us masks and vaccines so we can "return to normal." The problem is "Normal" is: lives addicted to consumption and distraction. "Normal" sees an enemy around ever corner (if one doesn't, exist it will create one).  "Normal" is part of a paradigm, that created the "those with the most toys at the end of the game wins." They already have everything money can buy - what's left? Nothing, but the comic book crowning achievement, of "world domination."

Ask many of those that suffer from mental illness (the number of which is mounting hourly) how much if any, has the Pharmaceutical industry eased their suffering (never mind a "cure.") Inquire of someone (and there are millions) that are living with a cavalcade of adverse reactions, from a primary medication (or half a dozen) and wind up on dozens more, to mitigate the suffering of the side effects. Class actions suits for wrongful death, knowingly repressing pertinent drug information, that would allow for "informed consent" are seen by the industry, as just the cost, of doing business. Consider all of this and more, and then tell me, you really believe, the "authorities and the experts" - have your back!!?

To paraphrase George Carlin these "elites" are members of a very exclusive club, and you ain't on the fucking guest list... and you never will be. Now might be a good time to consider this, and consider it carefully, before they open their world wide Kool-aid stands!! 

R. O'Neill (November 24, 2020)

A Better Question

 If

Academics & scholars

Had 

All the answers

Wouldn't 

All the problems

Be solved 

By now?

If

The bottom line

Is

Allowed 

To be

The bottom line

Doesn't 

The bottom line

Beg the question,

Isn't something 

Missing here?

This 

Can't 

Then

Be

The 

Bottom line!

Given

Successive governments

Have 

Sanctioned

Clear-cutting

Strip-mining

"Round-Up"

Thalidomide

Tobacco

Alcohol

Nuclear bombs

Environmental degradation 

Genocide

Colonialism

"War" on

(You name it...)

Monopolies

Oppression 

Corporate Plutocracy

Do you 

Really believe

It prudent

To abdicate 

One's personal 

Wellness

To 

Those

That

Represent 

&

Uphold

Such

Dubious 

&

Malicious

Undertakings

Does 

Anyone

Really believe

That 

Harmony

With Nature

Will 

Ever occur

As long

As

There are 

Continued attempts 

To 

Control, Manipulate 

&

Dominate it?

Nature 

Will not

Succumb

To such

Suppositions

Instead

of

Attacking it

Exploiting it

Mounting 

Full-frontal 

Attacks

Upon it

What

Might the 

Outcome be

If

Nature

Were

Embraced

If 

An alliance

Was formed

It was

Respected

Revered

There 

Are

No shortages 

Of

Hearts 

In the world

Though

Those

Living 

With heart

Might

Well be

In 

The minority

A 

Whole-hearted

Life

May not

Achieve

Longevity

But 

There 

Will be

No doubt

That it

Lived!!

R.O'Neill (November 11, 2020)

Another Round

 I'm sitting on what came to be for me hallowed grounds of the Christ Church Cathedral (the Anglican Cathedral in Victoria, B.C. Canada - directly across from the "Millennium Labyrinth" which is the very one I utilized for the forty day practice that lead to the writing of my book - "What Goes Around Comes Around."

As you can see, I still keep coming around. Now, these grounds were sacred, long before I was inspired to undertake that journey. As I mentioned somewhere in the book I'm guessing the multiple generations of congregants that attend this church find strength, comfort, hope or maybe just a good nap. Of course long before this edifice was constructed, the grounds were part of an entire region, held sacred to the Lekwungen People's (still are). Overtures of reconciliation are discussed, hearing conducted, treaty's negotiated, to what end? I don't know, I have a part to play and, it's for greater minds than mine to resolve (most things are).

Inside the cathedral there are not only the icons of religiosity but the flags that represent various British/Canadian military factions in a strange mix of "do unto others as I (and as you would have others) do unto you & the colonialist manifestos of "might is right.." ("we took it therefore it's ours now to do with as we please, no doubt somewhere along the line claiming it was "God's will;" in a bizarre transposition of responsibility that continues to unfold a legacy of pain and suffering.

Not the God I subscribe to, however, it's not mine to play God and tell anyone else what they should believe.

In a reading I was doing today Richard Rohr was discussing attributes of Francis and Clare of Assisi - in this case simplicity. He quoted Francis as saying, "a man has not yet given up everything for God as long as he has held on to the moneybag of his own opinions." 

Well that fell squarely in the, didn't know it before opening the post, but that is something I really needed to read!" Which doesn't mean it will be easy for me to accept, embody and enact - but one must start somewhere.

With regard to "opinions," I would say I've often been aware that those of others annoy me (clearly as I write this it's indicative that I "have" and opinion. I would say at least some of the time, I've offered mine in a sincere desire to be helpful (why I would think my "good intentions" don't provide a share of the paving stones on that road to hell, I'm not sure), other times (many times - alas too many times) I've just wanted to be RIGHT! Not content to "live and let live," determining the opinion of another so unconscionable - I set out to eradicate it from consciousness (yes, I'm now painfully aware there was another being delivering that opinion that didn't have in mind, becoming collateral damage to my self-righteousness. 

How often then is my opinion nothing more than some weave of my reptilian survival mechanisms launching a full frontal assault in order to keep me safe? Once again, too often!! I do owe a debt of gratitude to my defence mechanisms, I wouldn't be here to ponder any of it otherwise.

I'm also realizing more and more, this aging militia of mine need to stand down. 

What is it that is being defended ... well I'm looking at that whole package face on. All the remnants of my childhood trauma - to be sure, they required defending. But now at this ripe old age I should be sitting in some spiritual equivalent of the "Legion," celebrating my soul's armistice! Giving up playing God (in my life and that of others) surrendering my opinion, turn the helm of the universe back over to God.

Will the the known and unknown universe be okay if I resign my self-appointed deification? Well there was a whole class of wee toddlers from the Anglican private school running all over the grounds (including the labyrinth) - I get the distinct impression all is in good hands. (and I didn't even need to get out of my seat).

One little angelic "toe-head" was playing "peek-a-boo" with me through the labyrinth sign. I was heartened not to be seen as just the crumpled old guy sitting on the park bench.. I might actually be that too - but someone saw me!

Blessings be!

R. O'Neill (October 08, 2020)

Half Full, Half Empty

Blank page

Horizon

Shrouded 

In Fog

Daunting?

Foreboding?

Inviting?

What 

Lies within?

What 

Lies

Beyond?

A fathomless

Insurmountable

Abyss

Reflecting

Your

Finitude

Vastness

So

Complete

To 

Linger

Beyond

A glance

Occurs

To court

Certain

Engulfment

Or

A 

Freshly 

Tilled field

Reaching

Out

Longingly

For 

The hand

Spread 

The seed

Cultivate & nurture

A 

Blank

Canvas

Enticingly

Calling

Pigment

Tone & hue

To 

Become

Animated

From 

The palette

Infinite

Possibility

Weaving

Creativity & imagination

Along with

Openness

&

Willingness

To 

Embrace risk

Perhaps

Everything

All things

& 

Nothing

Sidelines

Or 

Dance floor

Invitation

or

Incarceration

A death

Yielding

Life

Skipping

All the way

Home

R. O'Neill (October 04, 2020)

Doing Nothing Doesn't Mean Nothing is Done

 Today post encompasses for me, something in the way, of an expanded spiritual practice. I often times don't necessarily have a pre-meditated theme, though sometimes during the course of the day, "ideas" may come through, or an experience/s, may inspire me to write about them. In today's case, I simply picked up a book that is, "chock-a-block" full of prayers and randomly selected one (in a form affectionally known as "bible bingo." The intention being now, having read the prayer, just go ahead and write. No "research," no ruminating, no cross-referencing.

Inherent in the intention is to trust right here & now in this moment that I have everything I need to write this post.

My life for a great many years has been one of continual conscious awareness that my envelope needs enlarging - on many a front. Prior to that I unconsciously asserted my utmost to remain unchanged. I don't say that I was actually able to do that and of course life went about its merry way ushering in change; I however, unbeknownst to me was quite convinced that unexpected and uninvited change (unpredictable) was apt to be detrimental to me.

I often don't know what I will write, even when I think I know what I'm going to write about. I'm frequently mystified by how that unfolds. From the afore mentioned days of yore until now - I have a increased capacity for that sort of unfolding in my day to day life. Having said that I'm not completely at ease all the time and fear and anxiety can sometimes be triggered.

The prayer I read was written from the perspective of a loving Creator inviting (in this case, me) to turn over my fears and anxiety (uncertainty about the future). To reach through my heart to the heart of all that is which is teeming with infinite peace and well-being. 

To settle back into today, embrace a pace that itself is ease and grace and to settle safe in the assurance that everything that is needed for today is already here and that I only need do the best I can today with what is directly in front of me to do.

One door, for me, as I understand it, effectively is closing today. If I assume a higher point of view, then it only represents no more than a facet of my well-being. What won't serve me is to take that thread of "reality" run it endlessly through the machinations of my magnifying mind; whereby once out the other end, I terrifying myself with vast calamity

I choose to believe instead that this loving presence not only doesn't want me featuring myself in a weekend horror movie marathon... but would prefer I use the gifts of my faculty for creativity and imagination first of all to apply some self-soothing as extensively and often as necessary and then to consider and practice some faith and trust that just as all is well here and now - so it shall continue to be whether I have fore-knowing of what's next or not.

I reckon it stands to reason that if I continually depend on a perspective generated by my limited capacity I'm apt to become increasingly fearful. Conversely if I align myself with infinite love I am therein availed an endless resource.

To be sure ... there is always my part - the need for me to do my own "foot-work," however just as when I sat down to begin this post, in front of entirely blank screen, completely lacking in definition or content and in a short while later here it is, near ready to post. I had to apply myself to some degree the rest took care of itself. So it can be with the blank screen of other avenues of my life - the guidance I'm receiving and sharing today is I can bombard that which presents in my life with the limits of my will or I can turn it over to limitless love avail myself to the embodiment of that.

R .O'Neill (October 02, 2020)

Unapologetic Allegiance

 

I 

Long for

The forsaken

Embrace

of

Surety

Ringing

Clearly

From

Within 

The silence

A

Bastion

Certain refuge

From 

The

Oppressive milieu

Of

A world

Which exerts

A 

Relentless

Coercion

Steeped

In

An insatiable 

Demand

For

Conformity

I 

Renounce

The shackles

Of

Unfounded shame

The

Voice

Of misguided

Leaders

Render

A

Impotent echo

Presenting

As

Severed vines

Rooted

In 

Their own

Futility

Grant

Me

The liberty

Of

A

Sovereign voice

Infused

With truth

In 

Service

To 

All 

That is

And

Acquiescing 

To 

No one

R. O'Neill (October 01, 2020)