Tuesday, 21 November 2017

And So, It is Written...

Today's musing recommences with the ongoing expansion of writing as it pertains to my life. So then,  writing about writing. Presently that consists of this blog platform and the publishing and release of my first book. In no way, shape or form; do I intend to hold or contain the present reality as the pinnacle of achievement. While I acknowledge and appreciate the significance of all that has manifested in my life through writing as the vehicle; both the form & the substance, I am open & receptive to this being a noteworthy & vast beginning.

The very fact that this blog exists and is read, is miraculous to me. Walking into bookstores to have conversations around stocking my book is amazing to me. Avenues and opportunity are presenting which have provided me the opportunity to do "speaking engagements.." I feel that is going to expand. My speaking capacity runs parallel with my love and proliferate written volume ... to me it is a natural progression/expansion.

With respect to book shop interaction, one in particular comes to mind, to lend shape to this particular post. I approached one of the bigger bookstores in town here (Victoria). Their's is a locally run operation (not a chain). I largely viewed inclusion there as somewhere that draws a great many people in it's doors. I suppose there might be some form of prestige to be included on their shelves; it is not a compelling consideration for me.

They have a formal application process, which requires the submission of a copy of the book for consideration. Presumably someone scrutinizes it more comprehensively than what a short face-face chat would allow for. They ask for up to four weeks before a decision is reached.

My book was declined for inclusion. The reasoning that was provided was in my estimation, woefully inadequate. At the same time it is not anything I feel inclined to pursue. To me, they are nothing more, than another pebble on the beach. I am present to the gift of this experience.

Whomever this store considers themselves to be and/or it's place on the local retail landscape; is irrelevant to my journey. Had the book been included in their extensive inventory, it would have been "one in a million."

What is vastly more important to me is I took the shot. Neither the message in my book nor it's ability to reach others and inspire them to live the best possible version of themselves, is dependent on this one store.

This experience in itself gives me the blessed opportunity to see where I am with respect to "rejection.." This is not the first nor will it be the last rejection life will offer me. It will come in a variety of scenario's and is absolutely inevitable. The variance is what do I make that mean? I believe whole-heartedly in this book. I believe in the source through me, that supported it being brought into being. I believe in the souls that called it into being in the first place. I believe that the ways & means to further this book and my ability to be of service have been put in motion. There is nothing that is going to stop that ... as long as I remain in alignment with it.

This store is not part of the intended trajectory of this book.  How amazing and freeing that is. What a glorious gift to be clear, that a rejection such as this .. has nothing to do with me!

Rejection/abandonment "issues" have figured significantly in "my story" (life story - not so much this book)... I have spoken to numerous other people who have shared their version of this issue. So though mine spins from having been adopted - I don't have the monopoly on it. There are those too, that experience it and theirs, was a rearing within their biological family.

Could you imagine if every time there was a "rejection" related to this book ... I was subject to the "death knell" and pain of self-rejection? I can, I know exactly how that feels - I lived it into being for years. Which is why I'm delighted, to have the feeling of freedom; from that particular self-damning dance.

I believe God has a plan for my life. ( I believe this to be true for everyone.. the scope of this post doesn't include verification of the existence of God, or the form it takes - for the purpose of this discussion, I simply hold it to be true) ... currently this plan, involves this book. Unquestionably writing continues to figure as an element of this plan. It's a far bigger game that is unfolding here, (than anything I've ever lived) it is absolutely necessary; if I'm to live, the best possible version of myself. There is no room for "self-rejection" in this. The nature of the expanding game, means I will encounter opposition at the very least, intermittently. I can't be in alignment with my heart & soul and be continually acquiescing outside of myself. The seemingly endless time I have spent addressing and working on healing, is deliciously and I believe divinely, orchestrated and timed.

At other places in my life .... I could not have "stepped out" & into, what is currently going on in my life. Literally, the "crippling" fear of rejection, would have kept me in a vastly understated and limited version of myself. There were even places in time, where I would have mistakenly defined this as "humble." It was not.  To me now, Humility represents fully and God-confidently, standing in whom my source intended me to be. Playing smaller than I am, vastly misrepresents what God is capable of and me as a creation of that. Concern for the limited views of others (individually or organizationally) must be processed and released as soon as possible, if it has been let in at all. It can most certainly serve to assist in illuminating for me if there is any remaining layers of self-rejection. The existence or belief in just cause for "self-rejection" (in my experience) is the only reason that rejection from outside of myself, hurts in the first place.

There is nothing like the pain of self-abandonment. It is a fast-track conveyance, to feeling/believing myself to being cut-off from; not just myself, but my source as well. That is a desolation that I wouldn't wish on anyone. However I know it to exist extensively.

The wonder of this all, is no one has the power to visit this pain on me ... except me.  It's wondrous to me to consider the correlation of years of suffering as having been the crucible, the path and the catalyst; to what is now an ongoing walk, toward an expanding capacity for self-love.

Never saw that coming.... I'm not sure my most creative story-telling, could have written that script. As such I defer, to the creative source of all that is, and aspire to be the best possible scribe, of that energy..


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