Write-fully So!

Well now, where will the labyrinthine "windmills of my mind" take me through this portal the page? For starters, to me infinitely exciting, I have completed my book! Now having said that, I can't say that it won't be subject to some revision, but just the same a project of long-standing..... did I say project? I believe I should say, a long-standing relationship is turning a corner! What a journey this has been - I suppose I thought at one time given the book features a self-exploratory practice in the guise of examining the "sacred" through the daily walking of a labyrinth was the length and breadth of the journey in and of itself. Little did I know that while true, the writing of the book would yield a journey within or would that be, super-imposed upon, the original journey. Where the hell did this "journey" start anyway? Hmm.... I was born in 1959...... (just kidding, no autobiography will be forth-coming).

Of course like any journey of personal evolution even this doesn't mark "completion" though trust me I am going to allow myself to celebrate the bee-jeesuz out of this phase, knowing full well it segues to the beginning of the next phase which is to navigate the world of publishing and educate myself in order to get this puppy off my computer and in print out there is some ways, shapes and forms.

It would take another book to delineate the myriad of life events that have transpired since I began this but the actual "Practice" that spawned the journal, that went on to become the book, began on October 25,2011. As I write this blogpost it, as is true for the book completion, both are taking place on my 3rd Mac laptop computer. One was unceremoniously stolen (perhaps the fodder for another story one day- then again, maybe not) the second one largely ceased it's usefulness for anything beyond a paperweight - though I suspect the computer hospital that diagnosed it's demise and offered to recycle it's earthly remains, could probably resurrect it far more inexpensively than I could have. Nevertheless, that led to the purchase of yet another computer. Might I add that said replacements have taken place through a period of my life that isn't necessarily "on paper" some of my peak income years. On this occasion I have included the "Apple care" extended warranty - as well as purchased a padded carrying case so that this computer is not as vulnerable to the riggers of back pack transport. A few lessons learned from the journey within the journey within.........

The other thing I am infinitely grateful for is having back ups - that has proved to be invaluable during this game of musical computers.

On a somewhat different note - with a perfunctory nod to "pun intended" the wheels got turning today with regard to this "staying the course" while I was busking. I happened to brush my hand along the body of my guitar while adjusting the way it was hanging after finishing a song and I noticed the top of the guitar is separating from the body. Now while I sometimes romanticize about playing this guitar until it's "dust" and this is now the second time this crack has appeared, it just reminds me of the journey one experiences in the development of a particular passion. I haven't actually decided where this musical saga is heading, I neither wish to limit it, nor have I a well defined vision of it's expansion. I just know I love to do it! I have had numerous guitars many quite expensive, none has been "played" like this one. In fact I have a beautiful nylon string Taylor guitar at home - that I may or may not keep. I really feel like this now wounded guitar of mine is both embodying part of my soul's journey while being the vehicle through which part of it is evolving and being expressed. This could not occur without "time in the saddle." I glued this guitar once, I will try and repair it again, I suspect it might be due in part to playing outdoors in the high humidity and though I don't put it anywhere near a heater indoors -still, being subject to the changes in temperature or even some swelling from absorbing moisture might be enough to pop the seal. I have been busking now for about three years - within that time the frequency ebbs and flows. I have enjoyed the luxury of having reflected to me from people that have heard me on the streets over the years the reflection that my playing and singing is undergoing a metamorphosis and in a positive direction. Now, I love to share music and I love to sing - but I'm not sure I could keep putting it out there if I wasn't getting some positive reviews. Though with busking - you can go unacknowledged quite frequently, all part of the milieu of personal development (not to mention the fascinating study of humanity through people watching).

Though I've had a guitar around for years, sometimes multiple instruments, I don't think while playing at home by myself, I ever broke a string. During my performances this is not an infrequent occurrence. Now this along with any number of reasons (real or imagined) could be cause for quitting! Just as readily, bringing some extra strings along ensures, with a short delay in the performance, that "the show indeed does go on."

I have no idea whether either my writing or my music has been subject to the proverbial 10,000 hrs. (or days) or whatever it is that the "human performance" gurus suggest is necessary to hone your craft. I don't even know how much is required or if necessary at all (i.e. prodigies etc.) and at what point does one attain "mastery;" I can say that repetition certainly lends to the development of greater and greater proficiency, while at the same time, the self undergoes some form of transformation as well. Both are inextricably woven within the other. Neither would occur without perseverance which of course would not be fatal (well it could be to whatever your chosen passion is) and there is not even a hint of what is in store, when you begin.

Whether it's broken or stolen computers - write on! Whether cracked guitars, snapped strings, wind, rain, hail, sleet, ceremonial avian blessings from above, public accolades or disdain....... sing like they're listening and one day they just might be!

"Listless" in 2016

How do you suppose all the various people of note throughout history managed to become "people of note" without "life-hacks" and enumerated lists of how to: be extraordinary at pretty much anything? Now while I can accept to be true that if you come to know of someone that is successfully doing something that you aspire to do (or something similar) then no doubt they encountered some potholes on their personal long and winding road and if they were gracious enough to impart some of that journey you might well avoid those same pitfalls. Of course that doesn't mean you won't find yourself in your own unique unforeseen abyss, however without insisting one must suffer for their "art" or whatever their pursuit might be, while it might serve to not entirely "reinvent the wheel" some snags and tangles encountered on route might well be an integral part of your "personal" development.

Now, I understand the appeal of the idea that by following a simple list of qualities or behaviours one could be the next Leonardo da Vinci, Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs or Oprah - but seriously, I question the efficacy of such lists! Of course these lists are not without ancient precedence - for example, Moses tried to impress a list on humanity, complete with pyro-technics and what has grown to be a fairly significant distribution strategy and readership. While I wouldn't go so far as to say it failed - it still remains to be seen to what degree it might be allowed to be effective.  There really is nothing to assure that following anyone's suggested list, even if it worked for them, that it will work for you. The thing is by the time you realize that - you already bought the book. I don't mean to call into doubt the sincerity of those that wish to offer others support with realizing some of their dreams and while these various success stories undoubtedly had a myriad of supporting cast that might never be made known, I would suggest that I am always going to be a second rate imitation of anyone else but myself.

The work, philosophies, quotes, style, path of others, will naturally provide one with something to "cut their teeth" on - but at some point it will be necessary to leave the visible road and chart a course through the unknown where the only footprints will be your own. I see it as a recognition of personal significance. No longer do I look to be "extraordinary" while at the same time I need to lay to rest my personal demons that would otherwise continue to reverberate not just the possibility there exists a "lack of credibility" but that I innately "suck." So then, a quiet confidence is required to continue to place one foot in front of the other, without the need for the constant accolades and approval of others.

No "one size fits all" list is going to get me there. I actually can't think of anything that I've accomplished that was attained through the use of "short-cuts," though to be sure I've most certainly sought "the path of least resistance." Now I won't diminish my own successes but at the same time I acknowledge that I have not attained "world caliber" proficiency in any arena. What I can say is the "path of most resistance" I discovered was internal, and looked like a lack of acceptance of what it was going to take to allow myself success, not always but frequently. The thing with short-cuts I can elucidate with a metaphor involving roads. On the island I live on there still exists an "old highway" that traces the coastline of the island that is such a beautiful journey! Quite sometime ago now an "in-land" express highway with sections that post 100-110kph speed limits was created, to cut time off the journey. It certainly effectively accomplishes this time saving strategy but it does so while compromising the winding scenic beauty of the coastline.

I suppose there are those that would lay claim to having turned in a "successful" book report reading the Coles notes or watching the movie but at what cost?  I won't speak in terms of "absolutes" short-cuts, lists and "hacks" undoubtedly aren't as popular as they are because nobody is interested in employing them or they would just disappear. I would submit the world doesn't need further conformity or imitation. The fact remains the map and I would suggest, the same holds true for the "list," is not the territory. Once you embark on your own you will discover you are living your own list which can be inspiring, intriguing and might even become the framework of your legacy, but I would suggest caution where insisting that anyone else can expect the same journey following your list!

No Problem

I suppose all things considered, this current post, should a descernible theme be sought, might then be  introduced to contain elements of what I've heard described as "first world problems." To begin with I wish to state up front it is not my intention to complain about them, instead just state what is & along the way perhaps examine what constitutes a "problem."

A couple weeks ago I identified a battery issue with my laptop computer - I probably could have use the colloquial "laptop" & for the most part be understood, but for the sake of clarity I defer to the syntax dinosaur to be sure I'm not discussing my physiology. While the computer remained functional while plugged in, another issue rendered the operation of most functions quite literally, paralyzed.


The battery was replaceable & even covered by warranty the second issue can only be resolved by a costly logic board replacement. So while I ponder whether to direct resources to a machine that might yield me further experience with some other form of planned obselence or invest additional resources (which in effect I don't have) & get a new one; I have had somewhat of an electronic media hiatus. I'm not as inclined to do as much reading, "surfing" etc. via my "smartphone." I actually still prefer a book in my hand, never mind doing so on a postage stamp size screen. That metaphor alone might reveal something of my vintage as might disclosing that a phone conversation earlier today struck momentary terror in my heart when I was informed that soon it would be "mandatory" to have my payroll records ("cheque stub") available only in electronic form - no more "hard copy." It's not as though other aspects of my financial world aren't already transacted through cyberspace - it's more like actually - I don't care for it, I'm a half-hearted participant. I might never get "rich" busking however the proceeds are tangible, when I'm finished I scoop it all up & put it directly in my pocket, none of this electronic smoke & mirrors, no "the system was down."

I should include at this point I am aware & grateful that I'm "employed" from which I derive the "payroll" situation, & various electronic "tools" are replaceable, certainly not life-sustaining and really not much more than an inconvenience.

The work I'm doing on my book, which I'm certainly eagerly anticipating completing even if I'm the only one; is on hold until I get up & running on some alternative to my ailing computer.  I've not been dwelling on any of this, choosing instead to focus my attention on whatever is presenting day to day while at the same time exploring options. I realized today I was missing writing - of course I could scratch that itch any number of alternative ways, however at present I was Jonesing for my blog & expression that at least had the potential to be shared. Consequently I decided "the show must go on & for the first time ever, I'm "blogging" on my iPhone. I love feeling the flow of creativity & expression the medium I will maintain serves best for phone calls.


In contrast to my first world problems (which is to say - inconveniences) right in the midst of our "first world city" is a tent city, inhabited by approximately 125 homeless people. I am as part of an ongoing process releasing redundancy in my own living space (again, a good problem to have - hard to mount a viable complaint about having "too much!) Occasionally I direct such stuff to the homeless shelter, sometimes "Thrift shops" sometimes I'll give it person to person. Today I decided the next bag full would go to the folks at the tent community.

How graciously I was received! I enjoyed informative conversation, was gifted a beautiful abalone token (described as "community currency"). I was acknowledged & appreciated, educated & received   easily more than I gave. Oh how I strive to "keep my feet on the ground" still my heart & humanity can always stand an expansive injection & paradoxically it invariably comes from people, places & situations where many "mainstream" folks would swear you'd never find it.

I'm humbled to consider that once I compiled a garbage bag full of stuff (not a statement of virtue just  a perspective giving statement re: relative effort on my part) I thought to my self now I've got to carry  this to the bus stop, ride into town & then walk the rest of the way carrying it; oh & then I will add it began to rain. Of course when I arrived there & received such a gracious welcome & saw more closely how these folk are currently living - I blushed within myself in the presence of my previously thoughts colliding with what I was now experiencing.

I'm the last couple of years I experienced being a credit card away from "homeless" I know how easily one's situation can profoundly change. Much of what I previously took for granted I now do without. This is again not a ploy for sympathy I choose this simplifying & getting back to "basics" as part of a complete life values reevaluation.  Still most if not all my challenges when all is said and done are inconveniences." Even at my most fiscally compromised I have experienced varieties of wealth that were & are life changing. I don't know that I necessarily need to experience "living rough" - who knows maybe so. At this point I honour those that can, have & do. Shit, I don't even know how I would begin to compile the skill set to do so.

The bottom line is that if all you have to complain about is the equivalent to "my thumb joints are aching from having to type out a blog on a smart phone" your (my) situation, is not the problem - it is one of attitude & perspective!

Soul Food

Great Spirit
A love as complete as yours
Words unable to shape
Lest they confine
Calls then not the need for
Petitions seeking your forgiveness 
You know in advance
Me as the doer
Deeds misguided
Seeded in the pain born
Of a wounded heart -
Your compassion complete
Absolution readily available
Delivered upon a quantum laced arrow
The world provides a multitude of mirrors
Offering a reflection
Of the one
Capable of impeding love absolute
Resolute eyes return my gaze
A self-deceptive piousness
Hence fashioned the spear
To lance my prideful posture
I sought to build
A fortress of knowledge
Rather than invite
My heart as the temple
Prepared for
A lifetime of knowing you
I seek then an emptiness
To be filled
With your grandeur
Glory is yours - not mine
I can only express to another
How I too yearned in my heart
To know you
No recognition is my due
Nor can I presume
To direct
For anyone
The journey of their heart.

Truth in Resilence

How then to love
From innocence in exile
Sensitivity a plenty
Bartered for safe passage
Upon a world intent
To beat the song from my heart
Long lived the crooked smile
That made a mockery
Of a torrent of tears
Held at bay
By shrouds of darkness
And silent rage
The sum total
Of a prison built of self-deception
Through silence rings
A voice tender yet sure
"Defend not
Lest you dam the river
From which you yearn to drink
To avail yourself of life's sweetest nectar
 Is to live audaciously
The truth of who you are
 Betrayal's falsehood, then banished
As when the sun warms
The mist soaked bog
Love never fails
You can only fail to love"







 

More to be Found - Each time You Go Round

"To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven."
- The Byrds

Stone circles, talking circles, "we've come full circle", medicine wheels. Inhalation contains the seeds of exhalation as the dissolution of one becomes the other - cyclically then, no separation. The math escapes me - while I walk in circles measurable and those imperceptible and infinite in scope. Time in spheres of influence that have some form of orientation real or imagined, continue to keep the question alive within me - "have I cast, the circle widely enough?" "Can my personal sphere become and be maintained, as permeable; or in what ways, is there any continued rigidity that excludes in the name of protection?" Each step seen to be linear, is occurring within a revolving sequence of seasons while upon a world, that spins upon its own axis while circling the sun, a cyclical relationship without end and influence - all revolving in a solar system, within a galaxy, itself a "cell" in an infinite universe. The body I call home is equally comprised of endless concentric circles, cycles (birth, death, rebirth) all part of an evolution that is occurring within - but that has influence upon and is influenced by, all of it. It occurs to me that given the confluence of inter-related circles, it is really not possible to be "excluded." Certainly at one level it can be seen to be occurring and even the experience of it, can seem "real" - at other levels (which I get the impression only exist abstractly, symbolically, in order to convey them in mind-friendly terms) which might be seen more multi-dimensional, so then interdependent and not possible to be defined in terms of isolation - there is no exclusion. Everything then is happening inclusively - without and within, influenced by seasons, cycles and circles seen and unseen. Bearing witness to anything occurring anywhere upon the "perimeter" of the infinite mesh of interwoven circles, could easily be misjudged as it might not be clear what is to be born based on the current view; nor can a more localized occurrence immediately reveal what is held within and that will have an influence on the fabric of the greater matrix.

I present these musings with no claim of ultimate panacea - though for me personally, I find peace in considering that what appears to be going on at any given point - could be described as a "snapshot" of a point "in time" upon an endless circular journey, that is not defined in it's entirety, by that picture.

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round  - Tim Rice ("Circle of Life")

Each Season is the Reason.

The tree outside my window appears to brighten its dazzling display on a daily basis. Autumn has it in its full loving embrace while it breathes its techni-colour presence then reflected through the tissue-thin membrane of its leaves; each with its individual splendor. A season of celebration is upon us, the abundance of the preceding season pours forth for all to acknowledge. The leaves with-hold nothing, knowing theirs is the prequel of the coming long, dark slumber of winter. Row upon row the trees, will then stand stripped of their ceremonial frocks. Without their collective canopy, they face naked and seemingly more vulnerable, the approaching tempests of winter storms. Meanwhile, the leaves form a quilted mosaic, soft and giving below the trees while gradually giving of their base elements back to life's cyclical call.

How easy it is to delight in the wonders and mystery of nature. How easy is it to forget that those same wonders and mystery exist within me and me within it. What will it feel like to deepen that knowing and connection, to a consistent and more stable presence - that of my very "nature?" I want to know! Not, like I might know the contents of a book, but rather intimately and personally like a friend that has experienced many seasons along with me; and though there is a glow of familiarity, a wink and a nod which speak instantaneous volumes, which could be reduced to "I know, I was there."

Even still untold mystery continually invites a further exploration as each "friend" can discover more about themselves and therefore, the other. A life long dance of familiarity and intrigue. Just enough creative tension so that familiarity doesn't become stifling and the unknown is not given such stature that it is a source of terror. A gentle incremental courting of the mystery can entice and reveal blends of previously unknown attributes, opportunities and gifts. It will be a constant companion, no amount of energy directed toward it will subdue or "defeat" it, yet it is not necessary to yard the carpet completely from under my feet in order to "challenge myself" or in order to entertain the charade that I will champion "against" the unknown "adversary." Control, not relinquished readily the illusion of predictability however becomes a limiting influence that can dash the best of friendships upon the rocks and is equally damning if turned upon myself.

How then, to turn the fear of the unknown to playful curiosity. Right relationship with self first and then with the mystery, would follow by extension. To know yourself is of great value, however, to conclude there remains nothing further to know bleeds the sweet nectar of life, to leave in its stead a barren resignation soaked landscape, a sight seen through sore eyes, that know not from whence they might be soothed. Mystery then, can be a life long ally or, a scourge lying in hiding, it becomes a choice.

Perhaps life represents then, the courtship dance which facilitates moving between these extremes, ideally, in a positive generally peace inducing direction. Though a mindset of resistance and adversarial relating would best be released altogether, perhaps a beginning can be made through consideration of such ideas as "better to know your enemy" or even "love your enemy" the former may reveal there is more to love about your enemy than fear (or further still, whom you consider your enemy was in truth, your friend. The latter then, has power to transform, thereby allowing those qualities that present as impediments to soften and transmutate into expansive attributes that continue to move mountains to reveal new doors and to swing them wide open.

A season of darkness approaches, one that fans fears flame of death and despair. However never throughout the course of light's "absence"has it vanished completely. Silently and invisibly light's infinite reach and influence continues to orchestrate what will one day appear as the magnificent spontaneous blooming of the next season. While inordinate amounts of time and energy can be directed to doubt or the certainty of finality, futility and inevitability, a debut has been in the works all along. A stunning metamorphosis lay concealed in the low light - no light. Seeds lying in wait to be germinated and incubated pre-existed even the shoulder season before the "dark." Each contains a rhythm of its own, within a rhythm co-joining them all. Each operates in infinite macrocosm and the micro-equivalent. All are inevitable and more important necessary.

Celebrate them each or collectively, for in all is the time to be in-joy!