I've heard various descriptors with regard to being alone at Christmas one suggested that it is "sad" another went so far as to say it was "pathetic!" Of course I wouldn't go so far as to hold any one person responsible for the creation of such notions, as their origins are far more widespread across the belief systems of the collective. I am not given to necessarily accepting such dictates of social convention as being true, in fact, I'm more inclined to ask "who says" and then to throw these hypothesis against the wall of my own life and see what sticks. Why you ask? Have you ever arrived somewhere for an activity which involves entering the front door and there is a group of people all standing around outside the door? Upon asking why everyone is outside the answer is "I guess the door must be locked." When you either reply "has anyone checked it?" or investigate for yourself, and discover it unlocked, the consensus is revealed that everyone that approached saw the others standing outside and "presumed" that they must be outside because someone tried the door and found it locked. The reality is no one checked and everyone is waiting for the already unlocked door to be opened so they can go in because of this presumption. This is a rather benign example but I would submit that it is an apt metaphor to demonstrate what occurs if someone doesn't question popularly held erroneous assumptions - nobody benefits!
So as it happens I indeed find myself "alone" this Christmas - this being the evening of December 24th. When I consider this overall I suppose this is both the first time ever and not without opportunity to have it go otherwise. While there are some unchangeable realities about this Christmas such as both my parents passing away this year (my dad only 3 weeks ago) there have been various invitations that could alleviate the need to be alone, but I'm not sure that I will participate.
Part of this would be because I am honouring my need to grieve the loss of my parents which in itself is a significant transition. As it happens my whole life has been up for reexamination and revision and expansion anyway, the current reality just seems to have turned it from simmer to a high boil. So I hesitate to embroil myself in to many "social" commitments partly because I might well not feel like being there once I'm in it. But also, as I said, anything can and much is, undergoing extensive scrutiny and Christmas is no exception. Around the edges of some intermittent sadness there is the realization I am largely free from most everything that I hear so many being so stressed out about.
While "spiritual" and personal expansion will eventually include such things as personal finances etc. this has been a year which recognizes immense spiritual wealth while at the same time has been cash flow challenged. I can tell you, one can claim to not be "defined by their work" or bank account etc. but a more accurate portrayal will be, when those things are gone (even if temporarily). So Christmas would have been low-keyed anyway. Had my dad stuck around - and given he had no interest in anything he already had, it was like overnight the "dementia" relieved him of any further concern for literally a whole house full of stuff that not that long previously he was pretty heavily invested in. I've got to say from the standpoint of one who considers himself viable and for the most part lucid, I had to ask, what was the point of all the concern for consumption and accumulation? The stress, the overwhelm, the cost - though certainly there can be found no end of verification that continues to assert this is "what it's all about" - it most #$%& certainly is not!! It took nearly two months to empty that house out and not one single solitary item did my dad want with him - it was like overnight he was the Dalai Llama and completely let go of attachment to any of it. It was actually an amazing thing to witness - meanwhile I at times deliberate at length, over various items in my home, as I continue my own process of simplifying, granted I haven't been given my "ticket to ride" but just the same I wonder, how important is all this shit anyway?
So I'm not necessarily feeling compelled to rush and recreate Christmas the way it seems to so frequently be observed. Thus far I'd have to say any sadness I am experiencing isn't exclusively due to being alone. And I certainly don't consider the situation pathetic, it is actually replete with many blessings. I would suggest that someone that would consider it "pathetic" to be on their own, doesn't have much regard for their own company. I have no intentions of "isolating" or becoming a hermit, just the same, I am fully embracing that I am free of any obligatory anything, with regard to it being the Christmas season.
From where I stand new traditions are calling for themselves to be brought into being. It may well be that the new tradition will be, no tradition - certainly that will be true this year. I will continue to rebuild from a place of consciousness, to ask questions of myself with regard to previously held-assumptions. It is clear to me that just because many people are behaving a certain way or hold something to be true, does not make it so!
I am deeply appreciative of everything I have - it is not a question of whether I have enough, it is that I am enough, this realization is gift a plenty which cannot be touched no matter what comes and goes from my life - this year it so happens that includes the "ghosts of Christmas past" This year's gift is the present and new beginnings - priceless really!
Merry Christmas!!
Wednesday, 24 December 2014
Sunday, 14 December 2014
For All Things a Season
I do not grieve
what you know I've lost
I walk eyes within heart
Training awakened sensitivity
Upon threads you cannot see
Which I had deemed forbidden
Or unspeakable, even to me
What then must die that I live completely?
Did you imagine that freedom
Achieved walking through the enshadowed valley
Would be a painless renewal?
A reflective nod to your tinsel clad holiday
An approaching darkened Solstice
Invites a sacred introspection
Though I will not deny you - your cup of cheer
Neither can I desecrate upon my heart's threshold
Which even now prepares to offer
A soul sought illumination
Will this then happen
Within the 12 days of song and lore?
I think rather
The light is encoded within the darkness
The gift
Will then dispense
Both cloak & shroud
When the season calls it hence!
what you know I've lost
I walk eyes within heart
Training awakened sensitivity
Upon threads you cannot see
Which I had deemed forbidden
Or unspeakable, even to me
What then must die that I live completely?
Did you imagine that freedom
Achieved walking through the enshadowed valley
Would be a painless renewal?
A reflective nod to your tinsel clad holiday
An approaching darkened Solstice
Invites a sacred introspection
Though I will not deny you - your cup of cheer
Neither can I desecrate upon my heart's threshold
Which even now prepares to offer
A soul sought illumination
Will this then happen
Within the 12 days of song and lore?
I think rather
The light is encoded within the darkness
The gift
Will then dispense
Both cloak & shroud
When the season calls it hence!
Friday, 5 December 2014
My Current Theory of "Relativity"
If I have occasion to relate to you - doesn't that in effect make you a relative of mine? If indeed we collectively are relative members of the human race then what is all this fuss about parental lineage, perceived birth right, entitlement to such things as a particular patch of real estate - which can be further emphasized if the individual staking "their claim"if there exists a multi-generational inhabitance of said "turf." How can that even be conceived to make sense where relating to others is concerned? Because you and/or your family has never moved to take residence elsewhere doesn't actually give you any particular status - in "relation" to anyone else.
The whole notion of hierarchy, inequality, inclusion/exclusion seems so unnecessary to me. Though I suppose in the grand scheme of things, where the evolution of the human species is concerned it must be, as it continues to occur. Humanity, in terms of creation overall, would be very difficult to depict with any sort of graphic representation, as it would be so miniscule. Therefore in terms of it's overall evolution perhaps humanity is still in it's infancy. I certainly recognize that there are innumerable examples in my own life that I might have deemed "bad" "wrong" etc. but in the subsequent unfolding of my life it has always been overwhelmingly positive. I have I suppose in truth chosen, in many further examples, to do the same thing over and over until at some point I become compelled to see if something else is possible in my life. So then, not that I can state it categorically but I could submit, would it be any different for the whole of humanity?
It would seem we as humans must jump in where various aspects of co-existing, living (individually and collectively) are concerned - somewhere. Though what certainly appears to be intense suffering and consequences resulting from a particular approach might occur to be quite obvious it doesn't necessarily invoke immediate evolution, neither personally nor collectively.
If humanity is evolving collectively - I suppose, though I am responsible for participating in my own evolution, I would not know what part it plays in the mosaic overall, nor what effect the collective evolution in consciousness is having on me - should I become overly concerned with trying to take all the credit.
Blood lines certainly don't ensure smooth relating - the approaching Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice season will attest to that. There will be no shortage of "families" getting well and significantly inebriated in order to spend time with each other. The irony of inducing such utter disconnection with oneself in order to "connect" with others is most certainly indicative of a tradition fraught with flawed premise. I'm not casting negative judgment on this given I have participated in it - until I wasn't - it just is a brilliant illustration of point.
As of this year there is no longer any immediate family in my locale - so holidays or not, I won't be relating directly with "family." Having said that, if there were to continue to be varying degrees of "unfinished business" I could then simply bring into my "movie" any number of stand-ins and continue to be in relation to those that are no longer even "here."
I've got to say I still "Imagine" as did John Lennon what it would be like to eliminate all forms of delineation, categorizing and labeling in human relating. It seems to me even if one wanted to uphold the virtue of pride in ancestry/origins etc. it's a fine line frequently leading to a slippery slope which is used as justification to oppress and/or make any that "aren't like us." Naturally this begins for me with an examination of where and when do I continue to exclude others based on what I have quite arbitrarily decided is an acceptable way to conduct themselves. On the other hand having been adopted I have spent much of my life not having a clear-cut sense of ancestry etc. though that in itself has been part of what comprised "the sand in my oyster" I've also related through out most of my life without the orientation of "origins" etc. Now even though I have come to know more of that "history" I nearly simultaneously have concluded at some level it doesn't really matter - particularly if I use it as cause to dismiss others.
Certainly my own evolutionary trajectory has expanded my knowing of the interdependence and connectivity of the entire human family as well as all life forms. I would submit that may have come as a result of my version of the perception, that I was completely and absolutely separate and disconnected from everything and everybody - it was my own personal hell. Again if the insight gained from my own life were to be superimposed upon the collective and hold equally true, then the ramifications on the world stage might have a plausible explanation or at least a facet there of. My personal "awakening" apparently wouldn't happen a minute before it did. Whether there was a pre-determined schedule I couldn't begin to tell you. But I suppose that human evolution will driven by the same sort of reckoning with extended suffering and come to recognize in the need to be willing to explore and embrace radical possibility as a way of relating - whether friends, family, within nations or internationally.
Perhaps relating must become increasingly based on the basis that we are all related rather than from the perspective that it's "all relative!"
The whole notion of hierarchy, inequality, inclusion/exclusion seems so unnecessary to me. Though I suppose in the grand scheme of things, where the evolution of the human species is concerned it must be, as it continues to occur. Humanity, in terms of creation overall, would be very difficult to depict with any sort of graphic representation, as it would be so miniscule. Therefore in terms of it's overall evolution perhaps humanity is still in it's infancy. I certainly recognize that there are innumerable examples in my own life that I might have deemed "bad" "wrong" etc. but in the subsequent unfolding of my life it has always been overwhelmingly positive. I have I suppose in truth chosen, in many further examples, to do the same thing over and over until at some point I become compelled to see if something else is possible in my life. So then, not that I can state it categorically but I could submit, would it be any different for the whole of humanity?
It would seem we as humans must jump in where various aspects of co-existing, living (individually and collectively) are concerned - somewhere. Though what certainly appears to be intense suffering and consequences resulting from a particular approach might occur to be quite obvious it doesn't necessarily invoke immediate evolution, neither personally nor collectively.
If humanity is evolving collectively - I suppose, though I am responsible for participating in my own evolution, I would not know what part it plays in the mosaic overall, nor what effect the collective evolution in consciousness is having on me - should I become overly concerned with trying to take all the credit.
Blood lines certainly don't ensure smooth relating - the approaching Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice season will attest to that. There will be no shortage of "families" getting well and significantly inebriated in order to spend time with each other. The irony of inducing such utter disconnection with oneself in order to "connect" with others is most certainly indicative of a tradition fraught with flawed premise. I'm not casting negative judgment on this given I have participated in it - until I wasn't - it just is a brilliant illustration of point.
As of this year there is no longer any immediate family in my locale - so holidays or not, I won't be relating directly with "family." Having said that, if there were to continue to be varying degrees of "unfinished business" I could then simply bring into my "movie" any number of stand-ins and continue to be in relation to those that are no longer even "here."
I've got to say I still "Imagine" as did John Lennon what it would be like to eliminate all forms of delineation, categorizing and labeling in human relating. It seems to me even if one wanted to uphold the virtue of pride in ancestry/origins etc. it's a fine line frequently leading to a slippery slope which is used as justification to oppress and/or make any that "aren't like us." Naturally this begins for me with an examination of where and when do I continue to exclude others based on what I have quite arbitrarily decided is an acceptable way to conduct themselves. On the other hand having been adopted I have spent much of my life not having a clear-cut sense of ancestry etc. though that in itself has been part of what comprised "the sand in my oyster" I've also related through out most of my life without the orientation of "origins" etc. Now even though I have come to know more of that "history" I nearly simultaneously have concluded at some level it doesn't really matter - particularly if I use it as cause to dismiss others.
Certainly my own evolutionary trajectory has expanded my knowing of the interdependence and connectivity of the entire human family as well as all life forms. I would submit that may have come as a result of my version of the perception, that I was completely and absolutely separate and disconnected from everything and everybody - it was my own personal hell. Again if the insight gained from my own life were to be superimposed upon the collective and hold equally true, then the ramifications on the world stage might have a plausible explanation or at least a facet there of. My personal "awakening" apparently wouldn't happen a minute before it did. Whether there was a pre-determined schedule I couldn't begin to tell you. But I suppose that human evolution will driven by the same sort of reckoning with extended suffering and come to recognize in the need to be willing to explore and embrace radical possibility as a way of relating - whether friends, family, within nations or internationally.
Perhaps relating must become increasingly based on the basis that we are all related rather than from the perspective that it's "all relative!"
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
Nothing is As It Seems
As those of you that have followed this blog in the past know, it
doesn't necessarily follow any sequential or chronological order. That I
hope, will be a useful reminder to some and and explanation for others
regarding the seeming random nature.
I will begin by saying over the last month I have begun "casual employment" as what the organization calls an "Outreach worker"this takes place at what is a drop in center for low income and homeless folks and takes the form of an emergency "extreme weather" shelter. There are spaces (mats) for 30 people to sleep on one floor and a "drop in center" on another floor where hot drinks and snacks are available for those that want to come in from the cold. A certain weather (criteria) must occur in order for the shelter to be called into effect.
Since beginning there I have encountered resistance to authority, self esteem issues (self contempt, self-punishing, self-sabotaging), martyrdom, victim consciousness and scarcity/lack thinking and once I got over my expanded self-awareness, then there was the meeting of the clientele and some glimmers of insight into what they deal with on a daily basis.
I have found that being in this environment has triggered me in a variety of ways. Some of this has it's origins in my relationship with both parents - however on this occasion I will focus on my father. I have no intention of waxing endlessly, fixated on the all to familiar orientation of "blaming" my parents for my life. I will say that many beliefs I created about myself (in relation to them) have carried through a myriad of relationships for much of my life - awaiting me to resolve and heal them. Having said that, in itself, that is ample motivation to gain freedom.
It was just last week when I was participating in a men's circle that I was discussing and processing for myself within the group what would be feelings and things left "unspoken" that date back quite some considerable time. The point being, unexpressed does not mean gone. Everything, that is meant literally is energy, including these repressed feelings and below that the mistaken beliefs that are at their roots. The problem is that one can be subject to one set of "rules" and conditioning in their family as well social conditioning, political correctness and even many groups that fancy themselves "spiritual" would have one believe that some things ought not be said. That above all else there must be forgiveness and gratitude for all "the good." I'm not disputing this, but I am saying that it is necessary to beware of the "spiritual bypass." This is where one uses spirituality as an alibi (cover story) for continued denial and repression and skips right past their true feelings and feigns forgiveness and gratitude. You may have heard "fake it until you make it." The problem with this is that it lacks in honesty and authenticity. My experience is that in order for "the truth to set me free," I need to first become aware of the truth and then be will to feel the feelings, express them and be willing to release them (along with any mistaken unconscious beliefs I might have).
So within this group I just let it rip - no longer concerned for how I'll look or what others might judge about me - I give voice to that which has laid dormant and unsaid. As I said earlier this is not for the purpose of blame and I'm certainly not advocating staying stuck in these feelings. But in order to truly forgive it is necessary to express all that is there. Forgiveness to me means that even if I remember I will no longer have any sort of energetic charge associated with these live "events." I don't mean the variety of forgetting such as "what the hell was the PIN #or password - it means completion - and there are no short cuts to completion. So in this moment it was about expressing some anger that I had repressed for a variety of reasons not the least of which was "self-preservation." The family system I came from seemed to have provisions for the "adults" to get angry - but that dynamic was not extended to the children. Then there was multiple layers of "shoulds" as in "I should be grateful for the "stable" home and opportunities I was given. All true to a point, but not necessarily justification to disallow the authentic expression of feelings. After all wouldn't "stability" allow for authenticity? No question that it is truly a gift to be witnessed and accepted - I would say it matters not that the specific players are there to witness said expression, it is more important that it occur. This in turn moves one towards completion.
Less than a week later - I had intended to visit my dad in the acute care hospital where he had been transferred from extended care. I held off going initially as I was getting over a head cold (and perhaps in hindsight - needed to be more spiritually fit for the visit).
I was down town on my bike having completed a few errands before going to the hospital when I heard some music from down the block.
I rode closer to investigate - there was something familiar about the tones of the various instruments (beyond the well-worn melodies of various Christmas songs). As I got closer I could see it was five members of the military band - helping to raise money for the Salvation Army. I suspected seeing their uniforms that I knew the band they represented (it was the Naden Band) which my dad had been a member for thirty years. All of them were playing saxophones (alto, tenor, baritone etc.) - the saxophone being one of the instruments my dad played when he was actively performing with the band. I was touched and moved deeply as I remembered all the performances I attended as a young boy and listening to my dad practice saxophone around the house. It was also interesting to note (pun intended) that through various circumstances I have accessed various services through the Salvation Army - they have most certainly been a blessing in my life of late.
Upon confirming this was indeed members of the Naden Band I thanked the "base commander" in attendance - told him of my connection and family association with the band and about being on my way to the hospital to see my dad (one of their former members). I gave generously as the grace of their recent support and the divine order of this pre-hospital visit "coincidence" opened my heart beyond previously held limitations.
As it turned out when I arrived at the ward the "attending physician" invited me to have a conversation with respect to the "care plan." It is to be comfort measures from here forward for my dad - I suppose you could say in a somewhat different context, it is the same for me.
It is most appropriate that a further healing in the relationship between my dad and I (which is really to say - my relationship with myself) was ushered in via music. Often angels are depicted playing harps - who is to say that they couldn't or don't play saxophones?!!
I will begin by saying over the last month I have begun "casual employment" as what the organization calls an "Outreach worker"this takes place at what is a drop in center for low income and homeless folks and takes the form of an emergency "extreme weather" shelter. There are spaces (mats) for 30 people to sleep on one floor and a "drop in center" on another floor where hot drinks and snacks are available for those that want to come in from the cold. A certain weather (criteria) must occur in order for the shelter to be called into effect.
Since beginning there I have encountered resistance to authority, self esteem issues (self contempt, self-punishing, self-sabotaging), martyrdom, victim consciousness and scarcity/lack thinking and once I got over my expanded self-awareness, then there was the meeting of the clientele and some glimmers of insight into what they deal with on a daily basis.
I have found that being in this environment has triggered me in a variety of ways. Some of this has it's origins in my relationship with both parents - however on this occasion I will focus on my father. I have no intention of waxing endlessly, fixated on the all to familiar orientation of "blaming" my parents for my life. I will say that many beliefs I created about myself (in relation to them) have carried through a myriad of relationships for much of my life - awaiting me to resolve and heal them. Having said that, in itself, that is ample motivation to gain freedom.
It was just last week when I was participating in a men's circle that I was discussing and processing for myself within the group what would be feelings and things left "unspoken" that date back quite some considerable time. The point being, unexpressed does not mean gone. Everything, that is meant literally is energy, including these repressed feelings and below that the mistaken beliefs that are at their roots. The problem is that one can be subject to one set of "rules" and conditioning in their family as well social conditioning, political correctness and even many groups that fancy themselves "spiritual" would have one believe that some things ought not be said. That above all else there must be forgiveness and gratitude for all "the good." I'm not disputing this, but I am saying that it is necessary to beware of the "spiritual bypass." This is where one uses spirituality as an alibi (cover story) for continued denial and repression and skips right past their true feelings and feigns forgiveness and gratitude. You may have heard "fake it until you make it." The problem with this is that it lacks in honesty and authenticity. My experience is that in order for "the truth to set me free," I need to first become aware of the truth and then be will to feel the feelings, express them and be willing to release them (along with any mistaken unconscious beliefs I might have).
So within this group I just let it rip - no longer concerned for how I'll look or what others might judge about me - I give voice to that which has laid dormant and unsaid. As I said earlier this is not for the purpose of blame and I'm certainly not advocating staying stuck in these feelings. But in order to truly forgive it is necessary to express all that is there. Forgiveness to me means that even if I remember I will no longer have any sort of energetic charge associated with these live "events." I don't mean the variety of forgetting such as "what the hell was the PIN #or password - it means completion - and there are no short cuts to completion. So in this moment it was about expressing some anger that I had repressed for a variety of reasons not the least of which was "self-preservation." The family system I came from seemed to have provisions for the "adults" to get angry - but that dynamic was not extended to the children. Then there was multiple layers of "shoulds" as in "I should be grateful for the "stable" home and opportunities I was given. All true to a point, but not necessarily justification to disallow the authentic expression of feelings. After all wouldn't "stability" allow for authenticity? No question that it is truly a gift to be witnessed and accepted - I would say it matters not that the specific players are there to witness said expression, it is more important that it occur. This in turn moves one towards completion.
Less than a week later - I had intended to visit my dad in the acute care hospital where he had been transferred from extended care. I held off going initially as I was getting over a head cold (and perhaps in hindsight - needed to be more spiritually fit for the visit).
I was down town on my bike having completed a few errands before going to the hospital when I heard some music from down the block.
I rode closer to investigate - there was something familiar about the tones of the various instruments (beyond the well-worn melodies of various Christmas songs). As I got closer I could see it was five members of the military band - helping to raise money for the Salvation Army. I suspected seeing their uniforms that I knew the band they represented (it was the Naden Band) which my dad had been a member for thirty years. All of them were playing saxophones (alto, tenor, baritone etc.) - the saxophone being one of the instruments my dad played when he was actively performing with the band. I was touched and moved deeply as I remembered all the performances I attended as a young boy and listening to my dad practice saxophone around the house. It was also interesting to note (pun intended) that through various circumstances I have accessed various services through the Salvation Army - they have most certainly been a blessing in my life of late.
Upon confirming this was indeed members of the Naden Band I thanked the "base commander" in attendance - told him of my connection and family association with the band and about being on my way to the hospital to see my dad (one of their former members). I gave generously as the grace of their recent support and the divine order of this pre-hospital visit "coincidence" opened my heart beyond previously held limitations.
As it turned out when I arrived at the ward the "attending physician" invited me to have a conversation with respect to the "care plan." It is to be comfort measures from here forward for my dad - I suppose you could say in a somewhat different context, it is the same for me.
It is most appropriate that a further healing in the relationship between my dad and I (which is really to say - my relationship with myself) was ushered in via music. Often angels are depicted playing harps - who is to say that they couldn't or don't play saxophones?!!
Friday, 24 October 2014
Wait for It!
How then to extract the extraordinary
Contained within what might be considered mundane
If one were to allow themselves
To be lulled into believing
That while in the embrace of the ordinary
That sleep was the desired outcome
For subtly but surely
Magnificence is being forged
Ready to stake it’s claim
In what many would be quick to presume
Was the witnessing,
Of an “overnight success”
Dismissed as a “flash in the pan”
Little did they know
The energy, attention and focus
Invested
To light the fuse.
Down But Not Out
Upon commencement of this post I have no idea where it's going, no outline, no theme. I suppose it could be described as a metaphor for the idea which I'm being "encouraged" to adopt - "Embrace the Mystery"- in this moment I would say of that, Fuck I hate that idea!!!!!
Having said that there is not much different about my "process" - there never actually is a structure, which might well be painfully obvious to some and revealing that, a kin to a magician sharing the secret to his illusions, that would presume what I create is in anyway seen as magic and that I the writer, or you the reader are operating under some illusion. If you're expecting me to address that with some form of explanation, forget it, it's part of the mystery. I'm embracing it and therefore, I don't know.
Now, I did have a thought/observation that prompted me to think I'm going to write. At first I thought that meant to write "about it" now I'm going to say "into it." Is there a difference - "I don't know!" Who am I to say, I'm just the piano player attempting to give the music a voice.
As I was walking downtown today, round about an area of town that is punctuated with various gathering places, a social assistance office, multiple churches which at times double as "extreme weather shelters" food banks and soup kitchens, I was struck by a gesture of acknowledgement that came often enough that it both got my attention and led me to suspect it's not random.
It could be described as perhaps the anatomical equivalent to a tipping of the hat, a quick nod of the head in passing. But what does it mean? This is not a fear response - rather a curiosity. It occurs to me this might be "expected" where there is some familiarity, albeit a rather limited expression. The thing is I don't "know" these individuals nor they I.
In a more protracted version of it there is bowing in far eastern cultures as a form of respect, there are head and accompanying hand gestures along with "Namaste" to acknowledge ("the light of Spirit within me acknowledges the light of Spirit within you") and even full body prostrations.
If this weren't so frequent or was a one off thing - I might conclude mistaken recognition like when waving to someone in a car that is waving at someone else or a "I could have sworn it was ............" scenario, instead perhaps it was their evil twin; but this happens quite frequently, not just today.
It's interesting to me that the segment of the population this involves, may frequent and use some of these places for their between religious services services, and though they might not be part of the "congregation," many may practice a facet of spirituality (even if they wouldn't consciously admit it) that would be the envy of many of the congregants if they even knew it existed, or weren't so intent on judging it's practitioners. This is not meant to be a reverse stigmatization, it's just part of my continued observation and to be clear, it's not from the outside looking in or from above looking down the bridge of my ample nose - I'm accessing some of these same "services" myself.
They say "their are no atheists in foxholes" or apparently they did when that form of warfare was in style - I'm sure there's got to be some twenty-first century equivalent that reflects the advancement of technology for waging war, but hasn't changed the fact that somebody/s going to fucking die here - when? I don't know, but it's could be any moment. There's an immediacy to that I'm suggesting and while it's technically true for any of us, in general terms, I don't think many in this part of the world spend much time considering the likelihood of it for themselves or like some on the streets, wishing for the respite of it. Having said that in this segment of the community known to some as "the visibly poor" there exists a spirit of community, fellowship, generosity and yes spirituality that one might be hard-pressed to find in a "gated-community." I qualify that by saying that of course there are generous people in these bastions of affluence - and I can't speak with any absolute experiential authority as I haven't been a resident or visitor in many such communities. I would pose the question, what's with the gate? Though frequently ornate - I never seen one that is embossed with a "welcome" sign. Maybe this is the same mindset that when conceiving of "Heaven" as though it were a geographical location - and guess what? They put a friggin' gate there too! Albeit "Pearly" the great big friggin' oxymoron in the sky! Heaven has a gate!
"Wow would ya look at those gates, those have got to be the most beautiful gates I've ever seen - what 'cha got behind those gates?"
"Why that's heaven!!!!!"
"I'd love to go an' have a look around in there - bet it's really something!!!!
"Yes indeed it is - but well...... I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but those gates are there for a reason and not just anyone can go in there!"
Take it from some one that has built so many walls around my heart those structure are not created with the idea of letting anything or anybody "IN!!!!!!!"
Cue the credits - Satirical Theology 101
My but I have digressed - there should be some structure here, is there a point to this? Of course, it's held within the mystery!! There just happens to be considerable real estate between here and there (the point).
So back to this collective assortment of individuals and their "nodding acquaintance" - despite none existing, at least as in, prior knowing or association with each other. Is is possible that they are recognizing something that goes beyond "facial recognition." I mentioned the immediacy of those in war zones - many of the people I encounter in this particular part of the city had "war zones" for home environments and then lived various manifestations of this post-traumatic energy in subsequent circumstances that often weren't any less violent, demoralizing or traumatic, but they are still getting up and facing the day whatever that entails, which to me demonstrates a great resilience of human spirit and will to carry on. I have met many different individuals that are deeply spiritual people despite being the West Coast North American version of the "untouchables." Not everything is as it seems and many people are able to see, to perceive, that which "the majority" of others don't. Not necessarily because they lack the capabilities, but because they haven't cared to make it any priority to develop them. I believe that those living day to day on or close to the "streets," with life and death being a more present reality, may not have entirely renounced the material world, but in many cases may have a far more intimate connection with the world of spirit. Sadly instead of being embraced for their insight and guidance many of these folks are ostracized and seen as delusional, psychotic, drug addled miscreants.
As my full time pursuit of "inner peace" seems to be rapidly unraveling everything I believed was it's source and the optics of an accelerating downward spiral, threaten to engulf me entirely; I realize where I came from doesn't make me public enemy number one, true also for the supporting cast in my story, nor does it nor did it ever, make me better than anyone else. As anyone that knows me could attest - I ain't no fashion plate, still there ain't no price for being the best dressed guy in the food bank or soup kitchen line.
Song says - "Nobody Knows You When Your Down and Out" I'm not so sure that's true. Here in the midst of so many people that many would say, have little or no reason to continue to "let their light shine" and yet I see that they do. So maybe this passing nod in the street is a recognition of that - a gesture of: though nobody else cares to look, maybe not even yourself at times, I will, I do, and I see you.
Having said that there is not much different about my "process" - there never actually is a structure, which might well be painfully obvious to some and revealing that, a kin to a magician sharing the secret to his illusions, that would presume what I create is in anyway seen as magic and that I the writer, or you the reader are operating under some illusion. If you're expecting me to address that with some form of explanation, forget it, it's part of the mystery. I'm embracing it and therefore, I don't know.
Now, I did have a thought/observation that prompted me to think I'm going to write. At first I thought that meant to write "about it" now I'm going to say "into it." Is there a difference - "I don't know!" Who am I to say, I'm just the piano player attempting to give the music a voice.
As I was walking downtown today, round about an area of town that is punctuated with various gathering places, a social assistance office, multiple churches which at times double as "extreme weather shelters" food banks and soup kitchens, I was struck by a gesture of acknowledgement that came often enough that it both got my attention and led me to suspect it's not random.
It could be described as perhaps the anatomical equivalent to a tipping of the hat, a quick nod of the head in passing. But what does it mean? This is not a fear response - rather a curiosity. It occurs to me this might be "expected" where there is some familiarity, albeit a rather limited expression. The thing is I don't "know" these individuals nor they I.
In a more protracted version of it there is bowing in far eastern cultures as a form of respect, there are head and accompanying hand gestures along with "Namaste" to acknowledge ("the light of Spirit within me acknowledges the light of Spirit within you") and even full body prostrations.
If this weren't so frequent or was a one off thing - I might conclude mistaken recognition like when waving to someone in a car that is waving at someone else or a "I could have sworn it was ............" scenario, instead perhaps it was their evil twin; but this happens quite frequently, not just today.
It's interesting to me that the segment of the population this involves, may frequent and use some of these places for their between religious services services, and though they might not be part of the "congregation," many may practice a facet of spirituality (even if they wouldn't consciously admit it) that would be the envy of many of the congregants if they even knew it existed, or weren't so intent on judging it's practitioners. This is not meant to be a reverse stigmatization, it's just part of my continued observation and to be clear, it's not from the outside looking in or from above looking down the bridge of my ample nose - I'm accessing some of these same "services" myself.
They say "their are no atheists in foxholes" or apparently they did when that form of warfare was in style - I'm sure there's got to be some twenty-first century equivalent that reflects the advancement of technology for waging war, but hasn't changed the fact that somebody/s going to fucking die here - when? I don't know, but it's could be any moment. There's an immediacy to that I'm suggesting and while it's technically true for any of us, in general terms, I don't think many in this part of the world spend much time considering the likelihood of it for themselves or like some on the streets, wishing for the respite of it. Having said that in this segment of the community known to some as "the visibly poor" there exists a spirit of community, fellowship, generosity and yes spirituality that one might be hard-pressed to find in a "gated-community." I qualify that by saying that of course there are generous people in these bastions of affluence - and I can't speak with any absolute experiential authority as I haven't been a resident or visitor in many such communities. I would pose the question, what's with the gate? Though frequently ornate - I never seen one that is embossed with a "welcome" sign. Maybe this is the same mindset that when conceiving of "Heaven" as though it were a geographical location - and guess what? They put a friggin' gate there too! Albeit "Pearly" the great big friggin' oxymoron in the sky! Heaven has a gate!
"Wow would ya look at those gates, those have got to be the most beautiful gates I've ever seen - what 'cha got behind those gates?"
"Why that's heaven!!!!!"
"I'd love to go an' have a look around in there - bet it's really something!!!!
"Yes indeed it is - but well...... I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but those gates are there for a reason and not just anyone can go in there!"
Take it from some one that has built so many walls around my heart those structure are not created with the idea of letting anything or anybody "IN!!!!!!!"
Cue the credits - Satirical Theology 101
My but I have digressed - there should be some structure here, is there a point to this? Of course, it's held within the mystery!! There just happens to be considerable real estate between here and there (the point).
So back to this collective assortment of individuals and their "nodding acquaintance" - despite none existing, at least as in, prior knowing or association with each other. Is is possible that they are recognizing something that goes beyond "facial recognition." I mentioned the immediacy of those in war zones - many of the people I encounter in this particular part of the city had "war zones" for home environments and then lived various manifestations of this post-traumatic energy in subsequent circumstances that often weren't any less violent, demoralizing or traumatic, but they are still getting up and facing the day whatever that entails, which to me demonstrates a great resilience of human spirit and will to carry on. I have met many different individuals that are deeply spiritual people despite being the West Coast North American version of the "untouchables." Not everything is as it seems and many people are able to see, to perceive, that which "the majority" of others don't. Not necessarily because they lack the capabilities, but because they haven't cared to make it any priority to develop them. I believe that those living day to day on or close to the "streets," with life and death being a more present reality, may not have entirely renounced the material world, but in many cases may have a far more intimate connection with the world of spirit. Sadly instead of being embraced for their insight and guidance many of these folks are ostracized and seen as delusional, psychotic, drug addled miscreants.
As my full time pursuit of "inner peace" seems to be rapidly unraveling everything I believed was it's source and the optics of an accelerating downward spiral, threaten to engulf me entirely; I realize where I came from doesn't make me public enemy number one, true also for the supporting cast in my story, nor does it nor did it ever, make me better than anyone else. As anyone that knows me could attest - I ain't no fashion plate, still there ain't no price for being the best dressed guy in the food bank or soup kitchen line.
Song says - "Nobody Knows You When Your Down and Out" I'm not so sure that's true. Here in the midst of so many people that many would say, have little or no reason to continue to "let their light shine" and yet I see that they do. So maybe this passing nod in the street is a recognition of that - a gesture of: though nobody else cares to look, maybe not even yourself at times, I will, I do, and I see you.
Monday, 13 October 2014
Spinning the Classics
Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
- "English language nursery rhyme"
Or
Encrypted passage of universal truth and wisdom?
Of course I remember singing this verse as a child - as was the case with other "nursery rhymes" (some of which in later life, I came to know depicted some rather grisly events and shadowy aspects of "human nature." I don't recall deriving any particular meaning from any of this nor was any offered. I absolutely value (to this very day) music, song, singing - but in retrospect I think children should not just be fed arbitrary rhymes without a mindful consideration of the meaning behind them. Seems to me it trivializes/minimizes the impact of the original events and might even create a difficulty with reconciling the rote learning and recitation of these verses when one comes to know of their origins. A consciousness - or rather lack there of, that systematically desensitizes, creates the need for disassociation and denial of otherwise horrific atrocity, implicitly grants acceptance and permission for the violence to be perpetuated.
Returning to the above referenced rhyme then, what might be gleaned from it's seemingly trite presentation?
Row row row YOUR boat (capitals and emphasis mine);
I consider what is being expressed here rather explicitly suggests, that I row my own boat. Why? Well I could let someone else do it, but how long is it going to be before they decide, "I'm rowing, and I want to go over there!" I might be thinking I'm pretty clever, look at me I'm getting a free ride here, until I give my head a shake, look around and realize my boat isn't anywhere near my desired destination! At that point I might spend more time confounding my situation by screaming at the person I gave the oars to - rather than saying, thanks for the ride, I'll take those oars back now and by the way, not only am I rowing now I'm captain and GPS!
Gently down the stream:
If I am the vessel (boat) that is traveling upon this stream (life) how much easier would it be, if I "go with flow?" rather than expend untold energy thrashing around sometimes even going against the current - fighting and struggling every inch of the way, only to become exhausted and unable to continue battling the stream, I finally give up and I'm taken to some little oasis upon it's banks. Of course by then I'm battered, bruised and depleted and it's some time before I can appreciate where I am or how easy it might have been to get there without all the force and efforting. The other thing is when I'm quiet enough - the stream can be heard sharing endless wisdom and beautiful melodies. However, if I'm so busy huffing and puffing, thrashing about I can't hear any of it! Perhaps contrary to mindsets such as: "No pain - no gain," "Do or die" etc. one could consider: Go - but go gently!
Merrily merrily merrily merrily:
I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence but the post would be incomplete if I didn't comment here! I would submit there isn't anything in the way of a hidden message here! And just in case it's unclear - it's repeated four times!
How then are we to engage with life? - Merrily!
What's that you say? - Merrily!
What are you some kind of Polly Anna? - Merrily!
No I'm not a pessimist - I'm just being "realistic" - Merrily!!!!!!!
Joesph Campbell said: "Follow Your Bliss"
It has also been said: "It is Your Father's great pleasure to give you the kingdom." Though you might need to consider that if what you are doing has you feeling miserable, then maybe it's not the path to your kingdom. (See Row Row Row Your Boat) If you're not rowing take back the oars. If you are - I'll be kind............ consider a course change.
Life is but a Dream:
I know... I know.... my shit feels pretty real too!!!! Think about some of the things you might have anguished over sometime previously. Now perhaps you wonder, what was all the fuss about? But how much time and energy went into that stew? And for what? I mean no disrespect to anyone that is still processing some past life event - do what you need to do to honour and make peace with yourself. All I know is with an expanded perspective my stories (my dream) are not carved in stone the way that I might have previously believed and as the veil is removed, all is indeed not as it seems and events upon my own personal stage and likely those upon the world stage alter as my "vision" transforms. I am becoming more firmly convinced that heaven on earth and hell can be right here - right now and they are of my own making!
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
- "English language nursery rhyme"
Or
Encrypted passage of universal truth and wisdom?
Of course I remember singing this verse as a child - as was the case with other "nursery rhymes" (some of which in later life, I came to know depicted some rather grisly events and shadowy aspects of "human nature." I don't recall deriving any particular meaning from any of this nor was any offered. I absolutely value (to this very day) music, song, singing - but in retrospect I think children should not just be fed arbitrary rhymes without a mindful consideration of the meaning behind them. Seems to me it trivializes/minimizes the impact of the original events and might even create a difficulty with reconciling the rote learning and recitation of these verses when one comes to know of their origins. A consciousness - or rather lack there of, that systematically desensitizes, creates the need for disassociation and denial of otherwise horrific atrocity, implicitly grants acceptance and permission for the violence to be perpetuated.
Returning to the above referenced rhyme then, what might be gleaned from it's seemingly trite presentation?
Row row row YOUR boat (capitals and emphasis mine);
I consider what is being expressed here rather explicitly suggests, that I row my own boat. Why? Well I could let someone else do it, but how long is it going to be before they decide, "I'm rowing, and I want to go over there!" I might be thinking I'm pretty clever, look at me I'm getting a free ride here, until I give my head a shake, look around and realize my boat isn't anywhere near my desired destination! At that point I might spend more time confounding my situation by screaming at the person I gave the oars to - rather than saying, thanks for the ride, I'll take those oars back now and by the way, not only am I rowing now I'm captain and GPS!
Gently down the stream:
If I am the vessel (boat) that is traveling upon this stream (life) how much easier would it be, if I "go with flow?" rather than expend untold energy thrashing around sometimes even going against the current - fighting and struggling every inch of the way, only to become exhausted and unable to continue battling the stream, I finally give up and I'm taken to some little oasis upon it's banks. Of course by then I'm battered, bruised and depleted and it's some time before I can appreciate where I am or how easy it might have been to get there without all the force and efforting. The other thing is when I'm quiet enough - the stream can be heard sharing endless wisdom and beautiful melodies. However, if I'm so busy huffing and puffing, thrashing about I can't hear any of it! Perhaps contrary to mindsets such as: "No pain - no gain," "Do or die" etc. one could consider: Go - but go gently!
Merrily merrily merrily merrily:
I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence but the post would be incomplete if I didn't comment here! I would submit there isn't anything in the way of a hidden message here! And just in case it's unclear - it's repeated four times!
How then are we to engage with life? - Merrily!
What's that you say? - Merrily!
What are you some kind of Polly Anna? - Merrily!
No I'm not a pessimist - I'm just being "realistic" - Merrily!!!!!!!
Joesph Campbell said: "Follow Your Bliss"
It has also been said: "It is Your Father's great pleasure to give you the kingdom." Though you might need to consider that if what you are doing has you feeling miserable, then maybe it's not the path to your kingdom. (See Row Row Row Your Boat) If you're not rowing take back the oars. If you are - I'll be kind............ consider a course change.
Life is but a Dream:
I know... I know.... my shit feels pretty real too!!!! Think about some of the things you might have anguished over sometime previously. Now perhaps you wonder, what was all the fuss about? But how much time and energy went into that stew? And for what? I mean no disrespect to anyone that is still processing some past life event - do what you need to do to honour and make peace with yourself. All I know is with an expanded perspective my stories (my dream) are not carved in stone the way that I might have previously believed and as the veil is removed, all is indeed not as it seems and events upon my own personal stage and likely those upon the world stage alter as my "vision" transforms. I am becoming more firmly convinced that heaven on earth and hell can be right here - right now and they are of my own making!
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