Found in Getting Lost

In a little over two weeks time, I will be embarking on another overseas journey. I suppose the most obvious consideration, with respect to this opportunity, is that I'm able to do it, at all. Beyond that, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I believe to be true, due to my being clear, I will take "all of me" along for the ride. Going "there," will not be "better," than being here. Being there, will not change who I am, or where I'm at in my life. I may change my perspective on some minutiae of the human condition by virtue of experiences - yet unknown. Then again, I would undergo change, if I didn't go anywhere.

I'm not going there, to get away from here. I will appreciate more of there, while missing some of what is here. I will be confounded and destabilized by the unfamiliar - I will perhaps reunite with some that found a place in my heart without any knowing, if there is any basis, for our continued connection, (if it currently exists) or if there is any mutual ground for continuance. We once found ourselves in a space somewhere beyond the walls of socialized veneer - that precise experience cannot be recreated. Does the archway to Rumi's field, continue to bade welcome?

Travel is marketed as "escape," - I cannot frame it thus. I'm not "afraid" of flying, but there's not much I enjoy about scrambling through airports - navigating around retail jungles, hurrying to "not be late" - only to then wait on the other side. Bad food, horrendously overpriced - the blatant presence of ghastly class systems "hidden," by a mere curtain.

The stark unfamiliarity of travel, that then brings me face to face with myself (the "good," the bad, and the "ugly"). The slant of the theme now expressed, might lead one to conclude I don't care for travel at all. That is only partially true. Without question, there is a place in me that vehemently objects to having to "go anywhere!"

Can you imagine? "Immigrations," catches up with me, somewhere abroad.

"Mr. O'Neill, we couldn't help but notice you're still here!" "Enjoying the North are you?"

"Why yes, Yes I am!! Thanks for asking!"

"The thing is, you were suppose to be gone a week ago!!" "Now then, what are you up to?" "Are you working illegally in the country, have you taken up residence - again, illegally?" "Are you running some sort of illegal "under-the table" business?"

"No none of that!" "To be honest with you, I just could bring myself to leave." I mean literally! Getting all my shit in a bag, schlepping it to the airport, security, find the gate, jam myself in a airliner seat - where I'm scorned for getting up after 7 hrs. to pee - I just said, "fuck it!" I'm not going anywhere!!"

"Hmm, come with us, well get you sorted!!"

I actually enjoy "adventure!" Once, I get my ass in motion! Getting to the adventure - sometimes occurs to me to be a great deal of bother!!

Trust me I could write the book on "escapism!" Possible that might be the direction of my next book. The problem with the message, I feel called to express, is that it doesn't make for good "escapism." Oh sure, those that are looking for some "scandal," might be entertained. At the very least, they could bolster their flagging ego's, by thumbing their nose at the folly of my life choices. But, if I have anything to say, it is that a pre-occupation with escaping (read addiction) actually creates a prison that makes "Devil's island" look like Disneyland (of course the "magic kingdom," might represent a unique form of hell for some). I'm neither going to create vehicles of escapism for others, nor advocate their use. If I could, or more to the point, was willing to, there is likely an endless market, for those trying continue to scratch that itch. But I won't! As it is, I can't begin to "compete," with the guys at the wellness markets selling rocks! The other thing is, I'm not entirely free and clear of intermittent forays, into getting lost scratching my own itches.

So when is this book coming?  Well first I would need to "get off it," with regard to it's viability. Then I'd need to dig deeper still (into my own soul) with a willingness, to further own what I find & then pour it on, page after page for public consumption. I do a version of that through this blog anyway. I'm digging, owning & feeling all the bloody time. (expect when I'm not). This is why it is that I am abundantly clear, there is no "getting away," through travel for me. I'll be the guy screaming for my attention the entire way. Sometimes, just screaming!!

I'm in the advantaged position of having published (self) my first book - without a need for concern about climbing out from beneath the "one hit wonder" rhetoric; there is no pressure to rise to the acclaim, of my previous "accomplishment." (or at least the climb would not be arduous).

It couldn't take much to "raise the bar" - could it? After all I just need to elevate it, above tripping level. In that, it is just like mustering the wherewithal to tear myself from the familiar; and drag myself across the planet - so I can meander, as the embodiment of "Lost & Found."

Either way, there's a snoot full of me around each bend. I suppose if I can stand the company, I might find freedom from the need to escape & escape that which impedes my freedom.

R. O'Neill (Oct. 17, 2018)