Today after a short four hour morning shift, I walked about for the next six hours to various appointments around town. Ironically one was with my chiropractor (who I've seen twice in the last three days). I'm aiming to get a handle on a flair up of plantar fasciitis - most certainly before I depart overseas in mid-December. At least some portion of my time over there, I have tagged "walk-a-bout;" I don't know for sure how much walking I will actually do - but I would prefer it does not become a "hobble-a-bout!" I enjoy walking, so potentially I could log considerable mileage while away. I will see my chiropractor one more time (Wednesday) before she's out of town for ten days - over which time I will continue with the "self-treatment" homework she has provided me; alone, or in combination with either another practitioner of the same or perhaps, a different discipline.
When I first felt the tenderness beginning in my foot I recognized it from past experiences. I quickly resumed using the custom orthotics I had made ten years ago; as part of the intervention for the same problem. I'm beginning to suspect that these inserts might be now "over-correcting" my feet and arches; as today for example, I came home briefly from work took off the boots (with inserts I was wearing) the pain that steadily increased over the morning, lessened immediately. I resumed my day with different inserts and shoes and the comfort level was significantly better (not perfect, but probably ninety-odd percent better). Of course now having changed two things, I can't be sure which, or whether both, in combination provide the necessary "fix."
Of course I had hoped to "walk this off" and avoid practitioners and their associated fees - in hindsight not an effective strategy. As is often the case, if treatment begins sooner than later; factors such as inflammation cycles, are minimized before they become more deeply entrenched.
It may take some time and experimentation to determine which foot wear and insert combinations work best for my movement mechanics. I'm trying to "listen to my body" - I am in fact listening, I'm just not entirely sure what it's telling me at this point. At least at this point I'm "asking for help" & I'm following the guidance/suggestions.
Perhaps I need look not much further than the notes from Louise Hay's "Causes of Symptoms:"
Foot Problems - Fear of the future and not stepping forward in life.
Inflammation - Fear. Seeing red. Inflamed thinking. Anger and frustration about conditions you are looking at in your life.
In the last couple months the finalizing of my deceased parents "estate," has finally been resolved. It had been over two years since my mother passed, with my father passing nine months later. He passed the end of the same year and was the "surviving spouse," so this initiated the processing of their affairs. Some of the time involved was typical processing time for probate etc.; however, further complexities occurred when my sister, "contested the will."
I could go into some of that "history," but I don't believe it serves any further good. I believe what does serve; is that I look at cleaning up my part in this dynamic, as a means of obtaining greater freedom.
Love in our family was primarily expressed through money (directly or indirectly) and food. The latter is not relevant in this discussion - except to say it still can come into play (to the extent I utilize it as a "strategy," to avoid or alter my feelings - i.e. "numbing" or creating a sensation of "fullness.")
What I can't ignore here, is the "normal" dynamic of "sibling rivalry;" which I'm sure came into play, when my only child reality, was altered when this "sister," invaded my turf. Her's was always a more outwardly expressed presence, which demanded/sought attention. I would have had the natural need for love and attention a baby/toddler requires - but was far more reserved and introverted. I used to think as a young boy that I was "out-smarting" the adults - and my sister, as I fancied I had this ability to "fly under the radar" unnoticed. Given the attention my parents offered was not always conducive to thriving, I was "happy" when "people just left me alone."
Obviously I wouldn't have had the consciousness to articulate my needs not being met; nor was it an environment, where that information would have been taken in stride. More likely it would have been taken out of my hide, or at least involved a verbal haranguing. It would also hold true that at such a young age; I had no awareness of my want of the love and approval of my parents, (vital for human survival) nor my creating the belief, that what stood between me and my receiving that, was my sister!
It's time to acknowledge these dynamics (whether they operated "a little or a lot") I wish to vanquish them from my heart, to further take responsibility for my life, choices and beliefs.
My inner peace matters more to me than holding these grudges of antiquity.
If I take away the "morality factor" with regard to various dynamics and interactions that led to my sister being "disinherited" - my part comes clearer. I used as an alibi her perceived transgressions rather than owning the projected younger age energy of the afore mentioned sibling rivalry and directed it at my sister. The same goes for any other grudges or perceived betrayals that were repressed and left unresolved. With her "out of the way" that would mean more love (money) for me.
I didn't get up one morning and premeditate this. I had nothing to do with my parents decision, nor was it my role to "negotiate peace" between my parents and my sister. I also didn't suggest at anytime, that what they were putting in place was "over-reacting." I suppose it's not surprising that I managed to spin the story; so that I was "deserving" and entitled, and she was "getting her comeuppance." It's interesting to me; even as I examine the dynamic in myself, that one can interpret the idea of "karma," in such a skewed manner. I can in no way, shape, or form claim the moral high ground; or a past life of altruism, yet I most certainly envisioned, two distinctly different ministrations, of justice.
My responsibility is to honestly face myself and negotiate peace within myself.
I ask for and allow the spirit of forgiveness to wash over my relationships with my parents, my sister and myself. Where there is any old hatred, anger, confusion, remorse or shame, I willingly release it and ask that love prevail. I send love to all those concerned, most importantly myself. As is true for all concerned in this family dynamic, I did the absolute best I could at the time, with what I knew and my consciousness at the time. The forgiveness I enact is not for the benefit of anyone else in my family (their journey's are their own) - I stand to gain the most from cleansing my heart. Where my sister is concerned my forgiveness in no way, shape or form is an indication that I would put myself in harms way where she is concerned. There is no implied condoning or condemnation of her actions, nor those she associates with; I will however take any necessary measures, for self care.
Over the course of my walking around to complete my errands I found in total, three poppies. Three of course, a number that is spiritually significant in numerous different contexts. The "Poppies" themselves being the familiar symbol used to remember the fallen (and those they left behind - from World War 1) on "Armistice Day."
Armistice is defined as: an agreement made by opposing sides in a war to stop fighting for a certain time; a truce. Synonym: truce, ceasefire, peace, suspension of hostilities.
The armistice was signed at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. When I consult with sources that focus on the significance of "numbers," it yield the following insights: number 1 resonates with the vibrations of new beginnings, independence, individuality, masculinity, assertiveness, success, leadership, originality, initiative, the pioneer, organizer, instinct, courage, inspiration, strength, creation and creativity. (there are additional attributes in the continued list).
When Angel number 1 appear repeatedly it signifies that an energetic gateway has opened up for you, and this will rapidly manifest your thoughts into reality. The message is to choose your thoughts wisely, ensuring that they match your true desires. Do not put your energy into focusing on fears as you may manifest them into your life. (sourced from website "Joanne Sacred Scribes")
As I believe always to be the case - the information I include is only of significance to anyone, if it resonates for you personally. Otherwise you might find it interesting; or you might even consider it "hogwash." It could also been seemingly meaningless one day and powerfully significant, sometime later. What matters is in this case - is it's meaningful to me. It's conveyed through means and forms that get my attention and that serve to find some direction, meaning and or affirmation. I believe that "guidance" is available to anyone who seeks it and the infinite universal intelligence, will see to it that it comes in a form that is meaningful to you.
I share my experience because that's what I do. It is of no consequence if anyone else believes or discounts my journey.
As I found myself "called" to a bonfire yesterday (while in the midst of writing this) therefore it would not be completed, until today. While in attendance at the fire I took time to acknowledge my ancestors and their invitation to seek the fire. I offered all that was in my awareness up to the fire, for transformation. At this time of the thinning of the veils I called upon all my ancestors to assist, accompany and guide me, on this journey of personal evolution. I felt a strong connection to the fires of past, present and future. A deep connection to the humanity circled around the fire. My aching feet were "held" and grounded upon Mother earth, while I stood at the fire.
Today I observe my feet are vastly improved. Before I left my home to complete my errands, I got a call from my chiropractor. She was calling to let me know she wouldn't be able to see me tomorrow after all. She had thought she could fit one more appointment in before she leaves town - but it's not going to work. Seen another way, I don't require the treatment tomorrow - the "work" is done. She also informed me that when she returns she will be in practice for herself (no longer to be part of the "clinic" where I had seen her). She will be part of a collective of various practitioners; where she can enjoy more autonomy - new beginnings.
I was also home to receive my new passport. Had I not been there to sign for it - there would have been, at least, the added need; to take the notice of delivery somewhere at some appointed time - rather than now, have it in my possession.
I might add that I was able to put my hands on the documents which were requested by an account manager at the Credit Union. My finding them so readily is nothing short of a miracle; given my somewhat lack of affinity for the administration and storage of paper. So far my exploration of renewing/transferring my mortgage, is moving along with ease and grace.
I invite and welcome continued aid and support from my ancestors. Please continue to guide me and help me. Help me to find the courage to follow my heart and to discover and know my soul's calling and to develop the strength to carry it out.
Let it be done!
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