Saturday 11 June 2016

Can You Bear the Weight of the Sword? (before you swing it)

To no one in particular and yet to the entire population of the planet; I am responsible for me and me only.
It's my blog - I can say what I want, regardless of a readership that is significantly less than the world's population, I'm saying it anyway. First of all, my soul-objective is not to "attract" (appease) readers - if it were, I might just fall back, into a patterned inclination to sculpt what I say. By this I don't mean just the creative choice of words; but rather, what it is, I'm saying.

Second, energetically I believe my declaration carries weight. So it doesn't matter if everyone reads it, in speaking it, begins a life of it's own (with my ongoing contribution). It also doesn't matter if contrary to "marketing" strategies; the ongoing dialogue/content of the blog, has the visible effect of reducing readers. In the end analysis, my saying what I need to say will continue to be said. Perhaps resulting in a "build it and they will come," or perhaps becoming the electronic media world equivalent of, "the tree falling in the forest" (i.e. if I write it/declare it and nobody reads it - does anybody hear?)

What am I saying? It's two fold (unless the diametric presentation is tantamount to a singular statement in which case - it's that!) My intention is to be one hundred percent responsible for myself. (my beliefs, my behaviour, my feelings, my action/inaction) "Intention" is both the end and the means; so even while living further into what it is I'm declaring (& along the way I initially place some responsibility "out there" somewhere) it is still my intention to "bring it home."

The flip-side of this is: I am not in any way, shape or form going to take responsibility for anyone else.  In that, the previous clarifying statement also applies; as it seems currently to be true, that I can still on occasion, "assume" responsibility for another, that is not mine.

What does this look like? Well, as a man I can only speak from that perspective. Hopefully that would imply that I don't speak for all men, but if not, there it is. I am tired - really tired, of  energy and behaviour directed at me that lays claim to the state of the world being brought about by men.

So if you are a women - forget about scapegoating me for what is unhealed within you. I am not here to be anyone's whipping post. If you are unwilling to look at yourself and want to play spiritual hot-potato with "responsibility," I'm out - see ya! I have empathy for your pain - but I also have empathy for myself and therefore; I love myself enough, that I would be willing to "witness" your pain - but I will not, be the target of your pain. If you are discontent with the state of the world and the zenith of your contribution is to blame men - well then, isn't that a bloody convenient "get out of jail free card for you!"

Where I'm concerned I commit to continuing to ferret within myself what would make me think I am responsible for others or that I take on the toxic energies that belong to them. That is mine to discover and transform.

If you are a man - forget about your contention, that I am the "competition" that there is so "precious little in the world" and if I get any, that means you'll get less. Forget that "dog eat dog" mentality (I have no appetite for "dog") whatever it is you have - I don't want it (on many days I don't know what to do with what I have) I didn't come here to wage war with you. Deal with your own shit with regard to your insecurity and self-hatred. Don't project your view of masculinity on the world and oppress and persecute, any that don't fit the criteria.  I've spent much of my life trying maintain a profile that is largely invisible. Problem is, now some part of me has decided to be seen and heard. This creates a little internal tension, with that part that was intent, on parading around with the cloak of invisibility.

For my part - I have unquestionably when "threatened," been a hostile presence in the world. The lion's share of my hostility has been directed at myself. This in no way absolves me of the reality that at times that same contempt toward me, has been directed at someone else. So there has been "collateral damage" as I wage war within myself. Still just as I have continued in my life in abusive situations - perhaps longer than was merited; so it has been with those that received my angst. No one has ever apologized to me for that which flowed to me - in fact from a place of "responsibility" the apology, atonement, forgiveness and transformation, continues to be wanting; from me toward me at some levels. Why would that be any different in "reverse." My atonement, self-care, commitment to transform my "wounds" is my "apology." I don't owe anybody - anything, nor do they "owe me."

The journey of each is between them and God. If they don't "have a God" ...... well, God bless them. At least some of the time I don't feel I'm going this alone - I wouldn't want to return to the terror of thinking I'm alone - always.

I hear it (see it) touted that the path to empowerment is to assume the energy of a "warrior" - wielding one's great sword, dispatching their "enemies; hacking and slashing and leaving a trail of carnage in their wake. Frankly this is a grave and dire imagery! Beyond that, it is a misguided (at the very least limited use of) warrior energy.

Look around the world - there are endless examples of "swords" being swung in every imaginable (and unimaginable) ways. What has changed? The technical presentation of the sword. So now we have "smart bomb" swords, computer-guided missile - swords, improvised explosive device (IUD) swords, chemical weapon - swords, atomic -swords, economic sanction - swords, pharmaceutical and agricultural - swords etc.)

I'm suggesting a more apt use of the "warrior energy" is to go within - use that sword (of truth) to cut away the layers of "defences" to bring light to the wounded that lies within. My supposition is that one needs all the strength, courage and tenacity of the warrior energy, to march this road to inner peace. If the trek is halted prematurely; then it may just be, that one remains encamped within one of the defensive "layers," and the "warrior" energy that might have taken them all the way to liberation, is co-opted. There,  a limbo of self-hatred, is projected on the world, the hacking and slashing proceed and proliferate as once again, the "enemy" is seen "out there."

Claim and wield your sword as you must. But before you swing, be sure of your target.

Unless this energy and sword are harnessed for their potential, expanded, peace-seeking intention - "we" may never see the day when "swords are beaten into plough-shares."

Did Gandhi or Mother Teresa (to name just two) possess even a modicum less "warrior" energy than some of history's more renowned "warriors?" They had to deal with the same "humanity" within and without themselves, before they could live their chosen paths.

There is a medallion on my altar - it belonged to my adopted dad's father. I suppose he must have actually answered one of those ads in the old magazine's. It is from "Charles Atlas" - awarded for achieving "physical perfection." (a benchmark of achievement that didn't prevent his passing from a "heart condition.") Personally - referring back to the old ads, I would do well to remember, it's me that is kicking sand in my own face - not the bully on the beach). I'm reminded of the imagery of the "God" Atlas hoisting and carrying the world on his shoulders. As anyone that knows me realizes - my shoulders are not that broad. I therefore set down the erroneous assumptions and "weight of the world" and more correctly assume responsibility for the real estate my size 7 1/2 feet take up and the six inches between my ears. Let it be done!

I am aware of how instantaneously one can find themselves in tumultuous waters. I work in a predominantly female work environment. There is plenty of blatant anti-male sentiment - which despite "human relations" polices, is not neutralized. Hey... the world (including me) is still working this shit out. For my part .... when I suddenly feel like "tearing someone a new asshole..." I can realize ... there it is.... I've been working it (or whatever) but shit...... that still hurt's!! Infinitely more options abound by the time I'm in this space.. made possibly by my not fanning my own flames.

My declaring where my responsibility begins and ends... doesn't mean others will stop foisting their shit my way. I suppose it will continue until it "doesn't trigger me any longer" and even then, it will continue - but it won't trigger me any longer.

It takes far more courage to use the sword of truth to surgically, magically/mystically transform myself, than it will ever take, to hack someone else to death.

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