What an amazing gift to have the actual experience of "being in the world but not of the world." I've heard this idea tossed around within many different circles of people. A quick check to give me a frame of reference informs me there are versions of this idea in various parts of the bible.
It wasn't my intention to wax biblically today however, the experience followed this theme and it's interesting to see how different ideas infiltrate other teaching, that don't intend to represent a biblical foundation.
I was at work today. It happened to be one of three different departments I work at within the health care system. The nature of the work is "on-call" (casual) which I have now be doing for a little more than a year and it's working out beautifully. I chose that form of employment rather than a part-time or full-time schedule for the freedom it provides. Time off doesn't involve "leave request" (and subsequent "approval"). When I decided to resume working on this basis I knew that was my preference, however I didn't know if it would be viable. It most certainly is!
Many people start employment in health on this basis, but then are looking to secure a "position." There are advantages to doing so: a known schedule, benefit plan, paid holidays etc. I don't necessarily see this as being my only source of income over the longer term and currently I don't want to be tied to whims of the "needs of the department." Seldom do these needs align with my needs. I'm grateful for an income but as well, I highly value my freedom.
Had I "towed the line" with out interruptions since I began in health care - I would (like many of my contemporaries) be at or near "retirement." That's not what I did. So I suppose that would be where I began to "depart" from the collective.
One of the other benefits of not being one of the "regular staff," is I have virtually no idea what is going on at any given time, with regard to the interdepartmental drama. It is a little challenging to keep up with the changing face of these work environments for the same reason - I'm not necessarily there one day to the next. Changes are implemented while I'm off or working elsewhere, I come back and what was no longer is. (In that regard it is a pretty amazing training ground for learning to adapt to and embrace changes).
I know all about being part of the "rabble." (actually that is a disservice to those that collaborate to bring about positive change). I have done my time contributing to the toxicity of many a work place and it no longer works for me. Participating in that way of being is exhausting - not to mention fruitless.
So now I show up, find out what I need to know to complete my assigned work for that day. I then mind my own business and bring the best I have to offer on any given day. If I see little "lynch mobs" gathering in corners, I give them a wide berth. Truly in these highly structured/linear environments I need a certain amount of focus, so I don't have time to get embroiled in all these distractions. I have had appreciable time where I suppose you could say I largely removed the banks to my river, and while some form and structure are a useful thing; if I let myself get pulled in too many different directions, I might never get back to completing something.
I occasionally join some co-workers in the staff room. If the discussion goes off the rails, I might try and change the topic. Or excuse myself and go hang out somewhere peaceful. I have rapport with various other staff (in "out-lying areas) that I have met from leaving my department. I get outside for some air (or at least somewhere where I can see outside). I always have a couple good books along with me. At one of the sites I sometimes even go and sit in the "First People's Healing Room" It might just be, that at any given time, it is my "inner world" that needs tuning up as much or more as anyones. Some quiet time, away from the fracas, I find refreshing. I don't feel like I've had a "break" if the whole time is spent complaining about ...... well, pretty much everything!
It is a highly "political" environment, it is most certainly not a perfect system; but there is nothing to be gained by haranguing endlessly. What I have witnessed tells me that if you're not in the room - it's fair game for the headhunters. So my lack of conformity no doubt gives much grist for the gossip mill. It is a nothing short of a beautiful thing, to just not care.
When I say "don't care," it's not about ceasing caring about the humanity around me; I will however, only engage in ways that represent some form of solution. I will discuss how "we" can make something better. I don't choose to join in on the "everything sucks" band wagon. I'm not interested in the division between supervisors/management and labour. I treat everyone equally. I'm not naive to think that "the system" operates at all times in my best interest. But nor am I so self-involved that I believe in the them and us mentality and that "they," are out to get "we/me." If there is the need to deal with a payroll error or scheduling issues then I take that on for myself. I don't see the management as "the enemy" - they are just people doing their job. If the place is that distasteful to me, I need to look at getting out. I don't look to "befriending" the managers because I believe it will get me any "special favours." Having said that, a working rapport I'm sure, paves the way to getting things done more expediently. I guess it's the old - "you can attract more bees with honey."
I came into the locker room after my shift today and two guys were mid-way through their version of a round of toxic analysis of some office staff transitions. The one fellow coming on for evening shift stops mid-tirade and says to his co-conspirator, " I don't know if I should say anymore in front of this guy...." (meaning me) the other guy pipes up, "oh ya don't worry he's okay!" (whatever that means and interesting how he might conclude that with my being around so infrequently). Right then I said, "say what you will, I actually don't care about any of it!"
The first speaker - looks at me, and laughs and then says, "that's hilarious - that's perfect!" I stated further "anything I hear here - I will have forgotten by the time I get out the door!" He laughs some more and then proceeds to carry on with his synopsis of the management shuffle.
I finished changing - closed my locker door (along with it, any further concern for their conversation) wished them a good weekend and left.
If buddy actually got "how perfect" my mindset was - that would be awesome, it could change his life. (I know it has and is, changing mine). Just as likely, he will continue to "distrust" me, because I'm not one of "us" so therefore I must be one of them. (he's probably bucking for a supervisor job - f...ing brown-noser). Nothing could be further from the truth - first it's a union environment and I'd have to be there another twenty-thirty years to get the kind of seniority to be eligible for those positions (if and when one happens to open). Second, I'd have to know a great deal more about the department overall - far more than I care to know. I have zero design on anything remotely close to any of that.
I have been where these guys are - it's all part of a persona and belief system that had to be dismantled for my own good. They cannot be anywhere other than where they're at (anymore than I can). From where they "stand" - I, must be up to something!!
The truth is I am - I'm up to being responsible for me (it's a full time job). As for what the peanut gallery believes I'm up to - I DON'T CARE. (cue the orchestra for a rousing rendition of "Born Free!"
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