Talk is Cheap? (but first there would need to have been some)

“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones”  - John Lennon

It's possible I may have referenced this particular quote in another post, searching it just now, showed it had been accessed before. I may have just been thinking about it some other time and wanted to see exactly how it had been stated. I seem to retain the flavour of various quotes I read, however, whether it is the creative within me or an inclination to spin things "my way;" I don't remember things verbatim. Hence, if I'm going to quote something, I generally look it up so I can reference it correctly.

It might be that where friendships are concerned, like so much of the rest of my life, things are in transition. I say this, while at the same time making clear, why I opened with this quote. At the present I'm not sure of the accuracy of this quote, based on my experience. Now I presuppose one must make allowances, for the fact; that just because it was something that someone decided to immortalize, of the many things John Lennon said in his lifetime - doesn't mean it's true. (if indeed he actually said it).

I can certainly vouch for the first part - it seems to me there isn't necessarily a glut of appetite in the social milieu for honesty. Giving that to be true, one can seemingly mow through a multitude of people on a personal quest to show up more authentically in the world. Maybe it's "growing pains" maybe I don't have the vaguest idea how to relate to people on an ongoing basis. 

"We go way back" - I don't say that much (the whole idea of "friendships" with "history" is pretty much non-existent to me. Now before it is presumed that I go through people brushing them off by the dozens - this is not the case. I have "terminated" some connections, I have admittedly in my life time, allowed some to shrivel on the vine. I would say of my efforts to create networks, community, friends and support over the last eight years (time since I got back on my own after a divorce) that I have been sincere in seeking connections. I have undergone huge change and development as a result of relentless self-exploration (which in part was prompted by the afore mentioned divorce). I reasoned I can't take the same package of goods right back out there. I needed to find answers.

My propensity for honesty comes not from place of virtue or higher ground, but one that was motivated first by self-preservation and increasingly by self-love. This has done nothing to verify Lennon's supposition that though perhaps few, this would result in "the right friends." 

This is not meant to be a testimonial of criticism, for those that are in the periphery of my life. I'm seemingly welcome in various groups of people - I've not had a door slammed in my face per se.

I do begin to wonder with regard to "friendships" if I'm the one that does the lion's share of calling, contacting etc. - then maybe the other person isn't all that in to, remaining in touch. Conversely I don't have endless time to "hang-out" nor do I suppose that others do either, so I have no idea how people go about coordinating such things. I'm not sure it's worth all the complications.

What the hell are all the rules with regard to "intimacy?" By which I mean open, transparent communication (to know and be known) the hell with sex! I mean it's okay, as far as that goes; but I'm really talking about just some genuine human connection. Seems to me seeking that not only ensures that you don't have "a lot of friends" but is conducive to having none. As much as intimacy is said to build relationships based on honesty, trust, willingness to be "vulnerable," it seems to repel rather than attract.

Maybe this is what Lennon is referring to when he says "honesty may not get you a lot of friends." Admittedly I'm not keen on trying again and again to meet new people (so maybe that's where the breakdown in finding the "right friends" takes place). I look at the failure to achieve lasting relations ..... well.. as failure. People aren't calling me back because there's something wrong with me. And I'm sure as shit not going to call them and ask them what that is! There's already the pain of failing, why would I want to invite another shit-kickin on top of that?

What the hell? Does one have to go on multitudes of "first date" - like scenarios (that aren't even for the purpose of "romantic" connection; just to meet people and maybe, find someone you can talk to regularly (what ever that is?). 

I can't say that this day and age of internet/"social media" and text messaging has done anything to help matters. What the hell is "social" about it? Sure it provides the means to talk to anyone - anywhere (assuming internet is not sanctioned there). But take any medium that allows for "live-time" text "chat." This is rapidly becoming people's "idea" of staying in touch? It allows for spontaneous connection, of course this assumes one or the other is "open" to that unannounced "drop-in." On the rare occasion I've received such a "visit" (assuming I'm not about to run out the door) I've enjoyed the surprise. Often I don't seem to see that reciprocated. I presumed people "inviting" you to be "friends" meant they actually wanted to be some form of 21st century electronic "pen-pals." 

They do not! 

On some occasions there is no response - on other occasions there is a text form response delivered via email  (after I've gone off-line and been ignored) which avoids the need to have a "conversation" which you really can't have in text form anyway - given how easy it is to mis-interpret the written word. Then it would seem that conventions that used to apply to telephone conversations have gone altogether - for example: "well I've got to go now and do ....... "Good bye - nice talking to ya!" don't apply at all to text chatting.  All of a sudden the conversation just stops! Mid - exchange! No Good bye, fuck you - nothing! It's just over! It's just rude if you ask me! 

Another variation is your "chatting" and then the chattee states, they need to get to bed - "okay cool, have a great sleep, great to talk to ya." They end your conversation but then the online ticker tape of names indicates they are still on line (oops an unforeseen - but fully seen, faux pas! ) 

 Do I monitor this shit? No I do not! But you can't help but see it when you stay online and the name just hangs there!

Why don't people just do the decent thing and "unfriend?" (oh I don't want to hurt his/her feelings)  Do you really think all this disingenuous bull-shit is not hurtful? At least in the old days (when people just "screened" calls using their answering machine - you didn't have to see that you were being snubbed, you could entertain the dignity preserving notion, that they weren't home. Now thanks to Gates and Jobs you can watch the fabric of "friendships" unravel right before your eyes (from anywhere in the world! (bloody marvellous this age of "communication!"

The more I think about, it the more attractive seems the idea of just becoming an itinerant, nomadic, hermetic, monk! But maybe it's just a phase I'm going through!