Sunday 3 July 2016

Negotiating Peace for the Battle of the Sexes

I have had about all I am willing to take regarding the idea that being male is some sort of pathology. In a world that is so divided through the adherence to duality consciousness I suppose it is a collective backlash and adjustment to the effects of generations of hyper-masculinity/patriarchy and how that has and is, impacting the world.

Of course each is entitled to their own opinions, has their own life experience to process and worldview.

So I suppose then, the matter bares examination for myself, to determine what I have absorbed and taken on and leave the opinions of others, to manage as their own business.

I'm not so sure that the way humanity is inclined to subdivide itself over and over again serves a higher good. The rationalization that by banding together as a seemingly endless variation of "special interest" that creates a more focused attention to that groups concerns. It also affords unity. The problem with this approach is that it pits the one group against presumably everyone else; so in terms of humanity as a whole, the "Unity" idea is lost. It also rapidly becomes a slippery slope, whereby the one group (or one of it's members)  justifies it's/their, "righteous indignation" toward anyone that doesn't fit squarely in their group and therefore echo their views or are seen as the "opposition." Who actually gets to decide this business of what's righteous and what isn't?

My challenges and issues within my life are not explicitly because I'm male - they are my particular versions of the "human condition." Certainly there are a myriad of conditioning influences regarding what it means to be male - that I have engaged with in my own individual way. At the same time those conditioning factors don't operate in a vacuum - so women dance with them too and give them their, own meaning.  Of course there are a different set of influencing memes directed at women that both women and men interact with.

Let's take for example a derogatory commentary I have heard innumerably times in circles of women: "oh it just "a man cold" or "man pain." If a comment like this were to be spoken by a man around a circle of women, it would (or rather he would) be told in no certain terms the comment was "sexist" devoid of compassion and diminishing toward women. Yet, no such concern is implied or offered when the tables are turned. It is a double standard, flip-sides of the same coin of patriarchy.

A "man" should not suffer in the first place. If he does, he should do it in silence. Any expression of suffering is a diminuitive measure of his capacity to be, this paragon of patriarchal masculinity (the same standard being upheld by these derisive women).

Who benefits from this limiting paradigm and the expectation of and acting out of, stoicism? Not men, taken to extremes, this leads to all sorts of dysfunction and disease. Ultimately not women either; the throw back to the time that in order for men to be the "provider and protector"they must be this "rock;"  if held even unconsciously, disempowers her and dehumanizes him. It creates a conflicted inner dialogue where a women might be both holding a want to be autonomous, while at the same time an expectation that the male in her life, represent "security;" leading to the associated anger/resentment if he comes across as less than some sort of Rambo archetype. To be fair there are men seeking security outside of themselves, through unhealthy dependence on their partner as well.

Nobody can be the source of security for anyone else. I guess to make this relevant in a personal way, I am not looking for anyone to be my security, nor will I be theirs. I envision embodying loving encouragement, that each live an empowered life, through a healthy balance of male and female energy regardless of their gender identification.

I am committed to my ongoing growth and development as a human being. I release any negative energy that I have taken on due to the unhealed anger toward men. It is up to me to discover these mistaken anti-male beliefs within myself, to lessen my being triggered, defensive and projecting these same energies on what others are saying. I will not live up to anyone else's ideation of what a man is. I will hold space for someone that wants to take responsibility for their wounding, the expression of the associated emotions and healing. I will not be a whipping post for someone that chooses to remain unconscious - looking for a dumping ground for their toxicity, in order to continue to reinforce victim consciousness.

Anti-male or anti-female rhetoric is not okay. I can no longer afford to be the repository for the unhealed shame and rage of others. Neither can I perpetuate these energies toward myself or project them outside myself - the cost is dire.

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