Monday 18 July 2016

Truth First

My sisters “we” (which is to say) I, have failed you.
I cannot answer for the sins of omission or commission, of my brothers.
Only those of my own!

Though not my responsibility to make you “feel safe in the world”
I can contribute to an environment that supports you, creating your own sense of safety.

Have I done this always, in all ways?

No I have not.

I have too many times, allowed ignorance to prevail
Its face upheld by my silent witnessing
Misguided approval seeking of errant brothers
My fear assuring your condemnation

I have aggressively defended my knowing, out of nothing
Relentlessly clinging to the bastion of my righteousness
I refused to hear your voice
As it spoke the wisdom of your truth

I needed you to need me, to validate my usefulness
I vetted my rage and disowned my fear of redundancy
When you sought to empower yourself
I made my wounds, your problem

Afraid of my own shadow
I whistled in the dark
I took up my fight, with you, my mirror
I could not – would not, see myself

My disowned failures, cast you as the adversary
My fragmented perspective
All too often – engaged “win at all costs”
You were made a casualty, of an undeclared war

I wish I could say that I didn’t know any better
I cannot
My lust grew for the taste of the misguided “power”
To salve my perceived impotence

I knew what I did hurt you
I chose to uphold my fragile ego
Rather than admit the err of my ways
Blinded by survival instincts run amok – you were expendable

A mounting unacknowledged shame – fueled my rage
I made you a sacrificial scapegoat
To destroy myself in effigy.

I ask for forgiveness
Knowing full well the answer could be – No!
I do so with no less than the transparency
Of my sacred full confession

I offer nothing of a hollow apology
           No less
 Than a full transformation
 Of my conduct
            Is
    Acceptable

I am responsible
For my thoughts, words and deeds
Truth is the price I now pay
I stand in contribution – as my reconciliatory action








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