Friday, 31 March 2017

Love and Honour (Thyself) Warts and All...

When you consider the prospect of authentic representation of how you might be thinking or feeling will you or can you, give yourself carte blanche? What is the likelihood of getting your needs met if you won't acknowledge (as being "acceptable") the full spectrum of your feelings? Of course my suggesting that all people feel some or all of these feelings at some time, would be conjecture. However I, can most certainly lay claim, to running the entire gamut.

Do I spring out of bed every morning burning with passion and inspiration? No. On the other hand, there is some enthusiasm/urgency, to arise, depending on the absorption quotient of various diuretics. In other words, at times I feel "uninspired" or at least I'm entertaining the belief this is true.

What of "confused"or the even less flattering - desperate? Certainly the former has been at times a sunrise and sunset bed-fellow. The latter regardless of frequency, yes by all means, I have felt this way. How likely am I to divulge that I have felt (or behaved) compulsively? What about "heartbroken?" Has that ever occurred? Jealous? Ashamed (or just plain Shame) or "Left out...."

Clearly not the attributes I might share in an interview (even in response to:  identify some areas of potential growth) and perhaps appropriately so.. maybe not the kind of "intimacy" a potential employer should be allowed (or is even interested in). However,  these are ways I have felt. They point at beliefs I have held or hold to be true, about myself, about the myself in the world (maybe about the world ... if I'm not yet ready to see "my part in it...")

I grant you to express from the perspective of this sort of vulnerability, doesn't hold much in the way of curb appeal to me... I suppose the question beckons even still, if I reckon this to involve "vulnerability" - what is it I might consider I'm "vulnerable" to?

I suppose first and foremost, an honest appraisal of the existence of these sorts of feelings is of paramount importance with regard to "self-acceptance" "self-compassion", "self-empathy." If I cannot/will not, allow this emotional honesty, even to myself; how can any of my unmet needs, be identified and addressed?

Wouldn't the presence of any of these or combination thereof; be a call for love? If I at best, try to deny or ignore feelings of this ilk, or at worst condemn, chastise and berate myself for their presence;  really, can it be expected that I would experience any resolution?

Of course I'm not suggesting that conversations around this sort of thing are entered into indiscriminately. Sharing of myself with the "wrong person" might not be much better than out and out denial as far as leading to additional suffering goes. ( I suppose, if a self-disclosure doesn't go "as hoped" - I have always gained the real-world experience of seeing in hind-sight - it didn't kill me)..

Just the same "it didn't kill me" might not be the most desirable set of criteria when considering undertaking various actions.

I guess what I have come to recognize for myself is; abandoning myself has ultimately been the greatest source of my suffering. I don't burst out of the gate to embrace "my shadow" anymore than I greet each and every sunrise with zeal and unbridled enthusiasm. The fact is, this "know thyself" business is often no walk in the park!

However, if I consider the words of two of whom I consider my master teachers (Gandhi, and Yeshua):

"You must, be, the change you wish to see in the world...."

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

How can I begin to embrace the first idea - if I'm still busy living the habit of the second?

How can I "Love my neighbour" - as myself! .. until, I know all of what there is to know of myself, and accept, forgive and love all of it?!!!!!!

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