Saturday 14 July 2018

Repair for Despair

I'm going for a motorcycle ride up island tomorrow a.m. (for the day) so I'm going to get the blog post out tonight.

The next line of the Prayer of Francis reads:

"Where there is despair, hope"

What I can say about despair (hopelessness) where it has touched my life is, I can't imagine a worse state of mind. I certainly wouldn't wish it on anybody. I'm going to presume that this would be true of most anybody's experience of this state. I don't see any point in trying to quantify "degrees of despair."

It is an overwhelmingly dark state (whether I was "diagnosable" as depressed or any of the myriad of other labels medicine has at the time - I wouldn't know, I didn't seek medical attention.  Having worked in "health care," seen, heard, and read about the tragic way, so many lives are devastated through mental health systems - I chose to steer clear of it. Whatever I was dealing with, I believed I had a better chance of surviving that, than the medical system (even though I was contemplating my early demise at the time).

I don't think there is a much greater gift one can receive than hope - seriously, what can you do without it? It's not like I have buckets full of it and can provide it to someone else. I actually can't say exactly what took place when I went from feeling hopeless to one with hope. What I mean is I don't know why then and not previously... what was said, by whom, that made such a profound difference.

Miracles have been described as a profound change of perspective. I would say that it what came into play here. It didn't matter previously to that, what I had going for me, it didn't matter if it was a beautiful sunny day, I had my health (relatively speaking) food, shelter - still, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. At that time all seemed black and irrevocably broken. (Until it didn't) - certainly nothing I can take credit for. I mean I showed up - where "help" was available and somehow what I desperately needed, found it's way, to where I needed it.

I believe any one of us can be used to deliver hope. Again I'm not saying I'm the source of. I don't have all of life's answers. But a willingness, to be that channel of God's healing power, is what I would call, doing my part.

Who knows what it might look like, one case to another. The other night, I was on my way home from the neighbourhood grocery store; and there was a fellow out in the parking lot, collecting cigarette butts, to roll some smokes, from the left over tobacco. Instantly I reached in my pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. I approached the fellow, who didn't see me coming. I got his attention, gave him the money and suggested he go buy himself a package of cigarettes.

I didn't hang around to see if he did. I didn't stop and think about this endlessly before I did it. I just felt guided to do so and didn't question it. I know all about "enabling," the harm of cigarette tobacco, blah, blah, blah.

He is going to smoke at this point anyway. Can you imagine what else is leached into the tobacco of the butts he's rolling from the surface of the parking lot? It's not my business to see to it he buys smokes - if he went to the liquor store instead, so be it! It was his money then, to do with as he pleased.

He was very surprised and grateful! There is a level of desperation at play that compels someone to do something such as this - that so clearly is not in their best interest.

I can judge him or, at least be kind and respectful. I don't have the resources (financial) to help everyone that is in need. This fellow wasn't asking anyone for help - he was just going about his business. I don't think anyone need do more than what they can, with what they have. Will this change his life? I don't know - nor does anybody else. You never know when someone is on the brink and on seemingly innocuous act gives them what they need to hang on.

He could be back in the parking lot tomorrow for all I know. But in this instance he didn't have to be. I have so much it couldn't possibly hurt me to intervene in this way. Perhaps my experience in life with hopelessness has helped in fostering some compassion. I'm also all too familiar with the power of addiction.

Hope can change (even save) a life - I know from direct experience. As powerful as it is, it is an inexhaustible resource to give away & it can cost nothing.

R. O'Neill (July 14, 2018)

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