Tuesday 24 July 2018

Unapologetically Me

Having just yesterday finished sharing through my blog, my impressions of the Francis of Assisi Prayer and previous to that, the Desiderata; today I have decided, to go back to a more free flowing dialogue; in as much as, there is no "writing prompt" to start with.

Both of the previous focused series, were based on a couple of written pieces, that are significant to me. The prayer of "Saint" Francis has been around my life as an inspiration, benchmark & guidance on and off, for most of my life. As for the "Desiderata," I used to have a poster of that passage on my room as a teen; (though at that time, I was more creating the need for a spiritual path, than living one).

Most of my blog entries are derived through my personal life experience and sourced from what comes through in the moment I'm writing it.

I like many, spend some time on "social" media. I will intermittently post something that impressed upon me in some way at that moment. I don't feel inspired to regurgitate the work or views of others all the time. I am far more interested, in developing my own connection to the creative source of the universe and express that - my way.

I have read inspiring posts on facebook for example, but also spent time that was of very little value. I suppose I will dabble with it - until I don't. i've seldom had much trouble dropping something when it no longer serves me.

I don't want to follow anybody. Having said that, I can learn the rudiments of various paths, skills etc. but sooner or later, I'm going to want to make it my own. I didn't come here to ape someone else. I'm not looking to be a groupie or perpetual disciple.

Of course there are those, that are embodying and living a particular philosophy, or way of being in the world, very well. I can look to these examples as to what is possible. But then I need to make a decision, as to whether that is going to be how I carry myself in the world, and then perhaps develop that character (or bring it to the fore from a place of potential).

Beating the drum of what authors I've read and teachers I've studied with, to me, is nothing more than name-dropping.  It doesn't establish who I am in the world; that must be determined, by my actions.

Name dropping is a convention of the ego - attempting to make me look better through association. A concern for making any impression at all, indicates I'm sourcing my motivation errantly. I'm not saying, that one shouldn't make their livelihood though channeling their talents into service. But the agreed upon energy exchange is ample "recognition." While in the world of commerce etc. there is benefit to being a "reputable" craftsperson, I'm inclined to believe, one's character and integrity, will establish their reputation - there is no need for endless self-promotion.

I don't know if I'll ever write something that is profoundly meaningful or that impacts, inspires or changes the direction of anybodies life; but I will just keep right on writing. I will keep on seeking life experiences that yield teachings, lessons, hidden gifts - because that's what I do.

I'm not that interested in what other people are doing. Which is to say, I am curious to a degree, but I'm not interested in following the crowd. I don't know where the hell they are going, I'm not sure they do either. I'd rather take my chances doing what I want - I take no solace being somewhere I'd rather not be, just because there's company there.

Look around some city block of residential homes... maybe everyone there has the same lawnmower.  What's my issue with that? Well first of all they all have a lawnmower! Couldn't they share one? But the only person that benefits from that kind of "follow the leader," is the guy that owns the lawnmower factory. Society is constructed with layer upon layer, of actions taken, with no thought given as to why, and with no more reinforcement, than seeing someone else doing it.

I began sometime ago seeking more consciousness in my life. This came as a result of seeking so much unconsciousness it nearly killed me. I'm not trying to present my way as a paragon of virtue. I don't care if no one follows me.

I just want to live in peace - comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to abandon or compromise who I am for love nor money. Therefore, I'm not trying to be more like anybody else, but me!

R. O'Neill (July 24, 2018)

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